Strollerderby : Iron Man

Letting Kids See Watchmen

Brett Singer — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Lisa Belkin wonders if her 15-year old should see "Watchmen," this weekend's number one movie. His 18-year old brother saw it and pronounced it brilliant. I won't keep you in suspense (I know, you were on the edge of your seat), but Lisa eventually capitulated and let the younger son go. Spoiler: he liked it.

Having seen the film, I can say that it is definitely not for kids. The R rating should deter parents, but really it's the subject matter that they should be looking at. For the record, I enjoyed the film version of "Watchmen"; it's very faithful to the original comics (aka "graphic novel"), has some flaws, but overall is very much worth seeing. This column at The Onion AV Club by Tasha Robinson does a great job of breaking down the differences between the two, points out some missteps, and is good reading if you're interested.

For our purposes, the question is "how do I decide whether or not a movie is appropriate for my child?" Movie ratings help, but only up to a point. A commenter at the Times' website points out that "Dark Knight" was rated PG-13, which in my opinion is absurd. Great film, one of the best I've seen, and Heath Ledger's performance was incredible and deserving of an Oscar. Part of what makes his Joker so amazing is that he is really, truly disturbing, more so than the bone-popping-out-of-an-arm style of violence on display in "Watchmen." To me, and I believe to my kids, psychological violence is more troubling than physical violence. Not that I want them to see the extreme grossness that "Watchmen" has. But a movie's rating doesn't always tell the whole story.

What I do with superhero movies is see them first. I know. I make the ultimate sacrifice, go on opening weekend with a bunch of guys wearing Captain America t-shirts, and decide whether or not the flick is kid-friendly enough. "Iron Man" was, although the opening sequence is questionable. "Hulk" was borderline, but my then 7-year-old didn't want to see that one anyway. (Although he does love my blog post written from Hulk's point of view.) I thought "Spider-Man 3" would be too scary for him (Venom), but he was unfazed; actually, I think he was a little bored (the bizarre musical number).

What makes this part of my parenting job easier is that I actually want to see superhero movies. Belkin, not so much: when asked by a commenter why she didn't just see "Watchmen" first if she was so concerned, she replied: "You are right, I should have seen it if I felt so strongly about helping to give context to the message, but, frankly, I couldnt [sic] stand the thought of sitting through it." At two and a half hours, I can't really blame her. But if she had seen it, she would have found out that along with the cartoonishly graphic violence (not a lot, but what's there includes someone having their hands cut off with a power saw) is a very violent rape scene, a moment is that is much more graphic than the one in the original comic. Do I think most fifteen year olds have seen something like that in a movie already? Probably. Does that mean I want them to see that without me telling them what's wrong with that behavior? Probably not. For me, seeing a film is the best way to determine whether or not you want your child to see it, no matter what age they are. Fifteen may be too old to be concerned about what sort of entertainment your kids consume. But even if you don't censor it, it's probably a good idea to know what they watch.

Source: NY Times

Image: AVClub.com

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Gifts I Want That I Can Pretend Are For The Kids

Brett Singer — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:00:00 GMT

One of the things I like about being a parent is the fact that it allows me to regress with impunity. For example, a childless man who plays with Legos? Creepy. A father who plays with Legos? Aw, that's so sweet. He's such a good dad. With that in mind, here are a few gifts that I want this holiday season that I can pretend are really for the children. If they're lucky, I might even let the kids play with them.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed – when we got a Wii, one of the first things I thought of was, "I want a game that lets me use the WiiMote like a sword." When I heard about a new Star Wars game that would allow you to use the WiiMore like a LIGHTSABER, I realized that this was potentially a dream come true. A dream I didn't even know I had. Namely, that I could use the WiiMote like a lightsaber. Hello? How many times did I imagine that I was Luke Skywalker, battling Darth Vader, denying he was my father as I swung my lightsaber in defiance? (Yes, Han Solo was cooler but Luke was a Jedi and was a more attainable goal – you weren't going to be as cool as Han, but you could definitely be like Luke. OK, I was a kid with self-esteem issues.) The idea that I can do this as an adult and get away with it because I have a son is almost too cool to imagine. Reviews of the game on Amazon are mixed, ranging from "pretty good" to "Worst. Game. Ever." There are a few "all my childhood dreams realized" comments on there. Until I actually play the game, I'll stick with those.

To make the nerdy experience truly complete, there is the Thrustmaster Glow Saber Duo Pack, which sounds like the name of a sex toy from a Woody Allen movie but is actually a Wii accessory where you insert the WiiMote into a glowing piece of plastic and wave it around like a lightsaber.

Peanuts Holiday Collection (It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown / A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving / A Charlie Brown Christmas): This one isn't as embarrassing as the other two. The various Peanuts holiday specials have, in my opinion, stood the test of time better than any others. The animation is pleasantly low-key, the voice acting isn't obnoxiously loud and the kids actually sound like kids, and there are no stupid adults around. It's sentimental without being saccharine, funny without resorting to lowbrow comedy (nothing wrong with that but it's nice to see something different everyone now and then), and its great when you can enjoy something from your childhood with your kids without being forced to explain to them why you like it.

Marvel Transformers: It's unclear how I managed to not hear about these amazing new toys. It could be because I'm an adult. But I don't like that explanation. How can something as unbelievably cool as an Iron Man Transformer action figure not have been on my geeky radar? I might have to turn in my Platinum Nerd Card. In all seriousness – well, not ALL seriousness, this isn't a very serious topic – these look cool, appear to be in stock at Amazon, and would provide hours of fun for me, I mean MY CHILDREN. So come on. Fill my stocking with superheroes!

They Say – Lots of Toys Are Sold Out – Or Are They?

When Holiday Toys Attack

They Say – Raise Kids Who Care

Are these toys sold out?

Brett Singer — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

According to Gareb Shamus of Toy Wishes Magazine, these toys are what all the kids want. But, says Shamus, you can't get them, because they're sold out. I'm not sure that he's correct about that. We checked on seven toys here, now let's try eight more.

