Strollerderby : Bad Parent

Guy Blames - Who Else - Mom for Slashing Tires

JeanneSager — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:28:00 GMT

Apparently the guy caught slashing tires on almost fifty cars in Boulder, Colo. had never read Philip Larkin.

He blamed it all on Mom. Oh, and the braces she made him get when he was little. And - no surprise here - radiation.

Alright, he sounds mentally ill, so I'll lay off him. But now that I'm a parent, I think it's time I start keeping a running tab on how many people blame Mom for everything wrong in their lives vs. those who blame Dad.

Because there's no doubt dad screws up too (hence, Larkin's quote: "they f--k you up, your mum and dad" in case you don't know it). And the blame game is certainly becoming more popular in today's society (heck, I blame the parents who tell their kids it's never their fault!).

As parents, a certain percentage of our choices are naturally going to be wrong. If any of us escape un-blameworthy, you deserve more than medals. But there's no question some parents work particularly hard to screw up (um, guy who poisoned his kids to sue Campbell's Soup jumps to mind). And with kids naturally closer to one parent or the other, there's always going to be one shouldering a little more of the blame.

With an only child, who is fairly centrist in our lives (she floats from Mommy to Daddy and back again), we'll probably both feel burden. But at least she'll have something to talk to that therapist about!

Do you worry that your kids are going to blame you for certain things when they grow up?

Image: Amazon

Bad Parent: The Littlest Gamer

editors — Tue, 19 May 2009 20:30:00 GMT

Today on Babble.com.

Bad Parent:The Littlest Gamer

by Annie Bacon.

I turned my toddler into a videogame addict.

Read it here.

What They're Babbling About: Aw, Fudge

JeanneSager — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:28:00 GMT

Since everyone's been buzzing about bad mothers lately, and this is, after all, the weekend for the best (and worst) of them, we dedicate this week's edition of What They're Babbling About to being bad (and loving it).

Mommy just said the crap word. Except it wasn't crap. - Tales from the Mommy Track

Mommy's got 'em sugared up! Give her a double dose of high fructose corn syrup on the house. - ParentDish

Quote of the week: "If I had known how much more immensely interesting I would become by gaining fifteen pounds and running around in clothes covered in vomit, I would have taken up binge drinking years ago." Yes, you need to read it . . . now get on now - Divine Caroline

Could a mother have made one of these cakes? Please, Lawd, we hope not - Cake Wrecks

Fifty-four things we can do wrong? Let's see, I've hit numbers . . . - Really Bad Parenting Advice

Image: CakeWrecks

We're Not Judging You, Pinky Swear

JeanneSager — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:32:00 GMT

If there was any parent who might have taken exception with Kate Haas' piece on being TV free right here on Babble, it was one who penned a piece about letting her daughter watch a heckuva lot of TV.

Yes, that would be me.

Honestly? I loved it. Because while Haas shared all the wonderful reasons her family's TV-free (similar, actually, to my own completely TV-free upbringing), she focused in on something that a lot of parents today just don't get. She doesn't make parenting decisions because she wants you to make the same ones. She makes them because that's how SHE wants to parent.

Imagine that. It isn't about you.

What first attracted me to Babble's Bad Parent column, back before I started writing for the site, was the fact that parents could tell the stories of alternate ways they've found to parent. Not because they think EVERYONE has to do it that way, but because there are too darn many people out there who think it's their way or the highway. Bad Parent has opened up an avenue for really not so bad parents like me (and the dozens of other Bad Parent writers, including several of my colleagues here on Strollerderby) to very simply offer another option. Haas can keep the TV out of the house. I can leave it on all day.

Do we talk about the benefits of our way? Of course! If we didn't think there were benefits, frankly, why would we be doing it? It's why I've shared the story of how I juggle sending my kid to daycare a few days a week and taking her to work with me other days, the reasons I won't use the "v" word with my kid, the reasons I refuse to make holidays into an extended family hell.

Often writing about these choices draws criticism, offering you all a computer-side seat to the so-called mommy wars, where judgement reigns supreme. It happens. As a writer, that's what happens when you share your words with other people. Sometimes, judging people is OK. We all do it.

But a comment on a recent Bad Parent compelled me to answer back for the first time ever. The reader took issue with the use of the word "park." As in parking my kid in daycare.

"Why can't writers explore these issues without insulting those who have chosen differently," she asked.

My question? Why is expressing an alternate opinion an insult? The true mommy wars come from parents who are unable to simply say "eh, they do it that way, I do it my way."

It's a point Haas makes very clear in her essay this week. She's TV-free by choice. She's not walking into other people's homes and yanking out the cord on their idiot boxes. Sure, she'll tell you all the benefits. But at the end of the day, she's not going home to her husband to say "Oh my Gawd, can you believe those people let their kids watch Dora?"

As Haas says, "Believe me, I'm not sitting in judgment. Isn't raising kids hard enough without that?" So why don't you take a gander at some alternate parenting choices over at our Bad Parent Column? You might find some new ideas about how to parent. Or you might just get annoyed.

Is Madonna a Bad Parent?

SunnyChanel — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Note to self – always get your personal chef to sign a confidentiality agreement. Madonna is learning this lesson the hard way. Eric Ienco, Madonna’s former chef and house manager, has publically spoken out and questioned the quality of the material girls’ maternal instincts.

The timing on this? Not so good. Madonna is currently attempting to adopt Mercy James from Malawi to join her adopted son David and son Rocco and daughter Lourdes.

In the revelations to the National Enquirer, Ienco claims that Madonna spends only about thirty minutes per day with the children. He stated, “that's why it's a puzzle she wants to adopt again. She's hardly ever with her children. She's got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?"

What is Madonna doing instead of hanging out with her three kids? Ienco tell the Enquirer that:

"She gets up and has a coffee, then she does two hours of yoga. Then there's two hours of Pilates and exercise. That's six days a week. After that, she deals with her e-mail, her calls and the rest of her business. And after that, she spends maybe half an hour with the kids. If Lourdes comes in and says, 'I want to see Mom,' she is told, 'She's doing yoga' - and Lourdes knows she can't disturb Mom. Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa - and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn't you think she'd want to spend the entire day with her new son?"

Along with her equestrian pursuits, beautification regimes, spiritual quest and being one of the most famous pop stars on the planet, it’s a wonder she’s even able to fit in just that 30 minutes of kid time a day.

