Strollerderby : Keith Urban

Name Guru Picks Eight Worst Celeb Kid Names of 2008 (Part 2)

Brett Singer — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

The Final Four! No, it's not March yet. This is the Final Four Celebrity Kid Names of 2008. Less exciting than college basketball, but hey, it's only December.

Here you go:

(You can read Part 1, with numbers eight through five, here.)

4. Ignatius Martin Upton
(son of Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton)
This one isn't in the "that's not even a name" category, but it definitely isn't a great choice. The name "Ignatius" reminds me of Ignatius J. Reilly, the lead character of A Confederacy of Dunces. Ignatius (the character) is kind of a putz, to put it mildly. Still, not EVERYONE has read that book (although many people have) and there are probably other folks who were named Ignatius who were not putzy. And again, the middle name is good – Martin Upton actually sounds pleasantly British.

3. Bronx Mowgli Wentz
(son of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz)
OK, this one is bad. And no middle name to fall back on. The only hope for little Bronx (sheesh! Poor kid) is if Ashlee and Pete come to their senses and change his name to something else. If that doesn't happen, Zowie Bowie (son of David) no longer goes by his given name; he's now Duncan Jones, although at age 12 he asked people to call him Joe. (His full birth name was Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones.) So lil' Bronxy can change his own name when he gets older. I'm sure Zowie Bowie sounded funny to ol' Dave in 1971, but he came to his senses later in life – his daughter with current wife Iman is named Alexandria. Lansky puts this one at #3, if I were making a list like this, Bronx Mowgli Wentz would be #1 with a bullet.

2. Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg
(daughter of Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg)
This one is bad, although I think Bronx Mowgli is worse. Again, at least the kid can go with Joseph. And while Jagger isn't exactly a great name, at least it's pretty easy to figure out who the kid was named after. Lansky really goes off on the former Punky Brewster this time: he says that he "had no idea that Jagger Joseph Blue was a girl" until he read the press release twice (twice! What nonsense. Bruce Lansky is a very busy man). Then he attacks the now-elderly Mick Jagger, saying that he does not provide an adequate role model "for a baby girl." (Bruce? Try decaf.) Then he says that "Soleil and Jason picked three names and couldn’t find one that’s likely to make their little girl happy," and caps off his mini-tirade by saying the following: "I find it surprising that a woman with two strange names…would pick three strange names for her daughter." I actually don't find it terribly surprising, especially if you consider the fact that Soleil's childhood had to be at least a little bit weird since she grew up on TV, and on a sub-par show at that ("Punky Brewster" isn't exactly "The Odd Couple"). Lansky does offer some useful info: "Soleil means 'sun' in French, so translated into English her name reads 'Sun Moon Frye'." Perhaps somebody's parents were smoking a little something when it was baby-naming time.

1. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
(son of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
This is bad. Very bad. I think Bronx Mowgli is worse, but this one is really not good at all. Lansky focuses on what I think are pointless facts: that no one will know that, "Zuma is a beach in Malibu and that Nesta is Bob Marley’s middle name." If they did, would that make it better? However, Gwen Stefani is making big, big money – music, that fashion line, and endorsements, to name a few. So "I'm Gavin and Gwen's son" will probably go a long way towards dismissing the obvious name lameness. Maybe he can hang out with Knox Jolie-Pitt. They can console each other, each sitting on their own enormous pile of money, trying to decide how many women they should take home tonight.

Final comment: Obviously this is meant to be amusing. Having money and fame does not mean that a kid can't grow up screwy. But having money probably doesn't hurt, and let's face it – while a lot of these names are awful, most really aren't Pilot Inspektor-level awful. Not that it isn't fun to make fun of them. And let's not forget that having a funny name didn't stop a certain guy from becoming President of the United States. Perhaps one day we'll see the Bronx Mowgli Wentz / Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale ticket. Yes… we… can…

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Name Guru Picks Eight Worst Celeb Kid Names of 2008 (Part 1)

Brett Singer — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I want Bruce Lansky's job. I mean, the guy just sits around all day and talks about names. Not even deep etymological studies, although sometimes he goes there. It's really just baby names. As near as I can tell, this is a way to make a living. America is a wonderful country.

Anyway, Mr. Lansky has weighed in with a list of the Eight Worst Celebrity Baby Names of 2008. So from the home office in my, um, home, here we go:

8. Sunday Rose Kidman Urban
(daughter of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban)

This one doesn't seem that bad to me. At least not compared to some of the others. Maybe the kid starts going by Rose. Rose is a nice name. Sunday, not so much. Lansky says, "Apparently the name was chosen to honor a patron of the arts in Australia, but most people who hear or read the name will find it an odd choice for an American girl born on a Monday." Whatever, dude.

7. Honor Marie Warren
(daughter of Jessica Alba and Cash Warren)

Again, not that bad. Kid could use the middle name. Dad's name is "Cash." That's much worse. (Unless you happen to be a rapper. Then it's OK.) Lansky says that Alba and her beau will probably start using their daughter's middle name themselves at some point, saying "that’s why it’s so important to pick a “high-odds” middle name when parents pick a risky first name." Not a bad strategy I suppose.

6. Emme Anthony
(daughter of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony)

This time Lansky takes issue with potential pronunciation problems (say THAT phrase ten times fast), as well as spelling: "it’ll be misspelled ninety-nine times out of a hundred." Then he wags his virtual finger at the Lopez's (I say "Lopez's" because let's face it, Jen is in charge in that house): "That’s what happens when you pick an obscure variation of one of the five most popular girls’ names in the U.S. Emma would have been a much smarter choice." Except that this particular girl's name belongs to the daughter of someone who has made an enormous pile of money and is world-renowned. (Hint: she's married to some guy named Marc.) I tend to agree with Lansky that, when in doubt about a name for your offspring, go with the easier choice. That said, people get my name wrong all the time – one T, Bert, etc. Note to Emme: you'll get over it. I did.

5. Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt
(son of Three Guesses, The First Two Don't Count)

This name is odd. Lansky says that this poor lad will have trouble in school and will be forced to explain his name as, "Knox. As in Fort Knox." Yes. As in "my parents have more money than Fort Knox." Then he'll select one of the thousands of girls that want to date him and head over to the Viper Room in his chauffeur driven limo. Now I realize that money isn't everything. But it does make a dopey name a little bit easier deal with.

For the remaining four names, including what Lansky thinks is the worst Celeb Name of 2008, click here.

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Nicole Kidman drank the Kool-Aid and it was fertile

JeanneSager — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:22:00 GMT

As a proud member of the one and done club, I'll be crossing all trips to the Australian Outback off my list. Turns out Nicole Kidman's Sunday surprise had nothing to do with hubby Keith - it was all in the water.

Yeah, I heard that when I got pregnant, then one friend got pregnant, then another, and another. Got to be something in the water, they said. I always thought they meant the stuff we were drinking, but apparently eight glasses a day wasn't enough for Mrs. Keith Urban. Nicole and her co-stars were taking dips in "fertility waters" in a small Outback town while filming the upcoming Baz Lurhmann epic, "Australia."

As our own Madeline Holler already uschooled Kidman on the birds and the bees this morning, I'll save that talk for my own daughter in about 10 years. I will ask what Kidman meant when she said, "Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy."

So, seven girls means "fertility waters," does seven boys mean "contaminated pond?"

Image: SFGate

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Which Celebs Refuse To Pimp Out Their Kids?

Amy S.F. Lutz — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Since Brangelina's twins arrived, there's been a lot of passionate debate about the ethics of celebrities auctioning off baby pics to the highest bidder.

Me, I thought that, since Brad and Angelina have promised to donate the $11 million they've allegedly scored from People Magazine to charity, everyone wins. Until I read a very rational article on this practice, which pointed out that celebs like the Jolie-Pitts have so much money they could easily afford to donate $11 mil to charity WITHOUT sacrificing their children's privacy. As Bruce Weinstein, who writes on ethics for a syndicated column, points out, "If your own parents are literally selling you out, where can one feel safe?"

Not all celebrities are raking in the big bucks for their baby pictures, however. Which ones are taking the moral highground?

According to Gawker, a few big names were never approached to sell their babes' photos because they made it clear beforehand they weren't interested. In this group are actresses Nicole Kidman (who recently welcomed, with husband Keith Urban, daughter Sunday Rose), Halle Berry (who celebrated the arrival of Nahla Ariela with Gabriel Aubry) and Cate Blanchett (who, with husband Andrew Upton, brought home third son Ignatius Martin in April).

Then there are those celebs who turned down big time offers for pictures of their offspring, such as Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck (parents of Violet Anne, now 2), Courtney Cox and David Arquette (parents of Coco Riley, now 4), Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick (parents of James Wilkie, now 5) and Salma Hayek (who last year delivered Valentina Paloma, fathered by Hayek's fiance, Francois-Henri Pinault). Several of these tots have been snapped while out and about with their parents, or had their pictures distributed for free, but in any case, these folks obviously didn't want their children to become the focus of increasingly aggressive stalking by the paparazzi.

One could argue that no matter how Brad and Angelina resolved the photo distribution question, their no-doubt gorgeous twins would still become the focus of increasingly aggressive stalking by the paparazzi. And one would probably be right - after all, we're talking about Brangelina here! But at least if they had held their ground, their kids would have known, when they were old enough to appreciate it, that their parents never looked at them with dollar signs in their eyes.

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Whit Honea — Fri, 09 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Nicole Kidman's Kids Can't Have Tattoos. Can Yours?

Karen Murphy — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 22:32:00 GMT

Tattoos are much more socially acceptable nowadays, a far cry from the faded sailor tats or Hell's Angels of yesteryears. (Did I just say "yesteryears"? Ew. Sorry.) In some cultures around the world, of course, they never went out of style, but now people seem to be, for the most part, fairly comfortable with the idea of using the human body as a vehicle for expression of the self and the decoration that goes along with it. I have a couple of tattoos myself.

But what about our kids?

Sure, when they're toddlers it's hard to imagine any tattoos on that pristine soft skin other than the washable kind. But toddlers grow into teens, and those teens are going to look at mom's lower back tat or dad's dragon wrist cuff and either decide they want no part of being anything like one of the 'rents, or wow that looks cool and I want one too. So do you set an age limit, or is that a double standard? (I think double standards can be okay in parenting, personally)

Nicole Kidman thinks of herself as old-fashioned and has banned her kids Isabella and Connor from following step-dad Keith Urban into the tattoo parlor, at least until they are older. Hair color is one thing at 14 or 15 but tattoos are forever, and she's laid down the law.

What about you? Any thoughts about kids and tattoos?

Nicole Kidman Wants a Baby

Karen Murphy — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 12:51:00 GMT

Not to be outdone by the recent celebrity baby boom, apparently Nicole Kidman wants to jump on the bandwagon too, as she dished to pal Russell Crowe in a recent interview (question -- why is Russell Crowe conducting interviews, anyway? Doesn't he have a job as a, well, an actor?). Three months after her marriage to country music singer Keith Urban, Nicole says they "dug really deep" and she's now ready to have a baby with him. Okay, then!

Nicole adopted two children with previous husband (you may have heard of him) Tom Cruise, who (you may have heard this also) had a baby recently also. Hmm, do I smell competition here? Nicole also says she's keen to have a goat.