8. Clone Wars Voice Changing Helmet: Again, Amazon's got it, not even from a third-party shipper. But it's not Darth Vader. So what's the point? According to the product description, "Kids want to be clone troopers." (That's actually listed as a product feature. Odd.) I hope that this statement is not true. If it is, that is sad. Wanting to be Han Solo, I get. Wanting to be a Clone Trooper? Say it ain't so, Bo(ba).

9. Wall-E - U-Command, i-Dance and Transforming: i-Dance they have. Same with U-Command. (Couldn't find Transforming for some reason.) However, both are from third-party folks, and U-Command is over $150.00. That seems like a bad idea unless one of the commands is "rob a bank."

10. Club Penguin Plush and trading cards: Bingo! Club Penguin Plush, not in stock as of this writing. Available from a random person. Looks kind of ugly to me but what do I know. Trading cards they have from third party folks.

11. Webkinz – Plush: It might be tough to find the specific one your kid wants (Webkinz Platypus, anyone? I just made that up) but these are out there.

12. Imaginext – Superfriends: Amazon has it! At least, they have some of them, like this Batmobile. If these are from the same series of toys that my younger son has, I highly recommend them. It's like Batman-lite – more BatMite than Dark Knight. (If you get that reference, you earn points towards your Geek Gold Card.) Fun for kids and also dads. At least this dad.

13. Nerf - all the Nerf Blasters: Well, not ALL, since Amazon has this ominously named Nerf N-Strike Recon CS-6 Dart Blaster. Weapon of kiddie mass destruction, anyone? Also not for the under 3 set.

14. Eyeclops night vision goggles: These look kinda cool, and are in stock. My problem with toys like these is that in my experience kids get bored with them pretty quickly. But perhaps your children are different.

15. Girl Gourmet cupcake maker: I'm not a fan of children making "real" food with dopey fake playsets like these. Why is that? Because I can't imagine that the ingredients of the "special cupcake mixes" are substances that occur in nature. This comment from Amazon, titled "What's that smell??" is telling and quite helpful: "At the end of the day, it was fun for them, stinky for all of us and too darn messy. You are better off with supervised baking then this junky mix." The commenter goes on to say that the product is a good idea but the "flavoring needs tweaking." I beg to differ, but hey, to each his or her own. I'm not against my children eating crap, but they should eat good old American pre-packaged crap that doesn't require further preparation.

So no offense to Mr. Shamus, but this stuff doesn't appear to be as sold out as he said. I'm thinking bad economy = easier to find popular toys. To be fair, many of the items were unavailable except through third-party sellers. But it seems like, with a little digging, you can get most of what your kids want. Not that the holidays are all about toys. But sometimes they are.

When Holiday Toys Attack

Half Price Toys at Target

Last Day For Free Holiday Shipping

Indiana Planned Parenthood Sells Gift Certificates

Miss Piggy Wants a Bailout For Christmas

Babble Podcast for December 15, 2008

They Say – Lots of Toys Are Sold Out – Or Are They?

Brett Singer — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:30:00 GMT

According to Gareb Shamus of Toy Wishes Magazine, these toys are what all the kids want. But, says Shamus, you can't get them, because they're sold out. I'm not sure that he's correct about that. Let's see what we can find in stock.

1.      Bakugan: My son actually got this as an early Chanukah present. Not bad but a little over-rated in my opinion. Basically you throw little balls into a plastic arena, and if the balls hit a particular magnetic card, they pop open. It's neat but only for the first hundred times. There are also rules that seem too complex for my taste, but I’m old and sometimes these games confuse me. Available at Amazon.
2.      Lego Star Wars and Lego Batman: Lego Star Wars is great. Lego Batman, feh. Don't bother. I'm talking about the video games, though, not the Legos themselves. In general I believe that any Legos are good Legos, so if you can't find Star Wars or Batman versions, just go with regular ones. If the kids complain, tell them they should be glad they're getting any presents at all in this economy. (OK, telling them that would be mean. But it's fun to think about, right?) Lots of options at Amazon, but it does appear that most are sold out.
3.      Star Wars Action Figures - All, particularly Clone Commander Cody and Ahsoka Tano: This reveals me to be a tremendous nerd, but I think I've outed myself as Dorky Dad a long time ago. Commander Cody action figures are sold out??? That just doesn't seem right. I mean, I remember when Boba Fett was hard to find. That I can understand. But Commander Cody? C'mon. Available at Amazon for a whopping $44.99. Crazy.
4.      Dora Magical Figures: I found these on Craig's List, although they're probably gone by now. (Note: I am not suggesting you buy something from Craig's List. Also not suggesting that you DON'T buy from Craig's List. That is what is known as a "covering my butt disclaimer". That's a legal term.)
5.      Ben 10 Alien Creation Chamber: Amazon has it from a third-party retailer. Sadly, it does not appear to create life-size "Island of Doctor Moreau" creatures.
6.      Hasbro - Marvel Transformers: I was unaware of the existence of these action figures, but now that I am, I must have them. I mean, my son must have them. Iron Man meets Transformers? Are you kidding me??? Amazon seems to have them in stock from third-party retailers. I… I mean, my SON, really wants these. All of them.
7.      Yo Gabba Gabba Dance Mat: Amazon's got it. It looks fun, but noisy. Also: "CHOKING HAZARD -- Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs." Which seems odd because that's an age I would think this product appeals to. But I guess not.

Hmmm... so far lots of stuff is in stock, although sometimes from third-party sellers. For eight more, check out part 2 here.

When Holiday Toys Attack

Half Price Toys at Target

Last Day For Free Holiday Shipping

Indiana Planned Parenthood Sells Gift Certificates

Miss Piggy Wants a Bailout For Christmas

Babble Podcast for December 15, 2008

The Candy That Time Forgot

Brett Singer — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:45:00 GMT

I stumbled onto a list of candies that we are unlikely to encounter in our children's treat bags tonight. One of them (Bit O'Honey) was on my Babble List, but the rest weren't. Let's look at a few entries from the Island of Discarded Sweets:

Bubble Gum Cigarettes

To my recollection, these tasted really gross, but they blew sugary "smoke" and were therefore "cool" – or should that be "Kool"? I can't imagine seeing them today.

