Strollerderby : MetroDad

Embarrassing Your Kids One Trauma At a Time

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:08:00 GMT

One of my favorite dad bloggers, Metrodad (a Strollerderby alum) crafted an elegant essay about childhood memories and parenting roles and how the two often combine into some form of trauma or another. (If you don't laugh your ass off at the description of riding a girl's bike in orange corduroys, just plug yourself back into the wall for a recharge.)

Of course, he goes deeper than humor and wonders: "At the end of the day, I guess none of us ever know how our parents impacted us or how we're going to impact our own kids. Whether it's the mom who runs the house or it's the dad who stays at home, do we ever know exactly how much we're influenced by each parent?"

It's a sentiment I think about almost daily, considering I take my own daughter on all manner of crazy outings -- from the salvage yard to the cartoon museum for a look at the Edward Gorey exhibits to the abandoned playgrounds others dare not venture. I frequently wonder whether she'll look back on these years I stayed home with her and think she's the better for it or just plain messed up. Like Metrodad, I wonder how I'll one day embarrass her with my own special brand of crazy and whether, someday, she will forgive me. You?

Strollerderby Playdate: Going Retro Edition

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Isn't it funny how something, some little bitty thing, holds the utmost importance today and then weeks or months or years later, we look back and realize how little bitty it really was? Or how we can page through the photo albums housed on our computers in amazement that our big kids were once that tiny, that we got through that tough time or that the world eventually returned to the everydayness of loading the dishwasher and changing more diapers and picking the kids up from soccer practice? It's like listening to an old mix tape and remembering how killer OMD really was and wondering what in the hell the slow jam obsession was all about, all in one 60-minute cassette.

Just for a bit of perspective, let's poke around in the archives of some favorite blogs and see what those folks were up to some July way back when:

Last July, Stephanie was desperately seeking a mean-mommy mask to intimidate the hell out of her kids when she really just wants to laugh at their antics. (If you've found one, Stephanie, call me. No really, I may need to borrow it).

In 2005, our own Sarah was very busy watching a lot of television (isn't that is so old school?), replacing Joey with a little Carnivale.

And about that same time, Jason was diggin' on his rad wife. What's cool is that he's still that kooky-bananas for the lady.

In '04, Jen was going ga-ga (and all bust-ass economic analytical) over THE diaper bag.

In the Year of our Lord 2003, another Strollerderby bad ass, MetroDad, saw blogging and banjos in his future.

Way back in aught-three, Dooce was doing a lot of dry heaving. Good times.

What were you doing -- or more importantly, blogging about -- all those years ago?

Strollerderby Playdate: Outside the Office

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 22 May 2007 11:07:00 GMT

Just in case you're not sick of us yet, I thought it might be fun to peek in and see what the Strollerderby folks are analyzing, investigating and yammering on about when they're not talking your ear off here (or is it an eye off, considering you're reading it? perhaps ear off does apply when the voice is conversational? anyway...). Consider it one part blatant self-promotion, one part sitting at the ~~theatre geek~~ cool kids' table, one part shout-out to the people you think, breathe and live parenting news commentary (and honestly, some of us do).

Here are a few of the things SDers are posting about outside the cubicle:

Karen is talking about Truth and Beauty and putting me to complete shame for continuing to blog incessantly about puke and poop.

Sarah's making her body business yours.

In other body news, Melissa's all fired up over scabs, toenail removal and suntans. If that doesn't peak your interest, you have something seriously wrong with you.

Kelly's also talking effed-up toes. And sleeping with Gabrielle Reece. Nothing about scabs, though (oh well).

MetroDad's OK. No really, he's fine. Stop fretting. Send scotch and flowers, but stop fretting.

Mike's done shedding tears for Lorelai and Rory and has moved on to wax poetic over the Princess Bride. The man loves him some modern day fairy tellin'.

CrankMama's 'fessing up in a veritable NaughtyMommyPodcastyPallooza.

And since all that blog-hopping probably worked up your appetite real good, make a last stop to see Stefania, who is whipping up tropical smoothies, kid-prep friendly cupcakes and Korean BBQ beef ribs. Mmmm....ribs.

Did I miss anyone? I hope not. Because that would be totally awkward on cigarette breaks. Joking. We only stop working to drink and bet on reality TV shows around here.

Strollerderby Finishline: Parents Are Insane

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 16:10:00 GMT

Larry Birkhead pimps his daughter. Barbie has her own car. A real car. And Alec Baldwin ... well, do you really need a reminder? That's the kind of week it's been. It's enough to make you need a Time Out. (And let me just add for the Jesus Juice Junkies: Yum. Try it. Now.)

