Strollerderby : Cheating

Blogger Defends Kate Gosselin -- and So Do I

Amy Kuras — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

I’ll admit to only having watched maybe ten minutes total of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” ever. I have issues with people who abuse fertility treatment (you don’t end up with sextuplets if you and/or your doctor are doing what you’re supposed to) and then parade their kids around and accept a bunch of free goodies. And these two were apparently chasing the gravy train from the minute the doctor said “There’s six in there.” In other words, I have no respect for them and think they are exploiting their kids for their own personal gain.

That said, the vitriol directed toward Kate Gosselin with this latest controversy is quite surprising to me. The general line seems to be “Of course he cheated on her because all she ever does is bitch at him –she’s soooo meeeaaannn.”

I’m sorry, people – have you seen Jon Gosselin and the way he talks to her? He seems like a wussy little passive-aggressive jerk, and I’ll tell you what, if I was married to that guy, I’d be a bitch on wheels too. I mean, he’s all but admitted to cheating on her with some 23-year-old, and one of things he’s said to have done is wander uninvited into a college girl party and hit on 19-year-olds. He’s, what, 40ish? What normal adult male, married or single, thinks that’s remotely appropriate and uncreepy?

Blogger Lisa Daily over on HuffPo said nearly as much on her own take on the show, She also made a good point – Jon hasn’t worked since before the sextuplets were born. He says it’s because his employer didn’t want to pay the insurance premiums for six babies; his former employer says it’s because he spent more time trolling for freebies than actually working. They’ve been pretty much supporting themselves solely on income from the show and the attendant book deals.

Daily writes, “A friend of mine has five children, and she runs a pretty tight ship. I think Kate is probably the way she is because if she doesn't take charge, no one else will.

If my husband seemed incapable, or unwilling to provide for our family, I'd do whatever I needed to do to make that happen. Even if it made me look like a bitch on national TV.”

I hardly think Kate’s a hero – they are both essentially famewhores who are selling out their kids and I hate to think what life in that family is going to be like once the cameras are off and the gravy train has stopped a’comin’. But there’s a nasty little antifeminist undercurrent in the “blame the woman” tone of much of the discussion I have read, and think we need to examine why Kate’s being painted as the monster in all this.

Vote on Jon and Kate's Divorce Goes Too Far

Jon Gosselin a Cheater, But a Good Dad?

JeanneSager — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:27:00 GMT

Haters of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (and we've found out there are many) got the confirmation they've all been waiting for: Jon Gosselin is a total tool. The hair plugs didn't clue you in?

The brother of the woman he's supposedly shtupping says, well, that he's shtupping his sister. And this isn't Kate Gosselin's bro talking, so it would stand to reason that the star of TLC's reality show is cheating on his wife (allegedly, natch).

But while all that uproar is going on over his extra-marital activities, his friends are rushing out to say, "wait, Jon is a good dad to his eight kids!" Are the two even related?

People who cheat on their spouses are scum buckets. I was raised with the mantra, if you are going to step out on your marriage then WALK out of your marriage. If he's unhappy with the woman many watchers say is a shrew, then, by all means, take a hike buddy. But cheating would make him a bad husband.

Does it make you a bad parent too? Besides the admittedly bad example you're setting for your kids, I'm inclined to say not really. Especially when you have young children. When you have teens who are more aware of what you're doing, then there's even more pressure to act as a "role model." Even then, if your kids DON'T know, I'd tend to say you're still just a bad spouse and rather rotten person.

But unless Jon Gosselin was having sex with a woman other than his wife in front of his kids, I don't see how it affects his parenting skills. In fact, if he's having sex WITH his wife in front of his kids, I'd have a bit of a problem with that (g-ross people). But cheaters still get up and make breakfast in the morning. They still pour sippy cups and read bedtime stories. They are still parents - as long as they keep the mistress (or the other man) away from the kids.

What do you think parents? Does cheating make you a bad parent or just a bad spouse?

Image: Zap2It

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Would you Cheat FOR the Kids?

JeanneSager — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Think you've heard all the lame excuses someone will give for cheating on their spouse? Here's another:

"I'm doing it for my kids."