Candy Buttons

Nothing wrong with these, I guess – that is, they're not a candy that mimics a horrible unhealthy habit. But they do encourage the eating of paper, since it's impossible to get the stupid buttons off the backing without ingesting a little mashed up dead tree substance.

Wax Bottles

I have to be honest here. I've never tasted one of these. Whenever I encountered one, I avoided it like booger-flavored jellybeans. I guess it's some sort of sugary liquid encased in wax – is that right? Anyone want to enlighten me?

Sixlets

These were a rare treat. So good. Like M&M's but somehow fancier.

Toffifay

These always offended me a little bit. I can't remember if “It’s Too Good For Kids!” was the actual slogan but that was definitely the attitude. This and Toberlone – if these somehow ended up in my trick or treat bag, some dopey grown-up would liberate them from my possession. NO CANDY IS TOO GOOD FOR ME!

Pop Rocks

Man, do I not miss these things. They did not, I believe, actually kill Mikey. But they're so gross it's believable.

There's more, read the rest of the list here. Any old-time candy that you miss, or don't miss?

Source: MightyJunior

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A Halloween Playlist for Your Kids' Party

7 Awesome Halloween Costumes for Pregnant Chicks

The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes

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How To Carve a Pumpkin (Video)

Brett Singer — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

If anyone hasn't gotten around to slicing and dicing their yearly Jack O'Lantern (me), or just wants a few tips on how to do it better (me), here is Chris Gould (not me) to show you how. Apparently it's all about etching rather than carving. In the spirit of the holiday, we'll forgive the Red Sox t-shirt.

Source: how2heroes.com

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What are your kids wearing this Halloween?

Santa Claus says: Smoke More

Defamer's Top 10 Halloween Specials

A Halloween Playlist for Your Kids' Party

7 Awesome Halloween Costumes for Pregnant Chicks

The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes

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The Babble List: The Best Candy Ever

Babble Best: Toddler Halloween Costumes

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Incredibly Good Homemade Halloween Costumes

Brett Singer — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:00:00 GMT

When it comes to Halloween costumes, we're not very crafty at my house. The kids want to be characters from movies and TV, and I'm fine with that. It's much easier to buy an Iron Man costume than it is to make one. Admittedly, I have the artistic ability of a three year old, and that's being generous.

Some people, however, have the talent and are not afraid to use it. Check out this gallery of homemade costumes from the Kansas City Star.

Optimus Prime

This is, frankly, much better than anything you could buy. It wasn't cheap or easy, though – 40 hours and 50 bucks worth of materials, such as " rubber doorstops, PVC, football shoulder pads and 'lots and lots of duct tape'" according to Eric Collins, who made the lead Autobot costume for his son Cameron. The final touch was "custom vinyl decals." Way over my head. But nice job, dude.

Homemade Hippies

These two are more the kind of thing I might be able to do, except for the whole "making the clothes" part. (I can sew on a button, but that's about it.) Less impressive than Optimus Prime, but still cute. I guess that means the younger generation still knows what hippies were.

For a few more, click here.

When Halloween rolls around, do you buy costumes or make your own?

Source: kansascity.com

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A Halloween Playlist for Your Kids' Party

7 Awesome Halloween Costumes for Pregnant Chicks

The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes

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The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Let's get one thing out of the way right now – you shouldn't bring your children. They might want to go, but unless they have a very high tolerance for a long movie (2 and half hours) and an abnormally high tolerance for what might be the most frightening performance ever (Heath Ledger's Joker), I'd get a sitter.

Now: this is some incredible movie. At first, I was a little bit apprehensive. Part of that feeling was the hype, which was so intense that it seemed impossible anything could live up to it. (Part of it was also that the movie didn't start until almost 1am because we had to sit through 7 commercials, none of which I remember at all – money well spent, advertisers. But I digress.) There are some slow spots, especially in the beginning, and I think the director, Christopher Nolan, could have cut 10 or 15 minutes of film and made it a tighter movie. But that's nitpicking, because there are several scenes, some just quick moments and some long, exciting action sequences, that will put your jaw on the floor.

The saddest thing about Heath Ledger's death is that his daughter will never know her father. But it's fair to say that if an actor had to go out with one performance, this is that performance. He's so good that I completely forgot I was watching an actor, which, for me, almost never happens. (It's worth pointing out that Gary Oldman as James Gordon, and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, do the same thing in smaller and less flashy roles.) He's frightening, but not the way a horror movie villain is frightening. It's not shock value, although there is some of that (there's a bit with a pencil that might be the best 5-second description of a character in the history of cinema.) Without giving anything away, The Joker is referred to as a "terrorist" a couple of times, but unlike the terrorists in our world, this one has no cause that he fights for. He's just… mad. Not angry-mad, just flat out crazy. And Ledger captures that in every possible way. You could teach an acting class using this movie – what he does physically, vocally, emotionally; it's all stunning to watch.

The rest of it is, for the most part, equally good. I don't care about the love story, but it's fine I suppose and does serve the story. Aaron Eckhart is a solid actor and he does a good job as Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Dent. Christian Bale is by far the best Batman yet, although Ledger is so good that he really takes over the movie. Michael Caine is a good Alfred Pennyworth, Maggie Gyllenhaal is fine as token love interest Rachel Dawes; she's more than that, I guess, but it's not her movie. Gary Oldman is amazing; as in "Batman Begins," he somehow manages to completely capture the essence of a fictional comic book character that isn't a superhero, meaning that, as an actor, he has fewer details available to work with. I can't explain it but he IS Jim Gordon.

The nits to pick if you want to go there: some of the dialog is hokey (although the lines written for Ledger are brilliant.) There are a few slow spots. At times the action sequences are a tad frenetic, here and there. But it really doesn't matter. You'll read a lot about the surprising depth of this movie, and this is true to an extent. "The Dark Knight" is incredibly entertaining and does have some thoughtful moments amid the comic-book chaos, but there's no need to over think them. I would say just relax and enjoy it, but it's not a relaxing experience. Ledger's Joker is uncomfortable to watch, but in a good way. I don't want to give anything away, so you'll have to see it for yourself (but, as I said, get your tickets early; even the 12:30am showing was completely sold out.)