What is the minimum amount of time do you think is acceptable to spend with the kids per day? And is Madonna a bad parent for not spending more time with her kids, even though she is providing for them in many other ways?

Madonna/Angelina Dichotomy: Why is Adoption Okay for One Star but not the Other?

Source

Mom, That Cuts! No, Really

JeanneSager — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:26:00 GMT

Here's a way to guarantee your kids will only say I love you from the other side of bulletproof glass: pull a butcher knife on them.

It's what a Florida mom booked on child abuse charges is said to have done.

Natasha Brinkley's kids came home from a friend's house exhausted, and not up to answering her questions. She supposedly threatened to leave, saying no one loved Mommy, and got angry that the kids wouldn't respond that they DID love her. That's when the kids' dad says she started screaming and cursing, and he told the kids to leave the room. He alleges Brinkley threw a small glass table at the kids as they left the room, and when they turned to comfort her, she pulled out the butcher knife.

Clearly this is a problem parent (at least one who needs to steer clear of sharp objects), but have you ever gotten to the point where you felt like your kids were taking you for granted, and all it would take to clear it up was a "hey, Mommy, I love you"? I try to hold firm on punishments for my daughter, but I've got to tell you, I melt at an "I love you."

Image: Amazon

Babble Talk: When Your Kid is Always the Loser

Jen Chaney — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:02:00 GMT

Alyssa Giacobbe doesn't want her boyfriend's four-year-old son to be a winner. Well, at least not all of the time. And definitely if he hasn't earned it.

That's the subject of her Bad Parent essay, entitled "Tough Luck, Kid," in which she confesses that she never lets young Noah win at Candyland, Mario Kart, Memory or any other competitive diversion in which she and the boy may engage. What Giacobbe describes as her "firm stance on winning and losing" has ignited some heated comments on the Babble Web site, many from people who are fired up for reasons that have nothing to do with board games.

"The 'bad parent' isn't a parent at all but a live-in girlfriend who dislikes her boyfriend's child and sees their relationship as a competition," writes one commenter. "Yes, she's in a competition with a FOUR YEAR OLD, and she's going to show that kid who's the bigger, smarter, more awesome person. How impressive."

Another blames Babble for publishing the piece in the first place: "I also agree with the assessment that this woman is NOT a parent. In fact, I am deeply offended as an ACTUAL MOTHER that Babble would publish this. This woman has no idea how actual mothers feel (and hopefully never will because she is clearly too immature and cold to be a mother) and to publish this is just reckless."

Okay, all due respect: reckless is pushing it. Driving drunk is reckless. Playing Keep Away with a loaded gun is reckless. Posting an essay by a woman who frequently acts as a caregiver to a child even though she is technically not the child's mother may be questionable to some, but no one is going to die or have his or her life ruined as a result. (For the record, I think the issues Giacobbe describes relate directly to parenting, so I think it's totally valid to run this. But that's me.)

All that said, the fact that Giacobbe is not Noah's mother does raise some valid questions, namely whether she should be enforcing this "the kid stays on the losing side" policy when even she notes that his father doesn't necessarily agree with it. "Bob hasn't yet bought in, skeptical of what he calls my shameless competitive nature and minimal innate parental wisdom," she writes.

Obviously moms and dads -- or dads and live-in-girlfriend-caregivers, since everyone wants to get technical about this -- don't always agree about how best to teach their children a lesson. But the most important thing, in my mind, is to show a united front. If Dad (and perhaps his mom) often let little Noah win under false pretenses but Giacobbe doesn't, Giacobbe's effort to teach him about the importance of losing gracefully may be, well, lost. Consistency is important. Without it, she just seems like the bad guy. Or, possibly from Noah's perspective, the best Mario Kart player in the history of Wii.

Now, back to the larger point, which is really what this essay is about in the first place: Is the author right or wrong? I say yes, and no. Actually, I think I'm on Bob's side on this one. According to Giacobbe, her partner "practices a moderate halfsies approach to game-playing: Noah is guaranteed a win at least half the time." I think that at least while the child is only four, that's the right way to go.

I completely agree with Giacobbe that it's wrong to always let our kids win, or to lie to them about their failures just so they won't feel bad. It's one of the hazards of something Amy Kuras wrote about here in Strollerderby just last week: self-esteem focused parentings. Many moms and dads focus so intensely on convincing their kids that they can achieve great things that they never bother to teach them the importance of accepting disappointment with dignity. And that's just as crucial to being a success as actual success itself.

The truth is that over the course of a life, most of us win sometimes and lose sometimes. We get a sprinkling of both. And that's why I agree with Noah's dad in this case. At the age of 4, Noah deserves to know the truth: that sometimes luck isn't on your side. So you lay your head on your Thomas the Tank Engine pillowcase at the end of the day with the sobering knowledge that, yes, your father is better at Connect Four than you are. But then there are other, magical days when you reach your maximum potential, the world smiles and all those red, circular chips line up exactly right.

Mom Arrested for Biting Slow-eating Son

Jen Chaney — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:58:00 GMT

Trying to get two kids ready for school in the morning can make any mother frustrated. Apparently one in Florida got so annoyed last week that, as the St. Pete Times reports, she bit her 5-year-old son on the cheek. Now she faces a charge of child abuse.

The mom, identified as Zhifang Chen, allegedly was angry with her son for eating his breakfast too slowly. She told police she "was just playing around" when she bit the boy, but his teacher reported the incident because the child had visible teeth marks on his cheek when he came to school. Chen is being held in jail without bond; the story doesn't say where the children currently are.

Clearly, most of us probably wouldn't characterize a bite that severe as "playing around." But I dare say that many of us have occasionally gotten mad enough at our kids to find ourselves teetering on the line that separates in-control parents from ones who totally lose their cool and do something regrettable.

In those situations, what do you do to stay calm (besides, you know, opting not to sink your teeth into your child)? I'm a big proponent of something I'll call inside-voice cursing: pausing for a moment, closing your eyes and screaming curse words in your head where, unless your son or daughter is one of those weird, telepathic kids from some lousy horror movie, the little one can't hear them. Yeah, it's kind of lame. But as an anger management technique, it sure as hell beats biting.

Babble Talk: Why Preschool is NOT a Scam

JeanneSager — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:02:00 GMT

I've got to hand it to one of the moms who commented on Lisa Emmerich's recent Bad Parent: Preschool Hysteria.

