Strollerderby : Sarah and the Goon Squad

Strollerderby Playdate: What's Up in the 'Hood

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 22:02:00 GMT

I've been completely consumed with the details of my own life and this afternoon, for the first time in over a week, checked in on all the blogs I know and love and read like I am the well-intentioned but nosy next door neighboor of each author. As I clicked on through the list of blogs, making my way down my feed reader list, I felt a bit like I've returned from vacation and was stopping in with muffins and mis-delivered mail at each doorstep. There I was (not so) casually asking, "Sooooo, how are things?" And now, leaning over my fence in your direction, here's the skinny on the folks on the street:

Doug's got more than A Little Chaos with this whole moving thing. I bet these people throw a kickass garage sale.

Meanwhile, Stephanie's taking time off from her Adventures in Babywearing for a chance to spin the wheel. Yup, that Wheel, my friends. Give her a hand. Or at least an E.

Sarah's showing the Goon Squad something scary this Halloween. And it's not masks or goblins. Just plain old, nearly outdated wedding hair.

MetroDad's just back from his 20 year reunion. And as if that's not goss fodder enough, he considered taking a hooker along. Oh, to be that hooker. But with a heart. And possibly better boots.

Foodmomiac's wandering around London. And as if that wasn't enough, she's sleeping in and digging into meat platters (whatever that means, Danielle). I hate her.

Strollerderby Playdate: Going Retro Edition

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Isn't it funny how something, some little bitty thing, holds the utmost importance today and then weeks or months or years later, we look back and realize how little bitty it really was? Or how we can page through the photo albums housed on our computers in amazement that our big kids were once that tiny, that we got through that tough time or that the world eventually returned to the everydayness of loading the dishwasher and changing more diapers and picking the kids up from soccer practice? It's like listening to an old mix tape and remembering how killer OMD really was and wondering what in the hell the slow jam obsession was all about, all in one 60-minute cassette.

Just for a bit of perspective, let's poke around in the archives of some favorite blogs and see what those folks were up to some July way back when:

Last July, Stephanie was desperately seeking a mean-mommy mask to intimidate the hell out of her kids when she really just wants to laugh at their antics. (If you've found one, Stephanie, call me. No really, I may need to borrow it).

In 2005, our own Sarah was very busy watching a lot of television (isn't that is so old school?), replacing Joey with a little Carnivale.

And about that same time, Jason was diggin' on his rad wife. What's cool is that he's still that kooky-bananas for the lady.

In '04, Jen was going ga-ga (and all bust-ass economic analytical) over THE diaper bag.

In the Year of our Lord 2003, another Strollerderby bad ass, MetroDad, saw blogging and banjos in his future.

Way back in aught-three, Dooce was doing a lot of dry heaving. Good times.

What were you doing -- or more importantly, blogging about -- all those years ago?

Strollerderby Finishline: Vacation All We Ever Wanted

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 11:45:00 GMT

Strollerderby bloggers have vacation on the brain this week. Pierre just returned from his trip out West to the beautiful San Juan Islands. Mike is relaxing at a mysteriously un-wi-fii-ed bed and breakfast, and Karen is loving up on..... Whistler, B.C.??

Meanwhile:

Jessica describes the happy reunion following baby elephant's day out,
Patti shares some great tips for cooking while on a camping vacay with her kids,
Mike celebrates Father's Day every day
Gwynne talks up Babble's Summer Film Round-Up
Whit starts the weekend out right with a friday afternoon mini-vacation using a drink inspired by Otter Pops

Strollerderby Playdate: Outside the Office

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 22 May 2007 11:07:00 GMT

Just in case you're not sick of us yet, I thought it might be fun to peek in and see what the Strollerderby folks are analyzing, investigating and yammering on about when they're not talking your ear off here (or is it an eye off, considering you're reading it? perhaps ear off does apply when the voice is conversational? anyway...). Consider it one part blatant self-promotion, one part sitting at the ~~theatre geek~~ cool kids' table, one part shout-out to the people you think, breathe and live parenting news commentary (and honestly, some of us do).

Here are a few of the things SDers are posting about outside the cubicle:

Karen is talking about Truth and Beauty and putting me to complete shame for continuing to blog incessantly about puke and poop.

Sarah's making her body business yours.

In other body news, Melissa's all fired up over scabs, toenail removal and suntans. If that doesn't peak your interest, you have something seriously wrong with you.

Kelly's also talking effed-up toes. And sleeping with Gabrielle Reece. Nothing about scabs, though (oh well).

