Strollerderby : Arkansas

About Gay Marriage ... Our Kids Will Fix It

Madeline Holler — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:31:00 GMT

I sort of can't tell you how little my marriage means to me. My husband? Oh, he means the world to me. Our little committed family? Truly, the greatest thing I have. But the marriage? Enh. I'm just not one to count on paperwork and words and ceremonies and stuff like that to shape my personal life. But that's just me and not everyone is like me and I like that.

I've written here about how I felt when laws and policies intruded on my personal life and forced me into the exclusive and exclusionary club whose membership is made up of a selected group of committed couples in America -- the legally wed. I hated being forced down the aisle. It pissed me off. It made me feel like a child. It took away my control of my life and didn't value me, an individual with choices. It was unfair and wrong.

The same judgment and oppression wrapped in the silky bow of "tradition" that forced my husband and I to get legal has a darker, more painful and actually harmful side that people in Florida, Arizona, California and Arkansas are going to have to answer for someday. Voters in these states have banned same sex marriage (or in the case of Arkansas, banned foster parenting and adoptions to unmarried -- read: gay -- families).

Here in California (where I was extorted or blackmailed or whatever into tying the knot), the ban's campaign focused on "protecting" children. They claimed school kids would read prince-on-prince love stories during circle time, to the exclusion of "Knuffle Bunny" and the Eric Carle ouevre. What else? Maybe watch a little gay porn during health class. Who knows. Those commercials appear to have scared enough people shitless that the vote, while close, eventually passed the ban.

But really, here's what parents who fell for that rhetoric should know: you can ban gay marriage all you want, metaphorically duct tape teachers' mouths and take away their copies of "And Tango Makes Three," outlaw any mention of two dads or mama and mommy or refuse to attend Uncle Ted's commitment ceremony, but your kid is going to learn about -- and learn to love -- legal partnerships and weddings between all sorts of couples. How?

My daughter will teach them.

See, my daughter -- and many, many other kids (who can't vote -- yet!) -- says "who cares who you love?!" when I take too long to explain political signs around town. My daughter isn't an off-putting sledgehammer like her angry mother, rather a sweet, sensible kid who hates wasting time on all this talking and just expects people to be fair and nice and hug a lot.

And ohhhhhhh your kid likes my kid. Your kid likes what she has to say. She makes so much sense! She's talking about love! And happy families! Who doesn't love happy families?! And pretty soon, if not already, your kid will shut you up with "who cares who you love," too. You, supporter of the ban, can prattle off a bunch of "our family's values" and "our traditions" but your kid ain't buying it. Oh, she may nod her head. He may say, "that's right mom." But kids these days! Kids! They get it. It's the parents (and Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) who don't.

So while it kills me that we have to wait even a day longer to see the laws of this country aligned with its mission of equality and justice for all -- especially if waiting means more gay teens thinking they're weird and/or committing suicide -- we're going to see it. My kid will fix it. Our kids will fix it. For everyone. No, really -- everyone!

Photo: AdamGoldbaumGoldGallery.com

Arkansas Evangelist's compound raided, six children removed

Brett Singer — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:35:00 GMT

Arkansas police raided Tony Alamo Christian Ministries on Saturday. The church, located near Texarkana, was raided because of suspicions that children are being abused there. The raid was part of a child pornography investigation. The six children are currently, "in the custody of the state Department of Human Services," according to CNN.

Tony Alamo (that name!) is denying any shenanigans. "It's a hoax…They're just trying to make our church look evil ... by saying…that I rape little children. ... I love children. I don't abuse them. Never have. Never will." Then he compared himself to Jesus Christ, saying that, "Jesus is living within me." Yeah, that's what I used to tell people. Then the doctors switched my meds and I'm much better now.

I do wonder why the only way to find out what's going on in these places is to do a huge dramatic raid. CNN reports that, "About 100 agents raided the 15-acre site on Saturday and met with no resistance." Did they really need that many officers of the law to take six children into custody? Of course, if they had found armed guards, I guess that would be a different story. Whatever the facts turn out to be, I hope the kids are OK, or as OK as a kid could be after this sort of experience.

Image/source: CNN

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Arkansas Wants to Look Into Potential Foster Parents' Bedrooms

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Dan Savage has said it (over and over), folks. Straight people should care about the anti-gay crazies not just because they are bigots, but because they don't limit themselves to being anti-gay. That's merely a wedge issue for their bigger anti-sex theocratic agenda, and they're going after "straight rights"—to birth control, cohabitation, divorce, freedom of religion, sex toys, what have you—too.

