Strollerderby : Etiquette

What Should A Man Do While A Woman Breastfeeds

Brett Singer — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Scene: a toddler's birthday party. A father is chatting with a woman that he knows from the kids' pre-school. The woman is holding a baby.

The baby stirs. Opens her tiny mouth. Starts... what was the word again?

Oh! Right. Rooting. When they're hungry. That's it.

The woman starts to undo her shirt. Then her bra. She takes out her breast and the baby eagerly starts to eat.

OK dude. Now what?

I'm a fan of breastfeeding in general. I don't think anyone should be pressured into doing it but I believe that it's healthy for the baby, and if the mother is able to do it, that's great. I also believe that women should be able to breastfeed wherever they want. (Maybe not on a Broadway stage while the show is going on, or even in the audience of the theater while the show is going on. But the lower lobby? Sure.) So this isn't about that.

The question is, which is more offensive? Looking? Or looking away?

I don't have an answer, so I'm curious what our readers think. In general it seems rude to head for ze hills as soon as the little one starts her liquid lunch. On the other hand, if I'm standing and the woman is seated, it's difficult to talk to her without seeing her breast. Which in any other situation is considered quite rude. This isn't a sexual thing. I don't think breastfeeding is hot, or inappropriate, or anything of that sort. At the same time I don't know how a woman feels about being on display like that. Or even if they feel on display at all.

So. Help me out here! What's the right thing to do?

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Today's Parents Minding Their (Kids') Manners More Than Ever

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:03:00 GMT

From the BabyCenter folks (you know, the ones who send you emails every week or so with updates on how your child should be developing) comes a new survey about today's parents and their attitudes toward manners. Apparently, manners are back (though in some houses, naturally, they never really left). The BabyCenter poll released this week shows today's parents focusing on teaching their kids proper behavior for a variety of reasons; the top three are "to gives kids a moral compass" (64%), as a reaction against seeing "badly behaved kids" (58%), and to give kids a leg up in a "competitive" world (43%).

Manners are a way for people to show kindness and respect on in small ways, and just make the world feel nicer, if they really connect with something underneath -- but manners that are simply a series of rules and rituals with no underlying positive messages strike me as at best pointless, at worst kind of hypocritical. Which is why some of the BabyCenter responses rubbed me the wrong way. For instance, when 40% of parents say they want their kids to "treat adults with respect" but only 19% feel its important that their offspring "treat other children with respect," I have to scratch my head. What manners rulebook are they reading that says grownups are more valuable, more worthy of good treatment, than children? And if they really believe that, what does it say about how they're raising their own kids?

I grew up in a family that allowed kids to call (most) adults by their first names (a no-no for 40% of the BabyCenter poll respondants); really, though, the rule was that we were to call people what they wanted to be called -- for many if not most adults in our circle, that was a first name, but if someone was introduced as Ms. Smith or Professor Brown, that was the name we used until told otherwise. Flexibility, on this and other aspects of social behavior, seem much more useful to me than a strict set of rules.

That's why, for my kids anyway, I've tried to teach manners from the inside out -- I don't prompt them to say "please" and "thank you," but they see me saying it every day, to family members as well as strangers, and that has seemed to work. As for more complex etiquette questions, we focus on the content (that place where empathy and a sense of fairness overlap) rather than the form. I've spent enough time in the South, where a hotel clerk will "yes ma'am" you to death while completly ignoring your requests or concerns, to have much patience with empty, sugar-coated manners. (And when my younger brother was slapped across the face for refusing to call a teacher "Sir," I'm not sure what that really taught him -- other than to get out of South Carolina!) I don't want to raise kids who talk the talk but don't walk the walk, you know?

What manners issues are non-negotiable in your house, and how do you enforce them? Or do you take a gentler approach, and hope your kids will imitate the behavior you model? And what do you ask your children to call the adults in their lives?

Photo: Nina Leen for Life Magazine, 1959

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Parents Just Don't Understand (Facebook); Stanford Aims to Help

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:01:00 GMT

Everyone knows that all American teenagers – save those being raised on religious compounds or in hippie treehouses – are on Facebook. They go there to talk, laugh, share their intimate feelings – all the things they once did with us, their parents, and now do with 928 "friends" instead. For parents who consider themselves close to their kids, it can be a little hard to take, this feeling that while you're the one paying the bills and making their dinner and washing their socks, their true emotional lives are happening somewhere else, or nowhere at all. So, remembering the old adage "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," thousands of middle-aged parents of teenagers now find themselves on Facebook, stalking their own children.

