Strollerderby : Baby Boomers

Boomer Grandmothers: Out of Control?

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:30:00 GMT

You knew it had to happen. As the baby boom generation continues its lifelong parade of self-obsession, marveling at each passing milestone as if they were the first and only people to achieve them, it was inevitable that grandparenting, now that the boomers are entering the 60+ territory, would become their frontier and muse.

Some of this is downright terrifying, especially to those who were the children of baby boomers and are now trying to be, you know, parents. As we navigate pregnancy, childbirth, those early infant days and the growth of our toddlers and preschoolers, the last thing we need is the presence of our mother or mother-in-law making it all about her. I mean, heck yes, if your child has a grandmother who wants to help – from babysitting to pampering the new mom to contributing to the 329 plan – that’s great. But the boomer grandmothers often have a different agenda. They want complete access to their grandchild, whether they’re going to help or not. They want to offer endless advice and expertise, which they somehow think is different than the advice and expertise that bugged them when offered 30-some years ago by their own parents (because they think they’re cool, they came of age in the 60s, blah blah blah). They want, at least some of them, a grandmother shower so that they receive gifts and accolades for an accomplishment that, somehow, previous generations took for granted.

A new anthology allows these boomer grannies to fully express their awe and amazement at having reached this point in their lives. Eye of My Heart: The Hidden Perils and Pleasures of Being a Grandmother comes out next month, with essays by nearly thirty writers, including Elizabeth Berg, Lynne Sharon Schwartz, Bharati Mukherjee, and Jill Nelson. Some are predictably cringe-worthy, as when Anne Roiphe writes about how she’s learned not to give advice to her daughters as they raise their babies – as if she deserves a medal for not pointing out that back in her day, babies didn’t need car seats. But most are very sweet and a few will take your breath away, as when Molly Giles writes about visiting her imperious, persnickety niece in Europe. Or when Susan Shreve describes the time-warping nature of life with small children, after she takes her grandson Theo for a day:

…I didn’t remember what a whole day with a child was like. The first day I had Theo to myself in New York it felt like a month. (This, even though with my own children it seemed as if the whole of their childhoods from start to finish had been over in a heartbeat.)

Anthology editor Barbara Graham sums it up in a way that made me wish she were my mother-in-law when she says that her son and his wife “are writing their own story – and though I’m certain to show up in the unfolding plot, I am not a central character.” I’m guessing she didn’t feel the need for a grandmother shower – and I’m guessing she’s a pretty wonderful grandmother.

More by this author:

Move Over, Booties! Here Come Knitted Boobies

Think Your Baby's Car Seat Is Safe? Think Again

California Daycare Closed; Worker Was Mocking Kids' Genitals

"Angels in Waiting" Apparently Still Waiting

Endangered Species Watch: Parents

JeanneSager — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:28:00 GMT

My fellow parents, I've got bad news: we're officially outnumbered.

The U.S. Census Bureau announced this week that those of us with kids under eighteen living at home is at the lowest number in a decade.

Until the mid-1980s, we were the largest sector of the American population, but the numbers are dipping as baby boomers' kids age out (not necessarily MOVING out) and fertility rates steadily decline. At the latest count, the census counted twenty-five million married couples living with kids, a decline of a million from 2008. It's the lowest the number has gone since 1999.

The numbers only account for married couples - so this doesn't actually mean there are fewer children today. What about all the single parents, the parents living together without a marriage certificate (either because they don't want one or because they're gay)? In fact, the survey specifically left out same sex couples, which is another governmental snub to the non-traditional family.

It did note that of sixty-seven million opposite-sex couples living together, sixty million were married. For a racial break-down, check out the New York Times piece here.

Do you feel like a minority? Or is our family-centered culture keeping the parent power alive?

Image: MentalHealth.org

Generation Xers Break From the Boomers in Work-Life Balance

Amy Kuras — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:06:00 GMT

Most of us, I think, plan to parent differently than our parents did to some degree. And sometimes that can whip itself into something that really seems generational in nature versus just simple family dynamics.

