Strollerderby : Japan

Japanese Potty Training Video

Brett Singer — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

I was working on a piece about potty training. So I Googled it. This video is one of the first few hits.

You need to watch the whole thing. Trust me. I guess it's safe for work. There's no language issue, unless your co-workers speak Japanese. I have no idea what anyone is saying. The visuals aren't racy, although there is a smiling toilet. Just watch it, OK?

What's great about this -- apart from it's general overall greatness -- is that it hits all of the same points as a "normal" potty training video. Kid. Parents. Kid has to pee. Kid learns to use the potty. Kid learns to see bye bye to his pee. Kid has to poop. Kid learns to poop in the potty. Kid gets underwear. Parents are proud. Kid is proud. And... scene.

Of course, Potty Time With Bear doesn't show the pee moving through the body. Or the poop. Both bits of human waste product seem happy that they are being eliminated and flushed.

Being a pop-culture maven, I wonder which came first -- this video or Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo, of South Park fame. But mostly I wonder if any Japanese children have actually watched this training video. And if it worked.

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Japanese Robot Babies!

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:01:00 GMT

What makes us human? Is it a mind, intelligence, the ability to learn new things? Is it the light shining in the eyes of a baby when she begins to wake up to the world around here, look around and take it all in? If so, scientists in Japan are hoping to expand all our definitions with the world's first robot that learns like a human child.

Called the Child-robot with Biomimetic Body, or CB2, the invention was unveiled two years ago and has made enormous progress since then. Rather than being programmed to walk, talk, and perform tasks, the CB2 is designed to learn to do those things by watching and interacting with human beings -- just like your kids do!

Developed by a team led by Osaka University professor Minoru Asada, CB2 has sensors under its "skin" to recognize human touch, and can "see" and understand (or at least categorize) the facial expressions of the people who care for it. Asada hopes that in a couple of years CB2 will be talking with the vocabulary and syntax of the average two-year-old child.

According to Asada, robots with human qualities are an easier sell in Japanese culture because of longstanding spriritual beliefs.

"Everything has a mind -- the mind of the lamp, the mind of the chair, the soul of the desk."

"Therefore the machines should have their mind too. If we proceed in this study, machines may have something like a human mind or 'robo-mind."

It's a fascinating experiment, but it makes me wonder why anyone would want to engineer a machine to act like a two-year-old child. My two-year-old is a ball of obsessions, enthusiasm and whining. He's lovely and I love him, but I'm not sure anyone would pay to have him in their house. I suppose the idea behind CB2 is that by learning how children learn, we can perhaps develop therapies to help children who aren't learning, or who learn differently. And if that's the goal, it's a great one. But as for me, I like my kids messy, unpredictable, and sans micro-chip.

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Ringtone Increases Breast Size

Madeline Holler — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:01:00 GMT

A researcher in Japan thinks he may have found a way to give women bigger boobs without invasive surgery or weight gain. They just have to download a very specifically engineered ringtone to their cellphones and let 20 to 40 calls per day work their magic.

What sort of sound could possibly perk up and pop out your sagging girls?

A baby's cry, naturally.

Hideto Tomabechi, researcher of artificial intelligence and the mind,wants to show that sounds affect more than just the mind -- they also affect our bodies. So he took a recording of a crying baby and stripped it down to its essential sounds. He hypothesizes (generalization alert!) that women will respond physiologically to the recorded sound of a crying baby in the same way they respond to the real sound. By responding so frequently, their breasts will grow.

Does he mean women all over Tokyo are going to be letting down every time the phone rings? Or do women respond in some way to babies' cries that I'm not aware of. I'm willing to concede that I (and my lactating boobs) respond physiologically to the sound of a crying baby ... NOW ... ever since having my first. But before ever having kids, I'm not entirely convinced I could even tell the difference between a crying baby and, say, an angry cat. Besides, if all it takes is a baby's cry, I should look like Pamela Anderson by now.