Say what?

This came from the lips of a friend (and by friend I really mean a chick I know, kinda sorta). Her reasoning for stepping out on her marriage is simple - he's a jerk. But they've got kids. And as far as she's concerned, kids need two parents.

So she's lining up a new Daddy before she kicks the old one to the curb. I'm not even going to touch on the self-esteem issues here (that's for a woman's issues blog, not the parenting blog).

But what does this teach your kids? That it's OK to lie? That your daughters need to have a man around at all times. . . and at all costs? The idea that a woman needs to have a man is as outdated as that old quote about fish and bicycles. So too is the idea that a single parent can't provide for a child what a couple can - or that, say, two lesbians can't provide for a child what a heterosexual couple can.

There are also lessons for kids in divorce. It's OK that things fail sometimes. You have to be honest with other people. You have to be honest with yourself. But cheating on a spouse is a big no no, and somehow I can't see how the kids won't find out when they realize their new "Dad" was in Mom's life long before the divorce became finalized.

I suppose there's merit to the fact that kids fare better with two parents . . . I suppose. I am not bashing single parents or their offspring (President Obama, hello?). But for mom it's certainly easier when there's a second set of hands around. Still, with Dad the jerk around, she's obviously not having an easy go of it. Couldn't that mean single parenting might be easier?

Is single parenting that scary? As a happily - and luckily - married woman, I don't know. But I wonder what the single parents who read Babble think. You were scared right, but this scared?

Image: Everyday Citizen

Do You Let Your Kids Cheat?

JeanneSager — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 20:55:00 GMT

My in-laws came to town for the requisite weekend of spoiling, and left as always, some new habits with my daughter.

The artificial southern accent will go away soon enough (to my displaced southern husband's chagrin). It's the cheating I'm worried about.

Because, in true grandparenting style, my father-in-law let our daughter win at every game of Go Fish. But he didn't just bumble his play. He let her reach over and pick cards out of his hand. He let her shift through the "fishing" pile. He let her run right over him.

I've been asking around, and most people tell me to just ignore it. She's three; it will go away. It's cute.

Yes, she's three, and I don't expect that one game of cards is going to ruin her for the rest of her life. But shouldn't I be breaking this bad habit now? Maybe I'm reading a little too much into a pile of cards covered in different kinds of fish, but I can already see a life's obsession with having her way and always getting to win. She's already an only child, and we're aware of that slippery "spoiled only child" slope that we have to navigate. Letting her get away with cheating at cards seems like it would put at least one foot on the sandy edge of that slope.

Is it really OK to encourage a three-year-old to cheat because "it's cute?" What happens at five or six, when it stops being cute and starts becoming obnoxious?

Image: Kelly's Kindergarten

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Husband's Genitals Lit on Fire For Cheating

JeanneSager — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:34:00 GMT

Think the headline says it all? Wait, there's more. The couple's three kids were in the house when their mom allegedly sprayed down her sleeping husband's package with "methylated spirits" - highly flammable denatured alcohol - then lit them with a candle.

New Zealand news reports say the guy suffered burns on more than 85 percent of his body; although his kids were rescued from the burning house unscathed.

OK, so the guy was obviously a tool to be stepping out on his wife and three kids. But let's get some perspective here. Want to really castrate this guy? Take his million dollar house in a divorce; don't burn the thing to the ground. And note to Mom: your husband might be a bad spouse, but lighting your house on fire with the kids in side makes you a bad mother . . . and a bit of a psychopath.

Thankfully, pyromania has been limited thus far in its use to cure straying spouses. So let this be a reminder to wronged moms everywhere: you lose your "I bore his children and this is how he repaid me" defense when you put the spawn of his seed at risk too.

Image/Source: 3 News

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Baby Flushed Accidentally

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Just how screwed up can it make you to get pregnant by an affair, hide your pregnancy from everyone by claiming a wheat allegy made you bloat up, and tell the lover (who was buying baby stuff for the kid) you're going to leave your husband, but then not?

Pretty screwed up.