For example, the GenXers, people my age, pretty much parent differently than our own parents, the baby boomers did.

Balancing parenting with careers is one of the major ways those generational differences assert themselves, according to this blog by Tammy Erickson from the Harvard Business Review. For Boomers, successful parenting meant having successful children, that everything you did was with an eye toward giving your children a leg up in the chase for success and status.

For us, though, we’re less willing to work extra hours or do extensive travel to climb the corporate ladder, and instead prioritize time with our kids above all else. We try much harder to incorporate our parenting life with our work life, which means taking a Blackberry to the playground, for example.

I’m sure some people would use this to continue the tired stereotype that GenXers are just lazy slackers, and I give the writer lots of credit for not doing so.

As a card carrying Xer, I think it’s a couple of things: one, this is not my first recession. I graduated from college into a big one in the early 1990s, and watched my dad go through two downsizings at the company he’d given much of his work life to, at some cost to our family. Most of my friends experienced the same. By this time in our lives, many of us have been laid off once or twice already ourselves. When companies are not loyal to us, we’ll be damned if we’re going to sacrifice our children’s happiness to be loyal to them.

Secondly, I think it’s the feminists in the 1960s and 1970s who really dug into the world of work and made it possible for women my age to take those pauses to raise kid, here the career takes a back burner either by staying home, going part time, or just not killing yourself with long hours and crammed schedules. If you’ve clawed your way up from the typing pool ala Peggy in Mad Men, you’re not giving it all up even if you want to. When you’ve been treated as equal to a male employee since your first day, you feel a lot more comfortable saying “Time out.”

What do you think? How do you balance work and family differently than your parents did? And why do you think that is?

When Grandma Wants to Be 'Glamma'

Jen Chaney — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:28:00 GMT

As Shirley MacLaine made abundantly clear in "Terms of Endearment," not everyone immediately gets jazzed about being dubbed a grandmother. It's a signal that you are undeniably, unequivocally old, the sort of person who keeps a pair of square-framed glasses perched at the tip of her nose and has lengthy conversations about arthritis pain.

But as the Wall Street Journal reports, some Baby Boomer grandparents are rejecting the dentures-and-early-bird-dinner trap. How? By refusing to call themselves Grandpa, Grandma, Granny, Bubbe or any of those other Oldy McOlderson monikers that stand in stark contrast to the forever-young attitude of their generation. Some of the alternatives they're going with: Papa Doc (for a grandfather who happens to be a doctor), Coco (an homage to Coco Chanel) and -- for my money, the most ridiculous -- Glamma, the "glam" version of Grandma.

I have no problem with bucking tradition. I also completely understand why someone might want to put his or her personal stamp on grandparenthood. But at the same time, it seems a bit absurd to try to "young up" that important new role. I mean, Glamma? Really? Something about that choice reminds me of those 57-year-old woman who still try to shop in the juniors department. It seems to me there must be a way to stay young at heart and age gracefully, but still acknowledge the fact that you are, indeed, aging.

Then again, this could be one of those things that's all about context. When you personally know the people choosing these nicknames, and they aren't being depicted in an article that lumps them together with all those stubborn Baby Boomer stereotypes, their choices might seem much less inane. Plus, 25 years from now -- when I decide to call myself Super Nana -- I might find Glamma much less goofy.

But what do you think? Do you know any grandparents who have given themselves hipper sounding names? Do you embrace the idea or think Grandma and Grandpa still works just fine?

Image: senior-monitor.com

Related Links:

Desperately Seeking . . . Grandparents

Why Doesn't Hallmark Care About Nanas?

Helicopter Parents -- Now With More Spying Capabilities

Madeline Holler — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:36:00 GMT

Ugh! Please don't let me become one of these!

The New York Times ran a story over the weekend about parents who, in short, need some hobbies. Because instead of macrame and collecting antique cookie tins, they're spending their time, energy and money on spying on their kids' every move -- you think I'm saying that metaphorically, I'm not -- at school.

