It's comforting to know that, should a beloved children's host get taken out of commission, the capitalist machine will continue to exploit their image for profit. The latest gruesome news from New Kerala magazine in India is that Bindi Irwin, daughter of stingray'd conservationist Steve Irwin, will be teaming up with The Wiggles for shows in Los Angeles and New York City. Accompanying Bindi will be - ahem - "The Crocmen".
It's bizarre and more than a little disturbing to see these two entertainment firestorms united by tragedy. The Wiggles, as every parent who hasn't just arrived from a 40-year-long Grateful Dead concert knows, recently replaced their ailing leader Greg Page. Known to most folks as "The Yellow Wiggle" - or, alternatively, "That dork I would laugh at if he weren't so fucking rich" - Page had to quit the group recently when doctors told him that he had orthostatic intolerance, a rare condition that prevents him from standing upright. (Egads.)
I wish poor Bindi and the remaining Wiggles all the best in the world. May this tour make them even more rich than they are now. But if they think I'm taking my kids anywhere near this expensive double-feature, they've got another thing comin'. Yeah, sure, I still break out into a chorus of "Fruit Salad" every now and then. But thankfully? I'm glad that my kids are over this shit. In the Zero household, we've skipped over those pesky intermediate shows, jumping straight from The Wiggles to Futurama. As I write, all my kids are watching the episode where the evil robotic Santa Claus tries to murder Fry and Leela.
Don't let anyone say I don't know from culture.