Strollerderby : Father Christmas

Gramps Goes Christmas Crazy with 20,000 Santas

JeanneSager — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:58:00 GMT

Jean-Guy Laquerre really likes Christmas. No, we mean he REALLY likes Christmas.The grandfather from Boucherville, Canada has cornered the market on Santa spirit with more than twenty thousand of them.

The retired teacher has been named as the biggest collector of Santa Claus memorabilia on the entire planet, earning his place in the Guinness World Records for 2009.

It all started with a papier mache Santa, to this day his favorite in the collection. But Grandpa Jean-Guy has moved on to inflatable Santas for the outside, Kriss Kringle shower curtains and Father Christmas pie plates (check out the photo gallery of some of his favorites at the Mirror). There are stuffed Santas and Santa statues, Santas for the tree and Santas set up in front of the TV.

And somehow, his grandkids aren't embarrased by all this Father Christmas fervor. Perhaps the craziest (and sweetest) piece of this Christmas story is the response of Jean-Guy's sixteen-year-old grandson and nine-year-old granddaughter. They invite their friends over to check out Grandpa's collection!

Image: The Mirror

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Santa Reinvented: Decidedly Naughty and Passing for German

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

If kids from 1907 were around today, they would be sorely disappointed in the lack of technological advancements Santa has made in the last century. The picture to the right is taken from a 1907 children's book, depicting what Santa would look like in 100 years. Screw the rein deer, our predecessors seemed to think. Santa's gonna be powered by a fan. And forget the sleigh; give the old man what Jezebel has not inaccurately termed a "dildo-shaped blimp."

In more inappropriate Santa news, The Guardian asked 10 contemporary artists to "reinvent the image of Father Christmas." The results include bikinis, beer bellies, strangulation, and Barack Obama. To give just one example by the artist Juergen Teller:

Now there's a Santa your kids would probably rather not meet.

Another artist, Rob Smith, included a cautionary tale with his Santa depiction:

"Last year, in the village where I live, I was asked to dress up as Father Christmas and give presents to the local kids. I was really flattered. I took the role seriously. I put on what I thought was a Scandinavian accent. When I asked what one little girl wanted for Christmas, she burst into tears....She cried, 'Father Christmas is a Nazi.'"

So the next time you try to impersonate a Scandinavian Santa Claus, make sure your accent is flawless.

Photos: Jezebel, The Guardian

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Teacher Tells Kids: Santa's Not Real

JeanneSager — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:59:00 GMT

Alert NORAD: Santa has been taken down by the substitute teacher at the Blackshaw Lane Primary School in Royton, England. The mean Ms. Grinch told her classroom of seven-year-olds that Father Christmas is a big fat fake.

And parents are complaining about campus security guards stepping in as substitute teachers? The sub told the kids "it's your parents who leave out presents on Christmas Day," when the class started to get out of control during a discussion about Christmas.

Because this substitute apparently needs a refresher course in how to deal with children, here's a quick lesson. First rule of Santa: Don't talk about Santa (unless you know kids' beliefs). Second rule of Santa: you know how this goes people.

Kids will eventually learn the big guy doesn't exist, and parents everywhere will lose their best-valued fall/winter behavior modification method. Most parents hope for later rather than sooner, and they hope the magic dies accidentally - not via a callous adult who decides she needs to shock some kids. If the kids were being rowdy, whatever happened to the good old-fashioned, "Santa's watching?"

Perhaps I'm just cranky because I remember my Santa dreams being dashed by a teacher too. Lying in the bed in the nurse's office because of a stomach ache, I could clearly hear all the goings on in the main office - linked to our nurse's station via a narrow, open hallway. The gym teacher, father of one of my classmates, was so busy checking his mailbox that he never noticed me lying there while he talked up what he had to do to get things ready for his kids on Christmas morning . . . including his massive production to make Santa "seem real." Wouldn't you know it - I was seven too.

Do you think adults have the right to throw this one at kids?

Image: PBase.com

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Santa Shortage Strikes Germany

JeanneSager — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:31:00 GMT

It's no surprise the requirements to be hired on as Santa Claus in Germany are exacting. In Teutonic tradition, the engineering of a German Santa takes stock of the tenor of the voice, the quality of the accent, the background in carols. Are they asking too much?

Apparently, yes. As the European economy falters, there's one employer still searching high and wide for good candidates. Yes, Virginia, in Germany there is a shortage of Santa Clauses.

According to a report in London's Sunday Times, recruitment is off by German Santa placement agencies (yes, they exist) this year in ever section of the country. Compounding the problem is a record number of private parties being thrown by families trying to offset the grim economy with a little holiday cheer. They're trying to book a Santa, and the jolly old man can't make it.

If it sounds silly, check out the paycheck. These Santas - who work the malls as well as the family party circuit, make as much as sixty euros an hour. Using the latest exchange rate, that's about $76 an hour. To smile a lot and be nice to some kids? Sign me up for that gig. Of course, therein lies the paradox. They're good-paying jobs, but they're not handing them out to just anyone. One Berlin-based recruiter told the Times at least ten percent of applicants are turned away because they don't fit the bill.

What does it really take to be a good Santa? They want a low tenor of voice, an extensive repertoire of Christmas songs and poetry, a jollity and spontaneity and a love of children. To top it off, they can't be "too young." Considering some of the mall Santas I've seen here in the states (who'd put the drunk Saint Nick from the parade scene in Miracle on 34th Street to shame), it might behoove American Santa recruiters to take a page out of the German book.

Of course, we might then be struck by the Santa shortage. But wouldn't you rather have too few good Santas than an overabundance of Billy Bobs?

Image: Amazon

Strollerderby : Father Christmas

Gramps Goes Christmas Crazy with 20,000 Santas

Santa Claus Can Call Them For You

Santa Reinvented: Decidedly Naughty and Passing for German

Five Easiest - and Cheesiest - Christmas Gifts to Make With the Kids

It's Mr. Santa, and He's Nasty

Santa Reinvented: Decidedly Naughty and Passing for German

Teacher Tells Kids: Santa's Not Real

The Ten Best Christmas Songs For the Kid in You

XBox Writes Santa Letter for Your Kids

Santa Claus Can Call Them For You

Are Elementary School Thanksgivings Racist Or Just Outdated?

Santa Shortage Strikes Germany

What Do You Mean the Guinea Pig Isn't Living on a Farm in Ohio?

School Security Guard Teaches Biology Class

Mom Gets Hate Mail for Ending Kids Thanksgiving Party

Would You Give Gifts Bought At Wal-Mart Where Man Died?

Santa Shortage Strikes Germany

The Ten Best Christmas Songs For the Kid in You

XBox Writes Santa Letter for Your Kids

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Are Elementary School Thanksgivings Racist Or Just Outdated?