Strollerderby : adult-only events

Child-Free Weddings: Brilliant or Bonkers?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:51:00 GMT

Planning a wedding makes people act insane. The latest proof of this is that, according to the BBC, it's become increasingly acceptable to outlaw little people at weddings. A longtime wedding planner named Barry Long said that including the words, “No Children Allowed” on a wedding invitation was taboo until about 10 years ago—now, he says, about half of weddings ban all children, while some allow only children of close family. (And you think the seat assignments cause rifts….)

Thank heavens for Jezebel’s refreshingly cynical take on this uptight trend. Not even considering the rudeness of forcing one’s wedding guests to pay for long-term childcare, weddings without kids seem to me like glorified bachelor(ette) parties. Even assuming that the bride and groom know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would never consider bringing a loud, smelly mini human into the world, aren’t weddings supposed to be about community, family, and playing with adorable flower girls after your third glass of peach champagne?

Besides, if you have friends who would not take a crying child outside of a wedding ceremony (or movie theatre) immediately, perhaps you should rethink your friends.

I think Jezebel commenter Emily Anne dove into the real heart of the matter when she wrote: “Also I want to know where this obsession with weddings being so damn perfect came from, I can't help feeling that if you get that pernickity nothing that comes after will ever be quite good enough, for example the boring day to day marriage stuff.”

Yep, hard as it for some childless people to accept, even adult-only events are not perfect.

Photo: Jezebel

Go Ahead and Take Young Kids to Racy Movies

Madeline Holler — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Because I have no clue what I'm doing as a parent -- and I mean that sincerely -- I am susceptible to taking parenting advice from New York Times movie writers and anybody else who tells me what I want to hear. Dangerous? Sure, but I figure, if a guy from the Times is wrecking his kids, can't I?

Today's questionable advice, which I believe has led to the opening of a tightly sealed floodgate for me: screw movie ratings, take your kid to grown-up movies. OK, I will!

He writes:

"... while I am happy (or at least willing) to take my children to the latest animated or tweener-star-driven “family” movies — with their singing chipmunks and chirpy Loch Ness Monsters — we gravitate more and more toward age- inappropriate fare, exploring the grown-up realms of PG-13 and even, sometimes, R."

His daughter is in the third grade and his son is in the sixth and they've seen it all. Or a lot of it, he bravely discloses. You know what? Good for him (actually, good for them, the kids, the family.) His son loved the international intrigue of Charlie Wilson's War and thought Sweeney Todd was just great. He doesn't think The Kite Runner, after all, a story about a close friendship, should be adults-only.

"... children, more than critics, are receptive to anything that doesn’t bore them. Mine were enchanted by “Persepolis,” for instance, which is after all the story of a rebellious young girl contending with unjust authority. It’s not so different from “The Golden Compass” (which they also liked), except that instead of taking place in a computer-generated fantasy world full of armored bears it is set in the real country of Iran, which is rendered in beautifully drawn ink-washed two-dimensional animation. “Persepolis” is also in French, but don’t let that put you off. If your children can read just-right books, surely they can read subtitles too."

One of the big trade-offs with having kids for me was cutting way down on movie-going. It's expensive when you have to budget for a babysitter, and you have to do a little more planning than in the olden days, when I could just show up and see whatever, whenever. But one thing I have been looking forward to is when the older girl gets old enough to come with me -- to movies I want to see. Hey, I guess she already is! A guy in the New York Times said so! (Though I think I'll put There Will Be Blood in my Netflix queue, just to be safe.)

What about you? When are your kids going to be old enough to see your movies?

Photo: www.ageowns.com

My Kids Aren't Invited? Then I'm Not Coming to Your Party

Karen Murphy — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:32:00 GMT

My kids attend a Waldorf school that, like many Waldorf schools that struggle somewhat financially and strive to provide education that's within the reach of families in various financial circumstances, relies heavily on fundraising throughout the year to make ends meet. So the annual benefit auction is a big deal. The first few years we were with the school, the auctions were child-friendly: after all, the auction was, in essence, *for* the kids, in a way, as the money received went directly to the school and providing materials and eduction for them. My kids loved the magical atmosphere and flitted from room to room, sampling delicious food and reporting on important items that they wanted me to bid on in the hopes we would win them and take them home. We all looked forward to the auction all year.

Then the auction committee decided to make it an adult-only event and discouraged children from attending. It felt like some of the heart went out of the event for me then, and it became yet-another chi-chi occasion of the sort I avoided anyway, chock-full of people wearing clothes they normally wouldn't, laughing too loudly and generally not being themselves. Not having a babysitter handy, I stayed home that first year. The second year of adult-only I stayed home out of protest. It wasn't fun anymore, not for me.

I guess this is a sensitive issue and it's being pondered over at The Wall Street Journal: while I'd never insist that my kids attend a gathering and would never knowingly taken them where they weren't wanted, I agree that if my kids aren't invited it's likely I'll stay home. I have taken them places where they were ostensibly and grudgingly welcomed, and none of us were comfortable. So why bother?

At the same time, I value the opportunity to spend time with other adults without children present. We need time and space to remember who we were before someone called us Mommy or Daddy and who we are outside of the person who wipes noses and butts.

But I'm just not that motivated right now to seek out adult-only venues. I made a choice to have children and I am making a choice to spend time with them. If that means I don't attend your adult-only party, then so be it. My kids won't be little for all that long and I'm just not that interested in paying a sitter to be with them when it could be me. And as such, I'm going to tend to hang out with other people in similar circumstances making similar choices.

What about you? Do you tend to socialize with other families where kids are part of the social plan, or do you prefer to leave the kids at home?