Strollerderby : Neal Pollack

Beware 'The Baby Bailer'

Amy Kuras — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:19:00 GMT

Do you know a “Baby Bailer”?

That’s the term for what the previous generation of women might have called a “Peter Pan” – the guy who refuses to just grow up and assume adult responsibilities, who sees having an adult relationship with an adult woman as a crushing loss to be avoided at all costs, and who considers fatherhood as just the worst kind of capitulation.

I know this type, ohhhhhh, I know this type. Probably a lot of us do. Vanessa Richmond set out to interview quite a few for a story for the Tyee, which I found via Alternet. More than one, apparently, told her having a baby makes a guy so “gay” — in other words, it goes aginst everything that’s great about being a straight man.

Can I get an “OH PLEASE?” Even Neal Pollack, he of the “all I want is my kid to be cool and into music” guy, not exactly a poster child for mature and sober parenting, says it’s not that bad.

“ ‘Men are afraid that fatherhood is going to take over their identity. And it does for a little while, but if they want to, they can integrate fatherhood into their previous identity.’ Pollack found the first couple of years to be ‘an emotional maelstrom,’ but now finds his old self is still there,” he tells Richmond.

I think most parents, especially anybody who had a kid or two anytime after they were legal to drink, probably felt that way. I remember telling a friend that having my first at 34 was both great, because I’d been-there-done-that as far as parties and bars and general self-centeredness, but also hard. Because when my Saturday night involves grocery shopping and then hitting sheets at 11, I know exactly what I am missing.

As for these guys? I pity the women they are partnered with. Because while Richmond found that most of the ones who “caved” are glad they did, that last thing I wanted was a 6’2’ baby to coddle along with my newborn and passed up the man-children to marry an actual grownup. It’s one thing to be a single parent, it’s quite another to have a partner who is, well, not one because he can’t deal with the idea that your needs or the baby’s interfere with his fantasy football league. Grow UP, gentlemen.

Return of the son of stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Because too much is never enough. And besides, didn't you want to see this photo at least one more time?

1. Organic everything: from a commenter. I've succumbed to some of this, partly because, living in Manhattan, the cost difference isn't as great as it used to be, and sometimes the quality is better. I also admit that I feel less guilt giving my kids "organic" pre-packaged crap than I do giving them "chemical-laden" pre-packaged crap. It's still crap, but it's ORGANIC crap.

2. Classes and activities: yes, from the same commenter. She said, "mommy and me classes" but in my experience it's much more than that. Around here, it seems like everyone has their kids doing something all flippin' day. A parent once told me that she didn't understand why Kindergarten went until 3pm; she wished it ended at noon so her kid could take advantage of everything Manhattan had to offer. I replied that I thought Kindergarten should go until 8pm. We don't talk much anymore.

3. Kids' music that parents can enjoy: All parents have benefited from the boom in kiddie rock. While I am of course very glad that children's music has evolved beyond Raffi (who really isn't that bad) and Kidz Bop (which is), sometimes this preciousness can go a little too far. Sure, anything by Dan Zanes or The Dirty Sock Funtime Band is better than Barney's Greatest Hits, but a little James Taylor, Peter Paul and Mary, The Beatles – lots of great "adult" music out there that kids might like.

4. Taking their children to live rock 'n' roll shows: "Alternadad" Neal Pollack brought his little one to see The Hives, a rather loud quasi-punk act. I spotted two sets of parents who had dragged their children to see Yaz at the Beacon theater (I myself was dragged by my wife, but that's another story). When commenters on Gawker are giving good parenting advice ("Neil [sic], seriously--ear plugs"), you know something is out of whack in the universe.

5. Anything that isn't made of granite. At least after we found out about the radiation.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

More stuff YUPPIE parents like

Baby Penis Album only five bucks

Stuff White Parents Like

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Here's to the laddies who lunch

Kid Food Is Mostly Crap, and It's a Little Shocking

More stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

If you want to know why YUPPIE is written in CAPS, check out the comments on Redsy's post.

Also, a word of explanation for our younger readers: "yuppie" is a term that was coined in the 1980's. It means "Young Urban Professional." Obnoxious spin off terms include "buppie" (black urban professional) and "guppie" (gay urban professional, which is at least vaguely amusing). In general, I think that the term "yuppie" is (like myself) color-blind, so we'll just stick with that. (My color-blindness mostly means I need help choosing ties, but it also refers to non-clothing related issues.)

And now – the stuff!

1.   Fertility treatments: maybe this is a Manhattan thing, but I've seen several signs in drug store windows advertising help getting your health insurance to help pay to get you pregnant. My theory (unfounded and unresearched) is that there are a large number of parents having children later in life, and also a huge number of older dads starting second families with their second wives.
2.   Wooden toys: this is from a commenter, and it's totally true. I fully expect some "mompreneur" to start selling unadorned two-by-fours in colorful packaging. (Hang on, I need to copyright that idea.)
3.   SUV's: hopefully the price of gas will put the kibosh on these. There are other ways to schlep a family around town.
4.   Hybrid cars: for the parents who don't want SUV's. It's all about extremes, people.
5.   Feeling entitled to brunch: In some cases, even men want to emulate the Sex and the City gals.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

Baby Penis Album only five bucks

Are Brangelina Too Posh to Procreate (the Old-Fashioned Way)?

