Strollerderby : Guy Ritchie

Possible Father of Malawian Orphan Opposes Madonna Adoption

Brett Singer — Sun, 03 May 2009 19:00:00 GMT

James Kambewa might be the father of Chifundo "Mercy" James, the girl that Madonna wants to adopt. And he's decided that he can take care of her. He feels that his little girl should be "raised as a Malawian", according to BBC News. So Madonna should step off.

I say "might" because it's not clear that the man is, in fact, Mercy's dad. In an interview with 'The Early Show' on CBS, he said that "he wore a necklace bearing his daughter's name around his neck, even though he had never seen her in person." He said that he wants "to take care of her, and I'm capable to take care of my baby." A big question, of course, is why Mercy was in an orphanage if she had a parent "capable" of raising her.

The whole thing is getting somewhat silly. Personally, I think Madonna should be able to adopt Mercy James, because that would mean a much better life for the girl. A court ruled that the adoption wasn't legal (Madonna's appeal will be heard on Monday), but if that's true, how was she able to adopt David Banda?

I'm not going to get into a debate about Malawian legal matters. I just think that it would be too bad if this little girl is forced to live in an orphanage when she could have moved into the lap of luxury. Especially if the only reason her dad came forward is because there were TV cameras around.

Source: BBC

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Does Madonna Spank Her Kids?

Brett Singer — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:00:00 GMT

Somewhat buried in the news about Madonna's adopted son David Banda meeting up with his biological father in Malawi was this little tidbit (this is David's dad Yohane talking about his chat with David):

He told me his mum likes riding horses and that he too rides horses. Then he told me a story when one day he and his brother, Rocco, rode horses and fell. He told me his mum spanked him because they are not supposed to ride horses on their own. (Emphasis added)

Whoa, Nellie! Hang on a minute. Madonna spanked him?

Well, maybe. When I first saw this, Shannon pointed out that sometimes little kids exaggerate. I've never hit either of my children but my oldest once informed someone that I had. Somewhat out of the blue, I might add. Luckily it was a person who was inclined to take my word for it (a relative). But if it had been a teacher, I don't know how that would have gone over.

Still, it's interesting to think about. Do you think Madonna spanks her kids? Or maybe she has the nanny do it? Or is David just a little kid exaggerating?

Source: PerezHilton

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Madonna Adoption Denied, Appeal Filed

Brett Singer — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

A Malawi court ruled on Friday that Madonna could not adopt 4-year-old Mercy James because she had not been a resident of the country for 18 months.

As my son sometimes says, "I didn't see that coming."

Why do I say that? Well, here's the thing. She already adopted a kid from Malawi. David Banda. Remember him? Cute kid, rides horses, visited his hometown with Madge so he could hang with his biological dad?

According to the Telegraph, the rule about adoptive parents being residents of Malawai for 18-24 months was waived back in 2006 to allow Madge to adopt David. Now a local judge is concerned about setting a "dangerous precedent" if she is allowed to adopt again.

Except that the precedent was already set! You let her do it before! When you train puppies, or discipline children, you try to be consistent. I know that's an oversimplification, but isn't it silly to talk about "dangerous precedents" when you already did the thing that you now say you are worried about?

That could be why Madonna has decided to appeal the ruling. I don't know much about the law, and I know even less about Malawian legal issues (to be fair, I probably know more about brain surgery than I do about Malawian legal issues), but it seems to me that she's got a pretty good case. Because they let her adopt David Banda in 2006. Did I mention that?

It's possible that the adoption was denied because of Madonna's recent divorce from Guy Ritchie. The Telegraph quotes a government official as saying that, "Our official policy is that we do not encourage our children to be sent into broken homes." Because being raised by a single parent is clearly much worse than living in an orphanage. Never mind the fact that this particular single parent is wealthier than most of the people on the planet. And while I agree in general with human rights groups who have been saying that "whisking a single child off to a fairytale lifestyle in Hollywood" is not the answer to the world's problems, it's also not the worst thing that could happen to a kid from an impoverished country. (It's also worth noting that Madonna lives in England, not Hollywood. But whatever.)

