Strollerderby : Houston

Alas poor Yorick...dude, I am totally baked

Brett Singer — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:00:00 GMT

I know it's hard to find a head shop in some towns, but this is taking things a little too far.

Three teenagers in the Kingwood community of Houston, Texas have been charged with "misdemeanor abuse of a corpse," a phrase that makes me wonder just what more serious abuse of a corpse would be. (Actually, forget I said that, I don't want to know.) What they did was dig up a body and turn the skull into a bong. Yes, gentle reader. To smoke the merry-jee-wanna.

Even better -- one of the sacreligious stoners actually offered this information, unasked, to police while they interviewed him regarding a stolen debit card. Asked why [the teen] would volunteer such a story, [police officer] Sgt. John Chomiak said, "We can only speculate and guess to what goes on in the criminal mind." Somehow I think he said something slightly more unprintable.

The police had to notify the next of kin to tell them that not only was the grave dug up, the skull was used to smoke pot. "So how was your day at work, dear?" "Oh, the usual. A couple of robberies, a drunk. Oh yeah, and a skull bong. Had to call the family. What's for dinner?"

At the end of the news item is this little tidbit: all three doped-up gravediggers are homeschooled. I always knew those homeschoolers were trouble.

Stories like this remind me of my teenage years growing up in New York. Not that we dug up graves. In fact, for all the crazy stuff we did (sorry, mom) we never did anything remotely this insane.

image: Amazon.com

Would You Camp Out To Get Your Kid in a Good Preschool?

Kelly Mills — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:08:00 GMT

In Houston, some parents have been sleeping in tents and in their trucks since Friday, saving a place in line to enroll their children and grandchildren in the Houston Junior Forum Community House Preschool. There are 39 slots available for entering children, and these parents--many of them alum of the school themselves--are determined to secure places for their kids in the first-come, first-served registration process. One former grad, who also sent her daughter to the school, recently took camping shifts in line to help her nephew get a spot. She said, "Making a sacrifice like this for your child, with this weather, there's nothing you won't do for your kids."

What makes this school so special? The school has a reputation for preparing low-income, Hispanic children for public school so that they can forgo ESL classes, and even offers college scholarships for some former preschool alums. Seems like maybe the real story is "Why aren't there more programs like this so parents don't have to camp out?" but that's getting complicated, isn't it. And you can see why a few days in the rain and cold might be a price parents would be willing to pay if they believed this school could help prepare their children for success in life.

Would you camp out for your kid? What would you do to get your child into a school?

Photo: Houston Chronicle

Mom Leaves Kids at Fire Station

Amy Kuras — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 23:30:00 GMT

When I saw this story, about a Houston-area mom who left her 8- and 10-year-old kids at a Cy-Fair fire station, my first instinct was to get all judgy (and then my next instinct was to start giggling like a madwoman). I mean, this woman apparently left the kids at the station, told them she couldn’t deal with them anymore and to come back when they grow up, and drove off.

But.

I've had days where I have called my husband and informed him that I am running away from home and/or putting the child up for sale on eBay. And I am only half-joking. There are certainly days where I am at the end of my rope — and I am lucky enough to have a generally really sweet kid, supportive partner and nearby family and friends to take some of the pressure off when I feel like I can’t deal for one more second.

While I can pretty definitively draw the line at leaving children to the mercy of kindly firefighters, I can’t say I have never had thoughts cross my mind that are best characterized as less than serene, gentle or motherly. And if you can say you never have, well, must be nice to be perfect.

Police and child welfare workers were questioning the mom and her children separately, to make sure the kids are safe. I hope so, and I hope the mom can get the help and support she needs to be a better parent. And I hope the kids get through this whole experience without being too scarred.

But what I really hope is that I can avoid getting to that point myself.

Toddler (and Mom) Thrown Off Plane for Saying Buh-Bye

Karen Murphy — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:06:00 GMT

Anybody who's been on a plane with their kids knows what a job it is keeping everyone happy. Cranky toddlers + airplane + vacation excitement/lack of sleep = disaster. I should know, since as the former wife of an airline pilot I got to travel a lot. Woo! With 3 kids in tow! Traveling stand-by! Which means you never know if you're getting on the plane until the last minute, if at all (you are SO jealous right now, I can tell)!

It also means that I know the drill for having someone removed from a plane. The Captain (pilot) is completely in charge of the plane. After all, he's got your life in his hands. So if he says you're off the plane, you're off. Just like that. No questions asked. The thing is, the pilots mostly stay up in the cockpit, flying the airplane. For which we should be glad. But that means that they're not exactly privy to all that goes on in "the back", where the ~~unwashed masses~~ passengers are. So who's really in charge back there? Why, the flight attendants, of course. Which means that if one doesn't take a shine to you, for whatever reason, there's a chance she/he can convince Mr. Bigshot Pilot to have you thrown off. Because he's got to make a snap judgment, along with pushing buttons and levers and talking to the tower and calculating how much fuel they have and using words like "vector" and thinking about the fight he had with his wife or the flight attendant he'd like to boink or maybe both, based on what some flight attendant, who chances are he's never even worked with before because pilot crews and flight attendant crews travel in different circles, is telling him. And he's got, like, maybe seconds to do this.

So the fact that Kate Penland and her 1.5 year old son Garron were thrown off a Continental ExpressJet flight recently doesn't altogether surprise me. But it does sicken me. According to witnesses, Garron said "Bye plane" repeatedly during the flight attendant's safety demonstration (do you pay attention to those? does anyone? should they? well, yes, but do they? hardly), and afterward the flight attendant leaned in to Ms. Penland and suggested she give Garron drugs to keep him quiet. Before anybody knew what was happening, the plane was taxiing back to the gate to be met by Houston police, who found no altercation and issued no ticket to Ms. Penland, but still she and Garron were forced to deplane.

I'm completely open to the possibility of there being another side to the story. Passengers aren't usually asked to leave planes just willy-nilly; the pilot has to fill out reports and stuff when this happens, and the pilots I know hate paperwork. And toddlers can be hell on planes; I once flew back to the U.S. from Ireland with a screaming 2-year-old who was in pain and could not be soothed by anything despite massive doses of Tylenol, until she finally passed out and all I can say is that I'm very glad they found another seat for the guy in front of us. But in this case, other passengers are saying that Garron wasn't any louder than any of the adult passengers, so what gives? Most flight attendants I've run across are pretty professional and courteous; was this one PMSing? Hates kids? Has hemorrhoids? What, then? You can bet that Continental will be taking a hard look at this, what with all the media attention, and I for one would like the full story. I'd like to be comfortable flying with my kids, not worrying whether one wrong move could get us a free trip back to the airport.