MetroDad's OK. No really, he's fine. Stop fretting. Send scotch and flowers, but stop fretting.

Mike's done shedding tears for Lorelai and Rory and has moved on to wax poetic over the Princess Bride. The man loves him some modern day fairy tellin'.

CrankMama's 'fessing up in a veritable NaughtyMommyPodcastyPallooza.

And since all that blog-hopping probably worked up your appetite real good, make a last stop to see Stefania, who is whipping up tropical smoothies, kid-prep friendly cupcakes and Korean BBQ beef ribs. Mmmm....ribs.

Did I miss anyone? I hope not. Because that would be totally awkward on cigarette breaks. Joking. We only stop working to drink and bet on reality TV shows around here.

Strollerderby Finishline: Placenta Eating Mimes Dine Out With Chris and Courtney

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 21:17:00 GMT

That headline? That sums up our week. When we weren't knee-deep in placenta juice (mmmmm), we were kicking kids out of restaurants, wondering why new moms are so damn selfish and getting an odd feeling that celebrities aren't using "yoga" to shed pregnancy pounds so much as having their stomachs nipped and tucked. Oh yeah, and there's mimes.

Our week begins not only with the thought of Ricki Lake naked, but also with the sad, sorry plight of her assistant, whose job it was to clean out the "placenta juice" from the home-birth bath tub. I can't thank you enough for such wonderful imagery Stefania ....

Chris Rock has long advised dads to keep their daughters off the pole -- the stripper pole. Jessica wants to know what advice Rock has for dads of boys -- considering he may just be one. And while he's at it, why not just form a playgroup for all the celebrity dads using DNA to confirm their progeny?

New SD streetwalker, er, I mean blogger Kelly Mills (oh just go look at her bio, silly) thinks yoga is code for "gastric bypass." But at least Courtney Love is thin again, and really, what else matters?

And then there's the ever-popular debate about kids in restaurants. Crank Mama Rachael finally admitted it. You know all those people who are "for the children?" She ain't one of them. At least when it comes to toting tots to fancy restaurants or mommy's day spa. Nothing brings out the smiles like the topic of kids and white table cloths. Oh, and this is pretty funny, too.

Alisyn wonders whether she's too much of a Puritan and also whether 9 is too young to go strapless -- while parents, just like her, wonder why the hell Teri Hatcher has any pull at the White House anyway.

Patti is afraid of mimes and is probably still under her covers with a trusty baseball bat. Sound freakish? Just watch these guys and you'll understand. They've got nothing on "Pigs in Space."

Karen offers some sage advice for playground safety. Kids with beards? Yeah, it's time to go home.

Melissa uncovers Rosy the Riveter's private stash. Of art. Created by her kids. While Rosy was busy, ya know, building big-ass World War II battleships. Definitely worth a look.

Sarah takes on TomKat, advising newly 1-year-old Suri to come to her senses, get on her feet and run, Forrest, run! OK, maybe that's just me. Still, it's good advice. As Sarah says, her parentals are freakshows.

And I admitted something you've known all along. I'm a dork. And, oddly, quite proud of it.

Finally, I'm not exactly sure which evil genius here at Babble thought up the idea of our best. feature. ever. -- "Hitting the Bottle" -- but hats off, my friend. Followed by my shoes, my socks, my pants, shirt, underwear, watch, sock garters (what?) after just a few of the "Free Babysitters," Gin and Tequila? I just hope the babysitter's easy, too.

Strollerderby Finishline: Parents Are Insane

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 16:10:00 GMT

Larry Birkhead pimps his daughter. Barbie has her own car. A real car. And Alec Baldwin ... well, do you really need a reminder? That's the kind of week it's been. It's enough to make you need a Time Out. (And let me just add for the Jesus Juice Junkies: Yum. Try it. Now.)

Our week begins with Hello Kitty. The famous, puffy doll who has cornered the market on backpacks, book binders and pencil erasers also has her own biography, airplane and favorite ice cream. Who knew? Thanks Pierre!

Sarah tackles yet another doll. Only this one makes Barbie look like a prim, proper prude who's always at the ready with lady fingers and tea, instead of, oh I don't know, making out with Ken and Donny Osmond. Donny Osmond? Oh just go check it out.

And then we move onto playdates. CrankMama advises a stay-at-home dad not to worry: Playdates suck it. Unless there's alcohol. And rules. Much, much better rules.