I should point out that this is not, in my opinion, a major issue in our world today. But everything Madonna does is news, and while I don't care much about her music (or her movies, which, except for "Desperately Seeking Susan" are considerable unwatchable), I have to give her credit for commanding attention with every move she makes. I'll also give her props for starting a charity, Raising Malawi, to help other orphans in Malawi. According to the Telegraph, "She has already built a multi-purpose community centre at Mphandula village, 30 miles from Lilongwe, which looks after more than 8,000 orphans from scores of villages in the area." That's a lot of kids. So, in the language of her adopted British homeland, good on ya, mate. (Or something like that.) Of course, as Shannon pointed out, it's fine for Angelina Jolie to adopt a kid every other week, but Madonna we have a problem with. That's another topic, but one worth mentioning.

What do you think? Should Madonna be allowed to adopt Mercy James?

Source: Telegraph

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UPDATE: A-Roid Admits It

Brett Singer — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:00:00 GMT

UPDATE: A-Rod (A-Roid, A-Fraud - I still like The Rod, but it's not sticking yet) has admitted to ESPN's Peter Gammons that, you know, he did it. Children everywhere are... actually, I don't think children care about this at all.

When I was a young Yankee fan, my guy was Reggie Jackson. All I cared about was how he played. Granted, it was a different time, but despite all of the posturing from commentators I don't think kids care much about whether or not The Rod was juicing. Maybe I'm wrong.

Original post follows:

*-*-*

SI.com is reporting that Alex Rodriguez, whom I usually refer to as "The Rod", tested positive for two different anabolic steroids, Primobolan and testosterone, back in 2003. (Make up your own joke about Alex taking testosterone.)

What does this have to do with parenting? Well, somewhat like the Plaxico Burress gun incident ("Safety? What's a safety?"), kids who are into sports, and even those that aren't, will hear this news. What do you tell them? If you go with the "tut-tut" sanctimony of Major League Baseball and the seemingly endless parade of columnists and talk show hosts, then you have to tell them that The Rod is a big fat cheater. That's the word that has been assigned to steroid users. Cheaters. At least it’s a word that even little kids understand. You know, because it's childish.

If you want to go with a calmer explanation, you could say that The Rod made a mistake and we don't have all the facts yet. (Probably better to call him A-Rod, since I'm the only one that calls him The Rod.) Columnist Chris Ballard says that "All of A-Rod's achievements, past and future, will be tainted." First of all, what if the report was wrong? I'm not saying it was, but sometimes reporters, sources or no, make mistakes. Also, we're slamming the guy for doing something that may not even be against the law because he "tainted" the "purity" of baseball. That seems like a pretty bad message to send to kids, frankly.

Ultimately, baseball is a game. Professional baseball, like all professional sports, is a business. In recent years it has become a huge business, one that allows someone like The Rod to earn almost $30 million in one year. That's just his salary, by the way. He probably made a lot more in endorsements, autograph signings, and other things. Sports figures are no longer on the same playing field as the rest of us, if they ever were. (Pun unintended.) Kids should be allowed to enjoy the game without the braying sanctimony of adults who appear desperate to believe that baseball is more important than it is. Sports can bring great enjoyment to fans young and old. When you try to pretend that these people are something more than human, any fall from grace will be a huge disappointment.

For the record, I am a lifelong Yankee fan and I never liked The Rod. (Give me Scott Brosius any day of the week.) I also don't much care about steroids. I think Major League Baseball helped create this problem by preferring profits to players' health; there were multiple times when guys were obviously juiced up and no one said anything about it, sanctimonious commentators included. And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm a little bit glad that my son isn't a big baseball fan. Explaining Plaxico's gun was easier than this will be.

Image/Source: SI.com

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Alex Rodriguez Writing Love Poems To Madonna

Brett Singer — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Ah, The Rod. He makes it almost too easy.

The New York Post, along with every other media outlet on the planet, reports that The Rod has found his muse. No, it's not Derek Jeter. It's Madonna. He's writing her (hang on, I need to stop laughing… OK. OK, I'm back.) love poems.

What must that sound like?

madonna
I am in love with u
I am intrigued by all the things that u do
please teach me how I can be a better jew
madonna

Love, Alex

I've said it before, and I'll say it again – oy vey.

