Strollerderby : Child Actors

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the Banks Children?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 14:58:00 GMT

They were the children with enough candor to ask for a nanny with "rosy cheeks, no warts!" They were ("sincere-lyyyy") Jane and Michael Banks, the delightful British tots who had the good fortune to be left in the care of the umbrella-wielding, bottomless bag-carrying Mary Poppins. So whatever happened to Karen Dotrice and Matthew Garber, the two young actors who starred alongside Julie Andrews in that 1964 Disney classic?

Let's start with the story of Garber, since his tale is the more tragic of the two. After "Mary Poppins," Garber appeared in one additional Disney feature, 1967's "The Gnome-Mobile," also with Dotrice. His acting career ended there. Sadly, Garber died a mere decade later, at the age of 21. According to information on the Reel Classics Web site, the circumstances surrounding Garber's death were unknown for many years; no obituary was published and even the people at Disney Studios weren't sure what had caused his untimely death. In 2004, Fergus Garber, Matthew's younger brother, confirmed in an interview that his sibling died of pancreatitis, which he apparently contracted after eating "bad" meat while visiting India.

The story of Garber's "Mary Poppins" sister, Karen Dotrice, is thankfully less upsetting. She continued to pursue an acting career post-"Poppins," landing her highest-profile parts in the British series "Upstairs, Downstairs" and a 1978 remake of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Thirty Nine Steps." Although she did some voice work and theater and made an occasional TV appearance in the years that followed, Dotrice more or less retired from acting in the early 1980s.

She got married twice, first to Alex Hyde-White (they divorced in 1992), then in 1994 to her current spouse, Ned Nalle, a man who has previously served as an executive for Universal Studios and the Playboy Entertainment Group. According to Wikipedia, she has three children, one from her marriage to Hyde-White and three with Nalle.

Back in 2004, she was named a Disney Legend by the studio. It was an honor she shared with her co-star, Garber, who received the designation posthumously.

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Skippy From 'Family Ties'?

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Images: Wikipedia and superiorpics.com

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Skippy From 'Family Ties'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:02:00 GMT

He was the nerdy kid next-door who worshipped at the altar of Mallory and tagged along after Alex like an adorable, bespectacled puppy. He was Skippy Handleman, the resident dork on TV's "Family Ties," and he was portrayed by actor Marc Price.

Of course, after seven years of playing second fiddle to various members of the beloved Keaton family, Price grew up and eventually moved on to other things. Not sure what those other things were? Then read on and find out exactly where Price is now.

For starters, let's just say Price did not have the world's most sizzling acting career outside of "Family Ties." His resume -- courtesy of imdb -- features such highlights as the ridiculous rock 'n' roll horror flick "Trick or Treat"(co-starring Gene Simmons, Ozzy Osbourne and "Desperate Housewives" star Doug Savant!), an afterschool special and "Killer Tomatoes Eat France!," which apparently was released on video solely in Japan.

Fortunately, Price -- who is now 41 -- hasn't relied exclusively on acting credits to pay his bills. For several years, he hosted "Teen Win, Lose or Draw" on the Disney Channel. He has produced shows such as E!'s "Star Dates" and the game show "National Lampoon's Funny Money." These days, according to this recent profile in the Calgary Herald, he still lives in the L.A. area and co-runs a production company called Say Something. But above all else, he continues to work as a stand-up comedia n, a profession he inherited from his funnyman father, Al Bernie.

Just last week, in fact, he did a series of dates in Calgary. And this weekend, he brings the funny to the Washington D.C. region. Price acknowledges that some people may view him as washed-up, but he isn't so sure that he needs to be a celebrity. "There is this obsession that people have, " he told the Herald. "They want you to want to be famous. You ask yourself if 15 more minutes is that important. I grapple with that, but people don't. They are sure of it. They're sure I should want to be really famous and upset that I'm not."

Regardless of how you perceive him, Price certainly seems to be doing what he loves. I suspect even Mallory, in her aloof way, would be impressed by that.

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the 'Small Wonder'?

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Harold From 'Harold and Maude'?