She managed to equate well-respected institutions of learning across the nation with something cooked up by Bernie Madoff.

Her exact words for what preschool amounts to in her book? "What a racket! I cannot believe you people pay someone to teach your child what you can teach them at home."

Way to insult every mother and father who actually work outside the home and CAN'T teach their children at home. Not to mention those of us who are mindful enough of our own shortcomings that we don't try to teach our kids at home; we put our kids into a program where we feel a certified teacher is providing a headstart for kindergarten while they get to have fun and interact with other children of the same age.

I am a huge proponent of the home schooling movement. But I've got to tell you, I can't do it. Call me a bad parent, but my patience wears thin after the fifth time my daughter looks at me after I've asked a question and says "I don't know. Tell me."

Yes, I teach her little things, the "unschooling" method does have merit in the fact that we count out the number of plates coming out of the dishwasher, and she learned her shapes by identifying road signs while we're out riding around.

She knows her alphabet. She'll recite the whole thing to a stranger at the grocery store. But at home, where she's interacting with a mother with a very similar personality (we are, after all, mother and daughter), she opts for game playing. For pretending she needs help with simple tasks. When push comes to shove - she shoves back. And I'm PROUD of her for it. But it means that we are not meant to be in more than a mother and daughter role.

The issue of home schooling, plain and simple, is not that it doesn't work but that it doesn't work for everyone. Putting aside the fact that the majority of two-parent households in America include two working parents, a lot of parents are still uncomfortable with the idea of being their child's primary source of education. Simply put - if we felt we could be teachers, many of us would have gone to school to be teachers.

I went to school to be a journalist. Faced with a room full of squirmy children, I can play games and sing silly songs. I don't have the patience of Job that my daughter's preschool teacher fortunately possesses. Nor do I have the early childhood development degree that she's earned. I can't get ten kids to sit around a table and draw the letter P and glue feathers to the page to make a parrot. My daughter loved making parrots.

I'm not convinced that kids need to be in a nursery school at two. We waited until my daughter hit three, and even then, we opted for a half-day program just two days a week. For us, it's daycare - I work in a newspaper office while she's at preschool. It's also a place where she spends a fair portion of the time playing with other kids, learning about sharing and picking up on social cues from kids her own age. They're there for social education more so than your traditional academic education at this age, and they're fostering their independence in a safe setting. My daughter feels important learning outside of the home and telling me things - things she doesn't think Mommy knows. At this age, I don't think kids need much more than the basics, and preschool settings that are fairly laissez faire work best for all involved.

It works for us. We knew exactly what we were signing her up for, and why we needed to do it. If that's a racket or a scam, I can only say I've bought it, hook, line and sinker. Oh, and my daughter? Has learned to stop resisting me when I suggest she was her hands after she uses the potty, found some best little buddies for playdates and draws the letter "P" like a champ.

Responsible Parenting Law is Unconstitutional

JeanneSager — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:01:00 GMT

Can I hear an Amen from every writer of "Bad Parent" here on Babble?

Oh wait, I'm part of that contingent - so AAAAAMEN!

A law passed by Davenport, Iowa that would have made it illegal to be an "irresponsible parent" (close enough) was taken to the courts by the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Iowa, and has now been deemed unconstitutional because it was "is overbroad and denies due process rights."

You think?

The law would have required parents to be sent a strict letter of admonishment the first time their child was caught committing a crime or even breaking the town curfew. The worse their kids got, the harder the penalties levied against the parents would be, including fines and mandatory parenting classes.

I was an all around pretty good kid with parents who did some pretty heavy supervision. But on occasion (very rare, of course!), I screwed up royally. Would you blame my parents? No - blame me, I was the idiot. It's no wonder kids take little responsibility for their actions - first their parents hire lawyers to fight the big mean teacher that gave them a B and now the government is willing to pass the buck on to mom and dad.

I'm glad to see this one knocked down, but Lisa Belkin of the Motherlode pointed out in a recent column that there are a fair amount of attempts still in the works to bully parents into being good at their "jobs" with legal threats. North Dakota parents face fines if their kids skip school, Minnesota parents can't smoke in cars with kids.

Do you think the laws can ever really change bad parents into good ones? Or will more laws simply mean more bad parents sitting in jails?

Image: Zazzle

25 Things That Make Me Feel Like a Bad Mom

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:05:00 GMT

Caron Guillo, over at New Christian Voices, has taken ahold of the omnipresent Facebook meme 25 Random Things About Me, and given it a parental guilt trip spin. Apparently it's not only Babble writers who like to bare (and implicitly kinda defend) their (supposed) parental deficits to the Internet.

I'm glad to see that at least some "new" Christian voices have a sense of humor. That's a refreshing change from certain spokespeople for Jesus's followers, even if I still personally find something creepy about the glee with which Guillo describes spanking her kids with a wooden spoon.

I confess to having been a closet fan of the 25 Random Things meme. Because it was so open-ended I found it was really good at giving me a sneak peak into people's self-images and what they found important (and how well they could gauge what other people would find interesting about them, which was information itself). This version looks to be no different. (Hand me downs apparently make some people feel like bad moms. Huh. They make me feel like a good mom.)

Anyhow, I figured I'd play.

Here's Caron's list.

Here's mine:

We cut my daughter's hair short to avoid fights over combing it.
Last time we did so, we cut off what was basically a dreadlock, shaped like a fiddlehead.
I'm avoiding scheduling a dentist appointment for her because I'm afraid of what we'll be told.
She's a picky eater and I don't fight it.
I can sometimes get her to eat protein when she's not in the mood by promising something sweet afterwards, and I do.
I believe in the whole "perils of praise" argument and have been completely unable to stop praising her.
She had a high lead level at age 1 and we didn't move out and bankrupt the family ripping every last bit of lead paint out of the house. (It's down anyway.)
I want to wean but am being lazy about it, and I know she can sense my ambivalance.
I don't change the genders when reading sexist picture books.
There are only two people besides her parents she's willing to stay with alone for any length of time, and I haven't pushed it.
Sometimes I'm not sure when her last bath was.
Most of her shoes are no longer soft-soled.
A few weeks ago, in the process of climbing over a railing in order to let her sit on one of the lions outside the Saratoga Music Hall I let the bag on my back swing around and knock her head into the railing, really hard.
I'm glad not to be a full-time stay-at-home parent.
Sometimes I can't think of anything I want to do with her.
Despite my best efforts, she associates Christmas and birthdays with presents.
I make sarcastic, inappropriate comments that she doesn't get when forced to read inane books to her.
I let her sleep wih no blankets on nights when I'm huddled under two comforters. Her bed is in possibly the coldest spot in the house.
We gave up on cloth diapers because we couldn't keep her from getting rashy in them. We barely can now.
I've opened and returned gifts sent to her without letting her see them.
I rarely put sunscreen on her.
When she's not looking, almost all of her artwork goes right in the recycling. Even the first birthday card she "wrote" on.
I didn't manage to keep up a baby book past a month or two. I have no idea what her first word was.
Sometimes I say yes so I don't have to say no.
I write and publish stuff about her that might embarass her later, and use her real name.