Enough, apparently, that you might give birth on the toilet and not notice it until you've flushed the newborn, and then to not call for help, put the nonresponsive kid in the trunk of the car and block it out entirely. At least that's the story of a UK woman, Claire Jones, who was just given a suspended sentence of 48 weeks for concealing the birth. The inquest said it was impossible to tell if the baby was stillborn or died from drowning.

Let me admit something: I feel dirty writing about a tragedy like this. It's voyeurism to a nasty degree. I can't pretend to judge whether Jones is telling the truth about how unaware she was of what was happening and how she blocked it all out—I do believe it's possible, because our brains go to some crazy lengths to protect us from things that it deems to much for us to take. As hard as it is to imagine not knowing you've given birth, it comes up often enough that it must happen sometimes.

What strikes me about this one though, as opposed to the teenagers of whom we usually hear stories like this, is that Jones apparently wanted the baby and wasn't actually pretending to herself that she wasn't pregnant. And yet, it seems, from her description, that the stress of the lying and the cheating by itself was still enough to put her that far over the edge. I think this should be a testament to destructive power of lying. Keeping a secret like that is destructive and crazy-making, pure and simple.

But it also speaks to a society that makes adultery out to be the worst thing in the world, something that it's OK to be violent over and even kill over, something that is assumed to automatically destroy families (although the reality is most marriages survive it). This is the attitude even though it's incredibly common and by some arguments both sexes are wired for it. That kind of culture can make fessing up more scary than giving birth alone and unaided.

I obviously don't know that that's the problem here and that this particular thing wouldn't have happened in a culture with a different attitude. Sometimes people just break, or just do awful, inexplicable things that can't be blamed even partially on external conditions. But awful stuff like this is only relevant to the rest of us if we're going to ask why, and is there anything society could do differently. And often there is.

I grieve for her, her baby, her husband, the baby's bio dad, and everyone else involved. May healing come in whatever form it's needed.

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Dishonesty Rampant in the Bedroom

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Men’s Fitness and Shape magazines have teamed up to bring us a survey revealing that men fake orgasms a surprisingly high amount of the time, women think most men are awful in bed, about 40 percent of both genders cheat, and other gems of human behavior.

In a survey of 10,000 people, the magazines found that a third of men have faked orgasms, women are much more willing to forgive infidelity than men (37 percent compared to 5 percent), and women find house chores sexier than gifts of jewelry, flowers, or chocolates.

Perhaps the most telling (and depressing) aspect of the survey is that 85 percent of men believe they please their partners every time they have sex. This is the same percentage of women who say they fake orgasms.

This survey makes me dream of a little something called honesty. Women, do you think he’s gonna get better in bed if you keep pretending you’re having a great time? And men, do you think your partner will never speak to you again if you occasionally can’t make it to what the New York Post so poetically terms the “finish line”? And how the heck do men fake orgasms anyway?

Photo: eHow

Is Online Cheating a Deal-Breaker?

Kelly Mills — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:33:00 GMT

From Britain comes the news that a couple who had an elaborate wedding on the virtual reality game "Second Life" are now getting divorced. So what tore this couple, who met in a chatroom, apart from each other? Well, Amy Taylor says she caught her real-life husband having virtual sex with a woman on the same game. Later she also reported she hired an online detective to track his virtual activities, though she knew he wasn't fooling around in this reality. "It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over," she said. Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met on "World of Warcraft".

Now, for a couple who are so invested in their virtual lives, it makes sense Taylor would consider this a betrayal. But what about other couples? With virtual reality games becoming more elaborate and consuming, do activities online carry the same weight as those commited in the physical world? Perhaps some would draw the line at any kind of online flirtation, whether or not it was acted out with avatars, while others would consider this harmless fun as long as it never spills over into real life.

What do you think? What's cheating in the age of online worlds? Where would you draw the line?

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Eliot Spitzer Cleared of Prostitution Charges

Brett Singer — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

It has been decided that former governor of New York Eliot Spitzer – aka the Tainted Gov – will not face criminal charges for repeatedly visiting a prostitute.

The New York Times reports that the reason is because, well, the Johns usually don't get charged. "It’s not surprising,” said Andrew B. Lachow, who once ran the public corruption unit in the United States attorney’s office in Manhattan that has for months been investigating Mr. Spitzer. "There just wasn’t much there that would have called for prosecution."