Images: sitcomsonline.com and superiorpics.com

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the 'Small Wonder'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:02:00 GMT

Here at Strollerderby, we've been bringing you Rich or Rehab for more than a year. But clearly we have been remiss since it's taken more than 365 days for us to pose the following question: exa ctly what is up with Tiffany Brissette, the '80s child star who played Vicki (or V.I.C.I.) the robot on the sitcom we all knew and loved (okay, at least knew), "Small Wonder"? With absolutely no assistance from any robots, here is the info we managed to dig up.

After perfecting her signature staccato line delivery during four seasons of "Small Wonder," Brissette snagged a handful of small TV parts after the show folded in 1989, including one appearance opposite previous Rich or Rehab subject, Corin Nemec, on "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." But by the early 1990s, the acting prospects dried up.

At that point, and here I quote from the Tiffany Brissette Fan Club Web site, "In 1990 Tiffany appeared in a Christmas videotape, Why Christmas Trees Aren't Perfect. In autumn 1991 she was a co-hostess on The 700 Club where she sang 'Say Yes (to Jesus).'"

A follow-up question on my part: After "Say Yes (to Jesus)," shouldn't Tiffany have sung another song, "Jesus, Why Aren't Christmas Trees Perfect?" I mean, it kind of seems like the obvious question to ask under the circumstances. Just wonderin'.

Anyhoo, that fan club Web site also reports that sometime around the year 2000, Brissette was working as a missionary and youth counselor in the San Diego. More recently, though, she's been living in Boulder, Colo., and pursuing another noble calling: nursing.

Earlier this year she appeared on The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet where, during a somewhat rushed interview and a few awkward reunions with her "Small Wonder" co-stars, she shared a few more details about what she's been up to. Feel free to watch the embedded clip below. As far as I am concerned, anyone who can be a good sport about starring in "Small Wonder" -- and who went from playing a non-human on TV to someone who potentially saves human lives -- must be doing something right.

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Rich or Rehab: What Happened to Millie From 'Freaks and Geeks'?

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Rich or Rehab: What Happened to the Kid From 'Close Encounters'?

Rich or Rehab: What Happened to Millie From 'Freaks and Geeks'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:28:00 GMT

In this week's attempt to track down child stars of yore, we turn to "Freaks and Geeks," one of the finest, truest shows about high school life to ever air on television. So, naturally, NBC canceled it in 2000, in the middle of its first season. But the freaks and the geeks have managed to get the last laugh; virtually every kid who played a student at Michigan's McKinley High has gone on to greater stardom.

James Franco. Seth Rogen. Linda Cardellini. Jason Segel. All of them have built notable TV and movie careers since the final "Freaks" flag flew back in 2000. Even "geeks" like Martin Starr ("Adventureland") and Samm Levine (soon to be seen in Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Basterds") have done pretty well.

Still, a few of the show's supporting players have maintained lower profiles. Which brings us to a question every "Freaks and Geeks" fan may be asking, when they're not inquiring as to the whereabouts of Mr. Rosso: Whatever happened to Millie, the perpetually ethical Mathlete who had the guts to bust out this little number in the middle of a beer bash?

That actress was Sarah Hagan, who scored a part on the Judd Apatow-produced series at the age of 15 and has stayed in the acting business ever since. Her roles have mostly remained in television, sometimes been memorable and usually qualified as small. She had a recurring gig as Amanda on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"; she also scored guest appearances on "Judging Amy," "Grey's Anatomy" and "Medium."

Now Hagan is 24 and still sticking with that acting career. She recently starred opposite Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and Parker Posey in the comedy "Spring Breakdown," which screened earlier this year at Sundance and will release on DVD in June. It's unclear what's next on her agenda. Personally, I think she should hook up with Jason Segel and take that "Jesus Is Just Alright" routine on the road. That's pure, musical gold.

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Harold From 'Harold and Maude'?

Rich or Rehab: What Happened to the Kid From 'Close Encounters'?

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Tia From 'Witch Mountain'?

Image: Weblo.com

Rich or Rehab: What Happened to the Kid From 'Close Encounters'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:28:00 GMT

The sense of desperation and anguish that a mother feels after her child has been abducted by aliens is indescribable. I mean, we've all been there, right?

Of course, when I say "been there," what I really mean is that we've all probably seen "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," the 1977 Steven Spielberg blockbuster in which a single mom strives to get her son back after he disappears in a massive UFO. That mom was played by Melinda Dillon, an actress who would later secure her place in the Movie Mother Hall of Fame by raising Ralphie and Randy in "A Christmas Story." And young Barry, the wide-eyed little boy so entranced by the multicolored lights of a spaceship? He was played by Cary Guffey, which naturally raises the question ... whatever happened to him?

