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  • Parental Alienation Has Many Faces, Some Non-Celebrities!

    Another case of Parental Alienation rears it's ugly head. A divorced father writes to Mens News Daily telling the story of his failed attempt to take his 10-year-old son on an unsupervised trip to Disneyworld. When he told his son about the trip he was ecstatic and told everyone he knew he'd be going on this great trip.

    On the day of the trip he arrived to pick up his son who suddenly didn't want to go on the trip, so the father cancelled the non-refundable trip thinking maybe the boy decided he was too old for Disney. Imagine his surprise when his ex-wife remarrienot long after and took their son to, guess? Disneyworld. When he questioned why his son didn't want to go with him he said his mother told him his father was taking him there to kill him.

    I hope at that point the father felt okay with calling his son a rotten little pig, I mean he was pushed and a long time victim of parental alienation, so it's okay. Right? What?


  • Finally! A Good Reason to Move to Utah: Proposed Child Support Increases

    Bobby Brown isn't the only non-custodial parent feeling the heat these days.   Noncustodial parents will likely see a substantial increase in child support in the State of Utah if SB23 passes the Utah State Senate.  States vary widely on their methodologies to determine child support and Utah hasn't typically been the most aggressive in making sure child support amounts reflect current economic data and the true costs of raising children.

    So this could be a sign of things to come for other states. I hope so.  Non-custodial parents (frequently fathers) have real complaints about the difficulty of being treated like "just a paycheck" and the drain on their incomes of paying child support. I'm sympathetic.  To a point.  Obviously, the interested parties in cases of dual custody where child support is at stake have very different viewpoints.

    Since my ex- and I decided to put aside our differences and have meetings to discuss the real financial needs of our twin daughters, the whole arrangement has become so much more harmonious than in the early days when child support was used more as a weapon against each other.  Ultimately, people can save themselves and their children much heartache by trying to mediate disputes out of court and in a more cooperative frame of mind.  This is obviously much easier said than done, especially if your ex is a complete ass. 


  • Dads Rule: New Data Tells Us Fathers Matter (A Lot)

    Ok so we know sometimes dads get a bum wrap.  We've heard them take note of their minority status in the blogosphere.  We've read that they sometimes feel like "just a paycheck."  And we know several groups have formed in Britain and the U.S. to insure father's rights in custody battles.  There is no doubt that fathers are often under-appreciated, sometimes deservedly so.

    But have you ever been a single parent? I have and I'll tell you what. It sucks.  Don't get me wrong. Being in a lousy relationship with an unhelpful parent partner can be terrible too.  But when you are in a relationship with a good father, the relief is immense and the yoke of motherhood can become downright manageable.

    The father-child relationship is incredibly crucial to the healthy development and maturation of kids into adulthood.  A recent study found that the quality of the father-child relationship is predictive of success in intimate relationships in adulthood.  I've seen my children with and without an active father person in the home.  And the difference is immense.  So maybe I should seriously consider that request for a "man space" after all.


  • Father's Rights: Part II

    As previously discussed on Babble, father's rights groups have made a name for themselves in Britain climbing the Tower of London dressed as superheroes, but in the States, a more low-key approach has been used to mixed effect. 

    Groups such as the American Coalition for Fathers and Children have lobbied hard to get legislatures, the courts, and the public to recognize the impacts divorce has on all parties, particularly fathers.  Like other father's rights groups, the ACFC's mission includes eliminating gender bias in the legal system, and the importance of both parents in the emotional and psychological development of their children. And like their British counterparts, this group identifies equal shared parenting as the optimal arrangement for all involved, rather than the current standard of deciding custody based on the best interests of the children.

    Regardless of what you feel is "fair" and "optimal" vis a vis shared parenting, the advantage of using the "best for children" test to decide custody is that it requires placing the child's needs before those of the parents.  I find it hard to believe that 50% custody (one week at mommy's house followed by one week at daddy's house) is optimal for as many children as many father's rights groups claim.  It doesn't pass the laugh test (small infant spends one week with Dad then one week with Mom), let alone the basic developmental and attachment needs of small humans.

    There is no question that fathers and mothers are crucial to raising healthy attached children.  There is also no question that divorce has an impact on children (much of it negative).  But to throw out the current standards of family law in favor of a utopian ideal of fairness, is throwing the baby out with the bath water.



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