I'm not promising it's my top 25, just 25. I'm also not sure if it feels as meaningful as I thought it might. Try it, and share what you think? Cathartic? Annoying? Unnecessarily guilt-inducing? Causing of prideful fake modesty?

More by this author:

Babble Talk: Extended Nursing = Bad Parenting?

Jen Chaney — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:28:00 GMT

Ronda Kaysen's son is attached to her breasts. Often literally. He is seventeen months old and, as Ronda writes in this Bad Parent essay, he still nurses, hungrily and heartily.

Kaysen says she always intended to breastfeed her child until he self-weaned. Yet even she is often embarrassed by his behavior, especially when her boy demands a meal from his mom in public. Frankly, I can empathize with that feeling. While I totally acknowledge that it's perfectly natural, even healthy to nurse a child into his or her toddler years, I can't imagine ever wanting to do it. After a child reaches a certain age, there is something about that process that seems sort of ... ooky. I'm not saying that's right or fair or even remotely justified. But I can't deny I feel that way, even though I completely respect Ronda's decision.

Based on the comments posted in Ronda's essay, I may be in the minority on this.

"I too am nursing a toddler and I try to dodge the judging questions I get from family. It's almost as if I'm trying to give an excuse when I say,'Yes, he still nurses but it's only three times a day!" when in actuality it's more like six,'" writes one reader.

"I nursed my daughter until her 4th birthday. I loved it and don't regret one second of it," adds another.

In fact, one of the prevailing opinions among the commenters was that perhaps this essay didn't qualify for "Bad Parent" designation: "I am getting very annoyed with Babble editors who continually put rather banal topics into the 'BAD PARENT!!!' column," says one reader.

And this comment just made me laugh:

"Babble... what the hell has happened to Bad Parent? Are there no more parents willing to share stories about being gun-toting, pot-smoking, toddler-alcohol-providers bragging about keeping their kid out of school so [as] not to interfere with a busy bar-hopping schedule?"

Yes, America, where are those parents?

In Babble's defense, I have never thought of any of the Bad Parent authors as "bad parents," but rather as people making choices that some might consider controversial. For the record, I don't think Ronda Kaysen is a bad mother at all. Could I do what she is doing, even if someone gave me $150,000 and a year's supply of nipple cream? I don't think so. Actually, maybe that makes me a bad parent.

I'm not sure. But perhaps you can pass judgment on one or both of us by posting a comment.

6 Reasons My Toddler is a Total Buttwipe

Cole Gamble — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Yes, little children are precious, yadda, yadda, yadda. But when you think about it, they're also total jerkoffs. Actually the original name for this article didn’t employ the word “buttwipe.” The original word begins with an “A” and ends with a “hole.” Do you think it’s beyond the pale to call a kid that? Maybe that’s because this kid isn’t yours. Think about it this way: what if your kid was one of your friends? Would you put up with their behavior? Believe me, some toddlers can be absolute butt munches, and Mom Logic’s Andrea has a great post up listing the reasons why her toddler sometimes sucks.

She's extremely self-absorbed

You know the type; they never ask questions in conversation. Instead it's all about them. All day long it's: "I like pink!" "Watch me bounce on the bed", "I went poo in my pants!" Just once I'd like to hear her ask me what MY favorite color is or inquire if, perhaps, I went poo in MY pants.

She's manic AND a control freak

Not a great combination. Her personality can change on a dime. One minute she's standing on a chair in full princess regalia happily singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," the next she's uncontrollably crying and hurling her tiara across the room because I brought her juice in the wrong sippy cup. I'm constantly walking on eggshells. It's like hanging out with a tiny alcoholic who swigs massive amounts of milk.

She's a slob

Ever have a friend who was a little lax in the hygiene department? Multiply that by a hundred. There are times when the kid reeks. But does she care? No way. I'm always the one who has to broach the bath subject. What's worse is she doesn't care if her hair is combed, her teeth brushed or her clothes are crusty with dried yogurt. Giving her friendly advice, like, "You only get one chance to make a first impression" falls on deaf ears.

She's a mooch

It's galling. She's NEVER offered to pay or at least split the check when we go out to lunch. Even worse, we've been roommates ever since she was born and she's never once remembered to help with the rent.

Check out Andrea’s whole post here. Admit it, sometimes your kid is a major league d-bag. What stuff does your child do that you would never tolerate from anybody else?

More by this Author:

10 (Dumb) Ways to Get Pregnant

14-Year-Old Pregnant Girl Arrested for Drunk Driving

Smackdown: Boob Nazis - Is Breastfeeding that Big A Deal? NO!

Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Babble Talk: When It's Too Cold to Play

JeanneSager — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:23:00 GMT

I wanted to be all huffy about Kim Brooks' essay about raising her son in cold climes this week. After all, Bad Parent: Cold Comfort points a finger at Northeasterners like me as "bad parents."

But my righteous indignation falls woefully short. I hate the cold.

And before you get that Mommy tone of voice on and tell me "hate is a strong word, young lady," let me tell you - I REALLY hate the cold. What's more, I refuse to do fun things outside in the cold with my over-eager pre-schooler.

The pending invitation to a sleigh-riding party for one of her little friends' birthdays has me pinning my hopes on no shadow for that pesky groundhog next week. A born and raised New Yorker, I should be used to it - at least that's what everyone tells me. But like Brooks, I often rue the day I left Virginia with its barely there winters and its elongated summers. I could blame it all on my asthma, aggravated by the cold, but that's truly only a fraction of my distaste for winter.