Now, to be serious for a minute, both Madonna and The Rod need to calm down. I don't really care if they're dating. OK, I care a little bit, since I enjoy making fun of The Rod, and as a Yankee fan, I would greatly prefer it if he concentrated more on PLAYING BASEBALL than on whatever the hell he's up to off the field. But both of these people have young children. Madonna's daughter Lourdes is old enough read the papers, and so is her son Rocco. Why would you want to put your kids through this crap?

There's always the chance that Madonna has, in fact, lost her mind. According to various sources (including our very own Famecrawler), Madonna instituted strict rules for when daddy Guy Ritchie has the kids. For example:

Their hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places.
They should not be bought toys that are spiritually or ethically unsound.
Guy should not discuss the separation with them.
All water they drink, even when it is to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water.

I bet Halloween at her house is real fun. Maybe too much publicity is the least of these kids' problems.

Source: NY Post (also image), Famecrawler

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"GI Baby" Finally Meeting Dad After Sixty-Three Years

JeanneSager — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:32:00 GMT

Sixty-three years and an ocean separate them, but the English daughter of an American GI is finally going to meet her dad.

Heather Pearson was one of the tens of thousands of babies born to American soldiers serving overseas during World War II. Her mother was swept up in a whirlwind courtship with Private George Rish, married in March 1944 and became pregnant with Heather. Then Rish was called up to the front lines.

When the war ended, he called for his wife to join him in America, but passions had cooled. Heather's mom, Mary, decided to stay put in England. The couple divorced, and agreed not to contact each other again. You've got to hand it to them, they handled themselves with a lot more grace and decorum than Madonna and Guy. But what about their daughter?

Heather grew up with her mom, stepfather and a host of half-siblings. Her only link to her father was a faded black and white wedding photograph until an American cousin contacted her over the summer. The cousin, Dena, said her mother was George Rish's sister. Her mom had been looking for George's daughter for years, and when she died, Dena took up the cause. Rish, who is now 87, says he didn't have the resources to look for his daughter. Remarried after he returned from the war, he adopted a daughter with his second wife. Like Heather's mom, he made a new life.

Heather says she doesn't have any problems with that, never even really thought about her "real" dad until her own husband passed away. With her two children grown and parents themselves, she started to feel lonely. She made a few failed attempts at searching for her father on the internet, but came up short until Dena bridge the gap across the pond. She'll fly to the states next week to meet her dad. In the days leading up to the trip, she told the London Daily Mail she's both excited and overwhelmed.

It's one of those "wow, the wonders of the internet" stories, and one with a happy ending. Still, I'm a little sad for Heather. Her parents' dying flame kept her from ever knowing a part of herself. Joint custody battles are rough, but there's a reason they happen every day. Back in those days intercontinental flights were likely cost-prohibitive and overseas phone calls a rare treat, but couldn't some accommodation have been made for your child's sake? Was this simply the result of a different era, or another example of selfish parenting?

Image: Daily Mail

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Rocco Ritchie wears Yankee shirt, Guy Ritchie weeps

Brett Singer — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:00:00 GMT

This is just silly.

Us Magazine is reporting that Guy Ritchie, who is divorcing Madonna and had NO PRE-NUP, is freaking out because his son was wearing a Yankee shirt.

"He's actually been crying over it," says the source on the set of Ritchie's upcoming drama 'Sherlock Holmes'. "He's in a terrible state but is doing his best to be on form at work."

The insider tells Us Ritchie "cannot believe" Madonna would let their son wear the shirt, given the fact that her close relationship with the slugger played a role in their contentious divorce.

Look. If it were a Mets shirt, or a (shudder) RED SOX shirt, I could understand Guy getting all worked up. But the Yankees? The most storied franchise in sports history? Come on.

On a slightly more serious note, if this report from an "insider" is true (who are these people who call tabloids at the drop of a hat?), what a self-centered bozo. He's off directing a major film, the Material Mom is on tour screaming about Sarah Palin, and his son is being raised by who knows who. The shirt? That's what he's worrying about?

As for A-Rod – sorry, THE Rod – he apparently attended Yom Kippur services with Madonna and her children. (Aside: next time you are with Madge, ask her what meshugeh ahf toit means. It's important.) This is because the Yankees aren't playing in October. Just wanted to point that out. ALEX. FOCUS.

Source: US

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Will Madonna Have a Baby With A-Rod?