Of course, this Tomabechi guy is the same man authorities called on to deprogram the Aum Shinrikyo cult members (of sarin gas on the subway fame), and he's held up as some kind of mad genius. So maybe the nation's dissatisfied flat-chested should download the baby wails and answer the call to a more confident and happier you.

Photo: NoiseAddicts.com

Japan: Woman Impregnated With The Wrong Egg

SunnyChanel — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Imagine this scenario. You, or your significant other, has a routine in vitro procedure at a well respected hospital. The procedure was successful and you are thrilled with knowing that a baby, your baby, is on the way. Then you find out…the baby isn’t yours. The fertilized egg that was transferred to the hopeful mommy-to-be belonged to another woman, a total stranger. No, this is not a sub plot from The Young and the Restless. Sadly, according to the AP, this happened to a woman in Japan. What did she do about it?

In a culture where surrogate births, adoptions and raising children that are not related are very rare, the mother opted to end the pregnancy via abortion. And she’s pretty darn mad too. She has just filed a 20 million yen (about $220,000) lawsuit against the hospital who made the error. The hospital spokesman said, "The in vitro procedures are carried out in sequence one after the other, and in this case the eggs from one procedure may have accidentally been left over and used in the following procedure…” Oops.

What would you do if this happened to you? Keep it as your own or not?

Source

Would You Buy the Baby Mop?

SunnyChanel — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Baby Mop from Chris Milk on Vimeo.

Admit it, you’ve totally thought about it. At one point, you’ve wanted to turn your child into a household cleaning tool. My guess is that a large majority of parents out there have had that fleeting moment when they see their little baby squirming around the floor and thought, “I should turn my kid into a living mop”.

Now for those of you who haven’t flirted with this idea don’t get your panties in a bunch, the print ad for the “product” says:

"There's no child exploitation involved. The kid is doing what he does best anyway, crawling. But with Baby Mop he's also learning responsibility and a healthy work ethic."

But don’t try to rush out and buy one. There is no info on where and how to buy it, so maybe it’s just a joke/dream. Alas. Check out the hilarious ad above, which was directed by Chris Milk who directed a hit video for Gnarls Barkley.

If this product was available for purchase, would you buy one?

Japan: Workers Sent Home to Procreate

SunnyChanel — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:30:00 GMT

How often does your employer request that you leave work early to go have sex? Probably not very often. But this practice has become a policy for Japanesse companies such as Canon. Why do they want their workers to get busy in the bedroom rather than just in the boardroom? To combat the low birth rate that is now plaguing the Japanese population. Right now their birthrate is 1.34, but an average of 2.0 is what is required to keep their population steady.

According to CNN, twice a week high tech giant Canon is allowing their employees to leave work early for some good old -fashioned baby making. In a culture where twelve hour work days are the norm, couples are too tired and busy to start a family. This is cited as one of the main reasons in the drop in births in addition to a high cost of living and “social rigidity toward women and parenting.”

This policy to push for procreation may soon become popular with other Japanese companies soon as well. Japan’s largest business organization Keidanren also urged their members to let their employees go home early to get some lovin’. Forget the overtime, this sounds like a great benefit to all.

Source

They Say -- Kids Who Skip Breakfast and Hate Mom Have Sex Sooner

Brett Singer — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Sometimes I read a news story and feel like I'm actually reading The Onion. Does that ever happen to you?

For example: this report from Japan that finds a link between middle school students and teen sex. Basically, middle schoolers who do not partake of the most important meal of the day are more likely to get a head start on making the out-of-wedlock beast with two backs. (That's an unnecessarily silly way of saying "having sex.")

What exactly inspires a study like this one? Were researchers conducting interviews with sexually active middle schoolers in the morning hours and thought that they looked a little hungry? Not exactly. The survey isn't talking about sexually active middle schoolers. That would be creepy. It specifically found that the "average age of first-time sex for those who said they ate breakfast every day as a middle school student was 19.4, while for those who skipped breakfast, the average age was 17.5."

