Strollerderby : Detroit

Judge to Deadbeats: Watch 'Maury' or Go to Jail

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 May 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Will forcing deadbeat dads to watch other deadbeat dads on TV change the way they treat their children? One Detroit judge seems to think so.

After an epiphany in the courtroom a few months ago -- where he shouted to a man with five kids from five women: "What the hell do you think this is, the Maury Povich show?" -- Judge Wade McCree began ordering dads to watch the raucus show as a part of their probation.

For those who agree to make child support payments to stay out of jail, they now need to tune in at least once a month to the show, which features lots of wacky relationships, DNA testing and tears.

From Freep.com:

"Some of these men in my court watch the show and see how ridiculous some of the deadbeats look, and then they realize it's them," McCree said.

Of course, Povich told the Detroit Free Press that he likes the judges creative solutions. Whatever boosts ratings, right Maury?

Crocheted Doll Gives Birth

Should You Take Your Bump on a Date?

Mother-to-Be: Save The Baby's Life, Not Mine

They Say: Episiotomy Rate ... Cut!

A Really Graphic Homebirth

The Orphan Trade and International Adoption

Photo: Freep.com

Motherproofing the Motor City

JeanneSager — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:32:00 GMT

Ever wish your car was a little bit more kid friendly?

Kristin Varela doesn't just wish it. She's making it happen. The founder and editor-in-chief of Motherproof.com sat down with Babble to cover cars, kids and how her team of moms is making over Detriot for the good of parentkind.

Varela says she was getting "mommy Jell-O brain" from being home with two kids just around the time she realized it was time to go out and buy a new car. With a child in nursery school, she was looking to start a neighborhood carpool - but her two girls' carseats took up too much space in the backseat of her Subaru to make it practical.

"With two young children, the last thing I wanted to do was drive to 10 different dealerships and look at cars," Varela recalls. So she did what we all do - she went online. Only to find reviews that were family-specific for cars were few and far between. So she did her research, and Motherproof was born.

The site is now five years old and features not just cars reviews by Varela and her team of mothers but family car news, from tips on the accessories to buy and those to skip to tips on travel. And when we're talking reviews, we mean real life, "are we there yet" test drives with the kids. Varela and the other Motherproof moms keep each car for two weeks, driving it as though it IS the family car.

"Goldfish are crushed into the carpet, and cups are dumped over onto the upholstery," Varela admitted with a laugh. "It's real life mom car driving."

They'll drive any car, anywhere - from Mini Coopers to the minivan made for the prototypical soccer mom, because parents aren't one size fits all - and neither are drivers. Which is what's made Detroit listen up. Market research puts mothers' spending on cars at $83 billion a year. Moms influence eighty-five percent of all car buying choices. And dads want kid-friendly cars too - just ask the spouses/partners of some of Motherproof's writers . . . or their sons.

Adding to the success of the site are the Motherproof families. None of the parents are associated with the Motor City, nor are they professional writers - just parents with experience being parents. And they take their kids, spouses and days of driving into account in their reviews - nothing else. So they can be brutally honest, Varela says, and when they are, they pass their advice on to Detroit where she says several of the carmakers are inputting their findings into changes on future models.

When adult fingers get a mauling trying to slip into the crack in the backseat to hook a latch hook in for a carseat, Varela's crew lets the car manufacturers know parents don't want a knuckle busting. When the wireless headsets paired with the backseat DVD player are too big for kids' heads, she shoots them a line. Better still, they share it with all of us . . . so we don't have to drag two point five kids to ten dealerships looking for the right car to fit our needs.

Sound like the dream gig? Varela's looking for more moms to sign up to have a free car show up in her driveway every two weeks, so check out Motherproof.com and find out how to get your gripes and must-haves in front of the bigwigs in Detroit.

School to Parents: Donate Toilet Paper

JeanneSager — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:36:00 GMT

You know things are bad when you don't have money for toilet paper. Not even the sandpaper variety common to public schools.

That's just how bad things are for the Detroit school district; letters are being sent to parents asking them to pack their kids' backpacks with TP.

