Strollerderby : March Madness

Mom or Winning Division I Basketball Coach? You Decide

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Two guesses how I figured out the the coach of Arizona State University had to be a mother.

Something about the word "poop" just gave it away.

A video of Charli Turner Thorne screaming at her players in the locker room at half-time has gone viral in the past few days. Not because it's strange for a coach to yell or even because this is a female coach.

Her strong words for her players? "You played like poop!" Check it out:

Sorry Coach, even at top volume, it just sounds so, well, eight-year-old.

Which would make sense, as Thorne's son Liam IS eight years old. She also has a ten-year-old and a five-year-old, all boys. And I give her full credit - Thorne coached throughout all three pregnancies. She is also a well-respected coach who brought her team to the elite eight during March Madness this year. By the way, it was the team that ended the ASU run to the championship that had Thorne all riled up - the women were losing (and did lose) to UConn.

Because, apparently, they played like poop!

Hey parents, ever find yourself using your potty mouth outside of the house?

Image: TalkingProud

Morning News - The Obama Bracket

Brett Singer — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Monday Monday… Can't trust that day…

Actually, you kind of can trust Monday. It's fairly reliable in that it always comes after Sunday. I don't think that's what Mama Cass and Co. were talking about, but then again, it was the 60's, so who knows?

Anyone make an NCAA bracket? I did. I know nothing about college basketball, and my picks are proving it, especially in the Midwest Conference. At least there's no money at stake for me. President Obama made one, which is being resoundingly mocked by many. Some were upset that he even took the time to make his picks, which is hilarious if you consider the amount of vacation time that former President Bush took while in office. (I know, it's a cliché, but it happens to be true.) Taking a few minutes to fill out a bracket is a pleasant distraction from the day's events for everyone, Leaders of the Free World included. If people want to complain about Obama's policies, fine, but his bracket? Let it go.

Damn those blasphemy laws -- a Pennsylvania man tried to register a limited liability company called I Choose Hell Productions, LLC but was told he had to pick another name because PA has an anti-blasphemy law on the books preventing such things. The laws were common the 19th century, but this one was enacted in 1977 when someone tried to register God Damn Gun Shop. The ACLU is suing the state. Heh heh. God Damn Gun Shop... (NYT)

A revival of "West Side Story" opened on Broadway with some of the songs translated into Spanish. Interesting idea but I can't imagine that makes the songs better. Frank Scheck of the Hollywood Reporter saw the show and agrees, as did many other critics. (Note: I haven't seen this production. I'll probably stick with the movie.)

The post office is in trouble. They lost almost 400 million dollars last quarter and are offering early retirement to 150,000 employees, in addition to staff cutbacks and location closures. Not enough people mailing letters I guess.

Susan MacDougal (remember her?) can't have the transcript of her own testimony in the Whitewater trial. She was hoping to use it for a novel or screenplay. Whitewater looks pretty damn tame compared to all the nonsense going on these days.

Some governors, including Nevada's Jim Gibbons, are turning down federal money to beef up their unemployment funds because they don't like the 'strings' that are attached. The thing is, those strings disappear when the federal cash runs out. (This according to a New York Times editorial.) Nevada will run out of unemployment money by the end of the year if they don't take the government cheese. (Nose, you don't mind if I cut you off to spite my face, do you? Cool, thanks.) You can't play games like this when people are out of work. And unemployment money gets taken out of your check every week for a reason. You get it back if you're unemployed. Hence the name. So it's not unreasonable for people to expect to receive that money if they lose their jobs. In other Republican Governor news, Alaska's Sarah Palin (perhaps you've heard of her?) is only accepting Federal money for projects that are truly "shovel ready." Alaska Democrats are not happy, saying that she is playing politics with state residents. There's definitely a shovel needed for what's coming out of the mouths of both Republicans and Democrats these days, but it's not the kind you use to fix roads.

