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  • Ellen DeGeneres Becoming a Mommy?

    ellen and portiaEllen announced that on Mother's Day she plans to do a special show for an audience made up entirely of pregnant, first-time moms. I question the wisdom of that. It will be a miracle if nobody starts crying or barfing during the first ten minutes of shooting.

    She also said she is going to make a big announcement on the show, and that she has something in common with her Mother's Day audience. That sounds like a big fat hint she is going to be a mom herself. Everyone take a hard look at her belly, and the belly of her long-time girlfriend, Portia de Rossi. (Who I love dearly, by the way. Arrested Development was one of the best shows ever.) Awww, Baby de Rossi-DeGeneres. From everything I've gleaned about Ellen through interviews in magazines and from her comedy specials (read: I really know nothing about the real Ellen) I believe she will make a mighty fine mama. But this baby talk is just speculation, of course. For all we know, she's going to say she's been moody and bloated for the last few months.

    Hey, I know, let's start another rumor! How about this: in a grab for Mother's Day ratings, Ellen has high hopes one of her audience members will go into labor and deliver on the air. In order to better the odds, her staff has asked each audience member within a week of her due date to go into the green room and have her water broken before she takes her seat. Once she has settled into her assigned place (in the front row) she will be hooked up to a pitocin drip. Then spicy foods will be passed around.

    Pass it on.


  • Sandra Bullock Not Pregnant, Just Fat

    sandra bullock jesse jamesSandra Bullock wants everyone to know she's not pregnant, she's just fat. Sorry, I mean, "fat happy." Earlier this year when everyone thought she was carrying Jesse James' biker baby, she was just "not working out." She was in love and happy and eating and not working out and "round." She loved her "curves," but not so much that she wanted to keep them. God!

    Keep them? Just where the hell do you think I live? I live in L.A. and I am an ack-tress. I have a new movie out, for chrissakes. Hey. You there. Reading this. Does this make me look fat? And I don't mean happy fat cuz we all know I was just BS-ing when I said that. Seriously, you'd tell me right? Hang on a sec, I'm just going to go to the bathroom for a sec... A baby?! Me? Ha!



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