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:43:00 GMT

She's divorcing her husband (and natural father of one of her kids), accusing him of saying she looked like a "granny," but Madonna says she's ready to have another child. With New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez.

Say what? OK, try to keep up people.

A-Rod and Madonna denied they were having an affair back in July when he and wife Cynthia split. Rumors swirled Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie were splitting then, but they insisted it was all speculation. Fast forward to this month and, surprise, surprise, Madonna and Guy are getting a divorce (shocking, I know). Oh, and she allowed herself to be seen in public with Stray-Rod. Now Guy's dad is calling her beastly, her adopted son's father says she's not doing a good job parenting his kid, and the Daily Mail of London says she's ready (at 50) to have Alex's baby. Phewww.

That would make Madonna mom to four (five if you count the daughter she's in the process of adopting from Malawi) and Rodriguez a father of three. Setting aside the fact that she's 50 and might not be able to conceive (the material girl's got the money to make medical miracles happen people), does she really think this is the best parenting move? She's got three kids who have had to endure publicity of their births, clothes, and mother's sex life (very graphic sex life), and now she wants to add a baby brother or sister into the mix? With a guy she's dated for, oh, four months (sorry, I don't believe for a second that they were "just friends" back in July)?

Or is this just more Madonna, pushing everything over the borderline?

Image: New York Post (Madonna at a Yankees game with son David)

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Biological Father of Madonna's Adopted Son Very Concerned

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Yohana Banda, the biological father of Madonna’s adopted son David, is very worried about the boy's happiness. Although Banda and his second wife live simply in a thatched hut in Malawi, he thinks that three-year-old David may be happier living with him than with the most famous woman in the world.

Banda put David up for adoption after his first wife, David’s biological mother, died from complications in childbirth. He hoped that David would have a better life in the U.S., but, he says, “Now I see him in a big bewildering crowd in the street with people pushing and shoving, and many cameras around, and without a mother and father to hold his hand. I’m feeling bad for him.”

Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie has strengthened Banda’s concerns about David’s welfare. “This is a new and terrible thing to happen to him. I am too upset to think clearly,” Banda said.

Although this is clearly a unique case, Banda's concern raises interesting questions about the rights of biological parents to be involved in their children’s lives after adoption. Naturally, Banda cannot know what David’s private family life is really like without personal contact from Madonna. Do you think Madonna has an obligation to reassure Banda of David’s happiness, or are her family’s decisions none of his business?

Photo: Celebpick's Weblog

Lourdes and Miley kidnapped?

Brett Singer — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Have America's sweethearts been kidnapped? No, silly! Do you really think something like that would happen and you wouldn't hear about it? Here's the truth about these photos:

First, Lourdes Ciccone, daughter of Madonna. Who is that unmasked man holding her hand? Well, that's her dad. Not Guy Ritchie, but her biological dad, Carlos Leon. Carlos was once arrested for smoking pot in Washington Square Park, but as far as we know, he doesn't do that too often. They probably just saw The Rod (note: that's my new name for Alex Rodriguez; he's not just A rod -- he's THE Rod) across the street and wanted to get away before he started talking to them.

As for Miley/Hannah/Whatever (the girl has more names than a Chekhov character), she's just filming a new movie, which I won't see but will likely gross hundreds of millions of dollars. She doesn't look too happy but I'm guessing it was just a bad moment. Either that or The Rod was visiting the set that day.

images: NY Post, Now Magazine

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Jim Abbott is a ballplayer you can look up to

Brett Singer — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:00:00 GMT

The other day, out of nowhere, my son asked me if I had ever heard of a pitcher named Jim-something who only had one hand. Sure, I replied. Jim Abbott. Played for the Yankees. Threw a no-hitter. My son was amazed that I (a) knew who he was talking about, and (b) that someone with only one hand could become a major league pitcher, much less a successful one.

He played for the Yankees from 1992-1994, throwing his no-hitter in 1993. (He played for other teams too, but I'm a New York snob.) He also pitched for the gold medal winning 1998 United States Olympic Baseball Team.