Eliot Spitzer is talking smack about Andrew Cuomo. Hey! Here's an idea, Spitzy. Shut up. You have no credibility anymore. Sorry. You screwed up. Apologize and go away. Although maybe you can blog for Huffington Post like Gary "Monkey Business" Hart. ("G'head! Follow me! You won't find anything! Wait, you thought I meant that? I was only kidding! Aw, crap…")

Responding to Sheri's comment: I hadn't heard about what the President said on TV, so I looked it up. Seems that while being interviewed by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, President Obama said of his bowling skills, "It's like the Special Olympics or something." He apologized to the President of the Special Olympics before the show aired. Comments at ABC News' web site range from "who cares?" to "see? I told you he was an idiot." (I'm paraphrasing.) I can't say I agree with those who say that this is somehow on the same scale as other "gaffes" spoken by Republican politicians, or even "gaffes" from Democrats. Personally, I think the President is a little bit too much of a regular guy, at least in the way that he sometimes speaks in public. It was a dumb joke but hardly the worst thing ever. He also invited Special Olympians to the White House to do some bowling. There's one Special Olympic bowler who has three perfect games to his credit, so maybe he can give the Prez some pointers. By the way, Sarah Palin weighed in on the President's comments, because she's not all about politics like some politicians. This issue really effects Alaska, hence her very public reaction. Also: the President of the Special Olympics is Tim Shriver, Maria's brother, and therefore Ah-nuld's brother-in-law. That has nothing to do with anything except that I think it would be fun to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as your brother-in-law. The Governator, by the way, supports Obama's stimulus plan.

Tuesday, Tuesday… I trust that day… Nah, doesn't have the same ring to it. I guess John Phillips knew what he was talking about. See you tomorrow.

Image: WhiteHouse.gov via Washington Post

Morning News - Natasha Richardson Dies (UPDATE - Autopsy Information)

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Open Letter To The Woman Who Pushed Me While I Was Picking Up My Kid

Back to the Third Grade for This 71-Year-Old

They Say: Old School Lice Checks Are All Wrong

UPDATE: Did M.I.A Really Name Her Baby Ickitt?

Why Teens Are Quick to Blame Rihanna

Keep This Kid Away From The Dog

Tourney Time = Vasectomy Time

Jen Chaney — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:02:00 GMT

So far, Dick Vitale has not been featured in a pro-vasectomy public service announcement. But maybe it's just a matter of time.

Apparently the NCAA Tournament -- otherwise known as March Madness, the Big Dance or the best time-sucking sports event of the entire year -- has become the perfect time for men to get vasectomies. As the Chicago Tribune and other media outlets recently reported, more guys have been scheduling their snip-snip surgeries to coincide with the first round of college basketball action, mainly for practical reasons. If you have to sit around with a bag of frozen peas on your goodies, you may as well do it on days when television offers 12-plus hours of buzzer beaters and bracket busters.

This year, clinics and medical facilities in places like Minneapolis, Austin, Tex., and Eugene, Ore., attempted to capitalize on the trend by offering March Madness promotions. A clinic in Austin ran radio ads touting "Vas Madness!" And in Oregon and Minneapolis, some places offered free pizzas, sports magazines and, of course, complimentary bags of frozen peas to guys who elected to have the procedure. The Oregon Urology Institute even encouraged men to (ahem) "lower their seed for the tournament." Man, is there anything funnier than the intersection where college basketball comedy and medical humor meet?

Obviously it's too late to take advantage of this now, since the jumpshot-glutted first round of this year's tournament has ended. But tell me something, guys: if you're planning to have a vasectomy at some point, would you consider scheduling it around March Madness? Or do you think all this seed-lowering hype is a. amusing, b. offensive, or c. a distraction from what really matters at this time of year: the potential to win money from your co-workers?

Image: CBS via Newsday

Morning News - iPhone Gets Feature Other Phones Already Have

Brett Singer — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Updating yesterday's Natasha Richardson story: an autopsy reveals that she died of bleeding in the brain and "she might have survived had she received immediate treatment." The thing is, people with this sort of injury typically feel fine at first. So sad.