After making his movie debut at the age of 4 in "Close Encounters," Guffey spent the next few years getting roles in memorable (and not-so-memorable) TV shows and movies. The more notable additions to his resume included parts in "The Sheriff and the Satellite Kid," "Stroker Ace" and the miniseries "North and South." That miniseries marked his final acting gig; in 1985, at the age of 13, Guffey's acting career came to an end.

Naturally, he moved on with his life, finished high school, earned a marketing degree from the University of Florida and, later, an MBA from Jacksonville State University. If imdb's information remains accurate, Guffey is now married with two kids and working in Birmingham, Ala., as a financial planner. Hey, the "Close Encounters" kid went to outer space and back. Maybe now he can help each of us dig our way out of our financial sinkholes.

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Tia From 'Witch Mountain'?

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Anna Chlumsky?

Images: Columbia Pictures Via imdb.com; Filmweb

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Tia From 'Witch Mountain'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 23:42:00 GMT

Moms and dads who grew up in the 1970s may have fond -- or at least pleasantly fuzzy? -- memories of the "Witch Mountain" movies, the Disney flicks about a pair of orphaned siblings with extraordinary powers. This weekend, Disney -- with a little help from The Rock -- attempts to revive that franchise with "Race to Witch Mountain," an updated version that casts Alexander Ludwig as Seth (a character called Tommy in the original movies) and AnnaSophia Robb in the role of Sara (the superpowered sister formerly known as Tia).

Of course, before there was Ludwig and Robb, we '70s kids had Ike Eisenmann (a former subject in Rich or Rehab) and Kim Richards, a pretty young child star who, in addition to doing her "Witch Mountain" time, appeared in the series "James at 15" and another sitcom that stands as one of the finest of its era: "Hello, Larry." (Okay, I was exaggerating with that "finest of its era" line. But, um, I remember the theme song.) So whatever happened to Richards? And is it possible she may show up in the new "Witch Mountain"?

To answer that first question, Richards continued acting for a while, doing guest stints on TV shows like "CHIPS," "Magnum, P.I." and "The Dukes of Hazzard." In the mid '80s, she also made appearances in the films "Meatballs, Part II" and "Tuff Turf," which also starred James Spader, Robert Downey Jr., and their respective heads of moussed-up '80s hair. (Watch this totally awesome clip, and revel in Kim's fashionable headband, as well as Spader's singing talent.)

If imdb is to be believed, Richards decided to take a long hiatus from acting to raise her four children. But she made a comeback a few years ago by playing the role of Christina Ricci's mom in "Black Snake Moan." And as the above teaser implied, she and her old "Witch Mountain" bro Eisenmann do indeed pop up in this new "Witch Mountain" movie.

It's unclear if she has any other projects in the works, but I can share this fun fact that connects her to yet another previous Rich or Rehab subject: she is the sister of Kyle Richards (another former child star best known for her role in "Halloween") and Kathy Hilton, which makes her Paris Hilton's aunt. So does that mean that, by the transitive property of child stars who played people with otherworldy powers, Paris Hilton also has otherworldly powers by association? I'll let you make that call.

Images: childstarlets.com and celebritynooz.com

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Anna Chlumsky?

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Anna Chlumsky?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:28:00 GMT

It's okay. You can admit that you cried during "My Girl," the bittersweet 1991 story of two kids discovering the meaning of friendship and the very bad things that sometimes happen because of bee stings. You also can admit that you were thoroughly charmed by Anna Chlumsky, the young girl who played the role of Vada in the coming-of-age drama and its sequel, the creatively titled "My Girl 2."

Sometime in the mid-1990s, you may have lost track of Miss Chlumsky. So whatever happened to her and, more importantly, is she still friends with old pal Macauley Culkin?

The answer to that second question appears to be no; she told People Magazine in 2007 that she didn't have her former co-star's address. But there are plenty of good things happening to "our girl" lately.

After earning a degree in international studies from the University of Chicago in 2002, she moved to New York where she worked for Zagat and a division of Harper Collins. But after a few years, she decided to return to acting, based on advice she received from both a psychic and Roberta Flack, who she ran into at a nail salon. (Note to self: Next time a psychic AND Roberta Flack tell me to do something, I will follow their instructions to the letter.)

