Strollerderby : NYT

How Old Is Old Enough?

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Being left home alone at such a tender age certainly did no harm to Macaulay Culkin, right? He learned valuable skills like self-reliance and personal grooming during his solo time -- and grew up to be an upstanding young man, yes?

I'm winking so hard here that I'm afraid I'll do some damage to my left eye.

If we can't depend on Hollywood to tell us how to parent, who can we trust? Turns out, the best way to figure out if your kid can be left unsupervised is to trust your gut.

When I was a kid, I was about 10 when I morphed into a latchkey kid -- which, now that I have kids of my own, seems really young. Have times changed? Or is it just that my perspective has?

They Say: In Neighborhoods, Older Kicks Youngers' Behind

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

It turns out that the key to health may be just under our feet. No, it's not cat hair or Legos or Polly Pocket's shoes, even though that's what's under my feet right now. It's more straightforward than that.

The key -- if you live in Utah, at least -- is to live in an older neighborhood that has sidewalks. Sure, the big starter mansions might have all of the mod cons -- but what they lack is place to walk where you won't get run over.

Now if they would just find a health-promoting use for all of this cat hair, my house in an older neighborhood with sidewalks could become a hot property and/or high-end spa. Does dodgy plumbing promote well-being? How about a shifting foundation?

No?

Crap.

Photo credit.

Step Away From the Water

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:30:00 GMT

If you're spoiling for a fight, here's a good way to start one. "Hey," you should say to your aunt who drinks eight glasses of water per day or your college buddy who swears by colonics or your best friend who insists on only natural cures, "you know that's a myth, right?"

I'd follow up by handing Jane Brody's list of medical misapprehensions to the person whose belief system you've just shattered. I'd do that knowing they're probably to ticked off to read it right that second. But maybe, just maybe, they'd get to it shortly after sputtering about how they just know they're absolutely right.

If you're a person who likes to keep the peace, I'd say nothing. And if your water swilling aunt tosses glass number seven in your face, don't say you weren't warned.

A Rose is a Rose Unless She's A Smith-Rose

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Yes, "Martini" is my real last name. I come from a long line of Martinis, in fact. And, no, I tend not to drink them because I'm a wimp. Neither my children nor my spouse, however, are Martinis and it's a decision that we all feel fairly comfortable with. But the whole last name thing can cause all kinds of hand wringing for women my age -- I can see 40 from here -- and younger.

The New York Times' Lisa Belkin chats about the who-gets-whose last name question on her equal parenting blog, which was spun out of her latest cover story. For me, it was interesting how few women she talked to kept their "maiden" names. But then I started to think about all of the married women I knew. Most of them took their husband's last name, which was surprising.

So am I the only one surprised by this? How many of you changed your name at marriage? Added a hyphen? Did something else? Do you think your expectations have anything to do with when you got married?

Photo credit: Necropolitan Tours

Distilled: Sunday New York Times Magazine

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:30:00 GMT

As a service to the harried Strollerderby reader, I've read the Sunday Times' Magazine cover story on equal parenting and have distilled it down to four words. You can thank me later.

The four words: We all make choices.

Of course, the argument that writer, Lisa Belkin, makes is full of subtleties that those four words don't even begin to touch. However, they do sum up the nub of what the story says. When it comes to parenting, we all make choices, whether they be socially supported or not.

If you have all sorts of time, feel free to read it yourself and tell me how close I've come. Or, if there's something you'd like me to sum up for you so that you don't have to read it yourself (keep it parenting-related, please), leave a comment.

And, yes, you're welcome.

Photo credit: Achim Lippoth for The New York Times

What Gay Marriage Can Tell Us About Straight Marriage

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Let's just start with the money quote: “Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship,” said Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University. Have I captured your attention?

According to a recent study that compared same sex with opposite sex unions, researchers discovered that many of the issues faced by couples aren't gender dependent. Which is to say: men in relationships with other men (ditto women) tend work through their problems with fewer bitter divides and greater understanding.

In short: it isn't nature that makes men insensitive and women passive-aggressive; rather, it's heterosexual relationships that drive them there.

Perhaps that is the implicit threat from gay marriage that the Republicans keep harping on about. It might be that same sex relationships will prove to healthy, loving and, therefore, irresistible.

Photo credit: workitmom.com

Nightly Nookie (and a book deal) Saves Your Marriage

Adrienne Martini — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:30:00 GMT

If you can't hack always being within 15 feet of your spouse like "spiritual partners" Michael Roach and Christie McNally, you can take another, sweatier approach. But you best have your agent on the line during the afterglow.

Two new books about married couples who seek greater intimacy by committing to as much sex as possible for a year are coming (heh) to shelves near you. One couple did the deed 101 straight days; the other rocked the post-nuptial mattress 360+ plus days. Both sets claim that they rediscovered new heights of intimacy and ecstasy throughout their journeys.

Which begs the question - will you and your honey feel the same level of attachment if you don't write a book about your year of sex? Or is a royalty check the first step on the path to carnal enlightenment?

Photo credit: Mitchell Funk/Getty Images

Drug Your Kids

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 29 May 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Rare is the parent who hasn't slapped a band-aid on a nonexistent boo-boo so that the crying would stop. But how far will you go to appease a kid with a minor -- or nonexistent -- complaint?

Jennifer Buettner is betting that some parents will go so far as to buy her new product, called Obecalp. It's a chewable, cherry-flavored dextrose tablet that you can safely give to your child when he or she is feeling poorly. Heck, you can give them two dozen of them with no ill effects. Obecalp (read it backwards) is little more than a sugar pill.

Which raises some interesting questions. Is it OK to convince kids that every minor complaint can be fixed with a drug? Or is it a harmless way to soothe a child's psyche? What do you think?