Now, despite the fact that there isn't much in the way of blood, this is not a film that you should take your children to see. Obviously, you know your offspring better than I, so if you think they can handle it, that's your call. And of course older kids will be fine. I hesitate to suggest an age-range, but I recommend seeing it yourself first if you're not sure. Worst-case scenario – you get to see it twice. Believe me, that's not a bad thing.

image: Reuters

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Batman: get your tickets now

Brett Singer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:42:00 GMT

So, being a guy who sees superhero movies, I wanted to see the new Batman movie. Today.

A friend wanted to come with me, so I couldn't pull my usual "go during the day when it's not busy" thing. So OK, let's see when its playing… What? Sold out? You gotta be kidding me.

Well, I'm not. If you're planning on seeing The Dark Knight this weekend, you'd better get your tickets in advance. This is unbelievably annoying. I tried at 2pm to get tickets to a 10:30pm showing, and it was already sold out. The reviews so far are over the top in their praise. Over at Rotten Tomatoes, a site that aggregates reviews from various sources, the rating is a whopping 94% positive (the only film with a higher rating is Wall-E.). If you go to the "top critics" section (print outlets and sites like salon.com), only a couple of the reviews are negative, which is extremely unusual for a comic book flick.

A lot of the interest in this film is because of Heath Ledger's death, but I've never seen anything like this. A movie that you can't get tickets to unless you go at midnight, which is what I'm doing? Come on. (And yes, I know I'm nuts.)

I'll let you know what I think of the film, and whether or not it's appropriate for children, later tonight. But for now, if you plan on going, order those tickets early, Bat-fans. Otherwise, you ain't getting in.

See you tonight -- different Bat-time, same Bat-channel...

image: Rotten Tomatoes

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Little Matilda Had Heath's Heart

Hulk want puny blogger to review Hulk movie

Brett Singer — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Yesterday I received the following email:

To: Puny Blogger
From: Hulk
Subject: Hulk Movie

Hulk get right to point, Puny Blogger. Why Puny Blogger not review Hulk's movie? Puny Blogger wrote about Metal Man movie. Hulk hate Metal Man! Hulk smash!

Hulk know last movie had stupid plot and gamma-charged poodle. Hulk tell stupid producers about script problems at first table read, and Hulk not hire Ang Lee. (Hulk think Tiger/Dragon movie highly over-rated.) But Hulk feel good about latest big screen effort. New movie tell Hulk story in entertaining and emotionally satisfying way. Hulk see movie. Hulk happy with final cut.

Hulk angry that Puny Blogger not write about Hulk movie! Hulk just trying to get something going with career. Hulk father now, need to get ducks in row. Has Puny Blogger seen price of tuition? Hulk need start saving now. Hulk finally get big movie with big opening weekend gross, and Puny Blogger not care.

Write review of Hulk movie, Puny Blogger – or Hulk smash!

Cordially,

Hulk

Hulk, please accept our apologies for not reviewing your film sooner. I've just been busy with other projects, and of course, my family. As a new father, I'm sure you can understand. Please, do not smash me, my computer, or anything else for that matter. Here is my review of "The Incredible Hulk."

The last time Marvel brought ol' Greenskin to the big screen, it was a disaster. Too long, bad CGI effects, and a gamma irradiated poodle were only some of the problems. Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk because his father was mean to him, injecting him with some experimental serum, which is triggered by a blast of gamma radiation? Oookay. No disrespect to Ang Lee, but he was a bad choice.

For this latest effort, Marvel took over the producing reins and went back to basics. The story actually picks up where Lee's film leaves off; five years have passed, both in the film and in actual reality (Ang Lee's "Hulk" was released in 2003.) Ed Norton is a good Banner, although there are too many scenes that are clearly meant to "deepen" the character. When the Hulk shows up, it's great. The CGI isn't perfect, and it's not nearly as seamless as "Iron Man", which almost made you believe someone could build a shiny flying super-hero suit. But this new "Hulk" is 1000% better than the last one.

One interesting choice the director Louis Leterrier (the "Transporter" movies) and screenwriter Zak Penn (the last 2 "X-Men" flicks, as well as the upcoming "Captain America" and "Avengers" films) made was to go back to the much-beloved television series. They use a new version of the intro, the music shows up a couple of times, and some of the feeling of Banner wandering the globe looking for a cure is very much a part of this new "Hulk". (They did do away with the amazingly bad choice of renaming Hulk's alter ego "David Banner", although Bruce does use that name as an alias at one point.) I'm one of the millions of people who fondly recall the old "Hulk" series, which starred Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. (Lou has a cameo as a security guard and is still in body-builder shape.) That show, hokey and mopey though it was, had something that the first "Hulk" movie didn't, which was a sense of reality. Having a real person (Ferigno) play the Green Goliath made it feel more like it could actually happen. Part of what the new "Hulk" does better is to just have better CGI effects. But part of it is keeping things simple. Somehow going back to something that worked – the TV show – made this easier to pull off.

It's not a great movie. But it was so much better than I expected. Also, it sets up for future Marvel super-hero movies featuring multiple characters: Robert Downey Jr. shows up at the end to do his Tony Stark thing; this time you don't have to wait until after the credits. There's even a hint at a villain for a "Hulk" sequel. Part of the fun of watching our beloved funny books turned into movies is the recognition factor: "Hey! There's General Ross! Talking to Tony Stark! And they said something about a team!" Avengers! Yes!

"The Incredible Hulk" is still in theaters, so go check it out. It's a fun popcorn flick, and besides, Hulk needs the cash for Hulk Jr.'s college fund.

image: EOnline

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It's time again to play: Guess The Photo!

Brett Singer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

This is:

a)   Me, after Burning Man
b)   The other Olsen sibling (you know, the one they keep locked in the basement)
c)   Rejected Sesame Street character Scary McNightmare
d)   The other Jonas brother
e)   The offspring of a superhero

It's e).

For those of you who always wondered, "What if the Hulk was sent to a strange planet and had a child with an alien woman who has some sort of power that connects her to the life-force of the planet itself?" Your question has been answered.