So what is he doing now? Well, while Alex Rodriguez is making significantly more news off the field than he is on it, Abbott is retired from baseball, working as a motivational speaker. He also answers letters from disabled kids and their parents. This article from Sports Illustrated updates us on Jim and tells the story of some of the many kids whose lives Abbott has touched. One of them, Blaise Venancio, is eight years old and has Poland's Syndrome, which in his case means he only has the use of one hand. Of course, he wants to play baseball. Rather than giving up, he watched video of Jim Abbott, eventually writing him a letter, which Abbott answered. "To Blaise," reads the note to Blaise Venancio. "I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck with baseball this year. Hopefully you are having a great time playing. I know it is sometimes hard to do things a little differently from other kids. But believe me, if you stick with it, you can be just as good. Always believe. Anything is possible."

It gets better: In May, wearing his glove on his left hand, Blaise ran in from center field to cover second base, making a backhanded pick-up of an in-between-hop throw. When asked how he did it, Blaise said, "Jim Abbott. He's my friend." That gets me right here, y'know?

I'm a sucker for this sort of thing, I admit it. But a guy who has one hand and pitches, pitches really well, and according to Wikipedia, can even hit (even though he didn't often have to)? While every sports media outlet gushes like a teenage girl with a boy-band crush about the All-Star Game, I think it's worth remembering that some ballplayers are good people who want to be helpful in some way.

Here's some video of Abbott. Take that, A-Rod.

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image: Jim Abbott official website

Source: Sports Illustrated

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When Cynthia called Cindy

Brett Singer — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Cynthia Rodriguez, that is. Called Cindy Adams. Because, you know, that's the first person I would call if I were getting a divorce.

Cindy Adams scored an EXCLUSIVE interview with the woman formerly known as C-Rod. While her hubby (hereafter referred to as "The Rod") was busy striking out with the bases loaded, Cynthia was chatting to Cindy about him.

Apparently the message on her MySpace page (which is probably fake) isn't that far off: "she still loves him," writes Adams in the New York Post.

Ms. Scurtis says that she "wants no publicity." However, when reports came out that she went on a $100,000 spending spree in Paris in order to stick it to The Rod, Cynthia was "urged" by her lawyers to "address these misperceptions," according to the Post article.

Adams also says, referring to both her past as a child psychologist and her two daughters, that "this lady's passion is children," which would explain why she fell in love with The Rod. (Because he's, you know, a big baby.)

The one question I still want answered is: who is taking care of those two kids? Cynthia said she went to Paris for four days to "clear my head." I don't know about you, but spending time with a 3 year old and an 11 month old is not my idea of a head-clearing time. So presumably, she left the kids Stateside. Right? They weren't with The Rod, he was busy striking out and making excuses, plus he hasn't been allowed to see them. (Free advice for Cynthia: if you don't want people to think you're out shopping all the time, maybe the photo accompanying the EXCLUSIVE interivew where you try to set the record straight should be of something other than you shopping.)

We do get to hear that 3 year old Natasha misses her daddy, which is sad. The whole thing is kind of sad, but since I've never been a fan of The Rod, I admit that I'm keeping up on all of the nasty details as they pop up. And there may be more of those, sayeth Cindy: "More bad Alex habits may yet surface. There are coaches on road trips through whom notes and numbers were passed. Much wildlife may yet creep out from under many a stadium." Oy vey.

photo: NY Post

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Dad Rod to visit Kid Rod

Brett Singer — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:15:00 GMT

The New York Post is reporting that Cynthia Rodriguez, the woman formerly known as C-Rod, will allow her husband-for-now Alex to see the older of their two children. Dad-rod hasn't seen little Natasha (3) or Ella (11 weeks) since Cynthia threw him out of the house, requesting that he… never… return. (Two points to whomever can tell me where that line comes from.)

Natasha will travel to Toronto where the allegedly philandering third baseman is playing baseball, a side gig to his main job as Tabloid Fodder. Cynthia's attorney, Earle Lilly, said that baby Ella is "too young to travel far from Miami," which is where Cynthia is now that she's returned from Paris, where she wasn't sleeping with Lenny Kravitz.