I hate driving in it - especially now that I'm a mother. Gripping the steering wheel while she chatters in the backseat, I've used the "shut up" words - the words I never, ever wanted to say in front of my daughter - out of pure fear. Before, it was only me who could be hurt; now it's her life at stake. It makes it harder to get out of the house for those indoor/away from home activities that Oz shared in her list of what to dos in winter.

I hate tromping through the snow, the cuffs of my pants filling with chunks of slush, the water wicking up my jeans and leaving my calves cold and chafed. I hate the wind, whipping past my face and leaving my cheeks chapped and raw. I hate shoveling, the back-breaking work a reminder of all the childhood school cancellations ruined by afternoons spent in the yard making paths to the bus and paths to my father's shop.

Even the so-called fun - the winter sports - don't hold a candle to a good book and a soft spot on the couch. I'm resigned to my inner klutz, which has made skiing, snowboarding, snowshoeing and the like utterly impossible and utterly unenjoyable. Time spent on the ground, rubbing my sore tush, could be better spent, I figured, inside making blanket forts and baking cookies.

And still, my daughter - like Kim's little boy - stares plaintively out the window. She begs to be released from the confines of the house for just a little while to run and jump with the dog in the wonderful world of white.

And I say no.

I'm waiting for her to grow up a little, to be old enough to be trusted outside alone for a little while (we do live on a back road, in a quiet neighborhood, so that day will come). So Kim, if you're a bad parent; I am too. But hopefully our kids will be just as bad - and grow up to hate the cold!

Mom Sells Daughter's Soul to a British Tabloid - Figuratively Speaking

JeanneSager — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 22:06:00 GMT

There are days go by when your kids drive you nuts, no question. But do you ever stop loving them?

If you did, would you tell a British tabloid?

Shelley Price got the burden of eleven years off her chest to the Daily Mail this week, telling the paper she just can't bring herself to love the little girl she had with an ex-boyfriend eleven years ago.

"I know what people will think. Everyone will hate me. I'm the woman who doesn't like her own child. But I'm speaking out because I'm convinced I'm not alone," she told the paper.

I don't actually doubt her words. As a mom who went through a bout of postpartum depression (fixed by good drugs, take that Tom Cruise), I can identify with a mother's apathy. Fortunately, there is nothing but love for my daughter coursing through my veins these days, but I am willing to bet there are mothers whose depression never gets the appropriate treatment. There too are mothers who kill, mothers who abuse, mothers who neglect their children - a sure sign that not every mother is consumed by pure love for their offspring. What's more, there are mothers who perhaps got pregnant and never should - who (dare I say it?) should have gone for an abortion. We're not all made to be parents. Physically, perhaps. But mentally? Emotionally?

Price says she was meant to be a parent. Her proof? She's got nothing but love for her second daughter, two-year-old Poppy.

Which makes this story all the more cruel. Price has spoken out about her plight just as eleven-year-old Catherine is hitting puberty, a time when a pre-teen's life is already in upheaval. Adding the knowledge that her mother doesn't love her, and the whole world knows took the burden off of Shelley Price and put it squarely on the shoulders of her hormonal tween daughter. Throw in her mother's assertion that she loves her younger daughter, and gone too is the comfort that "maybe her mother wasn't made to love" or "maybe her mother has a condition of some sort." There is simply no rationalizing the facts away. The likely option a child will turn to is "there must be something wrong with me," when it's very clear to adults that the fault lies with Shelley Price.

As a parent, it is our job to protect our children. Period. From the day a child is delivered (or adopted), they become our main priority. But Shelley Price has put her own discomfort first, and by opening up "for other mothers," she has sounded the death knell for her daughter's innocence.

Perhaps this child could already tell her mother didn't love her (old-fashioned sibling rivalry, if nothing else, would likely have brought that to light). Now her mother has removed all doubt. For children, who depend on their parents not only as their first line of defense but as a stumbling block, there's always that knowledge that their parents are the sole source of unconditional love.

A little girl has lost that, and her mother gets to feel better about herself because she's "done a service" to other mothers. Shelley Price says she's now going to work to improve her relationship with her eldest daughter. "'I can't change the past, but I'm hoping we can make our relationship better. I want to put it right, but perhaps it's too late for that."

She's sold her daughter's soul, and she can't get that back.

Source: The Daily Mail has removed the original story, but the piece is still available in full at We Kid You Not

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Parents Who Waited Decade to Report Son Missing Now Murder Suspects

JeanneSager — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 13:26:00 GMT

Prosecutors in the case of missing Adam Herrman have announced his parents are suspects facing possible murder charges.

Really, is anyone surprised here? These are the parents who waited a decade after their son went missing to report his disappearance to police.

Adam was eleven years old when he disappeared. He'd be twenty-one today. But his Valerie and Doug Herrman, the people who took him in as a foster child when he was a toddler and later adopted him, claimed that he was frequently running away. When he ran the last time, they claim they figured he'd gone back to his biological parents or was simply homeless.

Valerie Herrman has since come out in news reports saying she spanked him with a belt just before he ran off, but she was afraid of reporting his disappearance, lest her younger sons were removed by child protective services over the spanking issue. Because no one would want to remove kids from a parent who just let her eleven-year-old run off and not go after him?

In a strange way, Valerie's statements make sense - Adam had been removed from the home before over bruising found by a counselor, although Valerie has continued to deny allegations of abuse. Just as she continues to deny that she was anything less than a loving parent to Adam. Her actions have done such a fantastic job of backing her up, of course. Especially her insistence that she's sorry.

Police have yet to find Adam's remains, even in a search of Doug and Valerie's trailer. But prosecutors have announced even without remains they are considering first degree murder charges against the Herrmans.

Even if they didn't kill their son outright, I'd wager anything unfortunate that befell him in the past ten years should land on the Herrman's conscience - if not land their "sorry" butts in jail.

Image: CNN

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Organic Dreams or Toxic Nightmares? You Pick

JeanneSager — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 17:00:00 GMT

I wasn't sure if I should feel like a bad parent or a bit of a grinch when I read this New York Times piece on the plight of parents trying to green every bit of their baby's world.

Keeping this mom up at night wasn't SIDS or milk production. She wants to known what's lurking inside her son's "organic" mattress.

