Strollerderby : advice

If You Had a Parenting Do-Over

JeanneSager — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:01:00 GMT

I love "what if" questions - much to my husband's chagrin. So I decided I wouldn't discuss the recent Wall Street Journal piece about parenting do-overs with him. I'd just share it with all of you!

Aren't you lucky? Oh, come on!

Rachel Emma Silverman over at The Juggle says she finds herself thinking "about all the things I’d do differently if I eventually have more children."

So now it's time for the big confession: I do to. And I KNOW I'm not having any more children. But since hindsight's twenty/twenty and all that jazz, I can't help looking back at the early days of my daughter's life and wanting to smack myself a bit.

A taste:

So you were told never to wake a sleeping baby? Someone please tell the nurses at the hospital where I delivered. Because I was waking that kid every two hours to attempt nursing . . . even at 2 a.m. No wonder I never slept.
Worried less that I was going to drop her. Carrying my friend's baby in a football hold recently, I realized I NEVER would have been that carefree with my daughter, and why not?
Throw out the pre-treatment laundry formulas. She was a spit-up queen, and most of the onesies got chucked in the garbage anyway. Or made really good rags.
Not let my in-laws stay at my house that first week. Sorry guys - but I was stressed enough without visitors living in my house, hiding away from the father-in-law trying to nurse, etc.

I have plenty more, but I want to hear from you all - what would you "do over?"

Image: WSJ

Also on Babble:

One is the Awesomest Number

Finish Line - Playmobil Gets Crucified

Brett Singer — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 02:30:00 GMT

Lots going on this week, as always.

Jeanne told us how Playmobil got all up in some priest's grill because he made a religious diaroma with their toys. Does this mean that companies could have sued my friends and I for putting our Tron action figures in the toaster oven?
Madeline politely told the breast pump banning contingent to shove it. That's a huge oversimplification, as well as my personal opinion. Madeline put it much better, so read the whole thing.
Mike told us that if your kids ever sue you because you grounded them, you can, as the song says, blame Canada. That's right -- a 12-year-old girl sued her dad because he wouldn't let her go on a class trip, and she won. Canada, you already gave us Celine Dion --wasn't that torture enough?
Hannah reminds us that the 60's were fun. And by "fun" we mean "incredibly sexist." “Boys can eat. Girls can cook.” Whoo-hoo! Read the whole thing here.
Shannon posts a video of one of the funniest toddlers on YouTube, and uses it as a starting point for a discussion on how kids deal with m-m-m-monsters.
Speaking of video, Cole brought us one that is either disturbing or a great big plate of who cares, depending on your point of view. Me, I'm wondering why the childbirth simulator model is so quiet. Watch it yourself right here.
As for me, it was all Peeps, all the time. Peeper Madness, folks. Catch it.

Don't eat too many jellybeans on Sunday. See you next week.

Read more:

Finish Line - April Fools And More

Peeper Madness - Supeep Court

Finish Line - April Fools And More

Brett Singer — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

April Fool's ain't just for your kids, and that's no foolin'. You need foooolin', baby I'm not foooooolin'... or something like that.

A few faves from the week that will soon be history:

Shannon fooled a whole bunch of y'all with Sesame Street Changes with the Times Again. I wasn't snookered because, as anyone who's seen Avenue Q knows, only Bert goes that way. Ernie is as straight as an arrow. (If you haven't seen the show, my apologies since you don't get that. But see the show cuz it's very funny.)
Cole's post Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt? was not an April Fool's joke, unfortunately. Two comments that need their brilliance highlighted: Mike's "Sponge bob is actually a licensed physician in three states, so this makes a lot of sense. And his bedside manner is gracious." And CK Lunchbox, who said, "Beats the std home-test kit they had planned so teens could check for Krusty Krabs." Heh heh. Krabs.
Jeanne goes all cue ball for a good cause, tells us about it, and even shares a photo of her shiny pate with her post When a Mother Goes Bald. The shave is to raise money for St. Baldrick's, and I will admit to the world that it took me a few days to get the connection (BALDrick's). As a naturally almost-bald man, I approve. Read more about the worthy charity, and donate, at www.stbaldricks.org.
Jen found something else for parents to worry about with Why Can't Johnny Read? Because Someone Thinks His Books Contain Lead.
Keri got some folk's blood boiling when she wondered if we should be concerned with whether Ashley Biden does or does not liiiike.. cocaine with Joe Biden's Daughter Allegedly Caught on Tape Snorting Cocaine; Do We Care?
My personal favorite post of the past few days (from my own work, that is) was Spiderman Rescues Autistic Boy. And not only because it allowed me to mention Spiderman. Well, that's part of it. But it's not the only reason. (It's not!)
And finally, Hannah asks a question that has troubled scholars for many moons: Little Girl Dancing to "Single Ladies": Disturbing or Adorable?