That's right, True Believers, this is Skaar: Son of Hulk. The new Hulk movie hits theaters today, which means a ton of Hulk-themed comic books will be released in an attempt to entice old and new fans to part with more of their nerdy money.

For the uninitiated and/or those who could not care any less, here's the scoop on Hulk's kid:

(Note: if for some reason you haven't read Planet Hulk / World War Hulk but are planning too, the next paragraph gives away the ending. So skip it if you don't want to be "spoiled.")

The Hulk is often a major league pain in the tuchas. All that, "Hulk is strongest one there is! Hulk smash!" can get real old after awhile. So The Illuminati – a group of self-appointed ultra-important superheroes (Iron Man, Namor, Doctor Strange, Professor Xavier, Reed Richards and Black Bolt) – decide to send Greenskin to an unpopulated planet where he can live out his days in peace and not hurt anyone. But they screw up and send him to a populated planet called Sakaar. While there, Hulk saves the people of Sakaar from an evil warlord and eventually becomes king. There is peace. There is happiness. There is even some Gamma-irradiated sex between the Hulk and his newfound ladyfriend, Caiera the Oldstrong. Then the ship that brought Hulk to Sakaar explodes, killing Caiera and his unborn child. OR SO HE THINKS. Hulk returns to Earth to wreak horrible Hulky vengeance on the "puny humans" that he thinks caused the explosion and the death of his happy alien family life.

This all happens in a series called Planet Hulk, which led to World War Hulk. It's good if you like that kind of thing.

HOWEVER! Hulk's son was not killed! In typical comic-book-nonsense fashion, Caiera has something called the Old Power, which connects her to the planet in a mystical way. Because of this, she is able to protect her child, who becomes a savage beast/teenager (same thing, right?). Or something along those lines.

Anyway, issue #1 of Skaar: Son of Hulk is available now in comic book shops. Is it any good? Eh. It's OK. Will I buy issue #2? Yeah. I will. Cuz I'm a sucker.

image: comiclist.com

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Marvel's greatest sh*t

Brett Singer — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

The latest attempt at a film version of "The Incredible Hulk" hits theaters on June 13. Hopes are not high among True Believers, but it can't be as bad as the Ang Lee stinker that came out in 2003, right? Marvel is riding high on the massive success of "Iron Man", and the fine ferrous fellow has a cameo in the new "Hulk", which should bring out a few more folks on opening weekend.

"Hulk" is the second film that Marvel has produced on their own. Before "Spider-Man" was a massive hit, Marvel licensed out their characters to seemingly anyone, often with very little success.

So in honor of this momentous occasion, here is a list of some of Marvel's failed movie offerings.

Roger Corman's Fantastic Four

This was supposed to be released in theaters, I even remember seeing the trailer. The word is that Roger, the king of schlocky flicks, spent most of his budget on a costume for The Thing, then had to piece together the rest of the film with almost no money. Somebody looked at his effort and said, "No way are we releasing this." It never saw the light of day but bootlegged versions can be found in video stores and online. Here's somebody who thinks this version is better than the 2005 film. YouTube has clips, 'natch; here is the trailer and the ending.

Fantastic Four - 1994 Roger Corman Original Movie Trailer!

1994 Fantastic Four ending

The Punisher

This one never made it to theaters either. Dolph Lundgren plays Frank Castle, the man whose family was killed by gangsters and then he devotes his life to killing every criminal he can find (hey, not all comics are for kids, you know). This was a bad idea from the start; the final product isn't any better. There was another Punisher film that was released, but it got pretty bad reviews.

Punisher 1989 Witty Comments

The Punisher (1989) trailer

Nick Fury

A TV movie starring David Hasselhoff. Was there ever a chance this would be watchable? It is worth noting that when Nick Fury appears in the new Iron Man movie (you gotta stay for the credits, dude) he's played by Samuel L. Jackson. So they, you know, decided to go in a different direction. I couldn't find video for this one but here's a photo.

(image: David Hasselhoff Online)

Captain America

In a lot of ways this one is the most tragic. Marvel has announced a new Cap film, which is good, but this one has to be seen to be believed. It almost looks like a home movie. Here's a video of Cap versus the Red Skull. The dubbing is in Italian but it should give you an idea of the low-quality filmmaking going on.

Capitan America vs. Red Skull

There are more stinkers out there; if you know of any good/bad ones that I missed, leave it in the comments.

New York Comic Con Photos - Part 2

5 Best Discoveries from the NY Comic Con, by Ayun Halliday

Gwyneth Paltrow Leaves Family For Robert Downey Jr.

This Is What Happens When Geeks Mate

Gwyneth Paltrow's Traumatic Experience

Iron Man Meets Lactacting Woman

Little Rivets in the Future for Iron Man Robert Downey Jr.?

My Fair Spidey: Spiderman musical coming to Broadway

Brett Singer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

You are all aware by now that I love me some super hero movies. But a musical? Based on... Spider-Man? The mind, as it attempts to crawl out of my ear, boggles.

I mean, what possible reason is there to create a musical based on Spider-Man? And lest you think this is some sort of macho "theater sucks" thing, rest assured that I saw a Broadway show last weekend ("Macbeth" with Patick Stewart, shockingly horrible) and will be seeing another in two weeks ("Boeing Boeing"). So I don't hate Broadway, or even musicals, as an art form. This particular one, however, can't possibly be good.

Or could it? The creative team is as follows: Julie Taymor, who directed the wildly successful Disney stage adaptation of "The Lion King", and for music, you have -- wait for it -- Bono and The Edge. Now, I suppose some would be excited about this. How could a musical with songs from the two main parts of U2 be bad? Well, Paul Simon had a Broadway show ("The Capeman") which was, by all accounts, hideously bad. Numerous jukebox musicals (shows based on existing songs) have flopped, and many were based on good material (Bob Dylan, John Lennon and The Beach Boys, to name a few). In other words, success in one medium is no guarantee of success in another. And Taymor's only other Broadway credit was "The Green Bird", which nobody really liked very much.

