Writer Elisa Gonzalez Clark doesn't want to see your frozen breastmilk. She doesn't want to hear you talk about toilet training. She doesn't want to come over because your house "smells like dirty diapers." And yet, she wonders why you don't talk anymore.
Yes, it's the latest rant from a childless woman with a huge chip on her shoulder. Apparently Elisa liked us better when we used to "jump into mosh pits" and "make out with bad boys." Elisa feels that since we've had kids, we can no longer "make insightful comments on world affairs, the arts, and relationships." We used to be such good friends. What happened?
I have an idea about what happened, Elisa. We got tired of your silent judgment. We got tired of you taking our every mothering "misstep" and using that to feed your superiority complex. When you saw that we were having a hard time adjusting to first-time motherhood, you took that to mean that we didn't want to be mothers. How wrong you were. You didn't ask how you could help, instead you sulked because we didn't want go clubbing with you.
Whether our pregnancies were accidental or planned, we chose to have our children. As soon as we had our babies we saw the way you recoiled and eventually withdrew from us. We let you go, because we just don't have time to coddle our emotionally stunted friends. We'd rather spend that time coddling our children.
We know you don't get it when we say, "Don't get me wrong, I love my children but..." Of course you don't get it. You don't have kids. When we say those things we don't mean we hate our children or wish we had had an abortion. It's just a thing parents say, and other parents understand. Don't take it so seriously.
We parents talk about world affairs, the arts, and relationships. We also talk about politics, culture, and literature. And sometimes we talk about reality TV and celebrity gossip. We just don't talk about it with you.
Elisa, we're a little worried about you. You seem awfully hung up on the past. Sure, the good old days were fun, but once you flirt with Johnny Depp or give Kiefer Sutherland your phone number, you can cross those things off your list, can't you? You're right, Elisa, we probably never will be friends like we once were, but honestly? We're okay with it. No, we know it's hard for you to believe, but really, we are. Hey look, it's Richard Grieco!