Schools are adopting one of the scads of software programs that allow parents to go online and check out what grade Maddie got on her history test that day. Some programs will send alerts to Mommy's cellphone. One mom prints out her kid's daily grade report -- highlights the shitty grades and lays it all out on Jr.'s desk -- yet, goes ahead and asks him what he got on his test. Isn't that some kind of domestic entrapment?

Oh, come on, you say. They're a great way for parents to keep track of pending and incomplete assignments. True! It's far too much to expect the actual students to learn to manage that -- and to suffer the consequences when they can't. Parents can also log on to see whether a kid was late or absent from class, and get updates on any discipline issues. Those programs build the parent-teacher dream team!

Go ahead and say it -- I'm too old-fashioned. I might as well send my kids to a one-room school house, so resistent am I to adopting these modern, necessary kid spying tools. I shunned the nanny cam as well. We just kind of trusted our babysitters and listened to our kids.

What's your take? Are these programs they key to your child's success, or pretty much a guarantee that the professional workforce 15 years from now is going to be filled with idiot Americans who can't make it to the board meeting without their aging mother's encouragement and/or admonishments?

Children of Men (for real): Japan's Child Pop. Drops for 27th Straight Year

Cole Gamble — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:00:00 GMT

While we in America like to celebrate the 5th of May by depositing large quantities of tequila into our stomach (just for safe keeping before we deposit said tequila in a toilet later that night), in Japan they celebrate Children's Day. Thing is, at the rate they are going, pretty soon they won't have anything to celebrate.

The population of children in Japan has declined for the 27th straight year in a row. The reasons are thought to be a product of modernization. I.E: as a country becomes richer, birth rates tend to decline. Yes, it's a stereotype but it is true, the poorer and less educated a population, the more kids get popped out.

The effects of such a decline in Japanese youths could potentially be disastrous. Just look at the fears we have with our own withering Baby Boomer generation. Time will come when the infirm and incapable will outnumber the vital and capable, and when it does, look out. It's simple math: when there are more people who are taking out of the system than there are people putting in, well everything kind of goes to hell.

The impact of this youth drain could prove dire for Japan, but at least they'll get watch us fall apart first. Maybe they can learn something from us as our capital building is transformed into a Denny's and the a street gangs of elderly men take to mugging innocent people for their precious Viagra money.

Photo: www.ctv.ca

Why I Dread Mother's Day

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Mother's Day ought to be a time of celebration or at least quaffing of a beverage while sitting with one's girlfriends in pretty robes somewhere. It ought to be a time for mamas everywhere to chill, worry- and guilt- and child-free. But often it isn't.

This isn't (usually) because Mother's Day gifts don't measure up somehow. Rather, it is because...

The Me Generation drives some of us crazy over our perpetual insufficient dutifulness.

My brothers and I hatch plans months in advance to avoid the tantrums that follow if we should deign to forget that is is OUR mother(s) rather than our wives or ourselves that are the most important people on May fucking 11th.

If there were a way to drop out, elope, run away for the entire week leading up to and including Mother's Day, I think my siblings and I would do it. Even when we became parents ourselves and hoped that we'd somehow get a reduced sentence on Mother's Day, we were totally wrong.

And the Boomers say we're self-centered.

Trendwatch: Ever More Babies

Madeline Holler — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:37:00 GMT

Did you have a baby in 2006? Here in the United States? You're so trendy!

Turns out, the product of your 2006 childbirth might be the beginning of a new baby boom. Now, cautious as demographers are, they're only calling it a "boomlet." But still, they may drop the suffix if a few more years of dramatic rises in the country's birthrate continues. Here's what's going on:

From AP:

The nearly 4.3 million births in 2006 were mostly due to a bigger population, especially a growing number of Hispanics. That group accounted for nearly one-quarter of all U.S. births. But non-Hispanic white women and other racial and ethnic groups were having more babies, too.