Now wait a minute.

What happened to if you do the crime, you do the time? Isn't this an open and shut case? I realize that everyone is entitled to a defense, and that trials cost money. But when you get caught red-handed, and when everybody else involved is facing criminal charges, isn't this just a tad unfair?

In other words – if it's hard out here for a pimp, shouldn't it be hard for their customers as well?

The Times article continues: "From the outset, the story of Mr. Spitzer and his patronage of the now-defunct Emperor’s Club V.I.P. read more like a moral tale than a legal one." OK. But he broke the law. Right? "In laying out his decision not to prosecute Mr. Spitzer, Michael J. Garcia, the United States attorney in Manhattan, said he had three main rationales: Mr. Spitzer had apparently not used any public money or campaign funds for his trysts; there was insufficient evidence that he had broken the law in how he had structured payments to the call-girl ring; and, finally, it was not the policy of his or other federal prosecutors’ offices to charge the customers in matters of prostitution."

The real kicker is the last one. Basically, visiting a prostitute is illegal, but if you get caught, you probably won't face any punishment.

The good thing – sort of – is that this doesn't appear to be special treatment for Spitzy, according to attorney Patricia A. Pileggi, a former prosecutor. The financial reasoning behind not charging him is vaguely complicated; to me it sounds like he did what they would accuse him of, but perhaps it would be too difficult to prove in court.

I'm not anti-prostitution. I think it might – MIGHT – even be a good idea to legalize it. (That's a much bigger issue, obviously.) But right now it's against the law. Shouldn't the guys who do it be charged?

Source: NY Times
Image: also NY Times

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More People Cheating than Ever Before

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Eternal monogamy: the beloved ideal that about a quarter of Americans find impossible to uphold. Marital infidelity is on the rise, according to the New York Times. Since 1972, the General Social Survey has consistently found that about 10 percent of married people cheat, with men cheating almost twice as often as women (12 percent to 7 percent).

But analyzing infidelity trends over the last two decades has shown some marked changes. In 2006, 28 percent of men over 60 reported cheating at some point in their lives, compared to 20 percent in 1991 (Viagra went on the market ten years ago). And among older women, incidences of cheating have increased triplefold—from 5 percent to 15 percent.

We can’t chock this increased infidelity up to boredom after a silver anniversary because the trend holds true for couples under 35 as well. 20 percent of young men and 15 percent of young women now report treating, compared to 15 percent and 12 percent two decades ago.

Theories about the reasons for increased cheating largely center on the advent of the Internet and cell phones, which have made it easier to coordinate extra-marital encounters. But the marked increase in women’s infidelity is harder to explain: are women cheating more now because they are more likely to go on business trips or stay late at the office? Or are they simply more likely to report their infidelities now that there is less (though still much) social pressure for women to be chaste while men are applauded for their sexual exploits?

Whatever the reason, I must admit that I’m looking on the bright side of this increase in female infidelity. I’m certainly no champion of extra-marital affairs, but it happened at these relatively high rates even in hunting and gathering societies. So, if cheating must happen, why should men be the only ones in whom it is expected and even, to do some degree, accepted?

Image: New York Times

Is a happy ending massage cheating?

Brett Singer — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:00:00 GMT

I always thought yes, but some of the writers at MomLogic think not.

"Guest blogger Gina" (I can't see any other authorial designation) says, "I don't consider it cheating -- and when he finally got his 'massage,' I was happy for him!"

A few years ago an unmarried friend told me that he had gotten a "full release" massage. (If you don't know what this means, let's just say that it's a massage where the masseuse goes below the belt, applying her hands to the man's "twig and berries.") He was unattached at the time, and therefore wasn't cheating on anyone. See, I thought, and he agreed, that if a guy in a relationship did this, it would be cheating.

In the interest of equal time, women can also get happy endings on the table. Leslie Adler from the Vuv Club (a blog) wrote that, "the Dreamy Diddle" is not cheating. Her reasoning? "You go to the gynecologist, right? And he or she doesn't even kiss you first and look at what you let them do to you."