Just take the ballot measure certified in Arkansas a couple weeks ago. Having suffered a legal setback when a court struck down an administrative regulation prohibiting gays from being foster parents, the fundies did what liberals have yet to master: instead of bowing down and shifting toward the center, they just set their sights higher. This ballot measure would prevent anyone "cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of marriage" from fostering.

Voila! No longer discriminatory on the basis of sexual orientation. Well, not quite so directly at least. Since same-sex marriage is, unsurprisingly, illegal in Arkansas, the burden still falls much more heavily on queer couples, who wouldn't have the option to marry.

Still, now more opposite-sex couples feel what it means to have the government asking about what they do in bed. After all, how will they prove "cohabiting with a sexual partner" without asking unmarried potential foster parents if they are getting it on? What would they do with two people who were living together and swore they were platonic, but wanted to foster together? Come and look for two twin beds in separate rooms? (Probably they would determine, ironically, that if it were platonic that it also wasn't a stable situation.)

Is Arkansas really facing such a glut of potential suitable foster parents that they can impose what is, in essence, a religious screen on who does it? Arkansas Families First argues certainly not. So does a local cartoonist. Just remember, it's all about values.

Related posts:

Gay Foster Father in Florida Gets to Adopt Son—Other Gay Floridians Not Yet So Lucky

More by this author:

That Name Is So Gay

Couple Sues After Failed Vasectomy

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:04:00 GMT

What would your first assumption be if your wife got pregnant after you’d had a vasectomy? Would you suspect her of being unfaithful—or your sperm of outsmarting your sterilization surgery?

Well, unless your marriage is on the rocks or you’re swingers (and, hey, I don’t judge!), the latter is the more likely. At least 1 percent of vasectomies fail to prevent pregnancy—just as condoms break and women on the pill get pregnant.

Mindy and Brady Hill of Arkansas found out what it was like to be that one percent (as, presumably, have thousands of other couples), and they didn’t like it one bit. They claim that doctors suggested that Mindy had been unfaithful, which put stress on their marriage. After Mindy miscarried, a paternity test showed that there was a 99.999 percent chance that the baby was Brady’s. No doubt this whole ordeal was highly stressful and unpleasant. Still, one would hope that Brady trusted Mindy enough that a paternity test wasn’t necessary to make him believe that the baby was his. But, of course, a paternity test will come in handy in court.

Mindy and Brady are suing for negligence and defamation. Should they win?

Photo: Shaadi Times

Should 21-Year-Olds Get Vasectomies?

Political Nanny: Just Like Jesus, Huckabee Saves!

Madeline Holler — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 19:14:00 GMT

A little update on Political Nanny secret fave (from long ago), Mike Huckabee. The funny guy, longshot for president that wasn't, Chuck Norris-endorsed candidate hugged a man back to life the other day.

Here's what happened, according to reports:

During a pre-event hospitality breakfast, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who was in attendance as the convention’s keynote speaker, was sitting next to North Carolina Lt. Gov. candidate Robert Pittenger when the state senator began choking. Huckabee reportedly noticed Pittenger having difficulty breathing and immediately began performing the Heimlich maneuver.

“I’m glad that Mike was in the right place at the right time and continued to lead by example,” Former South Carolina Lt. Gov. candidate Mike Campbell told The Palmetto Scoop. “We all know that [Huckabee] is pro-life, and once again he has lived up to it.”

Because a supporter of abortion rights would have just sat there and laughed?

Anyway, nice work, Huck!

Note to Hillary: You lost

Photo: marcn

Toddlers Can’t Marry In Arkansas No More

Cole Gamble — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Arkansas didn’t need this. It could’a happened someplace else. To one of them northern states like, real uppity-like, such as New York and that place with the Cheese steaks. Arkansas shouldn’t have to suffer this indignity. But it’s fact, toddlers are no longer legally allowed to get hitched in the Great State of Arkansas.

But why? Why can’t these lovin’ toddlers be married?

Turns out they were never meant to. A recently passed bill attempting to set a minimum marriage age of 18 actually, due to a typo, removed any age limit at all. All any two kids, even infants, require to get married is their parents approval. And with that thought, let us imagine a few things one might overhear at a toddler wedding:

“I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may smear snot all over the bride.”

“What’s holding up the ceremony?”

“The groom ran from the alter.”

“Cold feet?”

“No, he saw a squirrel.”

“Is the bridesmaid available? What am I saying; she’s like 4-years-old, an old maid.”

“Okay Maddy, time to cut the cake. Cut the cake Maddy. Get off the Cake, Maddy. GET OFF THE CAKE!”

Well, I could go on about honeymoons at Chuck E. Cheese and what-not, but suffice to say Arkansas is working to reverse this error, and thus take just a little more fun out of our lives.