This possible new boom is just in time (actually, a little late) for the old baby boom, which experts say started in 1946 (the first baby boomer retiree applied for Social Security benefits in October this year). Let's get those 2006-ers raised and in the workforce so they can pay for their fore-boomers who are going to live right up until the end of time (and someone needs to pay for them). In any case, the 2.1 birthrate means the population is now replacing itself -- an economically good thing.

Why the sudden boom(let)? There are good and bad reasons:

... a decline in contraceptive use, a drop in access to abortion, poor education and poverty.

There are cultural reasons as well. Hispanics as a group have higher fertility rates — about 40 percent higher than the U.S. overall. And experts say Americans, especially those in middle America, view children more favorably than people in many other Westernized countries.

"Americans like children. We are the only people who respond to prosperity by saying, `Let's have another kid,'" said Nan Marie Astone, associate professor of population, family and reproductive health at Johns Hopkins University.

You know how it looks like all of Hollywood (and Babble) is giving birth (thereby keeping Famecrawler alive in perpetuity)? It's actually Hollywood following the baby trend, not setting it.

Now, you didn't answer me. Did you have a baby in 2006? Well, where are my manners? A very belated and heartfelt congratulations!

Helicopter Parents Hover Over College "Kids"

Madeline Holler — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 13:11:00 GMT

I am married to a college professor and while you might now be imagining smudged reading glasses, hot tea and sweaters with patched elbows, don’t. Life with an academic involves lots of swearing, boring parties and a glimpse at unbelievable new failures in American education.

All that, and helicopter parenting. You get to see lots of helicopter parenting.

At the end of each semester, minutes after cheaters are busted, grades filed, and GPAs recalculated, the whirling blades descend into our home in the form of late-night emails. Parents write in defending the honorable intentions of Precious and Mr. Man. “She’s a hard worker,” Daddy writes of his plagiarist daughter. “Why the Gestapo tactics?” Or, “He must have misunderstood the directions,” Mommy argues on behalf of her flunking son. “He needs an A in this class!”

“Isn’t there any way they can retake the exam?” these baby-boomer parents demand to know.

It’s not just my husband, either. Anyone who works at a university has a story of an over-involved mother or father (or both). Here’s a report from ABC News about these helicopter moms and dads who – and I don’t want to give away the ending – have no idea that calling the university to complain about salt content in the chicken is, simply put, pathetic.

According to a researcher in the report, at least 60 percent of all college students have what fits the definition of at least one “helicopter parent.” That’s more than half. That makes it the norm.

The researcher breaks down that 60 percent into five neat categories: black hawk (angry, abusive, straight to the president's office); toxic (paranoid, researches child’s friends and roommates on MySpace, 24-hour web cam (!)); safety expert (anxious about school safety, forms emergency plans); consumer advocate (negotiates discounted tuition and fees); traffic and rescue parent (first sign of trouble heads to campus with supplies and tender hugs).

These parents argue that college is an expensive investment, and they have a right to protect it. I would argue they had 18 years to get it right and now it’s time to let Princess make a few phone calls on her own or have a private email account. Seriously, Scooter has got to figure out how to do his own laundry. And I can’t even process the fact that there’s a kid with a web-cam on his computer so mommy can check on him any time she wants. Did she see Sonny Boy nailing that hot chick from Psych? Is she listening to him fart? Reminding him to floss? Coaching him during those special moments with himself?

If you can get through the first video without calling your parents to thank them for nothing – no, really, thanks for leaving me the hell alone in college, Mom and Dad -- then watch the second one. It’s about parents who are firing up the Black Hawk so they can attend career fairs and job interviews, and negotiate starting salaries. Look at those phone boards light up when Bear can’t find coffee filters in the break room!

I know we Gen X/attachment/kid-as-equals/emotional IQ parents will be scrutinized some day for how we handle our kids' transition from childhood to adulthood. But somehow I think we sort of front-loaded our over-involvement by sharing beds, forming co-op preschools, working from home and nursing to the end of time. I think we're getting it out of our system in the early years, hopefully nudging them out of the nest when it's time and letting them figure out the rest.