NBC is launching a show to compete with "American Idol." Simon Cowell probably thinks this is a "horrible" idea. ("Horrible" is one of the words he uses a lot, right?) On "Idol", Alexis Grace went home. She was shocked. Shocked. Why are they always so surprised? I guess you have think you're a major talent to get on TV and sing like that but just once it'd be fun to hear someone say, "Yeah, I suck. It was only a matter of time before I got the boot."

Why is Steve Wozniak on "Dancing With The Stars"? Based on this quote from his website, I guess the reason is because people said he wouldn't be able to do it. I wonder if Apple fans will keep voting for him the way football fans did with Jerry Rice. Woz has definitely been keeping in touch with his audience, accusing "Dancing" producers of rigging the voting in order to goose the ratings, then apologizing, all via his Facebook page. If this keeps up, I might actually have to watch the show.

Speaking of Apple, the new iPhone software will include bleeding edge features like the copying and pasting of text. What's that, your phone has been able to do that for years? Mine too. The iPhone is nifty but certain omitted features prove that Steve Jobs could probably sell water to a drowning Apple fan if it had that logo on it. (Personally, until the iPhone has an actual keyboard, I won't even consider buying one.)

Financial news update: stocks tanked and it wasn't CNBC's fault. Are you happy, Jeff Zucker?

Austrian monster dad Josef Fritzl was sentenced to life in a psych hospital. Life in prison would be better, but even though he could be paroled in 15 years, it's not likely to happen. The speed of the trial was kind of impressive; in the U.S., these things seem to take a lot longer. I'm sure there's a reason for that but I don't know what it is.

And finally, there were a heck of a lot of babies born in 2007. Madeline points out that it wasn't Octomom's fault -- "she only gave birth to one baby that year."

That's all for now. Have a great weekend and we'll see you on Monday.

Image: Woz.org

New Baby Boom

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Morning News - Natasha Richardson Dies (UPDATE - Autopsy Information)

Brett Singer — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Starting on a sad note -- Natasha Richardson has died. UPDATE: according to this AP report, an autopsy revealed that "Richardson died from bleeding in her skull caused by the fall she took on a ski slope...The medical examiner ruled her death an accident, and doctors said she might have survived had she received immediate treatment."

She's one of those actresses that everyone seemed to absolutely adore on and off stage. I saw her perform in 'Cabaret' just before the show opened to rave reviews; she was amazing to watch. An appreciation of her life is here.

Pope Benedict XVI has folks up in arms because, speaking about the AIDS epidemic in Africa, he said, "You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, it increases the problem." Cathy Lyn Grossman at USA Today has an intriguing post in their Religion section titled, "Could choosing condoms mean choosing life?" Interesting idea.

The way everyone is carrying about the Jon Stewart / Jim Cramer kerfuffle (and really, what is it if not a kerfuffle?) you would think that their "feud" actually had some effect on the world at large. Or that more than 2.3 million people actually watched it. I'm not saying that's not a good number, but it's not exactly Earth shaking. Anyway, Jeff Zucker, the head honcho of NBC Universal, is all up in Jon Stewart's grill, saying that Jon is like, being unfair and stuff when he blames the financial crisis on CNBC's reporting. (That's not an exact quote; you can read Zucker's full quote here.) The thing is, that's not really what Stewart was saying. To me, the most important line from the interview he did with Cramer was, "It's not a f**king game, man." Cramer seemed to be telling Stewart that it was perfectly OK to say something under the guise of financial advice that wasn't entirely accurate as long as it was entertaining. Frankly, that pisses me of as well. For Stewart to question the worth of a network's reporting is a good thing, or it should be. Disagreeing with him is fine as well. Sing it with me now -- ain't that America, you and me… Also, if Jeff Zucker wants to yell at someone, it should probably be Cramer. He's the one who turned a bit on The Daily Show into something that has dominated news cycles for several days now.

