Strollerderby : Dear Prudence

Help! I’m in Love with my Stepbrother

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Clueless made it look like a match made in heaven, but a recent writer to Slate’s Dear Prudence column has found that having a real-world crush on a stepsibling is far from easy. She and her stepbrother are both 21 and did not know each other until their parents married a year ago. Although it’s certainly sticky, there is nothing incestuous or even unusual about their developing romantic feelings for one another.

The problem, as Dear Prudie makes clear, is that the margin of error for acting on these feelings is woefully small. That is, if it turns out that they are not meant to be together forever and ever ‘till death do them part, their family drama just multiplied exponentially. As Prudence put it, this is one failed romance that would plague the pair for “decades of Thanksgivings and Christmases to come.”

On the other hand, trying to squash these feelings in order to avoid a sticky situation could result in decades of stifled longing. So Prudence advises taking things at a snail’s pace—that is, being absolutely certain that the two stepsiblings are committed to pursuing a serious relationship before they act on their feelings. This is great advice in theory, but I imagine that it may prove difficult to follow.

How would you react if you found out that your child was interested in your partner's child?

Photo: hollywoodteenmovies.com

Switched at Birth? Keep it to Yourself

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Say you have a friend who is absolutely convinced that she was switched at birth. She doesn’t have indisputable evidence of this, but she does have some pretty convincing arguments involving blood types, physical appearance, and the poor quality of the hospital in which she was born.

Let's say this friend becomes a tad obsessed with her real life Big Business story, going so far as to drive across country to catch a glimpse of the people whom she believes to be her biological family. Now your friend is wondering if she should tell everyone—her children, her siblings, her “biological” family—what she suspects.

Do you think your friend is going a little cuckoo or rightfully uncovering her past?

This was the subject of Slate’s most recent Dear Prudence column, and Prudie was pretty adamant that “Someone Else’s Child” needed to stop this mad hunt and get on with her life. She saw only unnecessary pain and confusion to come from airing her theory of a real-life baby swap. Besides, Prudie argued, what’s the point? Even if the highly unlikely had occurred, It's over and done with now.

I tend to be of the school that believes people have a right to know the truth about their pasts and upbringings. But this does seem like a case in which “Someone Else’s Child” is simply inviting drama into her life (an impulse I am all too familiar with, judging from my last three boyfriends).

What do you think? Should “Someone’s Else Child” come clean or move on?

Photo: allina.com

How To Tell Your Kids that Mommy is a Love Child

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:43:00 GMT

How do you explain to your children that they won’t be meeting Grandpa since Mommy is the love child that resulted from a few too many Jagermeister shots one Saturday night in college?

Slate’s Dear Prudence column recently tackled a (slightly more tasteful) variation of this question. “Dadless Mom” wrote in wondering how to respond to her five-year-old’s question, “Who’s your dad?” She was wary of giving her son more information than he could handle, but at the same time she wanted to avoid creating the same aura of secrecy that surrounded her own quandaries about her father when she was a little girl.

Prudence masterfully answered this question with a gentle, “What’s the big deal?” With the wisdom of distance--and of a marketable knack for offering good advice--Prudence suggested that the child’s query is probably not nearly as loaded as “Dadless Mom” seems to believe. He’s probably just curious, and requires only a quick, but truthful, response.

In other words, if you’re relaxed about the fatherhood question—and other sticky subjects—chances are, your kids will be, too.

Photo: canada.com

My Breasts Are My Business

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Over here at the 'derby, we've talked plenty of smack about how it's impossible to escape the sancti-mommies. It starts from the moment folks find out that you're pregnant and never really ends until you're dead.

You'd think you'd at least get a reprieve while you're recovering from the actual birth. You'd be wrong.

My experience with my second baby was almost the same as Fed Up Mom's, whose letter to "Dear Prudence" at Slate today brought back unpleasant memories. Rather than explaining, I've found it's much easier to simply glare at Nosy Nancies as if you are deciding which part of their face to eat first. Others might prefer to be more direct on the subject of breastfeeding.

If I were the sort to have a column at Slate, my advice would be similar to Prudence's. I would, however, tell Fed Up Mom to not bother with the whole "medical condition" bit. Those who are going to judge your choices about breastfeeding won't believe you anyway. Better to save that energy for the next thing you'll be screwing up, like chosing plastic over cloth.