Toronto? Isn't that where Alex was caught dining with a stripper last year? Why, yes. Yes it was. The Post talked to said stripper, one Joslyn Morse, who told reporters that she would be willing to testify at the Rod's divorce trial (although she hasn't been asked yet). According to the dishrag of record: "I don't believe much in life anymore," Morse answered when asked about her former paramour's infatuation with Madonna. She did not elaborate." WELL. All righty then.

image: MySpace

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C Rod Files For Divorce

Brett Singer — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:45:00 GMT

Cynthia Rodriguez has clearly decided that Madonna is, well, full of it. Or maybe she just doesn't like being called "C Rod". Whatever the reason, she's filed for divorce in Miami, according to ESPN.com/Associated Press. The filing says that A-Rod "emotionally abandoned his wife and children…The marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken because of the husband's extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct." Note that it says "affairs" and not "affair". Assuming Madonna is lying when she says the two are just drinking buddies rather than Kabbalah Kanoodlers, there are at least two (let us not forget his dalliance with stripper Joslyn Noel Morse.)

A-Rod's attorney (Attorney-Rod?), who has the porn movie name of Ira M. Elegant, "said he had not reviewed the divorce petition but added: 'As you know, anyone can pay the filing fee and make allegations.'" I actually didn't know that, so thanks Ira.

Now, since she's single, I want to take a moment to point out her MySpace page! She hasn't logged in since November of 2007, which probably explains why she says, "I am my husbands biggest fan!!" The page is in her maiden name of Cynthia Scurtis. It is, of course, highly possible that the page is fake; we'll have to see if that login date changes in the coming weeks. Since she will likely receive a dump truck full of Major League Cash (A-Rod is the highest paid player in baseball), Cynthia just shot up to the top of the Most Eligible Bachelorette list.

I feel badly for the kid-rods, who are very young. Alex, you're a weenie.

image: MySpace

Related:

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Who is babysitting the Kid-Rods?

Brett Singer — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 16:00:00 GMT

At least some part of the A-Rod/Madonna/C-Rod/Lenny Kravitz bizarre love square is true (C-Rod is the new name for Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of Alex, in case you didn't know). Kravitz denies that he and Mrs. Rod are having an affair, and the fact that he reportedly isn't even in Paris lends some credibility to that claim. But Cynthia is definitely in The City of Light, and the New York Post has the photo to prove it. PLUS she isn’t wearing her $150,000 engagement ring. Also, Cynthia's mom Evangeline told the Post, "We've known about this for a long time. Everyone else is shocked, but we're not shocked…My daughter is a very good girl. She has high values." Not exactly a full-on confirmation, but it's close.

Now, I have a question, one also asked by Boston teacher DeDe White in today's New York Post: um, don't these people have young children?

Normally the phrase "but what about the children?" is used as a club to bludgeon people who have the audacity to schedule golf tournaments involving strippers at the same time that 7 year olds will be hitting the links. In this case, though, I think it's fair to ask who's taking care of the 10 week old bambina, not to mention the 4 year old. Grandpa Rod (actually it was Cynthia's father, John Scurtis, but Grandpa Rod is funnier) told the Post that the Kid-Rods were "being taken care of" but didn't say anything more than that. It's certainly possible that the little ones are in Paris with mom but I sort of doubt it.

(Aside: if you google "a-rod children", the first link that pops up is news from 2007 on his official web site that his children's book is being released. I guess he and Madonna have authorship in common.)

Another thing: I always wonder who these "friends" are that get quoted in gossip stories like these. What kind of "close friend" yaks to the media like that, even off the record?

image: New York Post

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Lou Gehrig Day on July 4th

Attack of the Strippers

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Best of FameCrawler: Week of July 4th

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Madonna visits divorce lawyer

Brett Singer — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:15:00 GMT

Is it all over for the Material Mom and hubby Guy Ritchie? The Times of London reports that the former cone-shaped-bra-wearing singer has retained Fiona Shackleton, the UK attorney who repped Paul McCartney against Heather "I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger" Mills. The Daily News calls that case "a major coup" for Shackleton, since Sir Paul was able to hang on to "all but $48 million of his $1.6 billion fortune." This is important, because like the "cute Beatle", Madonna apparently also has no pre-nup.

Now, far be it from me to point out the obvious. But no pre-nup? Madge, babe, what the hell? Were you hoping to get your hands on some of that "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" money? I know it's not romantic, but all celebrity marriages should be required to have prenuptial agreements.