Continuing with financial news, the Fed is doing more things that I don't entirely understand. This time they're buying "long-term U.S. government debt." (Someday someone will explain to me why anyone would want to buy debt.) This causes many things to happen, including wailing and gnashing of teeth. One possible good outcome of whatever-this-is is that mortgage rates will be vewy, vewy low for now, so if you need one, this is a good time to get it. Also on the good news front: fears of economic deflation have decreased! Why? Because the Consumer Price Index rose by .04%! Whoo-hoo! (Disclaimer: If you are getting your financial news from me, stop. Right. Now.)

Last but not least (if you're into college basketball), the NCAA Tournament, aka March Madness, starts today at noon. You can watch every game online at CBSSports.com, which is good for fans who will be stuck in an office all day. Of course, these people should probably be, you know, working. But who are we to judge?

That's all for today, back on Friday. Quick, fill out your bracket!

Image: Famecrawler

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

GMA Tweets Details On Levi Johnston And Son

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Oprah Gets It Right On Chris Brown

Natasha Richardson Dead

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Brett Singer — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Apologies for forgetting St. Patrick's Day yesterday. I could make a culturally insensitive joke and say that I was drunk, but the truth is I just forgot. Apparently everybody was Irish on Tuesday, but today you're back to whatever it is you are the rest of the year.

Speaking of being culturally insensitive, it's a St. Paddy's Day tradition for the current Irish leader to bring the U.S. President a bowl of shamrocks. Faith and begorrah, laddie! Why doesn't he just dress up like the Lucky Charms mascot and dance an Irish jig on the White House lawn?

A group in Boston conducted a survey of local teens and asked them about Chris Brown and Rihanna. The results? Forty-six percent thought the beating Brown allegedly gave Rihanna "was Rihanna's fault, and fifty-two percent said it was both Rihanna and Brown's fault. Fifty-one percent blamed Brown." Wow. This story gets more depressing by the minute. I'm increasingly of the opinion that there are a lot of guys out there who think it's acceptable to hit a woman if she, you know, just doesn't listen or something. Scary thought.

In goofier entertainment news: Wow, Harry Connick Jr. got fat. I know that doesn’t really matter, but women are usually the target of this sort of nonsense, so I thought I'd share a pic of a famous guy who got caught lookin' chunky on the beach.

I'm not sure what it means when Judge Judy makes more sense than most of the people who talk about the state of our world today. It may be a sign of the apocalypse. Granted, anyone can look good next to Larry King, but Judge Judy sounds quite reasonable here.

There's a six-year-old boy out there with a 176 IQ. At that level, shouldn't he be able to move objects with his mind or something? (Oh, and I bet his father was young.) When you see a story like this, do you look at your own kids and say, "Why can't you be that smart?" Yeah, me neither.

February saw an increase in the number of new homes being constructed, aka "housing starts." Here's the headline, which is pretty typical these days: "Housing starts take surprising jump in Feb. / But can gains continue amid all the housing industry's woes?" It’s like giving a child a piece of chocolate cake and then telling him you might have dropped it in the sink. Or that the frosting is actually made with carob. (Remember carob? It was supposed to be healthier than chocolate. I think people stopped using it in the 1970's.) Just once I'd like to get a piece of good news without being told, "hey, it's good, but don't expect it to last."

Alex Rodriguez, whom I refer to as The Rod, has revealed his true talent -- being annoying both on and off the field. I mean, how is it that the highest paid player in baseball isn’t playing and is on the cover of Details magazine with the headline, "A-Rod: Confessions of a Damned Yankee"? Yes, the cover was planned before he had his surgery. But what the hell, dude?

And finally, March Madness has arrived. If you're like me and have no officemates to play with (let's call it March Sadness), you can make a bracket at NYTimes.com and compete against random people for an Amazon Kindle, which is a nice prize. And CNET has a list of several NCAA-related websites to choose from. The tournament starts tomorrow (Thursday March 19), so get your bracket ready if you want to play. It's like the stock market, only more fun and with less sweating.

