Stay at Home Mothers: a Fulfilling Life or a Slow Death?

Karen Murphy — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 15:56:00 GMT

Based on this excellent review by Kim Voynar at Cinematical of the film Little Children, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to watch this movie. At least not without a huge box of tissues by my side, because according to Kim's description of the film's main character, I so relate to the dilemma posed in the life of this stay-at-home mother that I would likely find watching the film hugely painful. Evidently the film and its character struck a major chord with Kim as well, because she wrote a poignant testament to the life of many stay-at-home mothers on her blog Catawampus.

Kim says: These days, here's what society preaches to women:

You can't be fulfilled unless you have a man and a child.
If you have a child, you should WANT to stay home with your baby, all day, every day.
Doing this will make you feel happy and fulfilled and complete in ways you never imagined.
When your kids are older, you can always go right back into your career.

Sound familiar? It does to me. I gave up a ten-year career, admittedly a shitty stress-filled one, but suddenly I found myself attempting to bridge the gap between being single-mom career girl and weeks later being a married woman-with-a-baby, having nothing more to do in the course of a day but care for a cranky demanding baby, eat a bag of potato chips, and have dinner on the table by 6 pm. Then another baby came, and another, and I tried to assure myself (while at the same time being incredibly and unfairly judgmental about mothers who chose to work outside the home) that I felt fulfilled wiping noses and butts and making up inane little songs and baking bread, but secretly, I knew there was something missing: me.

The divorce will likely be final later this year.

That's my story, but what about yours? It's my belief that some people are practically made to be parents, some aren't in the least, and the rest of us try to bridge the gap between one identity and another. I absolutely adore my children but I lost myself along the way. What do you do? Where do you fall? How do you deal with this dilemma, if it is one for you at all?

[Disclosure: Kim is married to our own Jay Allen]

Strollerderby : Catawampus

Stay at Home Mothers: a Fulfilling Life or a Slow Death?