Image credit: iStockphoto

Cooking With Kids

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Once upon a time, the cookbooks aimed at kids involved silly themes or pitifully easy recipes or cloyingly sweet desserts. Or all three. Now, however, a change is moving in.

Cookbooks geared toward actually teaching kids how to cook are the next big thing. Gone are the duck-shaped Rice Krispie treats. In are empanadas and soups that even adults will eat. At least, that's what cookbook publishers are banking on.

Personally, I think it's a great and wonderful trend that deserves encouraging. If we teach them young enough -- and most kids will at least try one bite of a dish they hand a hand in -- their diets might actually become more varied as their skills improve.

So what do you think? Is this the next big thing? And do you cook with your kids?

Photo credit: Tony Cenicola for The New York Times

Finally, a Good Excuse for Riverdance

Amy Kuras — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:12:00 GMT

As parents, celebrating St. Patrick's Day is kind of limited -- the drink-till-you-puke aspect begins to seem kind of pathetic, and recreating this sort of thing as a holiday activity with the kids lacks the requisite sense of occasion, maybe (although my fellow Catholics could probably get some Lenten-penance credit for such an idea).

So here's something from the New York Times to put you in a top-o-the-morning mood and inspire dreams of a screenplay: A young, pretty Irish woman moves from Dublin to New York to take a job as a music teacher at a Bronx school.

Many of her young students at the school, which is 71 percent Hispanic and 27 percent black, hadn’t ever even heard of Ireland. But when she hung a Riverdance poster in her classroom, it sparked their curiosity and she offered to show them a few steps.

Those impromptu dance lessons blossomed into a hugely popular after-school program, blending traditional Irish dancing with hip hop, African and Latin dance moves. Now the school's Irish dance troupe, known as Keltic Dreams, is marching in the New York St. Patrick's Day parade and raising funds for their second trip to Ireland later this year. Last year's was funded, to the tune of $70,000, by an informal network of NYC Irish-Americans with the help of Ireland's consul general and represented the trip of a lifetime for the 30 students and 19 adult chaperones.

Performing with the troupe has helped shy students feel more confident and made their parents proud, according to the kids and parents themselves.

Yep, Lifetime movie written all over it. Now go have a black-and-tan.

Go Ahead and Take Young Kids to Racy Movies

Madeline Holler — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Because I have no clue what I'm doing as a parent -- and I mean that sincerely -- I am susceptible to taking parenting advice from New York Times movie writers and anybody else who tells me what I want to hear. Dangerous? Sure, but I figure, if a guy from the Times is wrecking his kids, can't I?

Today's questionable advice, which I believe has led to the opening of a tightly sealed floodgate for me: screw movie ratings, take your kid to grown-up movies. OK, I will!

He writes:

"... while I am happy (or at least willing) to take my children to the latest animated or tweener-star-driven “family” movies — with their singing chipmunks and chirpy Loch Ness Monsters — we gravitate more and more toward age- inappropriate fare, exploring the grown-up realms of PG-13 and even, sometimes, R."

His daughter is in the third grade and his son is in the sixth and they've seen it all. Or a lot of it, he bravely discloses. You know what? Good for him (actually, good for them, the kids, the family.) His son loved the international intrigue of Charlie Wilson's War and thought Sweeney Todd was just great. He doesn't think The Kite Runner, after all, a story about a close friendship, should be adults-only.

"... children, more than critics, are receptive to anything that doesn’t bore them. Mine were enchanted by “Persepolis,” for instance, which is after all the story of a rebellious young girl contending with unjust authority. It’s not so different from “The Golden Compass” (which they also liked), except that instead of taking place in a computer-generated fantasy world full of armored bears it is set in the real country of Iran, which is rendered in beautifully drawn ink-washed two-dimensional animation. “Persepolis” is also in French, but don’t let that put you off. If your children can read just-right books, surely they can read subtitles too."

One of the big trade-offs with having kids for me was cutting way down on movie-going. It's expensive when you have to budget for a babysitter, and you have to do a little more planning than in the olden days, when I could just show up and see whatever, whenever. But one thing I have been looking forward to is when the older girl gets old enough to come with me -- to movies I want to see. Hey, I guess she already is! A guy in the New York Times said so! (Though I think I'll put There Will Be Blood in my Netflix queue, just to be safe.)

What about you? When are your kids going to be old enough to see your movies?

Photo: www.ageowns.com

Racist Kids? Probably Mom's Fault

Amy Kuras — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 19:59:00 GMT

We here at the SD have been bemoaning the lack of weird, funny, easy-target type stories around here for the last couple days. So, when I saw this article from the NYT Freakonomics blog , I was thrilled – after all, what’s more fun to write about than racism?

Yeah.

The post looks at research published in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology. Unlike other studies that have compared a child's racial views to that of his or her parents, this one asked 58 four- to seven-year-old kids what they thought their parents' racial attitudes were. The idea was that children would be much more forthcoming about what their parents would think than the parents would be about their own racial attitudes. Adults often will tell researchers what they think they should say, not what reflects their actual views, while young children would likely be less disingenuous.

It found that children's racial attitudes were much more correlated with their mothers than with their fathers. The Freakoconomists' take was that moms still do the majority of childcare duties, including playdate arranging and supervising. Therefore, their kids are more likely to listen to what their mother has to say about their friends.

Good point, but here's what I think: racism is an insidious problem and while most people are way too smart to express racist attitudes, they show them in lots of less-obvious ways like self-segregation. Children are not stupid, and they notice our actions as much as they notice our words. Mothers usually have equal or greater influence than fathers about where our families live and who we socialize with. If we surround our families with people like ourselves, then yeah, they're getting the message even if we talk a good game.

And, of course, everything bad a kid can be? Mom's fault. Sigh