Just shoot me now if I come even close to exhibiting these helicoptering behaviors. I mean, where will these parents show up next? Med school internships? Real-estate offices? The fertility clinic? When do these “kids” get a chance to try something and fail, and figure out how to pick up the broken pieces without Mother first fetching a pair of safety goggles and work gloves? The first time Junior's dentures go missing at the nursing home?

Image: Duke University magazine

The Good, Bad, Old Days Of Childhood: Nostalgia In The Blogosphere

Patti — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:55:00 GMT

Ah, memories, lighting the corners of our minds. A boomer reminisces at IRememberJFK about playing with hyper-realistic looking cap guns, and more specifically, whacking at a whole roll of caps with a hammer. At Electric City Weblog, Gen X-er Hawkeye waxes nostalgic about getting stabbed with lawn darts and other dangerous childhood games that we'd never, ever let our kids play today.

Half of my husband's stories about childhood end with someone being flung over the handlebars of a BMX bike (helmets? Ha!), while in the early 1980s I was letting myself into the house with my own key (on a string around my neck, of course) and making Spaghetti-O's for dinner--I had to stand on a footstool to reach the stove knobs, since I was only eight. I know eight-year-olds today who aren't allowed to touch the can opener without supervision, much less the stove.

I find myself so torn between wanting my children to have some of the benign neglect that was such a large part of childhood when we were kids and needing to conform to a socially approved level of supervision. What's stopping me? Social pressure to hover? Sky-high insurance premiums? I already know from parenting forums that I'm a rare bird for allowing my preschoolers to play in the back yard alone. Their own fully-fenced back yard! Letting them run across the street to play with the neighbor kids would be totally unacceptable unless I made calculated efforts to befriend the parents and oversee the proceedings. And it shouldn't have to be that complicated. It's not like the neighbor kids have lawn darts.

Expecting? "Year of the Pig" Babies are Considered Lucky

Karen Murphy — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 16:14:00 GMT

Today marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year, the Year of the Pig, and children born under this sign are thought to be especially lucky, not to mention polite, honest, hardworking and loyal. And this Pig year is thought to be especially extra-specially lucky, being not just a Pig Year but a "Golden Pig Year", which comes around only about every 60 years and apparently has much of China in an uproar, with maternity rooms in hospitals being booked solid for months and pre-planning already begun years hence for preschools.

Yes, there's still time to conceive a baby for this super-duper Pig Year, but you should also know the flip side of all this luck says that the rest of us are going to be suffering through fires, epidemics, and all manner of disasters and epidemics. Yay. And pass the pork chops.

Too Many Grandparents, Not Enough Time

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Today's grandparents are younger, hipper, and less inclined to rock (in a chair) than previous generations. The Baby Boomers ride Harleys, swear in front of the grandkids, wear leather, and do not always forsake their sinful youths in favor of growing stodgy.

They live longer and healthier lives than their parents. And roughly 40% of Boomers have been divorced at least once. The generation that bought wholeheartedly into the concept that kids prefer to live with happily divorced parents, rather than unhappily married ones, didn't realize the Pandora's box they were opening.

Which brings us to the current situation. Currently, there are 78.2 million Baby Boomers in the U.S., about 1 million of whom are my childrens' grandparents. My parents divorced in 1979 and each remarried. I married someone whose parents similarly divorced and remarried. So between the two of us, we have 8 parents. Since ours is a second marriage, my children also have 4 parents, each of whom have parents who have divorced and remarried.

You following so far?

My children have twelve grandparents. TWELVE. Imagine birthdays and holidays with this many loving grandparents (most of whom are within driving distance). Can you say 'too much of a good thing'? Clearly we set a new standard for 'blended' families here. A standard I'm not sure future generations will be able to make sense of without a computer, a roll of measuring tape, and a five-dimensional holographic family tree.