This article has nothing but good things to say about Spidey's prospects on Broadway, but even with this potentially potent team of Peter Parker interpreters, I am not at all optimistic. Supposedly the show is due in NY in 2009. So we'll just have to see. "To be continued..."

image: Amazon.com

New York Comic Con Photos - Part 2

Brett Singer — Mon, 26 May 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Now that Iron Man has crushed all comers in the summer movie department (sorry, Speed Racer), let us all revel in the great geekiness that was this year's NY Comic Con. Here is the second set of pics from the Con; check out Part 1 here.

Let's start with the coolest item there: lightsaber. At $100, it was too rich for my blood. But oh, was I tempted.

This set of photos was also the only one that made Thing 1 mad; "Dad! Why didn't you buy that?" Now that I've had time to reflect, I kinda wish I had shelled out the cash for a couple of these. They're fun.
The sword was cool, but I preferred the lightsaber.
Geekin' ain't easy! Actually, it was really tiring walking the convention floor. I didn't realize how long I'd been standing until the end of the day when I just wanted to lie down.
Me and one of the Emotes. Not sure which one this is. I was Cranky by this point.
Back to characters I know: Boba Fett from Star Wars. This was a female version, however.
One difference this year was the higher number of female attendees, more specifically female attendees who (a) were not employed by Con exhibitors and (b) did not look like they spent the rest of the year locked in a basement somewhere as a prisoner of geekery.
Comic legend Neal Adams. I spent about an hour with him; I should have the interview ready later this week.
Indiana Jones and his dad (and some other guy.)
I believe these guys were from the NYC chapter of the Jedi Knights. No. I'm not kidding.
Once again -- no idea. Best guess is Final Fantasy or some other video game I don't play. As you can see, a lot of these costumes were very involved. Amazingly, no one seemed remotely interested in taking a break, at least not that I saw. Most of the heavily costumed folks were regular attendees who just wanted to be photographed. Again, harness that energy and you could do almost anything.
The answer to the question, "What if Spidey ate way too many donuts?"
Quick! A girl! Don't let her get away! (Just kidding guys, don't use the choke force on me!) That's a group of Jedi with Princess Lea in her slave-girl outfit.
"Honey, smile. Daddy wants to get his picture on a comic book blog." Again, just kidding. This kid was adorable and seemed to be having a great time.
Superman cheating on Lois with Princess Lea? Say it ain't so, Clark.
Princess Lea was a popular choice. This young lady appears to have answered the question, "What if Princess Lea had been played by Shelley Duvall?"
That's a different Princess Lea (we're up to four, and believe me, there were a lot more), hanging with Boba Fett. When asked why she was palling around with a bounty hunter, she said, "He works for me now."
And we finish with this guy: The King of Burgers meets Star Wars stormtrooper. Just... wrong. And yet, so right.

photos taken by Michael Messer

New York Comic Con Photos - Part 1

Brett Singer — Sun, 25 May 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Now that Iron Man has crushed all comers in the summer movie department (sorry, Speed Racer), let us all revel in the great geekiness that was this year's NY Comic Con. Here are some photos; more to come tomorrow.

Me and Supes (he lets me call him "Supes")
As my wife said, "Honey? You know those statues aren't real, right?"
Hulk! I'm crushing your head! I'M CRUSHING YOUR HEAD!
Ed Norton has nothing on me. Oh wait, he's playing Bruce Banner, not Hulk. And he's an insanely successful actor. Okay, maybe he's got a little something on me.
For some reason this bothered me, I don't know why. Biggie's mom licenses these dolls, so at least she gets money for them. There's something morbid about it, though. I asked the guy at the booth about it and he said they had done lots of rappers, but he admitted that this was the only dead rapper action figure he knew about.
This is me being very confused at the rules for Chaotic, a card/bead/role-playing game. I'll be posting my experience with it soon.
Swear Bear has a filthy mouth and is not for kids. He also has the power to make anyone standing next to him supremely blurry!
Wrong convention, guys. The SCA meeting is next week.
This is what it looked like when they let the general public in (note that this means the earlier shots here are the VIP's.) It was a stampede. If you could harness the energy and excitement for something like the Presidential election, you could make the world a better place. Clearly Obama needs to start campaigning in a cape with a giant "O" on his shirt.
Anyone know what these folks are dressed up as? I don't.
Again: no idea.
This one I know: Nightwing. For the unitiated, Nightwing is who Robin grows up to become when he gets tired of being Batman's sidekick. Then Batman gets a new Robin, who gets himself killed, at which point he gets another new Robin.

Part 2, featuring four different versions of Princess Lea, me holding a lightsaber, and guys in stormtrooper costumes, coming tomorrow.

photos taken by Michael Messer

Summer Movie Traffic Cop: 'Speed Racer'

Jen Chaney — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:28:00 GMT

Last week I covered "Iron Man." Now Summer Movie Traffic Cop takes on the next potential blockbuster on the Hollywood horizon: "Speed Racer," which opens today in theaters nationwide.

The Wachowski Brothers have souped up the original cartoon, creating an ultra-bright, whiz-bangy, PG-rated adventure that's (allegedly) for the whole family. The movie has its faults, including a plot that can get a little convoluted. But a boy at a recent preview screening could barely contain himself, bopping up and down and banging his knees together during every racing and fight scene. And if that means anything, then your kids may love this ... assuming the content passes parental muster. Now, a traffic cop breakdown:

'Speed Racer's' Summer Movie Traffic Violations:

--Violence, although mostly of the (no surprise) cartoonish variety. However, some characters brandish guns and there is an intense scene involving barracudas. (Yeah, I said barracudas.)

--This won't surprise anyone with a cursory knowledge of the cartoon, but a major character loses a sibling and deals with major grief.

--The youngest character in the movie, Spritle, gives someone the middle finger.

--For a PG, the language veers toward the crude; characters liberally use the word ass and two s-bombs are dropped, one bleeped, one not.

Reasons to Let 'Speed Racer Off With a Warning:

--The romance between Speed and Trixie is handled very tastefully and with an awareness that some kids will consider it "cootie-rific."

--The cast is excellent, particularly Susan Sarandon as Speed's mom and Matthew Fox as the elusive Racer X. (Props, too, to Scott Porter of "Friday Night Lights," who plays young Rex.)