That's all for now. See you next week. And remember -- let's be careful out there.

Finish Line - Our Week In Review

Brett Singer — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:30:00 GMT

Back with a vengeance -- and the best of intentions -- we proudly bring you Finish Line, a weekly round-up of what we've writen the past week here on StrollerDerby.

Jeanne told us about a baby whose lack of a biological mother hasn't prevented him from being breastfed. By six different women, no less.
Amy got people talking when she asked "What Advice Did You Ignore?"
Shannon says that parents who help with homework might be no help at all. (It's more complicated than that, read her post to see why.)
Mike gets all serious when he tells us about "Autism and Links to Violence, a True Story".
Abortion! Now that I've got your attention, read Kate's post about a doctor on trial for performing the late-term variety.
Cole spills the beans on all of the stuff they don't tell you about becoming a parent. (Spoiler alert: the fact that kids are cute and sometimes stinky is not on the list. Cuz everybody knows that.)
And I pointed out that Baby Einstein doesn't just want your money -- they want you to feel good about giving it to them.

More next week -- have a great weekend everyone.

What Advice Did You Ignore?

Amy Kuras — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:03:00 GMT

One of the things I hated about being a new parent was allll the advice that came out of nowhere. We were lucky in that our friends and family were actually pretty good about being asked before offering their thoughts, but there was no shortage of “oh, you have to…” (and you know who was, and remains, worst? Friends without kids. I cannot wait for paybacks).

After awhile, you learn to just blithely ignore everything that doesn’t work for you, as you get to know your baby and yourself as a parent. My favorite quote from advice guru Ask Moxie is this: “No one gets to tell you what to do if they aren’t going to come help you out at 3 am.”

So I thought this blog from the Boston Globe was pretty thought-provoking: Instead of asking what parenting advice saved you, she asks what you ignored.

Hmm, for us: Co-sleep. Let her/him cry until they fall asleep. Carry them everywhere. Put that baby down or you’ll spoil her. Get rid of your pets. Stop swearing (okay, that one I wish I HAD listened to). Keep them out until the bars close – they’ll fall asleep on your shoulder.

(That last? Yeah. Childless friend).

What did you ignore? And, if you’re in the mood to dish: Who dispensed it?

Open Letter To The Woman Who Pushed Me While I Was Picking Up My Kid

Brett Singer — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Dear Lady,

Hi. How are you? I ask because you seemed very agitated this afternoon. What do I mean? Well, you shoved me and a few other people as you made your way through the throng of folks standing on the sidewalk.

I know, you had two small children with you. That can be annoying. I know, because I have kids too. So did all of the people who were standing on the sidewalk today, the ones you knocked around like bowling pins.

See, that street has a school on it. (Actually, it has more than one school on it.) And we were there to pick up our kids. So when you shoved me and declared, "I HAVE SMALL CHILDREN WITH ME!" I could relate. To the "having small children with you" part. I can even relate to the "I have small children with me and I really, truly want to just get where I'm going already because it's cold out here, and damn it if these kids aren't tougher to wrangle than they were a couple of months ago." I get it, trust me.

The thing is, please don't yell at me. I'm not going to tell you that I've never done the same thing. No saint, me. So I'm not trying to get all high and mighty with you. Mostly I just want you to not yell at me, and use your kids as an excuse.

Maybe that is kind of high and mighty. Sorry about that. If you think about it, though, maybe you'll see that I'm right. Or not. Like I said, I'd just prefer not to be shoved. There really isn't anyplace else to stand, and it can get a little crowded around dismissal time. A simple "excuse me" and a tap on the shoulder should suffice. Give it a try. I did, and it feels better than "HEY! MOVE IT SCHMUCKO!"

Sincerely,

Brett Singer

Image: SXC (not the woman who pushed me, just a stock photo. I suppose it could be the same woman but that would be a coincidence so huge it boggles the mind.)