It gets better. I'm going to quote this line because it may be one of the greatest sentences in the history of journalism: "The average age of first-time sex was lower for those who found their mother annoying." (See what I mean? Doesn't that sound like it should have been in The Onion?) Those who "said they disliked their mother" starting gettin' it on at the age of 16, on average. Folks who "appreciated their mother" didn't lose their virginity until the ripe old age of 19.

No word on whether or not girls with "daddy issues" were slutty, or whether or not sibling rivalries were the main cause of homosexuality. (I'm kidding, of course. But if that's the next survey this association conducts, I won't be all that shocked.)

Kunio Kitamura, executive director of the Japan Family Planning Association, conducted the survey. The quotes attributed to Kitamura are hopefully the result of a poor translation from Japanese: "The fact that people can't eat breakfast may show something about their family environment. Before blaming individuals for having sex at an early age, it may be necessary to look into the sort of homes they are from." In other words, it's not your kids' fault they're having sex. It's because the muffins were stale that morning. Oh, and you're a crummy parent. And your kids don't respect you as a mother. Or all of the above.

Hey, here's an idea. How about studying the TYPE of breakfast consumed? That is, are middle schoolers who consume mostly oatmeal in the morning more or less likely to engage in sexual activity before they turn 18 than children who eat pancakes? And what about if they have bacon with their pancakes? And why stop at breakfast? What about lunch? Does french fry consumption increase or decrease the likelihood of future sexual activity?

So if you don't want your kids to start having sex too young, make sure they eat breakfast. In middle school.

Ah, science. We have come so far. And yet, not so far at all.

Source: Reuters

Image: tamarackwv.com

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Your Mother-in-Law Really Is Bad For Your Health

JeanneSager — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:35:00 GMT

If you're one of those people who read that headline and shook your head in denial, good for you. But let me tell you - you just aren't normal.

Lucky, yes. Normal. . . well, let scientists in Japan be the judge. Because a study by Harvard Medical School researchers showed Japanese women who live with their mothers-in-law are three times more likely to have a heart attack.

Making this study even more significant? Japanese women are traditionally at a much lower risk of cardiac disease than those of us living in the states.

The study followed ninety-one thousand men and women ages forty to sixty-nine over a ten-year period, determining men had little affect on their health when Mom came to live with them while their wives saw a decrease in cardiac health. The women were less likely to drink and smoke (maybe because they had someone breathing down their neck, clucking every time they picked up a wineglass?), but despite not having had any cardiac issues before the study began, six hundred seventy-one participants had been diagnosed with coronary artery disease by the study's end and three hundred thirty-nine had died of heart disease.

On the positive end for parents, the women who had both a mother-in-law and her own children living at home were actually better off than those whose kids have already flown the coop (it's like multiple children - more than one person for the old bat to heckle, er, watch over). Rather than tripling her chances of having a heart attack, the woman's chances were doubled.

So, Dads, it's up to you - which Mom needs your help?

Image: Amazon

Source: New York Times

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Maternal Killings in Japan Linked to Social Changes

Kate Tuttle — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 12:05:00 GMT

This is one of the saddest stories I've ever read. Apparently there's been a steep rise in cases of child abuse, including and leading up to maternal filicide -- that's mothers killing their children -- over the past few years in Japan. Most alarmingly, more than 100 cases of maternal murder have occured since the end of 2005. Experts there blame a variety of factors, but say that through the cases

runs a persistent theme: young mothers, often weighed down with part-time work on top of full-time parenting, feel an acute sense of isolation from their community and a lack of support from disinterested or abusive husbands. Sometimes they fixate on apparent developmental disorders they diagnose in their children, on other occasions they blame themselves for abject school performances. Usually they are too ashamed to seek treatment for their own feelings of depression, and invariably, in a moment of quiet desperation, they are driven to kill.