The decision seems to have paid off. She has since appeared in episodes of "30 Rock" and "Law & Order" and co-starred with James Gandolfini in "In the Loop," which was acquired by IFC earlier this year at Sundance. In addition to all that career success, Chlumsky, now 28, last year married an Army Reservist named Shaun So. (Feel free to view several lovely photos from their wedding.)

So the child star seems to be making a comeback. Who knows? She might even agree to do a "My Girl 3" one of these days.

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RIP, Shirley Jean Rickert, Star of "Our Gang"

Kate Tuttle — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:02:00 GMT

This obituary first caught my attention because I grew up watching old, old reruns of the "Our Gang" movies and shorts (both because our local station alternate them with the Three Stooges and because my father pressed me to watch them, in his never-ending quest for his children to understand his own Depression-era childhood). Unlike Spanky, Alfalfa and Buckwheat, or even the pre-murderous Robert Blake, little Shirley Jean never made a huge impact on me. I wouldn't have remembered her face (that's her on the far right), much less her name.

But reading her obit provides a fresh glimpse into how little the lives of Hollywood's child stars have really changed. Discovered in a "beautiful baby" contest at 18 months, Rickert was pushed into show business by her mother, eventually landing a role in the "Our Gang" crew at age four. She acted in five of the Hal Roach-produced comedies in 1931, before the big stars joined the troupe (her fellow rascals included Wheezer, Chubby, and Stymie). She went on to star with Mickey Rooney in the Mickey McGuire series, playing a character named Tomboy Taylor.

When the movies fizzled for her, she found work as a burlesque dancer, billed as Gilda and Her Crowning Glory for her long blonde hair. She told fans that she "would appear on a kiddie TV show on Saturday morning as Shirley Jean of the Our Gang/Little Rascals and disrobe on stage at night for the little kiddies' parents."

Today's former child stars, when they flame out, end up on one of VH1's celebreality shows, or perhaps on the Sober Living House. In the 1950s, options were more limited. After stripping, Rickert worked as a bartender and a hardware salesperson. Of her life in show business, she told a 1999 interviewer, it was never her idea.

"We had fun," she said. "The mothers on the other hand, were awful. Stage mothers are just vile women, including my own."

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Jonah From 'Sleepless in Seattle'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:02:00 GMT

It's Valentine's Week, otherwise known as prime time for viewing chick flicks. And in that spirit, we devote this week's Rich or Rehab to a young boy who appeared in one of the chickiest flicks of all time, "Sleepless in Seattle."

For those of you who have erased the details of this gooey Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan charmer from your memory, here's a quick summary: Tom Hanks loses wife to cancer. Meg Ryan gets engaged to blatantly boring guy. Meg Ryan hears Tom Hanks on a radio show, which his young son called because he wants Dad to find a new wife. Meg Ryan is touched by Tom Hanks' love for his deceased wife, writes him a letter, obsesses about him for roughly two hours and ultimately meets Tom Hanks on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day, where the two of them fall in love at first sight, even though they should really know better after starring together in "Joe Versus the Volcano."

But let's back-up a second and talk about the young son I mentioned earlier. His name in the movie was Jonah and he was played by 9-year-old actor Ross Malinger, a kid who had previously made appearances in the movie "Kindergarten Cop" and on TV shows such as "Who's the Boss?" and "Roseanne." After "Sleepless" became a big hit, Malinger continued to work steadily, mostly in television and the occasional movie. He showed up in the Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle "Sudden Death," the "Serenity Now" episode of "Seinfeld," several installments of "Party of Five" and as the voice of T.J. in the cartoon "Recess."

The most recent credit on his acting resume, at least according to IMDb, is a guest spot on "Without a Trace" from back in 2006. So where is Ross Malinger today?

Reportedly he owns Automotive Legends, a Malibu, Calif., Porsche dealership that specializes in rebuilding classic luxury cars. With a business like that, one would imagine that young Jonah is doing pretty well for himself cash-wise. Unfortunately, I couldn't find much other information about him, but I did stumble upon this photo of a guy who looks a lot like Malinger on the Automotive Legends Web site. It's too bad he didn't own this business back in 1993. He could have driven to New York in style to track down Meg Ryan on Tom Hanks's behalf instead of having to fly.