Breaking down the confusing world of just what qualifies as a "safe" mattress, the article explains the root of parents' fears: fire retardants used to protect families from fires in bed have been found to show up in breastmilk, and some (discontinued) foams lead to nervous and reproductive systems in animals in 2004 study. Today, the materials used to make mattresses are largely proprietary, and the term "organic" can refer simply to the use of some organic cotton in the batting. What's more, the memory foam that's purported to give you a great night's sleep is a petroleum product.

Scary stuff. Definitely enough to make you question your parenting prowess if the main criteria used for picking your kid's mattress was "will a diaper blow-out be easy to clean at 2 a.m.?" Because that, next to cost, topped my list when it came to picking my daughter's crib mattress.

To be fair, "phthalate" wasn't a buzzword in early 2005 when I registered for my baby shower. But even since it has been bandied about, I haven't rushed to her room to chuck her mattress and pile the bed with organic cotton blankets. And, frankly, after reading this, I'm no more inclined to do so.

The Times piece - like so much of what is coming out these days about toxins - makes for worthy, interesting (and in-depth) reading. But it provides no real answers. It doesn't say mattresses are good, but there's little to point to anything wrong with it either. So I'll focus my fears where I know they're founded for now - and when it comes time to buy a "big girl" mattress, I'll read up once again to see if newer news can shed light on my questions.

Image: New York Times

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Dad Sells Daughter for Beer; Calls Cops for Non-Payment

JeanneSager — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:44:00 GMT

I applaud stupid criminals - especially when their stupidity lands their own sorry butts in jail. Like Marcelino de Jesus Martinez.

The California father has been charged for allegedly selling his fourteen-year-old daughter into a forced marriage with an eighteen-year-old. So how did police catch him?

Martinez allegedly called them when the groom-to-be, Margarito de Jesus Galindo, didn't turn over the agreed upon some for the poor little girl's hand. According to news reports, the neighbors had worked out a deal that would have included handing over one hundred cases of beer, $16,000, several cases of meat, wine, Gatorade and soda. When Galindo reneged, cops said Martinez called for help in getting his daughter back. Ah, so now she's worth something to him? Something more than the makings of a good backyard barbecue?

Martinez has been booked for "receiving money for causing person to cohabitate" and Galindo for statutory rape.

The most disturbing part of all of this? The girl went willingly - because it's an accepted practice where she's from.

The incident happened in Los Angeles, but her family hails from Mexico - and police in the LA area say they are finding more and more Mexican immigrants (generally from remote areas of the country) are engaging in similar practices. So while many people in America still think of "human trafficking" here only in relation to a coyote bringing people over the border and forcing them into slavery, it's happening within the confines of a family life too.

Sadly, that only compounds the problem for Martinez. He is obviously lacking as a father, but if he's from a community that condones this behavior, chances are, he doesn't even think he did anything wrong.

Image: NBC Los Angeles

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Babble Talk: Expecting Presents for Being Preggers

Jen Chaney — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:02:00 GMT

Think women choose to get pregnant because they want to raise children? Oh, hell no. Turns out they do it for the gifts!

In this Bad Parent essay -- although technically, I suppose it should be a Bad Expectant Parent essay -- Jennifer Blaise Kramer writes about women who are obsessed with "push presents," the jewelry, handbags and other assorted luxury items that husbands are "supposed" to give their wives after they give births. Over the years, Kramer observed scornfully as more and more of her pregnant friends got swept up in the trend, flashing their diamonds with as much excitement as they showed off their newborns. But after a while, she suddenly had a change of heart.

"I started to think that such gorgeous gifts were not ridiculous, but fitting markers for a new phase in life," she writes. "Much like the wedding band is a symbol of marriage, the push present is a tangible way to document another major milestone."

I think she's right, but only partially. Getting a gift for your wife or partner after a major event like a birth is, as Jennifer says, a loving and lovely gesture. But the whole thing goes off the rails when one crucial word get involved: Expectation. Just because you're expecting, you shouldn't expect a gift. Period. Our husbands are not obliged to buy us sparkly things just because we decided (hopefully jointly) to bring a new life into this world. There's something sort of shallow and crass about that, isn't there? And as pundits and social observers keeps saying over and over again, shallowness and a focus on material things is out. Expecting a present post-pregnancy, I would imagine, will go right out with it, assuming it hasn't already.

Personally, I never even knew push presents were in. I am sure some of my friends received gifts after having their children. But I don't think they've ever talked about it. They have never exerted any peer pressure that made me feel like I should demand the same of my husband. And I'm certain they have never referred to them as "push presents."

Call me a spoilsport, but I tend to side with the woman Jennifer quotes in her story, the one who says that the only push present you should care about is the baby you just delivered. At a time when so many live in fear of losing their jobs and their livelihoods, now is the time to feel thankful for the gifts we have, not insist that we need additional ones to make us happy.

Babble Talk: Is Ditching the Baby Monitor Child Abuse?

JeanneSager — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:27:00 GMT

If parents want to get really hard core, they always pull out the word "abuse." As in, "I can't believe you'd do that to your child, that's child abuse!"

Elizabeth Blackwell's recent Babble essay, Bad Parent: Out of Sight, elicited some shock and awe for her refusal to use a baby monitor. But can not using a baby monitor to track your child's every whimper and wheeze really be considered child abuse? I mean, folks, we do have to sleep, shower . . . poop.

If you have all five senses attuned to your child at every moment of every day, I commend you. I don't.

Neither did my parents or their parents. Heck, my grandmothers didn't have baby monitors - and no one would dare tell Grandma that the seven children she raised were anything but well-behaved, well-mannered and in perfectly good health.

Baby monitors are little more than a modern convenience. Useful for some families - including some of the parents who commented about their big houses where it's hard to hear from room to room or kids with medical conditions. For others, well, we used ours a handfull of times, and she's managed to weather the storm.

In truth, although it was dubbed a piece about the electronic monitoring devices, the heart of readers' pique is how Blackwell keeps track of her kids throughout the day and how she responds to them. When they start to cry in the morning, Blackwell says she doesn't hop right to it. And when the bedroom is quiet, she likes to let sleeping babies lie.