In a first of its kind, Stanford University now offers an evening class to help these befuddled, yearning parents understand the new medium that plays such an important role in their children's lives. If along the way they become fans of beer, sleep, or Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat, so be it. And hey, knock yourself out with the "25 Things" meme (I wonder how many Stanford parents' "things" include an item about how badly the stock market has decimated their 401Ks). But don't try to friend your kids – or your kids' friends – or if you do, don't be surprised if all the kids leave Facebook for something the old folks haven't found out about yet. According to an article in the San Jose Mercury News, adults over 35 represent the fastest-growing segment of the Facebook population, but the backlash can be extreme:

Some kids say that a "friend" request from parent is like discovering Dad at your beer pong game. Or bumping into Mom in the dressing room of Forever 21.

When Facebook first opened itself to the public in 2007, students circulated an online petition called "Don't Let My Parents Onto Facebook!" to founder Mark Zuckerberg pleading for a reversal of the decision. Since then, there has been a proliferation of no parent groups, such as "For The Love of God — Don't Let Parents Join Facebook." One group is hosted by "The Bureau of Endangered Generation Gaps."

Offered free to all parents but particularly aimed at those with kids under 18, the course is intended to help parents learn about the world their kids navigate so that they can offer guidance and boundaries, enforce good etiquette and promote online safety. At the same time, the class tells parents what their kids want them to know -- don't push the boundaries, allow your teenager some space that's for her own friends, not your prying eyes. Above all, both sides say, a little balance goes a long way. As one recent college grad put it, when your mother joins Facebook, it's an opportunity for a teenager or young adult to include her in a new kind of grown-up relationship. Here's how she asked her friends to respond to her mother's presence on Facebook:

"Please make her feel welcome. Friend request her (she has no idea what that is though "... so be patient if it takes a while), and in true Facebook fashion get drunk and write on her wall."

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Six Steps to a Parent-Friendly Wedding

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Kids and weddings—depending who you ask it’s a match made in heaven or a disaster in the offing. There are plenty of people out there who will happily give you tips about a "kid-friendly" wedding, making them feel special and valued with their own, less-stuffy invitations and special roles to play.

But what about their parents? As cute as they are, it’s not so much the babies that form the core of your invite list, right? It’s your own nearest and dearest, your siblings and cousins and family of choice, the people who remember you in your prom dress, take the late-night phone calls, and made sure you didn’t make the mistake of your life and marry that other guy/gal.

They want to come to your wedding, even if they’ve recently spawned and become that alien creature known as a “parent.” Here’s how to make them feel welcome:

(1)   Make it clear if the kids are invited—and to how much. Wedding invitation etiquette is complicated and subtle. Don’t assume that your parent friends have the brain to retain it all, or that they remember that they don’t now form a completely inseparable family unit with their kids. Spell it out: Either put the kids’ names on the invite or say “children welcome.” Or, if any part of your event is adults only, spell that out too. Whatever you do, don’t make anyone ask. Bonus points: Give a heads-up about “adult only” ceremonies and/or receptions at the save-the-date stage, especially for out-of-town invitees.

(2)   Offer child care—but make it optional. One of the major reasons the debate about children at weddings is eternal is that kids (and parents) are (news flash!) different. Some kids will be excited to see the ceremony, sit quietly watching or nursing or coloring, and generally be a better guest than your half-deaf uncle who provides audible running commentary about your weird religion from the fourth row. On the other hand, some will be miserable, cranky, and noisy. By offering the option of child care, you can give some parents the precious ability to be present at your ceremony without distractions without making others feel like they have to say no to their kid who’s all excited to see the pageantry or blow bubbles at you as you leave.

(3)   Know thyself. Kids in a wedding can be a great thing. But if you’re going to go to pieces if everything isn’t just so, don’t give young kids roles in your ceremony. Just don’t. Also seat parents of the under-5 crowd on the edge of the reception hall, near the exit. (This isn’t rude. No parent loves walking the gauntlet with a meltdown in progress.) If you want a parent to play a central role in your day, talk to him or her beforehand about naptimes, child care, etc. In other words, if you expect your maid of honor’s undivided attention for two hours before the organ starts to play or your brother to give a toast at a late-night reception, make sure they know it, and find out how realistic it is.

