Strollerderby : Modern parenting

Unassisted Birth -- Help Me Out

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:46:00 GMT

When I read stories about women who opt to give birth at home allllll by themselves -- no help from a midwife or a doctor or a staff of nurses -- I think to myself, "can you blame them?" I know, I know, a lot of you are thinking these people are just trying to be heroes or adhere to some kind of radical hippie code that shuns any relationship with established authority. Or you think they're narcissistic idiots who put their own childbirth dreams above the health and safety of an innocent child. Homebirth moms get that kind of talk too.

But I think all that's wrong. Quite wrong.

Pregnant women in the U.S. are in this totally weird position where our reproductive rights are, on both ends of the conception and pregnancy chronology, narrowing quickly. State judges, with the eventual help of the Supreme Court, are shrinking options on the early end of the spectrum. Doctors, hospital administrators, and insurance companies and legislatures (who make midwifery a crime) are taking away choices at the latter end.

Let's focus on the latter:

More than one third of all childbirth in the U.S. results in surgery -- a c-section. Some are, of course, necessary (but, like, 10 percent). A tiny percentage are the "too posh to push" variety and not indicated, but allowed (and hey, it's your choice, I won't stand in your way.). More are the "once-a-c-section-always-a-c-section," variety and then the rest, a significant number, could probably have been avoided all together.

It's the last two that, I think, push women to go the DIY route. In loads of hospitals all over the country, VBACs have been banned. Doctors and midwives are not allowed to do these vaginal births after ceseareans because of some studies that say there is an increased chance for uterine rupture in VBACs. Which may or may not be true, but that chance of which they speak is actually quite small. So what do you do? Avoid the hospital.

And avoidable c-sections? There a loads of ways to decrease one's risk of being pushed to have a c-section, but many can't be done in the hospital. Get in a tub, move around, stay off IV fluids, don't get hooked up to continuous fetal monitors, blah, blah, blah. They were in the birth plan! But the pressure! Look at what the quoted doctor has to say:

"What women need to appreciate is that the few hours of labor are the most dangerous time during the entire lifetime of the soon-to-be-born child," said Dr. Frank Chervenak, Chairman of Obstetrics and Gynecology at New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell. "Because of this, I would argue ... all soon-to-be born children have a right to access immediate Caesarean delivery, and women who are denying this right are irresponsible."

So what do you do in your next pregnancy? That's right. Avoid the hospital and that attitude toward pregnancy and childbirth.

What about the child? Well there are risks to childbirth and those risks play out in different ways in each of the settings a woman might want to give birth in. Don't think women and babies don't die after childbirth in hospitals, which is NOT saying death in the hospital is certain and likely. Just like it's not certain and likely at home or unassisted.

What I'm trying to say is that women/patients/clients want what they want. Because there are so many possibilities. So many ways to do it right. So few ways that make it wrong (smoking crack comes to mind -- but who am I to judge?) Yet hospitals, midwives and doctors only allow for (without battles) a certain range of them. And that's fine for them and their jobs. But not fine for some women. So some women opt for birthing centers with midwives or doctors, or homebirth with midwives or (the few remaining homebirth) doctors. And some women opt to go it alone.

Unassisted birth is not for me, but like I said, who can blame them?

PS: Is it me or is that a fake belly on the woman in the picture? Just asking ...

Photo: ABC News

Are Modern Parents the "New Victorians"?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 16:59:00 GMT

Are modern parents forsaking nightlife and dinner parties for Venti Chai Tea Lattes and long walks with bebe in a Bugaboo stroller? Or is pregnant and anorexic (a la Nicole Richie) the new healthy?

Gawker weighs the possibility that the young, beautiful, parenting, sometime celebrity urban parents are worshipful of hearth and home like New Victorians.

Apparently, some (non celeb) types are trying to grow up, cook some healthy food and put aside the party for some serious childrearing. So what do you think? Are young parents today more home-oriented than prior generations?

Bugaboo Tells You Where To Go, and It's Soooo Pretty

Kelly Mills — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Bugaboo makes one purty-ass stroller, and they'll tell you what to do with it in a New! Modern! Different! Artsy! way. Enter Bugaboo Daytrips, a site that gives you culture-lovin' walking tours of some of the world's nicest places. Of course each tour is illustrated by a contemporary artist, because this isn't your everyday boring old map. You can click on the numbers on the map to see photos and a compelling description of each location along the way, then download a map to take with you on your journey. It's all so lush and modern and fabulous, I feel like I oughta wear nicer shoes just to browse the site. So far my only complaint is that the clean look makes this puppy a little tricky to navigate at times. And we'll hope the walking tours don't have the same problem.