Image: Daily Mail and Automotive Legends

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Parker Lewis?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:58:00 GMT

You remember that Fox TV show, "Parker Lewis Can't Lose"? No? You sure?

It aired in the early 1990s, was clearly a rip-off of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and starred the young man you see pictured here, an actor named Corin Nemec, who earlier made his mark as a child star with a series of appearances on "Webster."

As Lewis, Nemec was cute, kind of funny in a Matthew Broderick sort of way and, for a brief while, somewhat popular with the preteen and teen TV viewing set. So whatever happened to Nemec?

He's still an actor and has worked steadily in the industry, appearing before the cameras and behind them as a producer and, occasionally, a writer. Most of his roles have consisted of bits parts in minor movies and on TV shows, including "Stargate," "CSIs" of both the "NY" and "Miami" variety and "Ghost Whisperer."

Lately, though, it's his friendship with another former child star -- David Faustino of "Married With Children" -- that has garnered him a little more attention. The two have paired up to appear in an online series called "Star-Ving," a comedy based exceedingly loosely on Faustino's real life. You can catch short episodes -- featuring cameos by Coolio and Christina Applegate -- at crackle.com.

Clearly both of these guys have a sense of humor about their status as formerly famous dudes. As the intro to the series says of Nemec, he's the former star of TV's "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" who "did lose." Hey, the guy's still working and he can laugh at himself. Sounds to me like he didn't lose at all.

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Will Smith Remakes The Karate Kid, Casts His Son in Lead

Cole Gamble — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Here is some more news on that Karate Kid remake that's gonna kick your precious childhood memories right in the nuts:

As you can imagine, any Karate Kid remake will require going through the paces of the original, such as the “wax on, wax off” scene. Except now they’d be updated with modern, yet even more tired references like, “Turn the Internet history on, turn the Internet history off. Clean the hard drive, side to side.” And you can bet you’ll get a Nintendo Wii product placement in that training sequence.

Not helping matters, the new Miyagi is reportedly Jackie Chan, who will deliver all this eastern wisdom with the mush mouth diction of the Elephant Man doing Jello shots on his birthday at Hooters.

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to Ernie From 'My Three Sons'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:58:00 GMT

You may have to dip pretty far back into the recesses of your TV memory to recall "My Three Sons," a sitcom about a widower (Fred MacMurray) raising a trio of boys (hence the name) as a single dad. Well, not entirely single. He had some help from his father-in-law during the first few years of the show, then from housekeeper Uncle Charlie. (A male housekeeper? Kinda forward-thinking for a show that ran during the '60s and early '70s.)

In one of the many storyline changes that occurred during the comedy's run, MacMurray decided to adopt a friend of his son Chip's after the boy's parents died in a car accident. The kid's name was Ernie and he was cute, a little nerdy and an obvious attempt to keep the three sons concept alive after the eldest, Mike, was written out of the show. Ernie Douglas was played by Barry Livingston, who happened to be the real-life brother of Steve Livingston, the actor who played Chip. After "My Three Sons" ended its run in 1972, what became of the boy we knew and loved as Ernie?

This is one of those Rich or Rehab stories that doesn't quite have a twist ending. As it turns out, Livingston kept on acting. His resume, seen here on imdb, is pretty long, filled to the brim with TV credits on shows such as "Ironside," "Hart to Hart," "Doogie Howser" and "Ally McBeal." You even may have seen him more recently on "Mad Men" and "Two and a Half Men," or in the movie "You Don't Mess With the Zohan."

Livingston, who turns 55 later this year, is also married and the father of two children. Okay, so he doesn't have three sons. But it looks like the guy is doing pretty well for himself. Uncle Charlie would be proud. Here is what Livingston looks like now:

And, for old time's sake, here is the opening of "My Three Sons." Enjoy.

Rich or Rehab appears every Tuesday morning on Strollerderby.

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Babble Talk: Mmmm...Hanson

aprilpeveteaux — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 20:44:00 GMT

The three brothers of pop made for such delicious punch lines in the late 90’s, but now the Hanson brothers are all grown up, seemingly oblivious to the taunts of their youth. I’m sure the multi-platinum records helped. In fact, in the Babble interview with Sarah Hepola, the former teen idols seem so well-adjusted that even though they’re barely in their twenties and have a total of four children, I can’t think of a single smartass comment about these boy wonders, who are still making music and touring around the world.