(4)   Look for a location with a playground or other child attraction. Face it: weddings, when you count the reception in, are long. Even the best-behaved child needs to let off a little steam in there. Luckily, this doesn’t require you to hold your wedding in a kiddie fun park. If you’re renting a house of worship, talk about having access to the nursery or RE room and/or the outdoor play area. If you’re doing a weekend wedding, look for resorts or camps that have a playground (though copious outdoors is generally enough). Hotels are more tricky, but many larger ones will have something available if you ask. If not, you can rent an extra conference room for child care and stock it with toys old, new, borrowed, and blue. Or just take my cousin’s approach, and put board games out at the reception itself.

(5)   Accommodate the stuff. For weekend-long weddings especially, but even for the shorter kind, parents tend to pack for weddings as for a vacation. Far from fitting everything they need into a clutch purse and a tuxedo pocket, they arrive laden with diaper bags, sippy cups, tote bags of favorite stories and stuffed animals, and insulated lunch bags filled with bottles/allergen-free foods/the only three foods the two-year-old will eat. An easily accessible coat rack, coat check, or other corner where it’s acceptable for them to lay down their load is a huge relief. Bonus: For weekends, especially, see if you can arrange refrigerator access.

(6)   Keep bedtime in mind. No, no, no. I don’t mean you can’t party nice and late. But remember: if you are having an evening wedding and guests are relying on you for dinner afterwards, allowing serving time to creep to 9 pm and later means many parents are going to have to choose between overtired tantrums (not something you want either) or not getting to eat. Or at least not getting to eat cake. And it sucks to miss the cake, you know?

Wedding planning is a balancing act worthy of the Karamazov brothers. But throwing parents’ needs into the mix early will earn you gratitude from your friends and family—and probably a wedding populated by happier kids too, a blessing worth a little planning.

Photo by anthrovik.

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The Etiquette of Boobs

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Chow.com's Helena Echlin is the internet's answer to Emily Post. There is no topic too sacred for Echlin to tackle. Is it OK to eat on the subway? She can tell you. Can you ask friends to bring their own cups (the drinking kind, that is)? She's got you covered. Her advice is always well reasoned and sensible, which means that she is almost always ticking someone off.

Recently, Echlin took on breastfeeding at a restaurant. Her stance is that if the kid is hungry, mom should feed it. If the sight of a bared breast makes diners uncomfortable, then that is their problem, not the mom's.

In the comments, of course, is where all of the boobs come out. Some stop short of suggesting that moms always stay home. Some just can't handle seeing a breast with a baby on it. Some are more ticked off when mom give her baby a bottle of formula, rather than doing it the old fashioned way.

Which just goes to show you that moms -- especially new moms -- can't do much of anything "right" because no one can agree on what "right" actually is. Try to look at it as liberating.

“Don't Touch Me” Signs for Babies

Cole Gamble — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Strangers want to touch your baby. It's just a natural fact, people you don't normally associate with feel free to march up and lay their grubby hands all over your child. And until now there was nothing you could do about it.

But the My Tiny Hands company has invented something that tells those strange people exactly where you'd like them to put their hands.

Actually, it's much more polite than all that. The little rubber sign, that retail for about five bucks, say “please wash your hands before touching mine.” So then, what sign do you buy when you don't want strangers touching your kid under any circumstances, washed hands or not.

Buying this sign certainly is a practical choice, but it won't do anything fr your reputation as the neighborhood's prissy mommy/daddy.

Controversy: Saying No To Grandma (And Grandpa)

Amy S.F. Lutz — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:02:00 GMT

If you want to laugh out loud, make sure you check out the comments on Madeline's "Granny Manual" post. Madeline invited readers to vent about their intrusive or misguided parents or inlaws (inevitably the inlaws - why is that always the case???), and over 50 readers took her up on it.

Here's my question: obviously, many of us have to deal with unwanted advice or gifts (I was amazed by how many moms complained about, as Amy put it, "toys from Dollar General, the Kmart clearance aisle, JoAnn Fabrics, and other locations notorious for selling cheap, lead-paint laden toys" - my own MIL is partial to CVS). Has anyone figured out the magic words that are strong enough to be convincing, but not strong enough to offend? Or do you just bite your lip and live with it?

How Not to Behave at a Birthday Party

Jen Chaney — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:32:00 GMT

This MomLogic blogger is way ticked at a mom and dad that came to her kid's birthday party. And frankly, it sounds like she has a right to be.