Umm…

Obviously I've never had a gynecological exam. But those of you who have, correct me if I’m wrong but is it a pleasurable experience? Does what the doctor "do to you" include bringing you to orgasm?

As for whether or not it would be OK for her husband to go all the way, massage-wise, Leslie says, "Well, is it habitual? Is he forming an emotional attachment to 'Olga with the big forearms?' If no, I say give it a whirl (or a stroke or two in this case) and be sure to keep it to yourself so it's like 'Vegas.' What happens on the massage table stays there."

The guy in me wants to say, "YEAH! That's my kind of woman!" But I don't really feel that way. This kind of attitude isn't "cool" it's idiotic. If a person pays someone for sexual pleasure, that's paying for sex. Which is prostitution. It doesn't matter how that person gets you off, they got you off. Am I the crazy one here? And if a woman I was in a relationship with did this, I would be annoyed but also grossed out. "He put his fingers WHERE?"

Men, ladies, gay, straight, whatever your relationship configuration is: would you be comfortable with your significant other getting a full release massage? Would you encourage this behavior? Or are Gina and Leslie off their blogger rockers?

Source/Image: MomLogic

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Five-Year-Old Catches STD From Dad's Towel?

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Reasons you shouldn't sleep with a prostitute. A. Your wife will hate you. B. Your name will be all over town for getting caught with a hooker. C. You might catch something and pass it on to your kid.

For one Australia Dad, the answer is all of the above. His then 5-year-old daughter was removed from the family home in 2006 when she was diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease. He admitted to consorting with a prostitute in Bali, but said he never touched his daughter inappropriately. The dad claims she contracted the disease by using the same towel.

As improbable as it sounds (and it did to the first court who heard the case), a judge has sent the little girl back to her parents - including a mom who is a "less than enthusiastic supporter" of her husband (see above - answer A). Judge Jonathan Williams says there isn't enough evidence the girl was actually abused. He believes the father.

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

~~Public~~ Pubic lice (that's the real name for crabs, folks), can be transferred by sharing a bed with someone (and who hasn't slept with their child in the bed at one point or another) or that shared towel. The same goes for scabies. And oral herpes, it turns out, can be transmitted, well, orally. So next time you have a cold sore, you might want to refrain from showing off how good those pureed pears are by licking their spoon.

Image: Superior Water

They Say: Dads Cheat, but Not for Sex

JeanneSager — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:03:00 GMT

Ladies, I've got good news . . . and bad news.

A combined AOL Health and Cookie Magazine poll says 32 percent of dads have cheated. Yes, that's the bad news. So what's the good news? It's not the sex. Researcher Gary Neuman, author of the new book The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It, told Newsweek it's about an emotional disconnect. Explains it all, doesn't it? You have kids, and you disconnect . . . sound about right to me.

The fact that new parents aren't having a heck of a lot of sex isn't new news. I wrote about it myself for Babble a few months ago - and my husband got a good chuckle out of comments about the article over on AOL that pretty much gave him the green light to visit greener pastures. FYI: he's still here, but he appreciates your concern.

Remember, Neuman says, it ain't about sex. "The No. 1 reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures," he claims. He spent two years studying 200 guys - 100 who cheated, 100 who kept it in their pants. Almost half - 48 percent - said they won't cheat if they feel appreciated. Another 12 percent said they're going to cheat no matter what (how nice of them).

By comparison, Cookie and AOL chatted up 60,000 guys with at least one child - all online. And, yup, they all want sex. A quarter whined they're getting it as little as once a month, and 79 percent said they'd like it a whole lot more. But the number who would be willing to cheat, even if they could hide it from their wives, is still well above half at 69 percent. Which jives with what Neuman found - they might be unhappy about their sex lives, but they're keeping both their pants and emotions zipped up.

So what's the secret to keeping him at home? That's up to you - and him. If he's one of that 12 percent (see above), I say good riddance to bad rubbish. But if he's like most guys out there, he's going to get a handle on the fact that you just don't feel like it after a long day of velcroing shoes, mopping up milk and finding Blue's clues. So go ahead, tell him you don't feel like it - but at least tell him you're sorry.