Return of the son of stuff YUPPIE parents like

Mister Frickin' Rogers

Kids Stuff I like that my kids don't care about

More Kids Stuff I like that my kids don't care about

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Here's to the laddies who lunch

Rockin' Dads Cook

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:30:00 GMT

These clips have been floating around the internets for a bit -- but they are completely new to me. Clearly, I don't get out much.

Anyhoo, after the jump, "cooking" with Jack Black in his pre-baby days. Wonder what he'd whip up now?

Also featured in separate clips are one of my favorite rocker dads in Rhett Miller, solo artist and frontman of The Old 97's, and Neal Pollack, not a rock star and a dad we love to loathe.

Cupcake Jealousy or Neal Pollack's Wife Rocks

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 14:58:00 GMT

As if there's not enough reason to dislike Regina Pollack, what with her ability to have sex with Neal "AlternaDad" Pollack" any time she pleases, now there's this: She's got skillz.

Mad. baking. skilz.

In this Epicurious blog post, Neal displays the creations of his "Hipster Homemaker" and I've got to say, I'm jealous. Deeply, insanely jealous. The cake shark? The cake whale? Call me Jonah and put on a bib, because I'm eating my way out of that one.

The truth is, I've always harbored a little cupcake jealousy. My cupcakes come out flat and slanted, not puffy and delicious. And when I think about someday baking these deformed creatures for my daughter's classroom, well let's just say two words come to mind: Whole. Foods. (But not the vegan kind, because they taste like ass with icing.)

So when I see someone not only bake the perfect cupcake, but then also make it look like Frankenstein, well, then, it's on. You win this round, Mr. Neal's Martha. But wait till Round Two. I'm not sure what that entails exactly, but I'm sure it will be delicious.

What's your homemaker jealousy?

How To Write a Story On Hipster Parenting

Kelly Mills — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 20:31:00 GMT

With these simple step-by-step instructions, anyone can come up with a story on hipster parents! Here's how:

1. Explain to readers that this new generation of parents wants to hang on to their coolness, and they try and do so by dressing their children a particular way.

2. Interview seller of ironic or wacky onesies featuring old punk bands or twisted slogans.

3. Wonder whether children are just being used as accessories, or to make parents feel cool.

4. Obtain Neal Pollack quote.

5. Talk to child development specialist, who offers that there's nothing wrong with how you dress kids, as long as you keep their needs in mind.

6. Wrap up with quote that cautions hipsters need to balance their needs with their children's needs.

7. If you are MSNBC, put the story in a cryogenic chamber and revive it at least six months after the whole thing has blown over.

Hipster Parents on Nightline

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 11 May 2007 16:02:00 GMT

Neal Pollack, AlternaDad, appeared on Nightline recently to weigh in again on the anti-anti-anti-hipster parenting debate that has long since made us all weary, including him.

After watching this, I feel proud of our generation of parents. We're trying to do things well (and differently) than generations before. We just happen to also enjoy writing about it.

Parenting Humor: Not Always Funny

Patti — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 12:31:00 GMT

When I was a little kid, like ten or so, my favorite book was Erma Bombeck's The Grass Is Always Greener Over The Septic Tank. I didn't really get a lot of it—I didn't even really know what a septic tank was, because we were on the sewer line. But I knew funny when I read it, and Erma was funny. I read her newspaper column religiously, too. I still grab vintage Bombeck paperbacks when I see them at thrift stores.

Tim Bete is the current director of the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop, and I really have to ask why. Or maybe the late '90s ruined me for comedy, I don't know. But his schtick is the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" variety that just somehow seems dated and kind of sad to me. Witness his recent column, "A Man's Guide To The Delivery Room". What's his hook? That the remote control is attached to the woman's hospital bed, and of course, that's just really hard for a man. No, really, that's the whole joke.

In other news, men drive like this while women drive like this. Tip your servers, they're working hard.

This guy is kind of the anti-Pollack, with his homey chestnuts about life as a hapless father. It's pure sitcom tomfoolery, peopled with brilliant women and dumb, well-meaning men who are too busy thinking about sports to be of any use. And when faced with one of those brilliant women, what to do? Why, ask her about dishwashers. Even Dave Barry's a little more with-it than that.

Look, I still giggle when Rita Rudner talks about how much she loves jewelry, and the entirety of Bill Cosby's "Fatherhood" will make me pee my pants with laughter. It's not like I'm against a little gender humor, and it's not like there isn't some serious funny going on in the world of parenting. But this ain't it. This guy is funny like my dad is funny, which is to say, there is much rolling of eyes and biting of tongues.

Somewhere, Erma's shaking her head and knocking back a stiff wine spritzer.