So many of these challenges sound familiar, especially the double-duty of work and mothering. But unlike in the US, where mothers have been struggling to work and raise kids without much extended-family help for years, family size in Japan has only very recently begun falling, and as fewer young mothers have their own mothers to lean on, their isolation can become combustible. The article goes on to mention that some parents, cut off from real-world friends and family, "rely on magazines and online parenting guides" (ahem), only the online parenting resources aimed at Japanese mothers, it says, tend to "entrench anxieties – misguided or not – that their children could have intellectual or physical disabilities." Some mothers, indeed, have killed infants as young as three months old because they feared their development was not on par with their peers; others murdered teenagers whose poor school performance might reflect badly on them.

Clearly, there are big mental health issues at play here, but it sounds as if societal forces are at work as well. According to the article, "one psychiatrist claimed the killings could represent a kind of transference, whereby desperate women assign the suppressed fury they feel at their neglectful husbands to their innocent children instead." Makes you wonder why it doesn't happen more often here. Could it be a good thing that we're used to atomized families, going it alone, making do?

Who Wants to Dine on Homemade Baby?

Cole Gamble — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Do you know that you can nosh on real baby? Oh sure, thanks to our friends in Japan. What the hell do I mean?

There you go. A Japanese translation fail of epic proportion. What, did you think they eat real live human baby? No way, sicko.

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Japanese Spiderman Video

Brett Singer — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Spiderman – you know, superhero, sticks to walls, spins webs any size, etc. – is popular around the world. But sometimes the character is changed slightly for local markets. Here is – Japanese Spiderman.

Yes, we all have election on the brain. This video is so dopey that it will absolutely take your mind off of everything for about a minute. And that makes it worth watching.

If you REALLY want to zone out, here's a full episode -- 24 minutes long. I haven't watched it. But if you need this sort of thing, here you go. Perhaps it arrived just in time.

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When the Characters are INSIDE the Kids' Lunchboxes

JeanneSager — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:02:00 GMT

If you know a chef, you've probably heard the art of food is in the presentation. Which for me means cutting my daughter's PB&J into four triangles instead of two. If she's lucky I'll crimp the edges when I remove the crust. But Japanese mamas apparently have more Martha in one little finger than I have in my whole body. Either that or a lot more time on their hands.

Every day, Japanese moms are keeping alive a tradition begun at the latter end of the country's Kamakura Period (which officially came to a close in 1333) in their children's lunchboxes. It's a modern twist on charaben, short for character bento boxes, that sends average kids to school with a lunch styled to look like Piglet, Spiderman or Tinkerbell is popping out of their box.

The creations were profiled in Face Food: The Visual Creativity of Japanese Bento Boxes, a hardcover out earlier this year from Mark Batty Publishers. Author Christopher D. Salyers recalls talking to mothers who were embarrased by the notion that magazines would want to display their work. They do it, they told him, for the praise of their kids. He says it's evidence of deep "parent-to-child devotion," a value highly valued in Japanese society.

Salyers' rich photographs were paired with detailed ingredient lists. A spot on likeness of the Aristocats' Marie, for example, took sixteen different ingredients to create - including cucumber, fish cake, green beens and thinly sliced beef. Seaweed was lovingly sliced to craft a winking eye, whiskers and even supply eyelashes for the Disney feline.

Can you see your kid eating seaweed? What about fish cake? Mine either. But as "Western" food from McDonald's and Starbucks have come to dominate the Japanese eating habits the way they have our own, Salyers says charaben help moms keep their kids nutritional habits healthy. But the projects can take anywhere from half an hour to two hours, and it's all going to be eaten by lunchtime.

What do you think? Worth a try, or too much work? I'm impressed. . . but Martha's still out to lunch.