Image: eHow

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Couple Sues After Failed Vasectomy

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:04:00 GMT

What would your first assumption be if your wife got pregnant after you’d had a vasectomy? Would you suspect her of being unfaithful—or your sperm of outsmarting your sterilization surgery?

Well, unless your marriage is on the rocks or you’re swingers (and, hey, I don’t judge!), the latter is the more likely. At least 1 percent of vasectomies fail to prevent pregnancy—just as condoms break and women on the pill get pregnant.

Mindy and Brady Hill of Arkansas found out what it was like to be that one percent (as, presumably, have thousands of other couples), and they didn’t like it one bit. They claim that doctors suggested that Mindy had been unfaithful, which put stress on their marriage. After Mindy miscarried, a paternity test showed that there was a 99.999 percent chance that the baby was Brady’s. No doubt this whole ordeal was highly stressful and unpleasant. Still, one would hope that Brady trusted Mindy enough that a paternity test wasn’t necessary to make him believe that the baby was his. But, of course, a paternity test will come in handy in court.

Mindy and Brady are suing for negligence and defamation. Should they win?

Photo: Shaadi Times

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Did Michael Phelps actually win 8 medals?

Brett Singer — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Usually when an athlete is accused of cheating, it's a doping issue: this year alone, at least four athletes have been caught using banned substances. But in Michael Phelps' case, there may be something else going on.

Here's the deal, as reported in the New York Times:

The race in which Phelps won his seventh medal, tying Mark Spitz and setting him up to break the record for most gold at one Olympic Games, was decided by 1/100th of a second. Despite some "controversy" (that's what the article says; I don't recall hearing anything about this when it happened) over the results of the 100-meter butterfly, the authority that oversees swimming (FINA) decided not to release video images to help "prove" that Phelps was the winner.

What does this have to do with Michael Phelps? Well, Omega is the official timekeeper of the Olympics. They are also one of Phelps' sponsors. As the New York Times puts it, "The most visible athlete at these Games is getting a paycheck from the same company whose equipment decides the outcome of Phelps’s events."

To me, this is much ado about nothing, and an attempt to create a problem where there isn't one.

In the first place, FINA doesn’t typically release images of the races, which the Times article mentions but not until the middle of the article. Second, Omega didn't make the decision, FINA did. And third… I don't know, is anyone all that upset about this? Is that because we desperately wanted Phelps to break Spitz's record? Maybe. Personally, I didn't care that much; although some of the races were a lot of fun to watch (like when we beat the French in the relay after they had said they would "crush" the U.S. team – put that in your beret, Frenchie!), by the time Phelps won his eighth gold medal I found I had a certain amount of Phelps Phatigue. That's not to take anything away from him; I just think the coverage got to be a little bit overblown.

If you want to talk about weird judging issues, what about the gymnastics, where the judges clearly favored the Chinese team? (Béla Károlyi, despite being a little bit scary, was right on with much of his analysis.) And if you want to say that there are potential conflicts of interest between certain parties at the Games, I'm sure there is plenty to talk about. I'm not sure, however, that this is an actual controversy.

On the other hand – isn't it fun to have two opinions on the same topic? – why not just release the images? The photo shown here certainly doesn't do much to dispel the notion that perhaps the end result of the race wasn't what we were told it was. Sports ethicists (there's a job I want) interviewed by the Times say that FINA should release whatever information is necessary to keep people from thinking that the results were tainted, especially in this case, since it is so high profile.

Image/source: NYTimes

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Do All These Chinese Gymnasts Look 16 to You?

Jen Chaney — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:28:00 GMT

There is no question that the performances of the young women on China's gymnastics team were strong enough to earn them a gold medal. But apparently there are questions about whether all of these girls are actually 16.

Based on Olympic rules, all gymnastic contenders must turn 16 sometime during the Olympic year in order to be eligible to compete. Time magazine and other media outlets have reported that past Chinese records and news stories say two of the team members are 14, and another is only 15. The Associated Press cited a story, printed by the Chinese government's news agency, that said gymnast He Kexin was just 13 as of nine months ago. Chinese gymnastics officials maintain that all of the girls meet the age requirement, and that those sources simply printed factual errors.

