The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Melissa Summers — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:28:00 GMT

Marissa forwarded this Washington Post Op/Ed piece from the weekend saying she thought I'd "find this interesting". And how. I've had some interesting interactions with the media in the last year which gave me several moments of pause to consider how the media plays on the inherent insecurity which seems to come with being a mother for ratings and hits on their websites.

E.J. Graff, senior researcher at Brandeis University's Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism, argues the Mommy Wars are a fiction being churned out like a War Machine. The tension between actual stay at home mothers and working mothers has been greatly exaggerated and exploited by the media. They're invested in this myth that mothers hate each other for their choices in the work force.

This is a great read and I almost entirely agree with Graff. However I've heard my stay at home mom friends make some comments about the choices of working mothers which made me bristle a bit. I've heard women say, among friends, "If you didn't want to spend your days with your kids, why did you have them?" I've heard working mothers refer to stay at home mothers as spoiled and a little boring if not downright stupid. These comments do make me believe there is a lingering version of the Mommy Wars which is not entirely media driven. I would entirely agree the media exploits this lingering animosity between women and I also believe the working vs. stay at home debate will die, once we make the work world more friendly for all parents.

"The Feminine Mistake": Fueling The Mommy Wars?

Karen Murphy — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:03:00 GMT

I was so prepared to hate "The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?" by Leslie Bennetts. My initial reaction when hearing about it was, "Oh, another book bashing my choice as a stay-at-home mom, which has been my life for the past twelve years. How dare they! I'm so darn sick of these Mommy Wars!" Although I still have yet to read the book, I've read about it, including this insightful post by Amy Tiemann up at MojoMom, and I have to say that based on the past year I've had I think that Leslie Bennetts, not to mention Amy Tiemann, has a point. Or several.

I never thought for most of those twelve years that I'd one day be in the throes of a divorce which included contentious custody, support, and property division disputes, lasting almost two years now. Had I been able to foresee this possibility, or any devastating event, I might have planned ahead. Or at least known more about financial matters. (And even if you think you'll be married forever, you never know when something catastrophic might happen.)

Although I loved my time at home with my children and don't regret for a minute that choice (and I'm loving the fact as well that they're growing up and needing me less and I'm taking back my life), and I'm thankful that I can still be at home (while working), not everyone has the luxury of either of these choices. Instead of judging one another, something I have been guilty of myself, let's as parents respect each other's choices, because you can't see what's underneath and what circumstances led to another's situation.

What about you? Do you have an economic contingency plan? Do you agree that women, especially stay-at-home moms, as a group have allowed themselves to become disenfranchised as The Feminine Mistake" suggests?

Strollerderby : The Mommy Wars

The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

"The Feminine Mistake": Fueling The Mommy Wars?