It actually doesn’t surprise me that the brothers are settling down and behaving themselves. You see, I’m from Oklahoma too and there isn’t a much bigger threat than having your parents sit you down and gravely inform you that you have “brought shame to the family name.” That, and the fact that getting married right out of high school is considered sweet instead of insane. Hepola’s interview with the Hanson’s while in NYC digs into their decisions to become family men, instead of cautionary tales. They even have a little perspective for those young’uns in the spotlight today. If only Britney had paired up with TH instead of JT. Sigh.

Beauty Pageant Monsters Exploit Their Parents

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sun, 28 Jan 2007 16:47:00 GMT

These kids should be ashamed of themselves. It's just sickening what they're doing to their parents -- not to mention their coaches, they hair and makeup artists, their singing and dancing instructors and their, I'm not joking, fake teeth makers. The list goes on and on -- these kids simply don't care who they exploit for fame and glory.

I was channel surfing last night and noticed that VH1 had pre-empted a documentary called "Little Beauties" -- a ~~love letter to pedophiles everywhere~~ "light-hearted" documentary of an "American tradition:" beauty pageants -- for some show about kid stars and their creepy parents. I can see why. I did a little digging (read: google search) into "Little Beauties" and found that these girls are just out of control. No wonder VH1 ran something in its place. These girls have no shame.

"They're gorgeous, they're talented, they're six-years old and with the helping hand of eager moms, determined pageant coaches, fabulous spray tan artists and "flipper" (fake teeth) makers, not to mention a couple of Pixie Sticks for energy, these girls are taking the stage at pageants all over the Southeast U.S." That's what the promo said. Six years old. I can just imagine these 6-year-old girls waking up their parents at the crack of dawn to practice important childhood activities like poise and "world peace."

Something has to be done. These pint-sized dictator-divas have to be stopped, otherwise they are going to turn their perfectly normal parents into over-bearing "pageant moms." And we all know how that turned out for poor Patricia Ramsey.

Dakota Fanning's "Hounddog" Rape Scene Clears Way for Career

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 17:49:00 GMT

What do you do when you're a 12-year-old movie/television star and puberty is setting in? You could go the route of poor Ben Seaver from "Growing Pains" and drop off the face of the earth. Or you could take the route of Jodie Foster, star in more adult fare ("Taxi Driver" ring a bell?) and segue perfectly into super stardom.

Dakota Fanning, doe-eyed kid star of "Charlotte's Web" and "War of the Worlds," chose the latter route, and people. are. pissed. Her new movie "Hounddog" premieres Monday at the Sundance Film Festival. Based on something and retelling the story of whatever, the fury comes from the fact that the 12-year-old's character accepts her father in her bed, forces a boy to expose himself for a kiss and, somewhere along the way, is raped.

"She's growing up. Get used to it," is the New York Times translation of Fanning's motives. Critics have a different view. "Nothing excuses it," they say. Apparently there are laws about filming simulated sex scenes with minors, and this movie breaks them all, critics contend. (For the record, the local DA where the film was shot disagreed.)

The disturbing part isn't that the producers are using a young girl and sex to sell a movie -- which they are. The disturbing part isn't that a 12-year-old is simulating a rape scene. The disturbing part is that her parents let her do it. But hey, sometimes careers are more important than childhood.

Crocodile Hunter's Wife Bares Teeth to Defend Daughter ... Finally

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 16:00:00 GMT

Poor Bindi Sue Irwin. And I'm not talking about the fact she was named after a crocodile. (Seriously, 8-year-olds have their own wikipedia pages now?) I'm talking about the fierce debate that has centered around her new show: "Bindi, the Jungle Girl." The girl wants to follow in the footsteps of her woild father, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, but Australian politicians and American news shows have teamed up to say the girl is being exploited for TV gain. (Because non-stop chatter about a cute pixie of a girl does nothing for ratings, huh Fox?)

Her mother, it seems, has had enough. At a news conference, Terri Irwin cut off a reporter who continuously asked the girl about her famous Crocodile Hunter father, who died last year when he was attacked by a stingray. "I don't know that I want to go down that line," she said.

