Strollerderby : Mom 101

A Mom's Folksy, Heartfelt Letter To Lindsay Lohan

Kelly Mills — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 15:31:00 GMT

Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay. I know as a mom I'm supposed to have a nice store of down-home wisdom for you, I'm supposed to lament the influence you have on our growing girls. But hon--this is a mom letter, so I have to call you hon, right?--I just have one little resolution for you for the new year. See, I know you've been all coked out and drunk-bunny, and frankly, lots of us did crazy, unwise, wretched things in our youth. While you have the great fortune to have money and all that, you also have the misfortune to be very much in the public eye. But because I think unlike your hard-partying waste-of-skin contemporaries like Paris, you actually have some (acting, not musical) talent going for you, I'd like you to do just one thing differently for 2008.

Stop sleeping with these guys who run to the press and yippity yap about what it was like to screw you. Did your mom not tell you this? It's right up there with hand washing and closing the fridge door and tilting your head down for photos to avoid the double chin look. I'm tired of reading about your sexploits, it makes me feel bad for you, and guys who will do that are not worth the spit you waste on a good night smooch.

Look, maybe your dad is a dick, and what with the substances, you probably aren't making the wisest choices. But could you just pause for one little moment before you stumble into some loser's apartment and ask yourself this question: "Do I think this guy will tell the media what we are about to do?" If the answer is even maybe, walk out. Call me an idealistic dreamer, but I believe even a wealthy, messed up, celebrity trainwreck can find one guy who won't barf his Lindsay-sex story to the tabloids. So could you just work on that? Because we've all slept with dawgs in our youth, and when you look back as an older, wiser Lindsay, believe me, you won't want some of those chump-holes memorialized in People.

And get some sleep, darling, cuz you look exhausted.

Attack of the Sanctimommy: Don't Talk on the Cell Phone, Loser

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:41:00 GMT

We all have an inner sanctimommy. Some of us are simply better at hiding it than others. You recognize her by the tilted head, the squinty eyes, the slightly disappointed turn of the mouth. In this edition, someone is very very troubled by the naughty parents talking on cell phones and Ignoring! Their! Children!

The horror!!

The money quote: Kids get short-changed when Mommy is talking to a person on the phone instead of the child right there.

Do you know? If we focused all of our attention every living second of each day on our kids it still wouldn't be enough? This doesn't mean that one should ignore the child. But it does mean that sometimes parents need to multi-task.

How the hell else are those doctor's appointments going to get made?

How Jamie Lee Curtis Keeps Kids in Line at Her House

Karen Murphy — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 13:02:00 GMT

'Cuz Jamie Lee is One Mean Mominator, and for that I adore her! Here's her secret: after the kids are dropped off at her house for a playdate with son Thomas (11), and after the parents leave, she explains her terms [paraphrased].

1. You can do anything you want here. Anything. And I mean that.

2. If you get hurt, I fix it. Me. No hospital, no emergency room. Me. You need stitches? Great! There's the needle and thread (and a handy block of wood for biting down on to keep from screaming) right over there.

3. Have fun, kids!

Apparently the hyperactive little cusses calm right down and are no trouble at all. What are your secrets for keeping order in your house during playdates?

David Brooks Anti-Hipster In Your Face Round-Up

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 20:53:00 GMT

Oh hipsters, how we love to loathe thee! David Brooks' New York Times Anti-Hipster Op Ed has generated lots of traffic for Babble, but nevertheless, we must object. And so, in an articulate funny piece, must hottie-dad Steven Johnson. According to Mr. Johnson, you'd have to be "... seriously tone-deaf as a sociologist if you think that these parents believe they're fighting the man by putting their kids in "Anarchy in the Pre-K" t-shirts. Obviously, obviously they're making a joke." While I'm not sure I'd identify David Brooks as a sociologist (angry grandfather more like), I agree with this assessment.

These t-shirts aren't intended to be political action, they are funny. And as Nerve Media's Rufus Griscom observes on the Babble Boards, "Here's the bad news David: we Gen X parents have not all grown up and decided to starch our shirts, barricade ourselves in the burbs, and vote Republican."

Mom-101 asks if it's "...possible that parents today, more cynical, more media-savvy, more independent than those who came before them, are simply behaving as parents they way they behave as people?" In this last round, even the most hipster-weary are taking a stand. Whatever "this" type of parenting is, this writing and blogging about our experiences. We've clearly hit a nerve. And that's just how we like it. Just like that.