Strollerderby : PMS

Morning News: Hormonal Women the Answer to Economic Recovery

Madeline Holler — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Perhaps President Obama and his economic advisors have been thinking about this economic recovery all wrong. Instead of giving money and loans to banks and businesses, they should give it to the people who could really inject some cash into this economy: women. Specifically, hormonal women.

A new British study claims to show that women way overspend when they ovulate and that they do the real damage a week before their periods start. So one minute the gals are cranky and crampy, the next they're all "oh, look at those pretty shoes." We hate studies like this.

This will piss a (very) few premenstrual women off: "Guiding Light" is getting axed. The longest running soap opera (70 years if you count its run on the radio) just isn't attracting viewers like it once did. (Who knew it was even still on the air?)

Know what show isn't getting axed and has far more viewers than we'd even like to imagine? Glenn Beck's on FOX News. This guy is such a screaming, ranting, dangerous racist, it's unbelievable that he gets to have a TV show -- and suddenly, lots and lots of coverage (which, we realize, we're adding to here ...).

He probably even drives a Hummer, the vehicle that represents this most recent economic, carbon and car-size exuberance. The Hummer bubble has burst as well. The GM brand is searching for a buyer. Maybe the auto giant's now former CEO (fired by Obama ... yikes!) would be interested.

Other perks of the well-to-do, but this one isn't going away: buying one's way into college. In fact, it's now easier than ever for the college-bound with parents of means to get into fancy schools, even if they're crappy students, even if there's a waiting list a mile long for better students of lesser means. Ahhhh. Now that's some economic news we can wrap our minds around!

Here's what else money can buy: four-year-old Mercy Grace! She's the Malawian girl Madonna is trying to adopt. Folks in Malawi are being critical of this generous and entitled and well-meaning super star, so it looks like little Mercy will join the family later rather than sooner as a judge has delayed his decision.

Hundreds of school campuses in California are at-risk for outbreaks of childhood illnesses such as measles and mumps, according to the LA Times. Most of these schools are in more affluent areas, so yours truly is enjoying the breeze up here on the moral highground.

We would also like to share the best and worst shampoos, according to NBC's Today Show. Not surprisingly, what appeared to be a bar of soap made the worst list.

Oh, and fat babies are at risk for becoming fat toddlers. So get those chubberkins on a diet!

Photo: sheknows.com

Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:36:00 GMT

Since giving birth to a little girl, I've been told over and over how I need to try for a little boy. Even my own mother - who has one of each - says it's something every mom needs to experience. But talking to moms who - by the luck of the draw (or the swim) - have only experienced parenting one gender, sometimes there are benefits to sticking with what you know.

According to a whole bunch of moms and dads to little boys out there, they've got it so good, they don't want to try it my way. Want to know what they've got that I don't have? Here's the top five reasons they tell me parents of boys have it better:

1. Two women living in one house usually find their period coincide. Dad - you won't have two women on the rag and ragging on you at the same time. Mom - no worrying that someone else stole the last tampon.

2. He can pee anywhere; and probably will. No lining a McDonald's bathroom toilet seat with TP. No balancing one foot on either side of the bowl so you can hold them right over the bowl. No worry that if Dad leaves the toilet seat up they'll fall in. The side of the highway is his oyster!

3. Mom - no finding your clothes have been liberated from your closet and your kid looks better in them. Dad - when you're starting to feel like those pants are too tight, just stow them in his closet - he'll never know the difference.

4. No crevices to clean during the diaper change. His family jewels handle a wipe-down of explosive diarrhea much more kindly than the cha cha.

5. About those snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. What's cuter than a puppy dog waving that little stump? A little boy wrapping his little fists around your neck and saying "I love you Mama/Dada." Yeah, I had to go there.

Now don't you want to know how the other half lives? Find out here: Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

Image: Razzberry Pie

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Is It That Time Of The Month . . . To Quit Smoking?

Amy S.F. Lutz — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Apparently, PMS doesn't just make you bitchy. It also makes you more likely to succeed at quitting smoking.

Researchers at the University of Minnesota have discovered that hormonal surges during the menstrual cycle affect both the severity of nicotine withdrawal symptoms and how fast nicotine leaves the bloodstream.

Two hundred women participated in the study, which asked half the participants to quit smoking in the first half of their cycle, before ovulation, while the rest were asked to quit after ovulation. Thirty days later, twice as many subjects in the second group were still not smoking.

Keep in mind, the success rate in the second group was only 40%. Which means, basically, that quitting smoking is hard no matter what time of month you try. But it can't hurt to have hormones on your side.