Our week begins with Hello Kitty. The famous, puffy doll who has cornered the market on backpacks, book binders and pencil erasers also has her own biography, airplane and favorite ice cream. Who knew? Thanks Pierre!

Sarah tackles yet another doll. Only this one makes Barbie look like a prim, proper prude who's always at the ready with lady fingers and tea, instead of, oh I don't know, making out with Ken and Donny Osmond. Donny Osmond? Oh just go check it out.

And then we move onto playdates. CrankMama advises a stay-at-home dad not to worry: Playdates suck it. Unless there's alcohol. And rules. Much, much better rules.

And speaking of playdates, Jessica wonders whether your tot has mad skills for simultaneously dropping a Lego tower and dropping a load. Mini-multitaskers rock the house.

Aside from giving me a reason to wake up in the morning, Melissa (in her first Finishline mention - yeehaw!) tackles childhood obesity and discovers that Bill Clinton is the president who keeps on giving. (To which I say, giving? Really? I thought he was more of a receiver. Never mind ....)

Karen nails the whole Mothers Day conspiracy on the head. (By conspiracy I mean, why do moms go first anyway? Huh?) I'm definitely going to use these tactics for Fathers Day anyway: Ensure you get something nice by planning your own gifts and then making your kids make it. I love you Karen.

We've already hinted about Larry Birkhead. Stefania tackles the sleaze of the week. Year? God, I hope not.

Oh but wait, I forgot about the other sleaze -- and this one has more sleaze. Thanks to Alisyn for tracking Alec Baldwin's crazy. (Does anyone else feel bad for still liking him on "30 Rock"?)

And then there's the Barbie Car. If you don't hear from Patti next week, it means she finally found a dealer for her "cupcake on wheels." A pink Barbie Bug dealer. Good luck south o' the border, Patti! We're pulling for you!

And finally, like almost all of my posts, I enjoyed this one more for the picture I found than the actual writing.

Finish Line: Drunken Parents Rule the World

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 15:26:00 GMT

Bear with me -- or is it bare? I can't never remember -- but I am two "choking hazards" into Strollerderby's latest and best creation, so this post may be a little more unintelligible than all my others. (Didn't think that was possible!) The point is, there is reason to celebrate. Strollerderby rocked the sandbox this week -- and I feel like sharing.

First, and sticking with the vein of parents who like a stiff drink, Sarah puts the smackdown on the most ridiculous anti-teen drinking campaign ever. What won't work for teens, she says, will cause a laugh riot for their parents.

And when we're not smacking down stupid campaigns, we're smacking down bullies. Karen provides some excellent tips for beating bullies -- even when your school doesn't do a damn thing to help.

CityMama Stefania warns parents about a looming storm this summer ... when the new Apple iPhone debuts. Turns out kids are already gabbing about the thing and parents are about to be hit up for $500 big ones. Get a job, she says. Agreed.

Alisyn provides the big ideas this week with a touching post on gender and identity and how, sometimes, one doesn't determine the other. A must read. So get crackin'!

SD newcomer Jessica Ashley starts out strong with a scathing report on rampant child abuse. Everywhere, it seems, children are being forced to wash their hands! The humanity of it all!

When she's not using your favorite kid names for her car, Patti comes to the conclusion that you just can win in the name game: "Just pick a name you like, and don't tell anyone so you won't have to listen to them try to talk you out of it." Again, agreed. 100 fuggin percent.

And CrankMama Rachael again very astutely -- and very hotly, I might add -- gets at the crux of the hipster parenting phenom and finds there is, gasp, other shit to worry about than $800 strollers and lame-ass TV shows.

My oh my, it was nice knowing you Pierre aka MetroDad -- but mocking Scientology? I just don't have the, um, guts -- even if the idea of a desperate Katie Holmes using her daughter's birthday party to send for help is kind of funny. OK, really, really funny.

And finally, I tell the world that a kidless, college-age know-nothing is, well, a kidless college-age know nothing. Except I do it with panache ... and a "choking hazard!" Mmmmm. That's good parenting.

Metro Dad's Open Letter to Toddlers

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 18:15:00 GMT

Metro Dad, Pierre Kim, has hit the nail on the head with his Open Letter to All Toddlers. The post has generated a lot of love and adoration around the blogosphere, mainly because it is spot on.

The letter advises toddlers that while they are adored and cherished, they need to make some behavioral change adjustments and fast. Recommendations include ceasing whining, acting like a diva and insisting that everything is theirs.

Ah yes, the joys of toddlers. Those newly verbal (and verbal and verbal) manner-impaired cuties that run our asses ragged. Thank you Metrodad for reminding us that it's ok to at once adore and fear them (and their tendency to hide expensive gear like Blackberries, cell phones, and iPods).