Babies Can Marry in Arkansas

Karen Murphy — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:25:00 GMT

Scene: two parents sitting in their kitchen, having an important discussion about their child's future.

"Waaall, Mother, I 'spect that littlun over thar of the neighbors'd like to marry our gal. What do ya say 'bout it?"

"But Daddy, she ain't even one year old yet!"

"That's okay, 'cause I hear that babies can git hitched nowadays right here in Arkansaw. There's no age limit no more."

"Waaall, in that case, Daddy, I reckon I'm agreed. Bet we'll have grandkids purty soon, hee hee!"

Parents link arms and dance around the kitchen in celebration.

Or...something like that. Actually, people in Arkansas don't talk like that, I'm pretty sure (my grandparents lived there and I never heard anyone speaking like that). But hey, their kids sure can get married, and at any age too! A slight mistake in the wording of new legislation allowed the slip. Or maybe they meant it, I don't know. At any rate, if you live in Arkansas, you can marry off your kids right quick and begin enjoying the life of leisure you so deserve! One caveat, though: there has to be parental consent. No problem, right?

What is Everybody's Problem with Gay Foster Parents?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 20:03:00 GMT

According to The Morning News: The Christian conservative group that successfully led the drive for Arkansas’ constitutional amendment banning gay marriage will push for a ballot initiative to limit who can adopt or foster children in the state.

Are you frigging kidding me? I guess these people didn't read this post. I don't get it. Kids that live in orphanages need foster parents. Who cares who they are sleeping with. Being gay does not make a person a pedophile. It doesn't make them morally corrupt. It does make it more difficult to have a child biologically. So what the hell? Same sex couples and adoption or foster care are a match made in heaven. These kids need parents and these parents need kids.

You don't have to be in total agreement with a person's belief structure to know that they could provide a good home for a child who needs one. I think that putting plugs in your ears to make really big ear holes is crazy, but I don't have a problem with somebody who has those adopting a child.

What I am trying to say is take it easy Arkansas. If you vote against GLBT parents being able to take in foster children or adopting you had better take in some yourself. Somebody needs to.

Duggar Family Prepares to Welcome 17th Child

Patti — Fri, 11 May 2007 12:01:00 GMT

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have essentially made a career out of having kids (if you have somehow missed their Discovery Channel shows, try and catch one). Having said in the past that they'll continue having children as long as God continues to bless them with the ability to do so, they're now on the verge of adding their seventeenth child, a daughter who will be named Jennifer Danielle. That's right, seventeen kids, all with J-names, and they're JUST NOW getting around to "Jennifer". That may be the most amazing thing about this story, because the rest of it is pretty much just a family doing what's best for them.

The Duggars have been ridiculed up one side of the Internet and down the other, but I can't get it up to join the fun. Their hair is no more bizarre than mine was in 1987. They built their house with their own hands and they have no debt. I'm a little surprised they all seem so healthy considering their idea of dinner, but I'm hardly morally opposed to tater tots and cream-of-soup, ask anyone. And honestly, if I had enjoyed pregnancy even one iota, I would seriously consider having more kids myself. Maybe not 17, but I started later than Michelle Duggar. I've heard much made of the childhood-stealing practice of setting each older Duggar child up to supervise a younger sibling or two, but I spent a great deal of my childhood being fully responsible for my younger sibling and I still had a good time. I don't share their religious beliefs, but that's okay with me. I just can't really hate on them too much. Plus, they had the brilliant idea of storing all their clothes in a family closet adjoining the laundry room, and that has become the guiding principle of my life as I embark on remodeling a house.

If there's anything at all I feel judgmental about with regard to the Duggars' lifestyle, it's my suspicion that the girls in the family are going to get the short end of the stick when it comes to choosing their path in life. I doubt the Duggar girls are being raised to follow in Daddy's footsteps and run for office. But, you know, I could be wrong about that. 35 years from now, Jennifer Duggar just might be President (if so, am I bad for hoping her politics are a little more moderate than her parents'?)

(Oh, and I also find the picture at right hilarious, even though it's seriously outdated. I like to use it every chance I get.)

(via Celebrity Baby Blog)

Arkansas to Attempt to Bar Gays, Unmarried from Guardianship of Children

Patti — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:05:00 GMT

If you live in Arkansas, you might have to rethink your will. A state legislator is introducing a bill which, if passed, would prevent gay or unmarried straight couples from adopting, fostering, or otherwise taking guardianship of minor children. Gay parents comprise only about 6.5% of the total number of adoptions in the state, and it had been state policy since 1999 to exclude homosexuals from becoming foster parents until that policy was overturned last year.