Images: FaceFoodBento, Christopher D. Salyers

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How They Live: The Japanese Daycare Experience

SunnyChanel — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:42:00 GMT

All daycares are not alike. Some corral the kids like lost puppies at the SPCA, others have a day to day agenda not unlike an academically driven prep school. But how does the American daycare differ from others around the globe? Writer Yumiko Ono shared her daughter’s daycare experience in Tokyo, Japan in a piece she penned for the Wall Street Journal.

Here are some interesting tidbits and examples about how the Japanese daycare system is run.

• The public daycare fees don’t exceed $650 a month in Tokyo for kids under three. Half are run publicly while the rest are managed by private groups. In major US cities, daycare costs an average $917 a month.

• Each day, when they arrive at the school they note in a log book the body tempature of the child to make sure the kid isn’t afflicted with any illness.

• The day’s highlights are noted in journal such as the entry, "She stretched out her legs in the pool and pretended to be an alligator,"

• At the end of the day, parents pick up their children’s things as well as the soiled diapers “each rolled up and marked with her name, await in a basket.”

• And we’re not the only country with preschool and daycare being as competitive to get into as a decent college. Getting that “coveted slot requires patience and strategy.” Yeah, we know that one all too well!

For entire story click here.

Grass Green, Sky Blue, Another Old Lady Gives Birth to her Grandson

Madeline Holler — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Just a few years ago, we were wringing our hands over the elderly getting knocked up and having babies. What did this mean for society? When was the right age to deny a woman fertility treatments? What ... what about the children?

Now, it seems there's a report of grandmother (or grandmotherly woman) giving birth every month somewhere in the world. The latest is this 61-year-old Japanese grandmother who acted as a surrogate for her own daughter.

Not many details except that she had a boy -- her grandson -- and that she actually gave birth last year (the clinic is just now releasing the information). The patient agreed to carry her daughter's fertilized egg since ...

... her daughter was missing a uterus. Everybody was and still is doing fine.

Surrogacy is apparently uncommon in Japan (anybody want to tell that to this baby?). And the doctor who implanted this latest grandma/mom is something of a renegade in the country for ignoring criticism for helping old ladies get pregnant. She's the oldest surrogate in Japan and also one of the oldest moms there to give birth. Of the eight surrogates who went through this particular clinic, four were women implanted with the eggs of their daughters.

So in the cases of grandmothers getting pregnant for their kids, what do you think? Are these cases different for you than the ones where it's just a 60+-year-old having a kid she'd always wanted?

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Photo: yahoo!

Follow-Up: Surrogate Baby Could Get Visa If She Doesn't Get Adopted First

Jen Chaney — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:42:00 GMT

Both Madeline and I recently wrote about Manji Yamada, the baby who was born via a surrogate mother in India but whose biological Japanese parents have since divorced. Because the biological mother no longer wants the child, it has been enormously difficult for the father to bring her home to Japan. So she is still in India, where her paternal grandmother has dutifully watched after her.

Now, finally, some progress: A Japanese Justice Minister has said a visa will likely be granted to the girl, which would make good sense. Meanwhile, according to Agence France-Presse, a child welfare group in India is trying to adopt her.

An organization called Satya (which means Truth) has filed a petition to take custody of little Manji because her parents have acted "irresponsibly." Now, there is no question that the mother was irresponsible. Deciding that she didn't want the baby after the surrogate pregnancy was well under way is more than a little selfish. As for the father, if we can believe what we have read, he is making a good-faith effort to bring the child home. Granted, he did return to Japan because of work. But it seems lile Satya is just as irresponsible for exploiting a high-profile situation in an attempt to keep a child away from her biological family.

Honestly, the most responsible person in this whole mess is Manji's grandmother. She has stayed by that child's side from minute one and vowed not to leave India without her. If anyone deserves to raise that baby, it's her.

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A Surrogate Child With No Place to Call Home

Jen Chaney — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:26:00 GMT

So here's a heartbreaking story to add some cheer to your day.