Good for you, mom! But in my view, it's a fair line. The girl loves animals. She's filming a series about them. She wants the world to better understand them. She's doing the exact same thing her father did -- hopefully minus the wrestling. (Geckos, sure. But alligators?)

It's impossible to overlook the similarities between father and daughter, and to not ask about them seems ridiculous and silly. So is it the media's fault for asking or is it Irwin's fault for allowing her 8-year-old girl to face them in the first place -- just months after her father died? Frankly, I can't wait to see her show. What a fabulous role model she could be -- the anti-Bratz. I'm just glad the people behind the series had the good sense to delay it a year. But if the show is delayed, why is she still doing a media blitz anyway?

Ethical? Or Unneccessary? A Family Opts For Radical Treatment to Keep Daughter Small

Karen Murphy — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 15:02:00 GMT

Debate rages regarding the ethics of a Seattle family who opted to have radical surgery and estrogen treatments performed on their daughter in order to purposely stunt her growth. Ashley X. was born with a condition called static encephalopathy, a severe insult to the brain causing this otherwise normally-developing girl to be unable to move her body to sit up, roll, or hold her head up, let alone walk. Although she has few medical issues other than those otherwise expected for people who are continually bedridden, Ashley is severely mentally retarded.

The Ashley Treatment, as the controversial combined hormonal and procedural concoction has been dubbed, started in 2004 when the then 6-year-old began to show signs of precocious puberty. The family then opted for a complete hysterectomy, removal of the breast buds, an appendectomy, and aggressive estrogen treatment to advance the onset of puberty in an odd reaction that will likely keep Ashley at her present size of 4'5" and about 65 lbs.

Protesting that this radical treatment will enhance Ashley's quality of life, the family cares for her at their home with their two younger children. Ashley rides a bus to her special-needs classroom where she enjoys social activities. Ashley's small size will purportedly allow her to be lifted by a single person instead of involving a complex system of ropes and pulleys and should also cut down in the likelihood of common maladies for a person in her condition such as skin sores, bladder infections, and pneumonia.

Ashley's family apparently went through a complex decision-making process, employing the opinions of doctors before making these radical choices on the behalf of a person who cannot choose for herself. I am glad that the "special" needs of my son (with Down syndrome) are mild by comparison, so that such a decision will unlikely be in the cards for me. Still, I find myself on both sides of the ethics fence here. When is it okay to employ such radical methods (if ever), and who decides when the person involved cannot decide for themself?

The Pursuit of Crappyness: What Not To Do as a Hollywood Parent

Alisyn — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:00:00 GMT

Everywhere I look these days, I see Will Smith and his 8-year-old son, Jaden. The pair is traveling the globe, promoting the shit out of their first film together, “The Pursuit of Happyness.”

Is it just me, or do you find it creepy when actors drag their kids into their films, too? They always say the kids ‘wanted’ to act. They’re all ‘naturals'. In Jaden Smith’s case, despite having zero acting experience, he was classified as a straight-up, “remarkable, intuitive” actor.

“I was in his corner, but I didn’t have his back,” Will Smith recalled, of his son’s audition, in an interview with the Detroit Free Press. “He earned the job himself, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

Despite Jaden's difficulty filming emotional scenes, he was apparently good enough in auditions to convince the film’s director to bring him on board, and change the age of his character from 2 to 5, that the 8-year-old could realistically portray him.

Wow! He must be one of those kids with 'natural' star power. A regular Dakota Fanning. That, or he's got a man on the inside.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I have not seen “The Pursuit of Happyness.” Nor do I intend to. So I’ll never know whether or not Jaden Smith’s got the goods, or whether he’s just a chip off the ol’ blockhead. But here’s what I do know: if there’s anything I hate more than a cheesy rapper-cum-actor, it’s a tearjerker "family" film, into which the star has dragged, his underage, albeit uncommonly cute, child, thus making it more marketable. It just feels wrong.

Do not the spawn of Hollywood’s elite have enough to contend with, what with Scientology, kindergarten paparazzi, and the mere existence of La Lohan? Do not their parents heed the lessons put forth by generations of children pimped out before them?

All one has to do is look at former child stars like Michael Jackson, Tatum O’Neal, Macaulay Culkin, or those Olsen ghosts, to come to the conclusion that immaturity + large sums of money – lack of formal education + long work hours portraying characters they don’t fully understand = Charlie fucking Sheen.

Do we really need more of those? Gah.