Of course, this whole situation again raises the issue of whether such age requirements should exist in the first place. Bela Karolyi, former U.S. gymnastics coach, says no. Getting rid of that 16-year minimum would mean the U.S. -- and every other country -- could bring in the often more nubile, younger contenders. After all, Nadia Comaneci (also coached by Karolyi) won gold at the Olympics when she was just 14. That was in 1976, before the age regulations were put in place. What's the harm?

In some situations, Comaneci's being one of them, there may not be harm. Some kids are equipped to handle the stress and pressure of competition at a very young age. But some -- even though they are enormously talented and dedicated -- are not. If there were no age minimum, I worry that kids would get pushed even harder to win than they already do. And when a 13 or 14-year-old girl knows how important it is to herself, her parents, her coaches and her community to win at the Olympics, she might not feel comfortable saying no when someone finally asks too much of her. It's a delicate balance and sometimes even parents can't see when the competition starts to cause cracks in their children's emotional well-being. Hence, the age requirement.

It's a complicated, difficult issue. But I do know this much: It seems to me it should be fairly easy and quick to verify whether all of the Chinese gymnasts are actually 16. The International Gymnastics Federation and the IOC use the girls' passports to verify age. But shouldn't they check their birth certificates, too? If both sets of documents are legit, then case closed. But if they are not, then they have an investigation on their hands.

Personally, I hope all the Chinese gymnasts meet the requirement and can enjoy their gold medals in peace. I don't think the U.S. team really deserved the gold this year after Alicia Sacramone -- and my heart so goes out to her -- fell during her balance beam routine and her floor exercise. But that's not the point. The point is that if there are indeed rules to be followed at the Olympics, they should be followed. And the IGF and the IOC should take them seriously enough to offer proof that they have not been broken. If they really care about setting a good example for every kid watching the Games, then they should hammer home the message that a winning athlete never cheats the system.

Woman Sells Evidence of Her Husband's Affair on Ebay

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Oh, revenge can be such fun--particularly for uninvolved spectators.

An Australian woman returned home to find a pair of panties and an opened condom wrapper in her bed—the bed she had shared with her husband for 22 years. Wasting no time in declaring her discovery to all and sundry, she snapped a photo of the offending items and put it up for sale on Ebay, along with a description that left little to the imagination. Titling her piece “Empty Condom Packet and a Photo of the Tart’s Knickers,” the thoughtful woman did Ebay shoppers the favor of describing in detail this dramatic still life.

Of the panties, she writes, “They are so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or, even better, something for Halloween perhaps.” Interestingly, the photograph juxtaposes the larger-than-life quality of the panties with the diminutive size of the condom wrapper, described by the artist as “size small.”

Next for sale on Ebay? Her husband’s Harley.

Photo: Ebay

Will Smith is Open to Open Marriage

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:46:00 GMT

Will Smith is all about honesty—not only with his wife of 11 years, but also apparently with celebrity reporters about said wife. He recently opened up to the UK magazine NOW about the possibility that he and Jada Pinkett Smith will engage in an open marriage.

Will says one of the keys to the happiness and mutual devotion of his long marriage is complete transparency. “I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife,” he said, which means that he has no problem admitting to Jada when he feels attracted to other women. “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people,” he said.

For now, neither Will or Jada has acted on these “natural” impulses, but if either of them wanted to sleep with someone else, they would seek the other's approval first. Perhaps this openness is part of the reason that neither has felt what Will called the “need” to sleep around. When an affair is no longer taboo, but rather a possible reality to be carefully considered, it loses some of its appeal.

What do you married and partnered folks think? Is it better to keep fleeting attractions to yourself, so as to avoid making your partner jealous, or better to be open about your extramarital desires?