According to CNN.com, and as Madeline also recently reported in this here blog, two-week old Manjhi Yamada is still stuck in a hospital in India and unable to go home. Why? She was delivered by an Indian surrogate mother who carried the baby on behalf of a Japanese couple. Then the couple got divorced and the Japanese mom decided she didn't want the child after all. Now the Japanese father and grandmother are having a hell of a time trying to bring the baby girl home to Japan.

Indian law says a baby can only get a passport if her mother is present. Neither of the moms in this case are willing to get involved. The father has even looked into adopting the child -- who, by the way, is biologically his since his sperm was used to create her -- but according to Indian law, a single man cannot adopt a daughter.

Meanwhile, poor little Manjhi has been hospitalized again because she refuses to eat and has become dehydrated.

It's a sad situation and one that makes a couple of things very clear: 1. The laws in India are woefully antiquated. And 2. If you're going to hire a surrogate mother, you should probably make sure that a. you want to stay married to your husband and b. you really want that child.

Apparently the girl's birth certificate has been issued and that lists only her father's name, which might help her get a visa to go to Japan. For the baby's sake, we can only hope she gets better and goes home soon.

Image: CNN.com

Divorced Wife to Surrogate Mom: Eh. Nevermind

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:02:00 GMT

A 12-day-old baby is waiting at the Indian hospital where she was born for laws to catch up with the rather complicated history of her short life.

The baby girl is the biological daughter of a Japanese man and was intended to be the daughter of him and his Japanese wife. She was conceived via eggs donated by an Indian woman and born via an Indian surrogate.

However, shortly after fertilization, the Japanese couple who got the girl's life rolling divorced.

The would-be mom decided she no longer wanted the child. Fine, the dad was still interested. But! The law in India prohibits a single man from adopting a girl baby. Sooooo. Baby,who is an Indian citizen, waits in legal limbo for a Japanese passport.

Baby Manji's paternal grandmother and an Indian friend of the father's are taking care of the girl while all the legal stuff gets sorted out.

Surrogacy is emerging as a booming business for many poor women in India. But looks like their laws need to catch up so all contingencies are covered.

From Yahoo!:

Surrogate mothers in Anand charge about 100,000 rupees (2,500 dollars) for a pregnancy and have been approached by a number of overseas Indian and foreign couples who can have a surrogate baby at a fraction of the cost in Western countries.

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Photo: Yahoo!

Elephant Parents Teach Baby to Paint

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:10:00 GMT

Elephants in a zoo near Tokyo are proving that artistic ability runs in the family. In this video, a mother and father elephant emulate the pleasure of artistic expression for their one-year-old baby. Reluctant at first to put brush to canvas, the elephant is soon making brush strokes with an impressionist's eye for color. Oh, the adaptable talent of the young.

Not everyone is wild about the elephant painting phenomenon, thinking it is cruelly forced upon the animals by some trainers as a way to attract crowds, and of course, money. Whether or not that's true, at least the elephants in this video are not forced to draw particular objects, but rather are given full creative license--followed by a refreshing hose down.

Photo: visopys.org

Greenhouse: The Family That Bathes Together ...

Amy Kuras — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:02:00 GMT

I'm not sure what to make of this news, except that it's a respite from the stream of depressing stories coming across our desks here at 'Derby HQ: Speeding up family baths can save energy.

I don’t mean having everyone in the family take a shorter shower, or filling the kids' bathtubs a minute less or whatever, I mean when the family shares one tub, having everybody take baths in quick succession means the water doesn’t need to be reheated, thus saving energy. (there is totally a "bathes together/stays together" joke here somewhere that's just not coming to me).

Before you turn up the royal nose, know that this how people take baths in Japan. People typically wash outside the tub and then soak in hot water for a bit afterward, and it's that soaking water that's shared by the family. I was a little grossed out, honestly, but then remembered I have used a hotel hot tub, not to mention the one inherited by one friend from another guy whose taste in women ran to the, let's say "professional" and skeevy. That's way grosser than a bunch of family members soaking their already-clean bodies.