Image: CNET

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6-Year-Old Boy has 176 I.Q., Bums out Entire Adult Population

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Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Baby Bracketology

Jen Chaney — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:02:00 GMT

You could determine the winners in your NCAA Tournament bracket by doing a lot of higher math involving RPI rankings. You could go to ESPN.com and consult the extensive analyses of all 64 teams in the tourney. Or you could do the smart thing: Ask your baby to fill out the bracket for you.

I'm only half kidding. While I will ultimately choose the teams in my annual office pool, I decided this would be a good year to conduct an experiment. The goal: Find out whether a child can accurately select the winners in this perpetually unpredictable sporting event.

Here's the method I devised. I wrote the name of every team on a separate strip of white paper. Then I placed two of the strips, each one representing a first-round March Madness match-up, in front of my 13-month-old son. Whichever piece of paper and corresponding team his chubby little hand grabbed first was marked as the winner.

A solid plan, right?

I began with the West region and placed UCLA and Mississippi Valley State in front of him. "Luke, pick one," I said. Clearly resistant to authority, he snatched both papers at the same time. Sigh. This was not going to be easy.

I took the slips back, and tried again. This time, Luke immediately picked UCLA.

UCLA. The No. 1 seed. Good man.

This process went pretty well for a while. But then Luke got distracted. He crawled away. Then he pooped his pants and had to be changed. What, you think Billy Packer doesn't poop his pants in the middle of making his tournament picks? Boy, are you kidding yourself.

Anyway, as a result of extenuating circumstances, my baby bracketologist only made predictions in the West region. But feel free to use these as a guide while you mark your own winners. As the tournament progresses, I will let the readers know how Luke's picks are faring and consult my college basketball expert again once the second round is all set.

All I ask is this: If you happen to make money based on my son's b-ball knowledge, please donate said dollars to his college fund. Really, it's the right thing to do.

Baby Luke's March Madness Picks in the West Region:

UCLA over Mississipi Valley State

BYU over Texas A&M

An upset: Western Kentucky over Drake

Connecticut over San Diego

Purdue over Baylor

Georgia over Xavier (Luke was clearly feeling bold)

West Virginia over Arizona

And, in a move that shows he already knows that rooting for Duke is frowned upon in our household, Luke picks the 15th-seeded Belmont over Duke. Good luck with that, kid.

Photo Credit: Liljo's.com

Strollerderby : March Madness

Mom or Winning Division I Basketball Coach? You Decide

Amy Winehouse Writing a Children's Book

When a Sitcom Actress Gets Pregnant

Where I Say Something Nice About the New York Mets

Morning News - The Obama Bracket

Morning News - iPhone Gets Feature Other Phones Already Have

Morning News - Natasha Richardson Dies (UPDATE - Autopsy Information)

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Open Letter To The Woman Who Pushed Me While I Was Picking Up My Kid

Back to the Third Grade for This 71-Year-Old

They Say: Old School Lice Checks Are All Wrong

UPDATE: Did M.I.A Really Name Her Baby Ickitt?

Why Teens Are Quick to Blame Rihanna

Keep This Kid Away From The Dog

Tourney Time = Vasectomy Time

Morning News - iPhone Gets Feature Other Phones Already Have

Morning News - Natasha Richardson Dies (UPDATE - Autopsy Information)

New Baby Boom

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Morning News - Natasha Richardson Dies (UPDATE - Autopsy Information)

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

GMA Tweets Details On Levi Johnston And Son

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Oprah Gets It Right On Chris Brown

Natasha Richardson Dead

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Oprah Gets It Right On Chris Brown

Half of Kids Surveyed Think Rihanna Had it Coming

6-Year-Old Boy has 176 I.Q., Bums out Entire Adult Population

GMA Tweets Details On Levi Johnston And Son

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Baby Bracketology