State legislator Steve Womack (R) introduced the bill and at the last minute tried to amend it so that opposite-sex couples were excluded from the ban, and the amendment was rejected. And rightly so, actually. If you're going to set a standard of what it means to be a family, you damn well better at least pretend to be consistent about it. Still, it's another sad example of how the chances of forming a "forever family" are diminished in the name of "family values". And not only does it limit the options for the children in Arkansas' foster care system, it limits the choices available to Arkansas parents and birth mothers when they seek to place their child or choose a guardian. Nobody's going to win with this one.

Just Don't Wait Until Your Kids are Four to Deny Paternity: Colorado and Arkansas Duke it Out

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:19:00 GMT

Unlike Arkansas, which recently required a non-father to pay child support, legislators in Colorado are drawing the line with a proposed bill that exempts non-fathers from paying child support for other guys' kids. The intricacies of child support awards are hard to master these days, and no one can avoid the craziness, not even sperm donors.

Dylan Davis, the a 33-year old at the center of the Colorado legislative effort, didn't get a paternity test for his twins until after he and his wife divorced. Even though the test revealed someone else was the children's father, he was still required to pay, since the test occurred after the specified time limit. The proposed bill would remove that time limit, allowing paternity testing results to inform child support awards at any time.

But you know what? Davis didn't deny paternity until his kids were four! Can you imagine being a 4-year old kid and finding out that Daddy isn't really Daddy? By the time the couple divorced, Mr. Davis had been living with the twins for 4 years. And while it is absolutely true that he is not the biological father of these kids, I find his ability to cut off ties and stop support breathtakingly sad for the children. He seems like exactly the wrong spokesperson for an effort aiming to legitimize a longer time-line for paternity testing.

Arkansas Court Rules That Non-Father Must Pay Child Support

JasonAvant — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:00:00 GMT

Anthony Parker is not a father. According to his lawyer, Anthony Parker has never claimed to be a father. Yet an Arkansas judge has decided that Anthony Parker must pay child support.

I'll be honest with you, dear readers. It's about 9:00 and my wife and I just got back from a nice dinner, during which many glasses of wine were consumed. Yeah, I'm a little drunk. This article, it confuses me. Maybe it's the vino. So I gotta ask you - is that article fer reals? It's not an Onion piece? I didn't fall through some temporal rift and end up in the future, on April 1st? There wasn't some bizarre computer glitch that caused the Arkansas court system to reunite O.J.'s jury for another trial? (On the other hand - $24 bucks a week for child support? What the hell does this kid eat? Tic Tacs?)

Apparently, Parker had ignored the state's Office of Child Support Enforcement's paternity complaint, filed in 2002; the state went after him after he failed to pay the initial judgment, and he further buggered himself by failing to appear in court. The state garnished his wages, and even though Parker ultimately proved, via a paternity test, that he was not the father the state's Supreme Court ruled that he still owes in excess of $4,000 in back child support. For a child that's not his. If that seems a little bass-ackwards, well, it's Arkansas. One of course wonders where the actual father is during all of this. Maybe it's my West Coast liberal mentality, but shouldn't he be the one to pay for child support? Parker's lawyer's have released a photo of the man, and though as an objective journalist I really shouldn't get involved, my conscience won't allow me to turn my back. Please notify Arkansas authorities immediately if you encounter this man.

More Bans on Same Sex Foster Parents?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 18:46:00 GMT

It looks like the Arkansas state legislature is going to try to take some steps to make sure that nobody accidentally confuses them with a progressive state. You see, last June the Arkansas Supreme Court ruled that a state ban on homosexual couples being foster partents was unconstitutional. Sadly, The Family Council and some of the Arkansas legislators are out to get the old ban written into law.

According to this slightly confusing article by Doug Thompson, The Family Council feels that they won't have any trouble finding a sponsor to get a bill passed banning couples from being foster parents based on sexual orientation.

You may have read a post here a week and a half ago by CityMama talking about the new restrictions that Texas is using to stop people from becoming foster parents. I guess Arkansas could join Texas in a system that wouldn't allow same sex couples to participate in an overburdened foster system.

Feel free to disagree with me, but I don't see how placing a child with two people (unmarried, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered) who are genuinely going out of their way to take in a juvenile that needs a good home could not be in that child's best interest. These children need a place to live. The state needs people to help. Do these states assume that all homosexuals are also pedophiles? It doesn't make sense. What sort of 40 year old stereotype porpoganda are these people working off of?

I have friends with gay parents. I have gay friends that are parents. I have not noticed that the children turn out any different from those of us with parents of opposite genders, with the possible exception that most of these people end up slightly more open minded.

That doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me.