They repeatedly asked if the host was paying for parking or buying wristbands for the parents. Then they questioned who was supervising the children. And, as an exclamation point on the day, they changed a dirty diaper on top of a picnic table.

All of which certainly qualifies as rude. But does this make them, as the blogger contends, the rudest parents ever? I'm thinking no, only because there are ruder things that they could have done.

They could have:

--Asked the host if she would reimburse them for buying her kid a gift.

--Taken the birthday cake to another table, then started charging the guests for each slice.

--Spiked the Kool-Aid because they found the party "too boring, yo."

--Put trick candles on the cake, then forced the birthday girl to keep trying to blow them out until she breaks down into spasms of sobs.

Can you trump that? What's the rudest thing you've seen someone do at a birthday party?

Photo: MomLogic

Charm School for the Modern Kindergartener

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:50:00 GMT

It’s a sad state of affairs when children have to receive formal training to learn to bus their dishes at the mall. According to the Boston Globe, etiquette classes are becoming increasingly popular amongst youth as young as four—or I suppose I should say, amongst their parents, since we all know no healthy kindergartener wants to spend his time away from school learning to use a salad fork. According to one wise eight-year-old, an hour-long class feels like “5,000 hours."

Proponents say that the classes lack the white-gloved formality of etiquette classes from days of yore, focusing instead on more relevant lessons such as how to pleasantly consume fast food at the mall. Did you know, for instance, that it’s rude to cut in line? And Judith Ré, who teaches “A Day of Social Savvy,” says that afternoon tea classes are about “learning how to have a conversation, how to keep it going or how to end it.” So that’s where the bores I avoid at cocktail parties learned to talk to people! Whatever happened to letting our children be human beings, with authentic personalities and opinions?

It’s not that I’m opposed to manners or good conversation. But these are practical, instinctive skills that should be learned at home, naturally, from attentive, kind parents. And considering that no inattentive parent is going to pay $80 for an hour of etiquette training, I don’t see any reason these classes should exist. Some child development experts worry that so much regimented time is not healthy for youngsters, who should be, well, playing. This feeling was seconded by a nine-year-old who bemoaned the fact that he was made to take an etiquette class on “his only day off.” And we wonder why the United States has the highest rates of anxiety and depression of any country in the world.

Then again, the etiquette crisis facing today’s youth does sound pretty severe. As one instructor lamented, “So many of these children had never seen two forks.” Oh the horror! My panties start bunching at the mere thought of it.

Photo: www.academyofetiquette.com

Teaching Table Manners

Amy Kuras — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Want to start an argument between the child-free and the, um, childed? Ask about children's behavior in restaurants. I've been on both sides of that coin – the pre-kids evenings out which were quickly ruined by a horrid little uncontrolled brat, and restaurant outings trying to amuse my daughter for just two more minutes so I can finish eating while getting glares from the person who looks just like me ten years ago.

(Tip: Always, always ask for the check and a takeout box as soon as your entrée is served, so you can make a quick exit if need be. Trust me here. I have learned this through stressful, flop-sweaty experience. Also, spoons. My daughter loved them when she was an older baby and we'd ask our server to bring tons as soon as we sat down).

Chow's Table Manners has a post up right now on the issue of teaching table manners to kids. The suggestions are simple, doable, and seem to be to be eminently reasonable for both families and the people who eat with them to accept.

They cover three simple skills: eating dinner when you're at dinner, instead of playing video games, starting a food fight or otherwise screwing around; refraining from taking it as a personal threat to health and safety when offered a hated food ("no thank you" instead of "I hate broccoli!"); and not barking out orders but asking for things politely.

Now if I can just get the three year old to stop spitting things out when she doesn’t like them, we'll be golden.

Judgment Day: It's Not Too Early to Think About Halloween Etiquette, Is It?

Karen Murphy — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:20:00 GMT

For me lately, my big decisions regarding Halloween have been, "Do I leave the light on and deal with the effing trick-or-treaters or can I just bail (again) this year?"

I HATE Halloween. Not only is it my Annual Sewing Event, for which I lack any kind of expertise despite my fancy-schmancy Bernina sewing machine (which I thought would solve my problems but it didn't), but it's also, apparently, a day in which short, oddly-clad beggars are encouraged to ring my fucking doorbell repeatedly and hold their grubby hands out asking for candy.