Neal Pollack, Babble's Rebecca Woolf Get Their Say at South by Southwest

Patti — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 11:27:00 GMT

Arvind Grover is liveblogging the events he's attending at this year's South By Southwest Interactive festival, and one of those events just happens to have been Monday afternoon's Alternadad Live, featuring Neal Pollack and Babble blogger Rebecca Woolf.

Grover's notes are here at his 21Apples blog. It looks like, surprise surprise, Rebecca and Neal were obligated to speak on the (deep sigh) Hipster Matter. It's hard to tell how it really went from Grover's notes, but there are tantalizing clues: The panelists discussed their motivations for blogging, the ethics of using children as blog fodder, and seem to have at least attempted to define that pesky label. I'm looking forward to getting the scoop from both Rebecca and Neal.

Grover, who works in education, also noted that he should probably start reading parenting blogs. Hi, Arvind!

"Hipster Parents": And Now David Brooks Weighs In

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 19:56:00 GMT

Always with the writing about the hipster parents. And now David Brooks joins the fray. Brooks, New York Times Op-Ed columnist and great-grandfather of 10, addresses the usual list of problems with Babble, Alterna Dad, and Urban Baby. And like Time Magazine before him, calls out pretty little Girl's Gone Child writer and Babble contributor, Rebecca Woolf, who elicited a comparison to Erma Bombeck (we should all be so lucky!).

Brooks covers the usual complaints against the hipster parent set: failure to grow-up, worship of fashion and the icons of youth, and an inability to surrender to Barney. My response to David, and anyone else ranting and raving about Babble and all other supposedly hip parenting modalities of expression, is "turn away." If it bothers you so much, then just don't read it. On the other hand, most scrappy types enjoy a fight and I can certainly respect that.

Truthfully, I find major media covering non-vanilla parenting very heartening. If Babble hadn't come along when it did, I would have been forced to pillage and burn every copy of Parenting Magazine in every doctor's office around town. How many smiling, skinny, happily crafting and cooking suburban moms can one stand reading about before one is driven to heavy drugs? The nice thing about all this discussing of the hip parents, is it gives us a new scapegoat and something against which we can measure ourselves. And I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be compared to an angst-ridden hipster than a Prozac filled cheerful-head any day of the week.

Alternadad: Not So "Alterna"?

JasonAvant — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 12:28:00 GMT

As the Mommy Wars give way to the "Hipster Parent" Global Conflagration (surely, it's no coincidence that so many pieces on "Hipster Parents" include references to Franz Ferdinand - really, haters, you expect us to let go of irony?), much ado has been made over a book entitled Alternadad, by one Neal Pollack. I'm over the ado, but I thought this review of/meditation on the book and the Somme River-esque battles being waged over its merits was worth mentioning. Michael Agger is a bit late to the front, but he brings a take on the book that's thus far been ignored by many reviews. (Full disclosure: he also mentions Babble, and gives a nod to DaddyTypes and some site called - hang on while I check the spelling - Metroid. Wait, sorry - MetroDad, by one "Pierre Kim". Sounds like a nom de plume to me.)

In the piece, Agger points out that once one gets past the arguably awkward cover, Pollack's tale becomes strikingly, well, normal. And lost in the furor over this notion of who qualifies as an "alternaparent" are some very real issues that make up the core of the story; the fact that despite a slight shift in dress code and mores, dads today face the same challenges that dads throughout the ages have faced. How do I put food on my family table? How do I keep a roof over our heads? How do I care for my kid when he's sick? How much of my pre-child self will change, and how much will stay the same?

Seems to me, just as it did when I reviewed the book over a month ago, that those are the issues that are worth discussing. As Agger puts it, "the difference between an alternadad, a banker dad, and a soccer dad is ultimately aesthetic and pointless."

Grups, Hipsters, Trendsters, Xers: Label Me, Label You, Uh Huh

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:17:00 GMT

Z Recommends has a thoughtful post about Lisa Carver's review of Neal Pollack's Alternadad (you can read Neal's response here), in which he points out that blogs with an edgy, cynical, or ironic take on parenting seem to dominate the mommy and daddy blogosphere. Reading the sniping comments on the Pollack and Carver pieces, you'd have to conclude that parents today -- at least those who are blogging and commenting -- are a bunch of angry, labeling, cliquish malcontents.

The labels thrown around with the most vitriol seem to be those associated with the likes of Babble, including "hipster," "grup," and "trendy." Some of those labels are well-deserved, but as with all labels they tend to over-generalize and foreshorten real dialogue and debate.

In her piece summing up the Pollack/Carver debate, Babble editor Ada Calhoun concludes wisely that "the irony label (like "grup") is dismissive and cheap...and the rush to cry "hipster" undermines the opportunity to talk about what's thrilling and funny and lonely and scary about having kids."

I've been overwhelmed at times by pressure to be cool and clever while writing for Stroller Derby, but when I succumb to that, I miss the point. Babble contributors are everyday people experiencing parenting. If we swear and drink more than the average bear, than so be it. But if we could all drop the labels and get along, wouldn't this just be one hell of a lot more fun?