And speaking of playdates, Jessica wonders whether your tot has mad skills for simultaneously dropping a Lego tower and dropping a load. Mini-multitaskers rock the house.

Aside from giving me a reason to wake up in the morning, Melissa (in her first Finishline mention - yeehaw!) tackles childhood obesity and discovers that Bill Clinton is the president who keeps on giving. (To which I say, giving? Really? I thought he was more of a receiver. Never mind ....)

Karen nails the whole Mothers Day conspiracy on the head. (By conspiracy I mean, why do moms go first anyway? Huh?) I'm definitely going to use these tactics for Fathers Day anyway: Ensure you get something nice by planning your own gifts and then making your kids make it. I love you Karen.

We've already hinted about Larry Birkhead. Stefania tackles the sleaze of the week. Year? God, I hope not.

Oh but wait, I forgot about the other sleaze -- and this one has more sleaze. Thanks to Alisyn for tracking Alec Baldwin's crazy. (Does anyone else feel bad for still liking him on "30 Rock"?)

And then there's the Barbie Car. If you don't hear from Patti next week, it means she finally found a dealer for her "cupcake on wheels." A pink Barbie Bug dealer. Good luck south o' the border, Patti! We're pulling for you!

And finally, like almost all of my posts, I enjoyed this one more for the picture I found than the actual writing.

Finish Line: Drunken Parents Rule the World

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 15:26:00 GMT

Bear with me -- or is it bare? I can't never remember -- but I am two "choking hazards" into Strollerderby's latest and best creation, so this post may be a little more unintelligible than all my others. (Didn't think that was possible!) The point is, there is reason to celebrate. Strollerderby rocked the sandbox this week -- and I feel like sharing.

First, and sticking with the vein of parents who like a stiff drink, Sarah puts the smackdown on the most ridiculous anti-teen drinking campaign ever. What won't work for teens, she says, will cause a laugh riot for their parents.

And when we're not smacking down stupid campaigns, we're smacking down bullies. Karen provides some excellent tips for beating bullies -- even when your school doesn't do a damn thing to help.

CityMama Stefania warns parents about a looming storm this summer ... when the new Apple iPhone debuts. Turns out kids are already gabbing about the thing and parents are about to be hit up for $500 big ones. Get a job, she says. Agreed.

Alisyn provides the big ideas this week with a touching post on gender and identity and how, sometimes, one doesn't determine the other. A must read. So get crackin'!

SD newcomer Jessica Ashley starts out strong with a scathing report on rampant child abuse. Everywhere, it seems, children are being forced to wash their hands! The humanity of it all!

When she's not using your favorite kid names for her car, Patti comes to the conclusion that you just can win in the name game: "Just pick a name you like, and don't tell anyone so you won't have to listen to them try to talk you out of it." Again, agreed. 100 fuggin percent.

And CrankMama Rachael again very astutely -- and very hotly, I might add -- gets at the crux of the hipster parenting phenom and finds there is, gasp, other shit to worry about than $800 strollers and lame-ass TV shows.

My oh my, it was nice knowing you Pierre aka MetroDad -- but mocking Scientology? I just don't have the, um, guts -- even if the idea of a desperate Katie Holmes using her daughter's birthday party to send for help is kind of funny. OK, really, really funny.

And finally, I tell the world that a kidless, college-age know-nothing is, well, a kidless college-age know nothing. Except I do it with panache ... and a "choking hazard!" Mmmmm. That's good parenting.

Mommy's Spa Day: Now with a Side of Vaginal Birth

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 11:10:00 GMT

Like many tired mommy's, I occasionally receive a spa gift certificate for holidays, birthdays, and occasionally just because. The place I love here in Bellingham, WA is called The Chrysalis, and it's gorgeous and peaceful.

During a recent facial I was relaxing and picturing the ocean when the helpful nice lady asks me how many kids I have. Kids? I don't HAVE kids! I'm at the spa. I mumbled the answer hoping she'd get the hint.

And then she dropped a V-bomb. "So. Did you have your twins vaginally?"

Now I'm not one who thinks chit-chat about birth stories is particularly fun or interesting, and I've found that people seem extra comfy asking me details about the twins' birth because it's unusual (though twins are everywhere, just ask Sarah). Besides, when a person is trying to relax, recalling birth experiences doesn't really help reduce muscle tension. Luckily, an abbreviated version satisfied her curiosity and hydration was completed successfully.

Next time, I'll be more assertive and insist that unless she wants to play "naughty esthetician" she should leave vagina talk for another occasion.