This year I live in a townhouse complex that is CRAWLING with kids so I think I will plan a vacation that night. Or go to a double feature or something. Anything to escape the maddening hordes (my own kids will be with their father, who insists it's a "family tradition" for him which means it is totally all about the chocolate, taking his OWN bag around PLUS stealing from my kids, thanks dad!).

But jeez people! Since when did it become de riguer to give more than one piece of candy out per kid? In my day, if we got a mushy apple with a razor blade in it, we felt lucky. And back when I lived in a house with a yard under constant construction that was set well back from the road in a sparse neighborhood, we'd get maybe 4 kids in a night. It was an event. I'd buy bags of candy (my favorites of course, because I knew who would be consuming them) and I'd dump the whole bowl into like one kid's bag. Let his parents deal with the dental bills.

Oh, and apparently you have to know what the "cool" candy is so as not to be branded 'weird". It's WAY too late for that for me, but tell me, what candy is "cool"? The other day, to be on the safe side (and to dollar-cost-average the expense of buying it; that shit is expensive!) I bought several bags of Halloween candy: Snickers, Three Musketeers, Milky Way. Okay, I like those (except Snickers, but I could tell those are popular because that's mainly what the kids seem to come home with), but not only am I not doing sugar (much) but what should I have bought instead? Ideas?

P.S. And when oh when did they start pushing Halloween in September??

P.P.S. (or is is P.S.S.?) PLEASE don't write and tell me how much you luuuurve Halloween, it's your favorite holiday, all those glowing little faces, and you dress up every year as a fricking pumpkin or something. Because I would really prefer to stay grumpy and peevish for the next six weeks, thank you.

No Babies at the Cinema, Please

ChagHolland — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:30:00 GMT

Once you factor in the cost of a babysitter, the tickets, and concessions, you almost need to take out a second mortgage to take in a flick at your local theater. Because it costs so much money, you should be able to expect a quiet and enjoyable experience where everyone keeps their mouths shut and turns off their cellular phones. But that wasn't the case for Michelle Collins who attended an 11 PM showing of The Bourne Ultimatum and discovered someone had brought their two-month-old baby to the theater.

What kind of moron brings a baby to a movie? If you can't afford to hire a babysitter, rent a movie from Blockbuster and stay home. The rest of the audience doesn't want to hear your kid. There are theaters in many cities that show a movie once a week for parents with children under two. Screaming and crying are welcome at these showings.

But what about the idiot who sold these parents their tickets or the putz who took the tickets when the parents entered the lobby? Didn't one of them notice the baby? My wife and I sneak sodas and snacks in her purse when we're lucky enough to attend a movie, but she doesn't own a purse large enough to hold a two-month-old baby. Personally, I think everyone should boycott the theater that allowed this to happen.

This is just further proof that we need pre-pregnancy IQ tests.

Judgment Day: Emily Post for Kids

Karen Murphy — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 17:38:00 GMT

Hell. Oops! That word is probably bad etiquette! That's okay, I don't eat soup daintily from the side of the spoon like I'm supposed to, either. Hey! Did you know? There's an updated Emily Post etiquette book for kids out now. I'm thinking it's more or less a good idea, but I sure hope things have relaxed a bit from the old Emily Post from the 50's that my mom had. Calling cards, hello? And proper attire for a "morning" wedding vs. an "afternoon" one? Though social mores have relaxed quite a bit since then, haven't they? After all, I'm pretty sure none of you are wearing a girdle right now, or a darling little pillbox with a half-veil. (Are you?)

So...politeness and kids. Do they go together, I mean, at all? I'm always told how polite my kids are, like it's something unusual. They're not polite in public, they're terrified into submission! I think good manners really stem from an overall sense of respect. I'm not so good with rules, with people deciding what I can do and when, but I do get the concept of general respect for others which I believe translates into behavior that feels good to the other person. Which I think is what etiquette is really about. Knowing when to pull a chair out for a lady? Maybe it's not so important, but the underlying respect for another person that's behind it, coupled with knowing a behavior that can express that respect, that's what counts.

What elements of good manners do you think is important for kids to know?