Academy of the Americas administrators were also asking for light bulbs, trash bags, paper towel rolls. I understand the Detroit school system's finances are looking about as good as the economics of my own state government (proud New Yorker here) at the moment. I remember reading reports that cited a deficit as large as $400 million in a more than $1 billion budget. This story from the Detroit News puts the figures closer to a $140 million deficit.

The state stepped in last month to help, appointing an emergency manager to begin the long task of straightening out the district finances. Yes, last month, at a point so late in the game that one kindergarten through eight school is asking parents to buy their kids' toilet paper.

What does that say about a state's attitude towards education and toward the children? Not to mention the fact that parents are already PAYING for these things via their taxes. It hardly seems appropriate to ask them for more (although, yes, as a parent, I would probably pony up a few extra rolls of Charmin' to ensure my child's classroom didn't turn to leaves), especially in light of the economy. Come to think of it, it wouldn't seem appropriate in more flush times either. Public education has been widely accepted as a right in our country, and parents can be charged for their children's truancy.

Parents expect that when they send their children to school, they will receive a certain quality of care; a quality equal or greater than the minimum of childcare that social service agencies would require of a parent. Not providing children with toilet paper to clean themselves when they defecate is not providing an adequate level of care; I wouldn't call it a stretch to deem that child abuse.

What else could we cut from district spending before toilet paper? How about administrators' salaries? The recently fired superintendent was making $280,000 a year - a far cry from the salaries of the average citizen of Detroit.

Image: PopGadget

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Babble Talk: Kids Tackling Global Poverty

Would You Buy a 9-Year-old a Porsche? Beckham Would

Babble Talk: Sandra Tsing Loh

Amy Kuras — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Somehow, I find myself with an almost four-year-old who hopefully will be starting kindergarten next year, or if not the year after. Which means thinking, or more accurately agonizing, about schools.

I thought it was just here in Detroit that where to send your kid and which private schools are good and are any public schools good and $8,000 for kindergarten are you KIDDING me are major topics. Wherever two or more Detroit parents are gathered, there is talk of schools. And based on this extra awesome Five-Minute Time Out with author Sandra Tsing Loh (written by our own Madeline Holler), this isn’t unique to my city.

Loh's book Mother on Fire: A True Mother*^$Sing Story About Parenting, chronichles her school search. Takeaway message: the neighborhood school's all right. And she reserves special scorn for those parents who talk a good, liberal, egalitarian game and yet enroll their kids in the priciest, most exclusive private schools because their kids just are a little too awesome for the publics. If they spent the same time and money on the public school, she points out, they'd be almost as great.

Rarely have I read something like Loh's interview, where I was muttering "damn straight" and "hell yes" right along, but have no intention of following along with anything she advised. See, the public schools here are baaaadddd; not just garden variety bad, but like "taken over by the state, more than half of high school students drop out, metal detectors at the doors, graduates can’t read bad" bad bad bad. Decades of mismanagement mean that pretty much everyone who can afford to has fled to the suburbs or put their kid s in private school –including, I might add, all but one of my friends who actually teach in the district.

I could write more – much more – but just go read it instead. It's that thought provoking and will challenge your assumptions and biases about where's the right place for your child and why.

Political Nanny: Obama Calls Reporter 'Sweetie'

Madeline Holler — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:01:00 GMT

Barack, honey, listen to Political Nanny. This habit of yours, calling women "sweetie," you're going to have to break. Like, yesterday.

Wrong generation, wrong gender, wrong social standing, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's not charming, it's not collegial, it's not anything but cringey for women to hear from anyone but Grandpa or a waffle-hauling waitress (and she better be a good 20 years older than the so-called "sweetie.")

You apologized to the reporter, Peggy Agar. This is a good start. Now, stand in front of the mirror and practice. American English affords its speakers the luxury of not having to use parenthetical phrases of address when issuing commands, know what I mean, babe? So if you don't know the reporter/factory worker/ardent supporter older than 5's name, drop the "sweetie" and just say "hold on!"

Readers, if you must, the video:

Photo: WXYZ.com

Lemonade Lands Kid in Foster Care

Madeline Holler — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:01:00 GMT

You'll want to file this one under "You've Gotta Be Shitting Me." A kid was removed from his family and placed in foster care after his father, an archaeology professor in Ann Arbor, Mich., let his 7-year-old son drink a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade at a baseball game.