--The overarching messages -- that family must stick together and that what a child dreams, a child can become -- should be welcomed by parents.

Final Ruling:

The violence and the crude language are disheartening since "Speed" is marketed to very young children. Still, for older kids this will make a fun matinee.

A Red Light for Kids 6 and Under

A Yellow Light for 7-Year-Olds

A Green Light for Viewers 8 and Older

Credit: Warner Bros.

More Superhero Movies to Come

Brett Singer — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:30:00 GMT

In the wake of Iron Man's massive domination of all things box office this past weekend, Marvel has officially announced their next crop of comic book flicks. Here you go, true believers:

- Iron Man 2, April 30, 2010: I have to admit that despite my non-rave review, I don't want to wait this long. Yes, I'm a fanboy. Sue me.

- Thor, June 4, 2010: the last time a live action Thor was on screen was in a TV movie that also featured the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. It wasn't very good. Here's a clip from YouTube. Dig those furry shoulder pads. Very godlike. Not.

- The First Avenger: Captain America, May 6, 2011: If you haven't seen the never released in theaters version of Captain America, get very drunk and do so. It's astonishingly bad. There were actually posters announcing the release; then somebody saw it and it went straight to video immediately.

- The Avengers, July 2011: EW.com says that this film will include "Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor". Stay for the end of the credits for a teeny sneak preview of this (or just read this: SPOILER ALERT). That's four of the original Avengers, but they left out Ant-Man and the Wasp. But wait…

- Ant-Man, in development: I'm surprised that they would make a separate Ant-Man movie. The part of the character that's interesting is Henry Pym, who's a genius but also kind of jerk. Depending on which version of the character he's either an egomaniac or an egomaniac, alcoholic and wife-beater. The whole story is much too long and complicated for a feature film, and as a straight-up superhero, he's not exactly first-tier. I predict this will never actually get made.

Those who can't wait (like me) will have to settle for the new Hulk movie, coming on June 13. From the DC side of the comics world, we also have the new Batman, coming on July 13. Trailers for both are below. Indie-comics fans can make do with Hellboy II and Wanted. Yes, it's a great time to be nerdy.

image: FirstShowing.net

Family Movie Night: Short Circuit

Brett Singer — Mon, 05 May 2008 22:45:00 GMT

Once a week we try to sit down and watch a flick as a family. I will periodically post my thoughts about the films we see. This week: Short Circuit.

Believe it or not, it wasn't Jen's post about a pending remake that inspired us to see this 1986 Steve Guttenberg movie. Amazon.com has a video-on-demand service called UnBox, which you can use to download movies directly to your Tivo (or computer if you like that kind of thing). I had been meaning to give the service a try, and there was a 99-cent sale on sci-fi movies. Short Circuit was a choice, so we figured for a buck, why not?

The UnBox service worked great. I've heard mixed reviews about download speeds, but we were able to start watching the movie after about 3 minutes while it continued to download in the background. This is with a Tivo connected to the Internet via a cable modem. (As with all things technical, your mileage may vary.)

What about the movie? Well, it holds up pretty well after 20 years. The special effects aren't anything to get excited about, but the robot, Number Five, is mostly cute and reasonably charming. Fisher Stevens plays a somewhat politically incorrect engineer with a thick Hindi accent. A lot of his laugh lines come because of his accent ("Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby.") and/or the occasional malapropism ("Newton, we are wasting valueless time here.") It's basically the same kind of thing as Apu from The Simpsons (except that Short Circuit came out first). There are a few four-letter words, which I had forgotten about (Newton Crosby [Gutenberg]: Holy shit. Number 5 (robot): No shit. Where see shit?). My kids didn't think anything of the cussin'; we didn't make a big deal about it and so far no one has walked up to their teacher and used the s-word. The line "Life is NOT a malfunction," spoken by Stephanie Speck (played by Ally Sheedy) sounds very pro-life when seen today. That's probably reading too much into it (although looking at the image to the right, I'm wondering if I might be onto something.)

None of this would make me not recommend the film, which is refreshingly low-key compared to what comes out today (Speed Racer, I'm looking at you, although when I do I get a headache because there are so many colors on screen.) I like the big stuff too, but it's nice to take a break every now and then. Plus the soundtrack is so 80's I started seeing leg warmers everywhere I looked. Short Circuit is more of a "family movie" (think E.T.) rather than a "kids' movie". As for the remake, I don't see any reason to do one, but now that the kids have seen the original, they'll probably want to check out the copy as well. So like Jen said, it's probably a good business idea (though not much of an artistic one).

Bottom line: Recommended, with mild language reservations.

image: Amazon.com

Free Comic Book Day

Brett Singer — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:30:00 GMT

I love me some comic books, but they are way too expensive. (Not that this stops me from buying them, mind you.) And if they cost too much for me, they definitely cost too much for the average kid.

That's one of the reasons for Free Comic Book Day, which is tomorrow (Saturday, May 3rd). Stores all over the world give away free comics in the hopes of getting more kids interested in funny books. With the "Iron Man" movie opening this weekend, stores will probably be packed, but they usually have a lot of product to give away, so stop by your local shop and see what they've got. By the way, I do mean "all over the world" -- the website lists a store in Malaysia, among other faraway places.

Kid-friendly books include Tiny Titans, Sonic the Hedgehog and The Simpsons.

Age ranges vary, although personally I can say that Tiny Titans is a true all-ages title. It helps if you are into the Teen Titans cartoon and/or the original comics, but Robin riding in the back of the Batmobile asking Alfred if they can stop for ice cream is the level of humor we're talking about. (If you have no idea what that last sentence means, don't bother picking up this one, although your kid might like it.) A nice touch is that the website has PDF previews of most of the books so you can check them out beforehand if you like. Note that not every title being given away is necessarily for young readers. Also note that some stores are even giving away Star Wars and Iron Man toys! For the kids. Not for me. For the kids...