Babble Talk: Subway Riders Love Babies; Hate Pregnant Women

Ada — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 20:18:00 GMT

We saw a hugely pregnant woman standing near us on the L train this morning and tried to get the attention of some people who were sitting so that they could let her sit down. But they ignored us, much as they ignored us when we were nine months pregnant last August and standing over them. And yet, these same people play peekaboo with my baby and yell, "Make way for the stroller!" In her hilarious Babble essay on this phenomenon, "Notes from Underground," new mom Lynn Harris writes, "When the train arrived, I — facing, mind you, a long ride to or from Brooklyn — would enter, ever hopeful . . . to a sea of blank stares, bald spots, Post headlines. Headlines held up to hide faces. Headlines reading, CHIVALRY DEAD. That's right: no one budged. Time and again. No. One. Budged." Well, a few people budged, but who stepped up might surprise you. Check out the feedback from all over the country (and Japan!) to see how universal this phenomenon is. Portland Parents calls it a "must-read." And see the Glamour blog post our friend at Jezebel just sent us that draws similar conclusions.

Manners For Kids, So They'll Stand Out From Adults

Kelly Mills — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 16:03:00 GMT

All hail the revival of the charm school! Marsha Horne recently opened The Etiquette School of Frisco, where she specializes in teaching manners to kids. The classes often focus on dining etiquette, because "so many important things happen over a dining experience, including job interviews, business deals, marriage proposals, and even divorces." Teach the kids now that when your spouse uses your romantic dinner at a swanky restaurant to tell you he or she is in love with their coworker, it is very rude to hurl a hot bowl of soup in their face. Horne hopes to give kids the skills "that will take them from the backpack to the boardroom". I somehow don't foresee my kid losing a huge merger deal because she didn't know the proper way to butter a piece of bread, but perhaps I am selling her future short.

The school hopes to fill a void because "many parents don't have the time to teach their children the proper manners that are necessary." Now, I think there are manners and there are manners. When it comes to teaching kids how to use a napkin and how to chew with your mouth closed, we've managed to cover all that even with a two-working-parent household. It seems like if you actually eat a meal with your child, you've had opportunities to review the basic stuff that just involves consideration for others. But if we are talking about all those dining rules like how to use the finger bowl and all, that's another story. And I'd rather enroll my kid in soccer lessons, because if one parent at the school is right, and manners are "just not taught anymore," hey, my kid won't be the only one making the huge gaffe of misusing the salad fork.

Mother's Day Is Really More for Fathers Anyway

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 07 May 2007 20:13:00 GMT

When I was very young -- probably 21 or 22 -- I bought my mom a squirt gun for her birthday. I wasn't very subtle in suggesting that if she didn't want to play with it right away, I would "test it out" to see if it was working properly. She remembers the gift as a great act of humorous selfishness.

I remember it as a watershed moment in gift giving, akin to Homer offering Marge a bowling ball -- with his name on it. So in that vein, I'd like to offer up some of the very best in Mother's Day, um, gifts.

1. Lingerie. Strappy, silky, see-through lingerie. Just the thing to wear when relaxing with a book and a cup of hot tea.

2. A set of barbecue tools -- because really, cooking in the kitchen gets so old.

3. A gift certificate ... to Home Depot.

4. A bottle of 30-year-old Scotch for her book club meetings. Yeah, book club. That's it.

5. While you're at it, a new bar set. She'll love it.

6. A book of those cheesy, spice-it-up sex "gift certificates" -- because nothing says unwinding after a long day like giving a, well, Page 32 describes it I'm sure.

7. And if you can't think of anything else, stick with a bowling ball. It worked out really well for Homer.

Guy's Guide to Breastfeeding Etiquette

MetroDad — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 01:09:00 GMT

Parenting is a funny thing. I've had female friends who, prior to having kids, always wore sexy clothes or the latest designer fashions but, at the same time, would never be caught slipping a nipple or flashing a boob. Post-kid, it seems like they're whipping out their breasts in public every five minutes.

Personally, I couldn't care less. Although it's not really my battle, I've always believed that breastfeeding is a personal choice. However, it drives me absolutely insane when I hear instances of nursing mothers being hassled by puritanical prudes. You say you're morally offended by seeing a woman's breasts in public? Then don't freaking look!

Over at MSNBC, Brian Alexander humorously ponders the etiquette of how pro-breastfeeding guys like me are supposed to act when facing a nursing mom? If we look too long, we risk being accused of voyeurism. But if we make a show of NOT looking at all, we risk being accused of being disapproving.

Brian thinks men should react the same way as we do to women in the gym whose yoga pants are creeping up their butts. Glance, take note, and move on. Me? I always refer to the wise words of that sage philosopher, Jerry Seinfeld, "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it! It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away."

What do you think?