Hot water use in bathrooms and kitchens accounted for 39 percent of energy consumed in Japanese homes, while in European (and American) households, energy is mainly used for air-conditioning and heating.

This is serious business in Japan – it's, admirably, one of the world's most energy-efficient countries, but greenhouse gas emissions have been on the rise recently. The government has responded by launching an effort to raise public awareness for global warming.

Baby Drop Box: The Utmost in Convenience

Jen Chaney — Sat, 24 May 2008 19:32:00 GMT

Remember when you used to slip your rented videos into Blockbuster's after-hours drop box? You can do the same thing with your unwanted child!

Last year, a hospital in Japan created the "Stork's Cradle," a hatch that contains an incubator where people can safely leave unwanted newborns. The initiative was a response to several incidents in which babies were abandoned in parks or supermarkets. Since it was launched, 17 children have been left in the "baby drop box." (Interesting detail: One of them was a pre-schooler. Obviously it's not cool to abandon a child, but one you've already raised for three or four years? That's just stone cold.)

Of course, this isn't the first time such a thing has occurred. Churches and shelters in Italy, for example, have been going the drop box route for centuries, upgrading to the incubator model a few years ago.

As disturbing as the notion of sticking a kid through a slot might sound, these boxes actually do a service. Rather than finding these infants after they've been outside for hours, medical personnel and social workers are able to immediately respond to them, keep them healthy, then help them find happy homes.

Of course, you know what this means. Pretty soon someone will create a Mommy and Daddy Drop Box. If they do, let's hope the kids never figure out how to use it.

Photo: Fox News

Children of Men (for real): Japan's Child Pop. Drops for 27th Straight Year

Cole Gamble — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:00:00 GMT

While we in America like to celebrate the 5th of May by depositing large quantities of tequila into our stomach (just for safe keeping before we deposit said tequila in a toilet later that night), in Japan they celebrate Children's Day. Thing is, at the rate they are going, pretty soon they won't have anything to celebrate.

The population of children in Japan has declined for the 27th straight year in a row. The reasons are thought to be a product of modernization. I.E: as a country becomes richer, birth rates tend to decline. Yes, it's a stereotype but it is true, the poorer and less educated a population, the more kids get popped out.

The effects of such a decline in Japanese youths could potentially be disastrous. Just look at the fears we have with our own withering Baby Boomer generation. Time will come when the infirm and incapable will outnumber the vital and capable, and when it does, look out. It's simple math: when there are more people who are taking out of the system than there are people putting in, well everything kind of goes to hell.

The impact of this youth drain could prove dire for Japan, but at least they'll get watch us fall apart first. Maybe they can learn something from us as our capital building is transformed into a Denny's and the a street gangs of elderly men take to mugging innocent people for their precious Viagra money.

Photo: www.ctv.ca

Baby-Crying Contest Held in Tokyo

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:00:00 GMT

I’m sure there are oodles of jokes just begging to be cracked about this story. I’m just a little too disturbed to think of them. Yesterday, at the Sensoji Temple in Tokyo, babies faced off in a popular annual contest involving amateur Sumo wrestlers. In case you’re unfamiliar with the sport of “Baby-Cry Sumo,” here’s how it works: parents turn over their infants to Sumo wrestlers, who make the babies cry by gently shaking them and scaring them with their giant stranger faces. The baby who cries the loudest is the champion! Would we expect anything less from the country that brought us vending machines selling live turtles and human breast milk? (Disclaimer: do NOT buy human breast milk from a vending machine in Japan—even if you happen to be eating warm chocolate chip cookies. Trust me on this one.)

The purpose of the contest is to pray that babies will grow up to be strong and healthy, since, according to a Japanese proverb, frequent crying in babies is a sign of good health. (And here I thought it was a sign of colic.)