Giveaways vary by location, check freecomicbookday.com for details.

images: freecomicbookday.com

Quickie movie review: IRON MAN

Brett Singer — Fri, 02 May 2008 03:51:00 GMT

"Iron Man" opens officially on Friday May 2^nd, but my local theater had an 8pm showing on Thursday (tonight). I kinda had to go, even if I couldn't convince anyone to join me in summer blockbuster bliss. Here is my quickie review, along with my thoughts on whether or not you should take the kids.

I wanted to like it. I really did. And I liked some of it. Kenneth Turan in the L.A. Times says in his review that there were two scripts that were kind of mushed together, and the movie definitely feels like it was done in pieces. For the record, most of the reviews are very positive.

One of the biggest mistakes that makers of superhero films make is not giving us enough time with the hero. Sure, Tony Stark is the main character. But we need to see a lot of Iron Man. When we do, it looks great. A lot of effort was clearly put into making the mechanics of the Iron Man suits look as realistic as possible. I say "suits" because there are four of them – the first, which looks appropriately clunky, the second (all gold), and the third, which has the red and gold that is most recognizable. The fourth belongs to the super villain. I won't give it away, but it isn't that much of a surprise. Apparently there is a much cooler surprise scene after the credits, which I didn't see, I only read about it (don't read this if you don't want to "spoil" the moment.)

Jen pointed out some of the main concerns a parent might have. I'm going to add another, which is that a lot of the film feels very real. The scenes in Afghanistan are well done and pretty effective – it's not "Full Metal Jacket", but you do see war. In one scene a father is almost shot in the head in front of his family. There is almost no bloody violence shown, however. Like so many things, it really depends on your kid. Some little ones are more bothered by graphic violence, others get more upset at psychological realism. The other potential knock against kid-friendliness is the pacing, which was sometimes slower than molasses. For me, the most important thing about a superhero movie is pacing, and "Iron Man" occasionally slows to a crawl. I could definitely see a younger kid getting really bored.

Marvel is clearly trying to create a complete Marvel Universe on screen (the bit after the credits is definitely an attempt at this), which will be fun if it works. "Iron Man" will probably make at least $85 million this weekend (not sure why that number popped into my head), which would mean a sequel. Hopefully next time around they'll make it a little tighter.

Bottom line: a little slow, not always consistent in tone, and not nearly enough Iron Man. The good parts are good, the bad parts aren't exactly "bad", they're just not that great. Worth seeing? Sure. A "must-see"? Nah.

image: FirstShowing.net

Summer Movie Traffic Cop: 'Iron Man'

Jen Chaney — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:33:00 GMT

With the summer movie season officially starting this weekend, I bring you this new occasional feature: Summer Movie Traffic Cop, which will provide some guidance about whether certain blockbusters make appropriate fare for your kids.

Our first "offender" is "Iron Man," a good, old-fashioned, smashy-crashy blockbuster featuring a tremendous star turn by Robert Downey Jr. It arrives in theaters tomorrow and is worth seeing, but can you bring your kids? After catching a preview screening earlier this week, I offer the following traffic cop breakdown:

'Iron Man's' Summer Movie Traffic Violations:

--Lots of people catching on fire.

--Numerous explosions, several in a wartime environment.

--More than a few casualties.

--The presence of Muslim terrorists who, albeit not overly gratuitously, torture our hero and others.

--A Vanity Fair reporter, played by Leslie Bibb, with little sense of journalistic ethics and a slight tendency toward the slutty. (Most of the love scenes are kept off screen, though).

Reasons to Let 'Iron Man' Off With a Warning:

--There is no nudity and little sexually explicit material. While Downey's Tony Stark is a player, the romance in the movie is pretty chaste.

--The language is relatively clean. While many actual bombs are dropped, I don't recall hearing any f-bombs.

--The movie's overall message -- that weapons manufacturing and war are dirty businesses -- is a positive one, but may fly over most kids' heads.

Final Ruling:

The biggest issue with the movie is the overall violence, which isn't overly bloody or gory but is definitely intense. And that means:

A Red Light for Kids 7 and Under

A Yellow Light -- Proceed With Caution -- for Kids in the 8 to 9 Range

A Green Light for Most Viewers 10 and Older

Image: Paramount Pictures

Iron Man Meets Lactacting Woman

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Journalist Zorianna Kit faced a working mom's thorniest dilemma. How do you keep up production without holding up the production? Most moms, however, don't have millions of dollars riding on the state of their breasts.

Kit details her day on the Iron Man set for the Huffington Post. Her biggest challenge wasn't remembering her lines or hitting her marks, it was keeping her girls empty enough to stay in the Gucci dress wardrobe fitted her in. The true hero in this tale isn't Kit herself but her breast pump.

No word yet on whether the pump will get some SAG credits for its work in Iron Man.

Photo credit: www.womens-health.org.nz

New York Comic Con

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 15:00:00 GMT

If you're like me, you are (a) follicly challenged, and (b) once a week you go to your local comic shop to purchase the latest adventures of Spider-Man, Batman, Superman and the rest of the long underwear-types. Today - right now, as I type this - I am at the New York Comic Con, which is happening all this weekend at the Javits Center in Manhattan. This is basically Geek Heaven, with thousands of comic books and comic book-related products on display. There are also artists signing merchandise, video game companies hawking the latest and greatest, and even advocacy groups dealing with issues ranging from aging comic book workers who don't have pensions to video gamers who think that parents need to stop buying Mature-rated titles for their kids.

I spent the day at the Con on Friday, interviewing people, playing games and taking pictures of people in extremely detailed Star Wars costumes. Over the next couple of days I'll post my interviews, photos and commentary on this tremendously fun (if a bit nerdy) event. Some of the things I'll be posting are: an interview with comic book legend Neal Adams, a review of the new Shakespeare Manga from Wiley and Sons, along with an interview with Romeo and Juliet illustrator Yali Lin, audio of a Stan Lee press conference, and someone showing me how to play the card game Chaotic.

If you are in the New York area and have kids who love them some Spidey (or Disney, or Manga), Sunday, April 20 is Kids Day at New York Comic Con. Children under 12 get in free with a paying adult. There are cartooning classes, special meet and greets with favorite characters such as PBS Kids' Wordgirl, and even LIGHT SABER TRAINING (for a select few). Check out nycomiccon .com for details, and check back here for my reports.