I strolled around Portland for a while--online, of course (it's not like I get to go on vacation or anything, she says bitterly) and it was nice. Then I decided to check out San Francisco, since I'm familiar with what we arrogantly refer to as, "the City." Golden Gate Park without lots of homeless people? How did they manage that? But I will confess, even as a longtime local, I did not know we had gnomes. Next time I'm doing the tour in UK English, so I can read about all the pretty colours.

Wee Wonderfuls: Full of Great Ideas for Kids Rooms

Alisyn — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 16:03:00 GMT

Here on StrollerDerby, we talk a lot about kids rooms, toy-cluttered houses, and what to do about them. So when I stumbled across Wee Wonderfuls, a fabulous website, personal blog and craft store by Hillary Lang, I knew I had to share it.

You can shop for a "Stitchette" embroidery pattern or a "Put Together Kit" (Big Footed Bunny, Robot Boy, and more!) to spruce up your kid's room, or you can just admire Hillary's superb taste in everything from crafts, to art, to home decor (she did one whole wall of her newborn daughter's room in vintage doll quilts - you've got to see it!), and gather ideas for your next decorating project.

One look at her son's and daughter's vintage-meets-modern, calming, gorgeous rooms and you'll want to start all over again with paint samples and hours spent looking for just the right lamp on Ebay. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Modern Parents Are No Fun!

MetroDad — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 19:08:00 GMT

Many of us are guilty of trying to convince our kids to do mundane things by promising them that they're really fun—even when they're not. Math is fun! Fitness is fun! Safety is fun! We know that these things aren't really fun so why do we insist on telling our kids that they are? Well, in a hilarious essay, Dashka Slater tells us that this isn't the only thing driving her crazy these days.

She finds it equally disturbing and possibly even more sinister that there is a new trend: telling parents that things children genuinely find fun are, in fact, good for them. What has the world come to that parents have to be told that having fun is actually Good For Children? Slater tells of visiting her local science museum and seeing a sign next to the puppet assuring parents that, however pointless it may seem, playing with puppets will actually make their children smarter.

Like Slater, I worry for the parents who need to be told that pretending to be a lion is a worthwhile activity for a 4-year-old, but apparently they exist in sufficient numbers to warrant their own sign. Slater's dream is to reunite the word "fun" with its original meaning: something children do for their own pleasure while their parents sit around on park benches and complain about having to nag them all the time.

I'm with her! Anyone else on board?

"From The Hips": New Guide For Pregnant, New Moms in the Age Of Celebrity Culture and Post-Post-Feminism

Alisyn — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 23:14:00 GMT

I have not yet had the pleasure of reading "From the Hips," by NYC authors (and Babble's Parental Advisory columnists) Rebecca Odes and Ceridwen Morris (due out May 22), but from what I've gathered, it is a book that has been a long time coming.

As far as I know, "From the Hips" is the first book of it's kind: the first pregnancy/childbirth/parenting guide to address the sexualization of pregnancy in our society; how our celebrity-obsessed media reflects our desire to be physically "perfect" without addressing the stress that arises from such pressure; and how playground cliques, mommy wars, and the judgment of others can lead parents, moms especially, down a self-destructive road of self-doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness. "From the Hips" promises: "This book is about both sides of the story: the warm, fuzzy baby blanket and the poop that gets swept underneath."

With a motto like "strive for imperfection," it's easy to imagine how wildly successful this book is going to be. Because isn't that what we've all been waiting to hear? That it's okay to gain "too much" weight while pregnant - and not feel badly about it? That it's okay to breastfeed for two years - or bottle feed for three? That we can't actually achieve perfection or self-fulfillment through pregnancy or parenting? And that it's okay to talk about all of this without feeling like a total failure? Yes! Yes! Yes!

One of the major themes of Rebecca and Ceridwen's opus is celebrity parents, and the epic battle that real women must fight when their desire to be as perfect as they perceive Angelina, Julia, et. al, to be, clashes with reality. While I agree that celebrity obsession is at an all-time high, I wonder... how realistic is it to blame celebrities for that? Is it fair to claim that celebrities' babies are "accessories" and that "all these celebrity parents who hang out with babies" are "a fantasy?" I mean, I hear what they're saying: those photos that we see of a beaming Gwyneth Paltrow, hand in hand with her perfect little Apple in People magazine, do not reflect what really goes on in their house, or their tribulations as mother and daughter. The photos aren't real. Therefore, they shouldn't make us feel like inferior mothers with feral, out-of-control children. But let's be honest - sometimes they do. So how much of the blame for the stress that comes with modern motherhood, and all its pressures and privileges, can we assign to Gwyneth, and how much to People, and how much to ourselves, for looking outside of our own lives and minds, and into the pages of gossip magazines, for validation and a sense of self-worth? I look forward to finding out how "From the Hips" addresses these very real, and uniquely modern, issues.

I have the feeling that this book is going to be big - "From the Hips" to every American mother's bookshelf.