If you're wondering what could have happened to the happy couple to make their love take a "Holiday" (bad song pun alert!), go no further than Famecrawler, which has an enormous pile of items about Material Marital Strife. Ah well. Sorry Madge. Hope it all works out for the best.

image: New York Daily News

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Madonna No Longer Jewish

Brett Singer — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Madonna will no longer study the Kabbalah, something she has done for over a decade. The reason? Bat Mitzvahs are expensive.

According to people close to her, Madonna was horrified by the 2007 case of David Brooks, who reportedly spent $10 million dollars on his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. "If he spent that much, I won't be able to get away with anything less than $5 million… if we're lucky," the Material Mom told a friend. Madonna's daughter, Lourdes Ciccone, will turn 12 years old in October, meaning that her Bat Mitzvah could have occurred this year.

Madonna has been very involved with the Los Angeles-based Kabbalah Centre, and quoted the Talmud at her recent Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Her husband Guy Ritchie has stated in the past that the family no longer exchanges gifts on Christmas.

Photo: socialitelife.buzznet.com

Howard Stern And Beth Ostrosky To Adopt

Brett Singer — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Looks like The King of All Media will now have a prince.

Sirius Satellite Radio Host Howard Stern and his fiancée Beth Ostrosky will follow in the footsteps of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, and other celebrity couples by adopting a child. Stern and Ostrosky are in the process of adopting a 2-year-old boy from Vietnam. Stern, who has three daughters from his first marriage, said in a statement, "Beth and I wanted to wait to announce this until we were married, but we were just too excited." Stern, who has stated on the air many times that he did not want to have any further children, went on to say, "I admit that I've always wondered what it would be like to raise a boy. Now I'll finally be able to find out. Besides, I said I'd never get married again, and look what happened."

photo: Yahoo.com

Madonna and Guy On Rocks Over Adoption

Kelly Mills — Wed, 09 May 2007 12:34:00 GMT

Remember how Madonna and Guy Ritchie said buying a baby helped their troubled marriage? That welcoming David Banda into their family had "given them a spark" and they were inspired to renew vows and plan a second honeymoon?

Might want to book two rooms for that trip. Apparently the adoption kerfuffle created more problems than it solved. A source for News of the World said, "Guy thought it was ridiculous [Madonna] was going straight back to Malawi with a film crew. At first Guy thought it was a good idea. But then it turned into the Madonna show and he hated the way David's adoption was used to generate publicity." Get in line, Guy, get in line. Only we knew it was a bad idea from the start, because the Madonna show should only involve music and Gaultier. Here's a tip: when you plan to do anything involving a film crew, ask yourself, "Is this totally self-serving and gross?" If you aren't sure, ask yourself, "would I fund a movie about this if I wasn't in it?" Side note: shouldn't I so be therapist to the stars?

Guy is also worried about having his directorial career overshadowed by she-who-we-liked-so-much-better-in-lingerie. I hate to drop a bombshell here, but it's a little too late to worry about that. You have to make a lot more movies and they have to be a lot more successful if you want your own separate identity. You may as well get "Mr. Madonna" on your driver's license.

According to the marital woe source, the couple still acts all unified in public and with the brood, but when they are alone they barely speak. I hope that's not the criteria for rocky, because I know about forty couples who qualify. Parents are just too tired to talk. Oh, but they also sleep in separate beds. Regularly. That sign... eh, not so good.

Again with a side note: if you became rich and famous, which person in your life would become the source that spread all kinds of rumors about you? Oh, I know with celebs it's most often the publicist trying to keep 'em in the spotlight, but occasionally there's a real tidbit revealed by a ~~resentful~~ cash-strapped friend or relative. Do you ever wonder who would air your dirty laundry to the world in exchange for a couple bucks and a knockoff Prada keychain?

Marriage in Trouble? Adopt an African Child!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:08:00 GMT

I guess Madonna and Guy Ritchie didn't read my post last week about how having a baby causes stress. These two say that adopting David Banda I (it just kills me that adopted someone who already had parents) from Africa has given them a spark.

Hmph. Maybe if we were all rich enough to have a fully time nanny (or two) and other people to do our laundry and cook for us and all of the other small things that took up all of my free time when I first gave birth I would have had time to plan a second honeymoon too.

Or maybe they are just basking in the glow of self-righteousness. I hear that can be a real aphrodisiac.