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  • Mother's Day Finally Over! All Hail Fathers!

    Well thank god that's over. Breakfast-in-bed. Check. Gifts. Check. Day Spa Massage. Check. Flowers. Damnit! Undying love and support. I'm friggin exhausted!

    But now, finally, we can all focus on more important things in life ... like Father's Day. So goodbye Mother's Day -- you greeting card-contrived holiday that sends dads everywhere into a state of anxiety and gloom, fearful they won't get the right gift or offer just enough time away from the kids to give mom a break but also not cripple all the hard work she's put into them. Three weeks, is it?

    And hello Father's Day -- you greeting card-contrived holiday that sends moms into a state of euphoria because they can finally get that bastard out of the house for three weeks and have some quality time with the kids ... or is that just me?

    Anyway, I want a watch. And also what every red-blooded American man wants when he wakes up late on that balmy Sunday June morning ... another season of the "Gilmore Girls."


  • Arkansas Court Rules That Non-Father Must Pay Child Support

    Anthony Parker is not a father. According to his lawyer, Anthony Parker has never claimed to be a father. Yet an Arkansas judge has decided that Anthony Parker must pay child support.

    I'll be honest with you, dear readers. It's about 9:00 and my wife and I just got back from a nice dinner, during which many glasses of wine were consumed. Yeah, I'm a little drunk. This article, it confuses me. Maybe it's the vino. So I gotta ask you - is that article fer reals? It's not an Onion piece? I didn't fall through some temporal rift and end up in the future, on April 1st? There wasn't some bizarre computer glitch that caused the Arkansas court system to reunite O.J.'s jury for another trial? (On the other hand - $24 bucks a week for child support? What the hell does this kid eat? Tic Tacs?)

    Apparently, Parker had ignored the state's Office of Child Support Enforcement's paternity complaint, filed in 2002; the state went after him after he failed to pay the initial judgment, and he further buggered himself by failing to appear in court. The state garnished his wages, and even though Parker ultimately proved, via a paternity test, that he was not the father the state's Supreme Court ruled that he still owes in excess of $4,000 in back child support. For a child that's not his. If that seems a little bass-ackwards, well, it's Arkansas. One of course wonders where the actual father is during all of this. Maybe it's my West Coast liberal mentality, but shouldn't he be the one to pay for child support? Parker's lawyer's have released a photo of the man, and though as an objective journalist I really shouldn't get involved, my conscience won't allow me to turn my back. Please notify Arkansas authorities immediately if you encounter this man.


  • Father's Rights: Part I

    According to John Fowler, Fathers 4 Justice Board Member and activist, one of his group's primary goals is "to promote equality in family courts."  The organization's tagline reads "every father is a superhero to his children" which is fitting, given that the group in Britain uses daring stunts to draw attention to the issues of shared custody, including demonstrating outside of Buckingham Palace and the House of Commons wearing Batman and Robin costumes.  These methods haven't translated as well in the States, and father's rights groups here tend to favor legislative solutions rather than superhero antics.

    Such heroics weren't always necessary -- at least by fathers.  According to reporter Susan Dominus' New York Times Magazine related piece, children were considered part of men's property until the 1850s.  This was eventually replaced by the practice of awarding sole maternal custody on the theory that young children were best cared for during their tender years by their mothers.  Since the late 70s custody has been awarded from the standpoint of the best interests of the child, an amorphous concept many father's rights groups believe naturally favors the mother.

    Not surprisingly, the uncomfortable intersection of law and personal choice never fails to raise the blood pressure of those on the Left and Right, especially when it comes to issues such as father's rights.  People understandably feel strongly about their personal choices -- kids, family, marriage, abortion  -- and are willing to become a superhero or heroine or junkyard dog or martyr making sure those rights aren't trampled upon. 

    But in the case of custody, I think the "tender years" proponents were right.  Even though biological determinism is outreĀ“, the mother-child bond is undeniably biological in the beginning: Think pregnancy, delivery, hormones, breastfeeding. 

    Whether we, or our bosses who grant us 6 weeks unpaid leave, or our exes agree, babies and young children need their mothers more than they need their fathers in the beginning.  Awarding 50% custody of children under 3 years of age is an act of total ignorance.   And I think groups like Fathers 4 Justice are naive to think otherwise.

    To Be Continued... 


  • Tired Santa: Joint Custody During the Holidays

    Despite numerous studies citing the benefits of joint custody for children of divorce, including lower rates of teen pregnancy, alcoholism, and juvenile crime than their sole custody counterparts, those of us who share custody during the holidays know it's usually just making the best of a bad situation.

    Joint physical custody isn't nearly as fun as it's cracked up to be.  Notwithstanding the good times to be had with the complicated visitation schedules requiring three Palm Pilots and a degree in Marital & Family Counseling to understand, holidays without your children aren't the freewheeling bacchanalia they were in your pre-kid days.

    Leaving aside the obvious fun of watching small children hopped up on candy canes attempt to beat each other senseless with new Nerf bats, children and Christmas go together like love and marriage in the old Sinatra song.  And without them around, it's just another day at home but with more wine and a spa gift certificate.

    And even though all the Father's Rights Groups will most likely picket the Babble offices in protest, I think holidays are a time for sole custody.  And I mean sole maternal custody, baby.  Let's face it, holidays were made for the mamas with the weeping and the cooking and the hugging and the gluing of the ornaments and the singing of the songs. 

    Fair is fair.  We gained the weight, gave birth, and most likely changed more diapers. Santa is tired.  He'd rather only go to one house next year. Mama's.



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