Letting a child cry for hours on end might be child abuse (although Dr. Ferber might disagree). But letting a child know that the minute they wake up, Mommy might be on the potty or washing dishes or yes, lolling in bed after a long night of feedings and diaper changes, isn't. As one nurse practitioner told me, shortly after I gave birth, sometimes, kids just cry. Make sure they are fed, they have been changed, they are dressed appropriately for the temperature and they are safe. If you have done everything in your power to make them stop crying, and they won't, it's OK to put them down and walk away.

We are our kids' biggest comfort, but they need to learn to self-soothe and to develop their own interests. Smushed up against Mom's chest all day where she's making them feel better, they hardly get to see the world. They also need to learn that not every moment of your day can be devoted to them. Sometimes, you have to eat, sleep, poop - just like babies.

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Having a Kid Alone? Don't Tell Me Why I Have it Better

JeanneSager — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:27:00 GMT

I have got to hand it to single parents. You have one of the hardest - albeit the best - jobs on the planet.

So when a single parent wants to pour his or her soul out, my shoulder is right here, along with a big box of tissues and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I'd just like a little of the same back from people like Lori Gottlieb.

Gottlieb's essay in this month's Parents "Why You Should Love Your Husband, Faults and All" is supposedly written for all of us gals out there with a partner, who Gottlieb says we just don't appreciate enough. Except Gottlieb apparently doesn't understand relationships - whether they be marriages or simple friendships. You know, give and take. Getting out some of your frustrations so you can come back to the table and build a BETTER relationship.

Gottlieb says she's a very happy single parent, that she's never had one qualm about her choice to become a mom on her own. With my biological clock ticking, I chose to have a baby on my own. No regrets on that score: I was fully aware of the enormity of the challenge I took on and I'm as hopelessly in love with my child as any married mom could be.

I'd believe her, if she didn't go on for paragraph after paragraph explaining why husbands are just so darn great.

Yes, Lori Gottlieb, my husband is my best friend. He's my rock. He's my little girl's incredible daddy. He's also a pain in the ass sometimes.

So am I.

And when we drive each other a little bit nuts (because we are both human, we are living in a crappy economy and we have a three-year-old who likes to crayon on the walls), the beautiful thing is, we have friends who will let us vent a little. We have sounding boards, who send us back to each other with fresh ideas and a renewed sense of why we love each other so darn much, and why that three-year-old is the best thing we have done together, green marks on the wall or no green marks on the wall.

Gottlieb, however, spends her entire essay putting married friends of single moms on notice. Don't come calling, she says, because my life is so much worse. What a great friend.

Is it callous for married friends to call their single mom friends and moan about their spouse? If that single mom just lost her partner to death, yes, it is. If she's just gone through a divorce or the "father" flew the coop before baby was born, yes, you need to wait a little while. The married friends (or those who have some kind of partner in the picture) need to do what friends do. They need to listen, offer encouragement, pop in with a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough.

But the "pity poor me" act only lasts so long. Single parents, you can complain. You can seek help and guidance. You can tell me how much harder it is. I'll believe you. I'll offer to babysit. I'll pick up your kid from nursery school when you're stuck at work and there's no one else there to do it for you. It's part of being your friend.

But if you tell me you won't do the same for me? You're not the friend I want to have around.

Image: Single Mom Seeking (a single mom whose blog makes me WANT to be her friend)

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Why Cops Should Let Casey Anthony Attend Caylee's Funeral

JeanneSager — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 16:57:00 GMT

I've tried not to watch the Caylee Anthony unfold, shaken by the fact that the little girl was just two months younger than my own, digusted by the news that her mother was the prime suspect. But when I saw that cops will not be allowing Casey Anthony to atend her daughter's funeral, I couldn't not look. I couldn't not think about it.

I confess I would make a horrible juror. In my mind, Casey Anthony was convicted the day media reported she waited two months after Caylee's disappearance before reporting her missing. As far as I was (am) concerned, she did it.

Now, all that remains of Caylee, forever two years old, is a skeleton, found last week near the Anthonys' Florida home. No date has been set for the funeral, but the Orange County Corrections Department has already determined they will not allow Casey Anthony to attend - because of the gravity of the charges pending against her and the security risk (imagine, someone wanting to hurt a mother like that?).

If Casey Anthony killed her child, I'd rank her with any other child abuser/molester/murderer. She deserves little. But there is that if. In the United States, we are still guaranteed that "if" until a plea of guilty is entered or a jury or judge returns with a verdict. Right now, Casey Anthony is innocent, and she will not be able to say goodbye to her little girl. It's a pain, I, as a mother, can't imagine. It's why I think she should go to the funeral.

Of course, I can't imagine killing my child either. So let's just say my suspicions are right. Let's imagine Casey Anthony is proven guilty - beyond a reasonable doubt. I still think they should send her to the funeral. Because the mother who kills a child has apparently lost all sense of the sanctity of life, of the power with which she was blessed, of what it means to be a mother. A mother who kills her own child deserves to have to say goodbye.

Image: ABC News

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Babble Talk: Staying Home and Skipping the Santa Myth

Miriam Axel-Lute — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 21:10:00 GMT

All around me it seems, my peers and my fellow Babble writers are exploring putting their collective feet down about holiday traditions. Perhaps it's that we feel emboldened to declare our own rules once our kids start getting older, or maybe it's just time for a little generational power shift. Who knows.

One of the major issues is who goes where when. Jeanne Sager, in her bad parent column "Sorry Can't Make It" has a firm answer: We're staying put. I seem to be luckier than Jeanne in that I generally enjoy the family holiday gatherings I'm expected to attend, but I know plenty of people in her boat, and I recognize all of her other points: The non-festiveness of travel, of being in company mode, of being expected to dress up the kid. I would add to that the sheer exhaustion of decisions and logistics, since in my extended family we've never settled on a default plan—I think we've spent Christmas day in five different places over the past eight years.

So we, too, have decided to make it our new default to stay in our very own house for most of Christmas day itself, with a drive to nearby grandparents for dinner. It feels like declaring a center, and lets us create a Christmas tradition that is our family's own, instead of trying to awkwardly re-create the childhood Christmases of one of our families of origin.

We're still getting in the car on the 26th for a long drive, it's true, but somehow that feels different.