I’m sure that, in addition to being HI-larious, this story has a lot to teach us about tolerance for other cultures. Perhaps, for instance, “Baby-Cry Sumo” is not so different from handing our youngsters off to a tubby stranger wearing a fake white beard and bright red bodysuit. The only difference is that we don’t want Santa to make the babies cry. We want him to promise them lots of consumer goods.

Then again, I’m still disturbed. How 'bout you?

Photos: Reuters

Is This The Kind Of Equality Gloria Steinem Was Fighting For?

Amy S.F. Lutz — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:03:00 GMT

The image of the geisha catering to the every whim of her male clients is a longstanding Japanese stereotype. But now, the modern ladies of Tokyo are lining up for some pampering of their own, courtesy of the increasingly popular "geisha guys" - male escorts that earn up to $50,000 for an evening of "companionship."

Industry spokespeople insist that no sexual favors are exchanged, but claim that wealthy, working , independent women are happy to pony up for attention, compliments and fun without the commitment of a relationship.

I know this represents a real upending of traditional gender roles in Japan, and should probably be applauded. But I can't help but find it pathetic that women are paying the price of a luxury automobile for men they don't know to tell them how pretty they are. Is that really progress?

I guess it's more of a reflection of my own hang-ups than anything else that I see exploitation of women in all forms of sexual commerce - it doesn't matter whether they're the ones paying for ~~sex~~ companionship, or the ones selling it. Which doesn't make any sense, I know. After all, no one is forcing Japanese women to flock to clubs and engage the services of these male geishas. And maybe it is empowering to have a handsome boy toy at your beck and call.

But it just seems more sad and lonely than anything else.

Badass Japanese Mom

Madeline Holler — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 17:13:00 GMT

Tough talk from a badass 44-year-old Japanese mom:

"I wanted to show my children that if you give up, then you're washed up!"

Kazumi Izaki has been recently named Japan's oldest professional boxer. She was officially certified despite the fact that she is 12 years older than that country's boxing federation normally allows. She made it

The mother of two daughters, 21 and 14, and former aerobics instructor laced up a pair of boxing gloves for the first time back in 2001. She replaces a 46-year-old Japanese man as the country's oldest pro boxer after he declined to renew his license. I guess he's washed up.

PhotoS: (Not Izaki) tribuneindia.com; AFP/Getty Image via Yahoo.com

McDonalds Wants to Sell Your Kids Hamburgers and Sex

Cole Gamble — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:49:00 GMT

You don’t need me to tell you McDonald’s is marketing to your kids. They want to snag your juniors early and mold them into lifetime users. In America, McDonald’s ropes tikes in with Playlands, toys in meals and easy going clown/nightmare fodder Ronald McDonald. Japanese McDonald’s, however, know what your kids really want: sex.

It’s only a matter of time before us puritanical Americans catch up with those forward thinking Japanese and give a sex overhaul to our beloved brands. I’m looking forward to the Pillsbury Dough Boy as portrayed by a Pussycat Doll. Poke her in the stomach and you’ll get a surprise. Then there’s Hugh Hefner’s polygamous trio of playboy bunnies as Snap, Crackle and Pop. Charlie the Tuna: Courtney Love. All of it will make you way hungrier for crescent rolls, rice crispies and canned fish and totally won’t leave you feeling creepy for being aroused.

I have to add this bit. When accused that burgers are detrimental to the Japanese diet, Den Fujita, the first McDonald's Japan president, said: "The reason Japanese people are so short and have yellow skins is because they have eaten nothing but fish and rice for 2,000 years. If we eat McDonald’s hamburgers and potatoes for a thousand years we will become taller, our skin become white and our hair blond."

Gives me a few ideas for new McDonald’s slogans:

McDonald’s: Official Hamburger of the Aryan Race.

McDonalds: Hey Japan, want a burger? No? How about a little Asian on Asian racism? Now you want a burger?

McDonald’s: Sex, Stereotypes and Shakes.

Feel free to compare the above video to this one of the OG Ronald. You've come a long way, baby!