See, Daddy didn't know "hard" meant "with alcohol." His family doesn't watch a lot of TV so they've never seen an ad for Mike's Hard Lemonade, and there was nothing on the sign indicating that the lemonade was anything but a cool, refreshing beverage for the whole family.

It started when a security guard saw the kid holding a bottle of the stuff. He asked Christopher Ratte, the boy's father, whether he was aware there was alcohol in it. Ratte said, "you've got to be kidding me," and before he could read the lable, the guard grabbed the bottle and initiated a chain of events that, as a parent, is so freaking terrifying. They whisked the boy to the hospital -- in an ambulance. Cops interviewed, social workers called in.

The boy was placed in foster care overnight!

The story is completely enraging, especially because the whole time, all the official people are saying "this is ridiculous," but rather than using their own judgment, followed some kind of crazy, cover-my-ass protocols and let it all spiral out of control.

This reminded me of another story of a story on Salon a few years ago: "They Called Me a Child Pornographer." And also I story I overheard, about a child who broke his arm at the park being separated from his family pending an investigation of the cause. (A fall from the monkey bars!).

I couldn't imagine my 7-year-old daughter's trauma were she to be removed by complete strangers, even for just one night, in a strangers home. Does this terrify only me?

Photo: Detroit Free Press

Mr. T Brings Kid Out Of Coma With Pure Awesomeness

Cole Gamble — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Never again deny the power of the “T”. Mr. T has battled many a righteous foe in his time-- international terrorists, Rocky Balboa, pity-worthy fools who don't treat their mama right...

—but I bet you didn't know he also wrestled persistent catatonia AND WON! If you are planning on having your kid slip into a coma in the near future, make sure to get B.A. Baracus on your speed dial.

This story is all according to the T-man himself, so take it as you will. Apparently during T's heyday in the mid-80's this kid fell into an unconscious state. The only time the boy made any kind of response was when Mr. T's name was mentioned. When Mr. T happened to be in town, the boy's family got a hold of him and asked if he would drop by the hospital for a visit. Upon Mr. T's arrival the boy snapped out of the coma and “hollered out”. The article doesn't say what happened after, but I like to think the boy started breakdancing, doing a little robot followed by the worm, and then he and Mr. T went on to solve crimes.

If you are wondering whether I'm going to make the obvious '"Mr. T can bring a kid out of a coma, why can't he do it for his career'"joke, the is answer is no--no I won't.

Strollerderby Playdate: Mired in Misery? Not So Much.

Amy Kuras — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:33:00 GMT

Misery index? I'll give you a misery index!

Karen wrote this week about the fact that Forbes Magazine recently released a list of the most miserable cities in America, and guess what? I'm living in the worst one! Whee!

Admittedly, right about now it’s hard to disagree. We're embroiled in a huge political scandal, my neighborhood streets are so icy I can hardly negotiate them, and there are for sale signs just everywhere, including on the homes of some of my favorite neighbors. Boo.

But there is so much reason to be optimistic, including that some of the best parent bloggers out there live in my very own city. Melissa from Suburban Bliss is one of the leading motherhood bloggers, to the point that she vacations with Dooce and has taken on Meredith Viera and everything. And she's smart, funny, insightful and generous with her success; she's been nice enough to link to me and you should see the spike it gives my blog's traffic numbers. Plus I got to vicariously live through the horrors of the Detroit real estate market with her – and they actually sold the house! Hope is alive!

And then there is Sweet Juniper. Bloggers (alias) Dutch and Wood moved here from San Francisco a little over a year ago, and I love seeing this city I have lived in almost my whole life through their fresh, creative eyes. They are both uncommonly graceful writers, although Dutch makes me feel like the slackest parent ever with the cool things he finds to do with their daughter.

And there are some excellent non-parenting bloggers as well – check out Detroitblog for an interesting perspective on life in this city and Model D for development news and neighborhood profiles that counteract all the gloom.

That'll show you, Forbes Magazine.

America's Cities of Misery or Opportunities for Change?