Meanwhile, Sasha Brown-Worsham won't let her child believe in Santa, and commenters seem to think she's taking an extreme and Grinchy stance. I never would have expected it, having been a believe-until-late kid myself, but as a parent, I'm with Sasha. For me it doesn't have to do with trauma from mall santas, or even wanting to avoid waiting in line to see one. Nor does it have to do with being a humbug or a Grinch—if anything we go a bit overboard with emphasizing the magic and stories of the season. If my daughter decides for herself to believe in Santa, as some kids who are explicitly told otherwise do, that won't bother me.

Nor I don't mind telling the story. I've read Rudolph in the original rhyming couplets a dozen times in the past week. In fact, the way we've decided to handle Santa's omnipresence is just to add a bunch of other stories about gift-giving figures (La Befana, Holle, St. Nicholas) to my daughter's repetoire of seasonal tales.

The thing that gets me is how people suddenly get seriously invested in our children really believing something that isn't true, as if that's required in order to have a sense of wonder about the season. Not just telling a fun story, but going to major contortions to make it seem plausible (different handwriting on the tags etc.) and having hysterics if another kid lets the truth slip (or a parent opts out of the game). I am also pretty creeped out by the idea that some random old guy is keeping track of your behavior and is going to judge you worthy of gifts or not a year later. How very Calvinist. Besides, no parent I've heard of actually withholds gifts for bad behavior any more.

There's also the story I remember hearing of the girl who kept asking Santa for things she knew her parents couldn't afford, and kept getting them. When she learned, she was consumed with guilt. Yippee! There's the Christmas spirit for you!

So, while I won't be on a crusade to spoil other families' Santa charades, we're not playing, thanks.

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The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 11:23:00 GMT

Last year, in Round One of the great Halloween dress-up pageant, I discovered that while boys were sold cool costumes in the form of professional role models like firemen and astronauts, girls got to choose from a selection of not-at-all sexist options like crack whore cheerleader or, worse, Bratz dolls.

This year, things haven't changed.

I was perusing a seasonal Halloween shop near Union Square the other day, searching for a pair of fairy wings, when I came across the toddlers and young girls' section of the store. Maybe, I thought, maybe I'll find a costume for my 2-year-old daughter here.

Now most of these get-ups seemed to be made for the older-than-2, but younger-than-10 set, but I have to wonder: Do people dress their daughters in this crap?

First, the "Purrty Kitty." Is there really anything pretty about Playboy bunny-esque fur lining on a 6-to-8 year old?

Then there's what I like to call "Meth Belly Pirate" because this kid just looked drugged out. What's that Tina Fey line from Mean Girls? Halloween is the one holiday when you get to dress like a slut and no one can say anything bad about you? But for seven year olds? I am so not ready for this.

There seems to be an emphasis on pirates this year -- at least at this store. Scarlet pirate doesn't seem so bad, except I feel sorry for any real girl pirate who dressed like this on a boat filled with sea-bound mutineers.

Punky pirate is kind of funny, because when I think "Punky" I think adorable little orphan with rainbow hair twirls. I guess they went a different direction.

And then, finally, there's Leopard. This one is not so slutty so much as tacky -- something Mrs. Roper might have worn when she was eight. Come on, Parents. I know you're busy. I know you don't have time to break out the sewing machine and come up with your own costumes. But please, at the very least, don't let your daughter dress like a prostitute when your son is dressing like a professional. That's just not right.

Babble Talk: My Daughter Gets Her Happy Ending at McDonald's

JeanneSager — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:30:00 GMT

The first time my daughter started shrieking "happy meal," from the backseat, I didn't know what she was saying. Then I saw the giant billboard. It was Ronald hair red, with a giant golden M in the middle. That's it. "Mommy, it says happy meal!" my daughter yelled again.

Yup, marketing to kids works. So does making your business family friendly. Which is why I recognized our family in Jennifer Blaise Kramer's Bad Parent: Supersize Me. We've stopped fighting the fast food fight, and we're not apologizing.

As a working mom, I have been known to pull into the McDonald's drive through at lunchtime. With more interviews schedule for the afternoon, I can put off my craving for food, but making my daughter starve? That's what I call bad parenting. Unfortunately, I'm not the mom who has a lunchbox full of homemade health food handy when it's time to go in the morning. I'm lucky I remember to take my daughter WITH me some mornings. I keep boxes of raisins and bags of multi-grain snacks in the car to make up for my shortcomings. But when the lunch bell rings, my daughter's tummy starts a rumblin'.

I have a choice. I could stop at a "real restaurant." I could spend an hour or more sitting there while the waitresses glare at the two of us taking up a table with our meager meal, while my daughter decides she'll eat ketchup and only ketchup and I cajole her to try a little bit of chicken salad. They know my tip isn't going to be big because we didn't eat big. I could sit for 30 minutes before they take my order, another 20 before our food arrives while my daughter gets fiestier minute by hungry minute. The crayons in my purse can only keep her quiet so long, and explaining "busy kitchen" to a 3-year-old is as easy as it sounds. What about those raisins? We could, I suppose, but that would mean a full tummy - and I just order a $10 entree that I'd hope she'd eat.

Mickey D's is looking better every second. With its apple slices that one commentor on Kramer's piece protests have been peeled of all their nutritious value. Hmm. Crappy apples or making her wait an extra two hours for lunch. Not a tough decision.

Ironically, I don't eat at McDonald's myself. Not because I'm turning up my nose at the grease, but because I'm a vegetarian. But this vegetarian has found herself turning more and more toward fast food chains since I became a parent. With a dire need for caffeine and a child who likes sleeping in the backseat, I face the choice of leaving her in car care, schlepping a cranky toddler in and out of the carseat or a smooth ride through the drive through. Ronald, the King, Wendy, Dunkin' know just how I like it.

I'm comfortable with the choice because my daughter still shrieks with delight at a McDonald's sign. It's still a treat. It's still new. She still gets excited. And why shouldn't she? They have a playground and boxes of juice Mommy doesn't get to water down. They have colorful boxes for her food with pictures to pop out and mazes to draw in. And you can't forget the toys.

The places we frequent as a family, the Greek restaurant with the to-die-for spinach pie and the creamy hummus, the Chinese place with the veggie lo mein and the pork fried rice, they're the spots where Mommy and Daddy willingly fork over the small amount set aside for a young family dining out in this economy. They're her "nothing special places," like the "nothing special" yogurt she can get any morning or the "nothing special" boxes of raisins in the backseat.

It's when McDonald's fails to excite her that I'll worry about my parenting.

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