Photo: People

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Open a School

Dad Denied Despite DNA

Amy Kuras — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Imagine having a kid that you know is yours, that you've spent time with and become attached to, and that a DNA test proved is yours. (you're a guy, obviously, in this scenario, because usually we womenfolk pretty much know when a baby we're caring for is genetically ours).
The kid you fathered and developed a bond with, though, is the product of an affair with a married woman, who stayed with her military-man husband. And that guy, who was away at an Air Force base during your relationship with his wife, gets to be the legal father of your child.
That's the situation faced by James Rhoades of Tallahassee, Fla. The Supreme Court of Kentucky (where the boy's mother and her husband now live) ruled 4-3 last month that Rhoades could not press his paternity claim despite DNA evidence.
The reason is a centuries-old legal precedent called the "marital presumption" which holds that if a woman is married when she gives birth, that man is presumed to be the father of the child even if all parties involved know otherwise.
Which made sense centuries ago, before we understood anything about genetics much less DNA. Now, though, when establishing paternity is as simple as swabbing a cheek, is it really right to keep this child's real father, who is eager to continue a relationship with him, out off his life? Or, conversely, to force men who are already dealing with the fallout from a cheating spouse to be financially responsible for a child that is not theirs because they were married to the child's mother?
"... We are in need of a bold declaration that the marriage circle, even one with an errant partner, will be invaded at one's own legal risk," Justice Bill Cunningham was by quoted Time as writing in his judicial opinion.
GAH. I'm pro-marriage, for EVERYBODY that wants it, but that's just — wow. When at least two of the three people involved showed no respect for the institution, why in heaven's name should the law? Especially when a boy's right to know the truth of his life is being trampled. And a father is left, as the Time article describes him, "devastated."

Image: TIME

When the Baby Isn't Yours

Kelly Mills — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 18:22:00 GMT

You know, it's probably one of a guy's worst fears. You find out your wife is pregnant--by another man. You are hurt. Devastated. Enraged. Well, unless...

I guess there's times it isn't all bad. I mean, it wasn't a Cub at least. And wow, the baby will be, well, amazing.

Check it out after the jump.

Maybe you can love the baby like it was your own...or more...

Can Cheatin' Save Your Relationship?

Kelly Mills — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:03:00 GMT

Affairs can obviously be relationship deal-breakers, but do they have to be? Marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall sounds off on the issue in the Times. This question is probably especially relevant for parents, because those of us with a partner at home aren't just in our relationships for good times and personal satisfaction and all that. We have children we raise together, so if our relationships lack a certain, um, bedroom va-va-voom, then perhaps straying can take the edge off all of that. Or a little side action can bring to light problems on the homefront that aren't getting addressed. But is it worth the risk?

I'll cut to the chase and say Marshall basically concludes with, "it would be better to recognise the signs that something is missing in your relationship and work on it. There might be unexpected benefits to the discovery of an affair, but the negatives–betrayal, jealousy and desire for revenge–can overwhelm everything else." So I guess the answer is no, don't do it. 'Course I think there's about three people in the world who had an affair because they honestly thought it would be a good idea and a relationship aid. The rest probably got caught up by all the things that actually motivate affairs, and that isn't going to stop any time soon. So, my question is this: Would you do it, or have you, and were there benefits? Would it be a deal-breaker if your partner cheated? Is it reasonable to stay together for the sake of the kids, and if having a side project helps with that, is it worth it?

Kids Using iPods to Cheat in School

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 14:01:00 GMT

As a parent I probably shouldn't even admit this, but I think using your iPod to cheat on tests is brilliant! I'm not making this up. I read it on CNN. I mean, this somehow seems more advanced than a regular old cheat sheet or writing a formula on your arm. (Not that I ever did anything like that.)

Some of the new digital media players are so small that they are easy to hide up your sleeve. The ear buds are tiny enough to hide from an inattentive teacher. The kids are saving math or chemistry formulas on their iPods. Some of the students are using Schoolhouse Rock to cheat on history exams. Other students are dowloading crib notes and hiding them in their text files.

Reading this made me feel really old. I have an iPod and I didn't even know I could download crib notes. I didn't know it had text files either. Hmph.

So anyway, a lot of schools are banning digital media players because of this. Some teachers and students say that schools shouldn't bother with the ban, these children will find a way to cheat anyway. Other teachers are even impressed that the kids are working out new ways to cheat. It's critical thinking, right?