Karen Murphy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:02:00 GMT

Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news? Okay, we'll take the bad news first: ten American cities have been named "most miserable" by Forbes.com. Sucks, eh? They rated cities by unemployment, personal tax rates, commute times, weather, crime and the amount of nearby toxic waste. Uh...so what's the good news? It's that every city has its good points as well as its bad ones. And every city has within it a viable community, if you only know where to look.

But first let's go back to the Misery List, shall we?

At #1 is seemingly our favorite city to bash, lovely Detroit. But have you had a look at Sweet-Juniper's eloquent homage to a city many have given up on? There's a lot more there than meets the eye.

Two cities I grew up near, farther-out bedroom communities of San Francisco, made the list (Stockton and Modesto). Maybe it's the three-hour commutes? But these are nice communities, and the fact that they're a heck of a lot more affordable than close-in communities means a lot.

You'd expect to see New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles on the list: big cities with known big-city problems are sure to be miserable. But they're also wonderful, exciting, stimulating places to live, filled with culture and resources you can't find other places.

And that's the trade-off about any city. Every city is undergoing transformation, and sometimes it doesn't look so pretty. But if you look underneath, you see what's real, and you see what is, for so many people (and with good reason), home.

P.S. My city made #5.

Photo: www.surrealplaces.com

Weathering A Storm of Scandal

Amy Kuras — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 19:08:00 GMT

….I'm sorry, what?

Were it not for my fellow Strollerderbians, I am not entirely sure I’d have any idea about anything else going on in the world other than the massive sex scandal that erupted here this week. The Detroit Free Press uncovered thousands of text messages between our mayor and one of his top aides that point to a sexual relationship. A sexual relationship, I should add, that the two denied under oath in a police whistle-blower lawsuit the city then settled to the tune of nine million taxpayer dollars. The suit potentially could have exposed the affair.

Furious though I am (did I mention NINE MILLION DOLLARS??), I can’t help but spare a thought for the mayor's wife and three sons. Those young boys in the photo are now 12 and 9 (the oldest two are twins). Twelve year-olds are not exactly noted for their kindness and restraint, and given that this the story has been all over the news for days, there's just no way they could not be hearing about it at school and everywhere else. Making it worse, this aide and her husband were longtime friends with the mayor's family – it likely wasn't just their trust in daddy that was betrayed. He's been, by all accounts, a devoted father even if his husbandly skills kind of stink.

I'm wondering how a family manages to come back from something this nasty and embarassing. The Clintons seemingly did well with Chelsea, since she appears close to both parents now. The mayor comes from a well-connected political family and I am sure has advisers to help him deal with the fallout. I just hope the kids have someone in their lives that they can trust and talk to about this.

I couldn’t find much about how families weather scandal, but I did find this: a whole list of helpful ways to talk to your kids about what they see on the news. It goes through everything from natural disasters to divorce, and gives parents tools to respond to their kids' questions.

For me, it provides a nice break from thinking exactly how many laid-off police officers $9 million could get back on the streets.

Call Me Danger Girl

Amy Kuras — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:32:00 GMT

I'm writing this behind a locked, steel door, with my ~~snoring, wussy beagle mutt~~ vicious attack dog by my side, Uzi at the ready.

Or perhaps I should be, according to this study.

Whooo!! We beat out St. Louis!! Whoo!! We're number one!! Oh….wait. No.

Apparently, I have the honor of living in the country's most dangerous city.

The methods used to compile the lists have been criticized, and they overlook the fact that something like three-quarters of the homicide victims in the city have themselves "had police contact" to quote the Detroit Police Department's press release.

I don’t want to be all "I've lived here since I was 12 and have never had a problem" because that's like waving a red flag in front of the gods and saying "Send a vicious crackhead my way, please!!" but, well, it's true. Raising a kid here raises concerns, no question. But there are other things that go into choosing what feels like home. In our case, economic and racial diversity, an attractive neighborhood and a sense of community were paramount. Plus, with the possible exception of Chicago no other city I have visited has felt like home like Detroit does. And things are getting worlds better here, as any Detroiter who's been here more than a few years can tell you.

Sure, there might be lots better places to raise your kids, but what constitutes "better" is an open question, or should be. In the end, it's about what you value, and ~~having 911 on speed dial~~ enjoying the vibrancy and excitement of an urban culture is most important to my family.