Letting Kids See Watchmen

Cookie Monster Cupcake

Angelina Jolie Could Always Use an Extra Baby

Soldier Gives Birth At Army Barracks

Wolverine Blow Up Toy

Book of the Week: "Momoirs" Round-Up

editors — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

There are plenty of books out there that will instruct you on how to enjoy your pregnancy, have a “relaxing” labor, breastfeed with ease, and still be a fashionista throughout it all. These are not those books. The authors of our “momoir” picks dare to ask the tough questions: what if you hate being pregnant, can’t breastfeed to save your life, or never even planned on having a baby in the first place? In these pages, the road to motherhood may be rocky, but it is also filled with honesty, humor, and ultimately, much love. -- Lindsay Armstrong

BOOK: The Second Nine Months by Vicki Glembocki

Premise: Funny and honest (at times brutally), Vicki Glembocki is out to set the record straight on early motherhood. She wants to tell other women what no one ever told her: those first few months of motherhood are really, really hard.

'Bad Parent' Moment: “ ‘Sometimes, I just want to tell her to shut up.’ Rebecca lowers her head, as if waiting for me to pull the tube of Desitin out of my diaper bag and flog her with it… I stick out my arms, ready to hug her. ‘Sometimes I do! Sometimes I do tell her to shut up!’ I yell."

Funniest Moment: “I grab hold with my hands. I squeeze. Nothing. I squeeze again. Nothing. I wrap both hands around my right boob and squeeze, nothing. ‘ I am trying to milk myself,’ I think.”

Turning Point: “As soon as I unhook the strap on the white nursing tank, Blair curls her body around my chest. She shimmies in, like she can’t get close enough to me, like she’s trying to soak into my skin. She’s never done this before.”

BOOK: Rockabye by Rebecca Woolf [who blogs for Babble at "Straight from the Bottle"]

Premise: Rebecca Woolf’s heartfelt and often hilarious account of what happens when an irrepressible young city girl gets pregnant by accident and decides to keep that baby and marry the boyfriend.

Funniest Reaction to the News: “When I first confessed to my mother that I was pregnant, she sighed and said, ‘I’m just glad that it didn’t happen sooner.’ …It was her sweet way of calling me a slut.”

Best Reason Not to Be Pregnant in L.A.: ”Nothing makes a fat woman feel like more of a fat woman than walking backward uphill next to Jessica Alba.”

Turning Point: “ I am especially in awe of Archer’s cuticles, how they look like they could belong to a grown person even though he is only hours old, hours that separate him from his pre life…This is what it feels like to love somebody, I think.”

BOOK: Accidentally on Purpose by Mary Pols

Premise: Mary Pols had always planned on being a mom. She just didn’t plan on getting pregnant at age 39 after a one-night stand with a sweet, underachieving, and much younger man.

On Telling the Father: "There was no getting around how skimpy our relationship was…We’d spent exactly two nights together, a drunken one night stand and a booty call…I wasn’t sure Matt knew my last name (or cared to), and here I was, heading off…to break the news that I was having his baby."

'Bad Parent' Moment: "The fact that I’d possessed such an extravagant item (a $600 vacuum cleaner) was, I had to admit, similar to buying a $49 candle to remove the rat odor from the trailer I was living in because I didn’t have the savings to move into a new apartment."

Turning Point: "I fell in love with my son unconditionally, and only later did I begin to see pieces of myself in him. That reflection has made it so much easier to love myself."

BOOK: Mamarama by Evelyn McDonnell

Premise: A rollicking ‘momoir’ with a pop-culture twist: what happens when a bohemian, feminist, punk-loving music critic becomes a wife and mom of three.

The Heart of the Matter: "I remember a list that was passed out among us female rock critics… '10 reasons why a book is better than a baby.' I don’t remember the specific digs, but the point was clear: we should make something of our own lives first, before we started making other lives."

So True: "Whoever first said, 'It takes a village to raise a family,' was definitely not talking about the East Village."

On Modern Motherhood: "Mamarama isn’t about the perfect madness of trying to be an over-achieving super mom; rather, it’s about the idea that all moms are super. Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we give up our diva glamour as culture mavens. In fact, parenting adds to our worldliness."

BOOK: My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy by Andrea Askowitz

Premise: Andrea Askotwitz takes an unflinching look at her life as a single lesbian mother-to-be in this humorous memoir of her 40 weeks and five days in hell.

On Conceiving as a Lesbian:"Before the insemination, I had to watch a mandatory video: 'Infertility: The New Solutions.' The video featured three heterosexual couples with various fertility problems….When the video was over I told the nurse I’d discovered my problem. 'What is it?' she asked. 'I’m a lesbian,' I said."

The Truth About Pregnancy: "No one says feeling miserable is a side effect. Everyone talks about pregnancy bliss and the prenatal glow This is the worst experience of my life. I’m anti-social, fat, and scared."

Why It Was All Worth It Anyway: "Maybe I didn’t ask Robin how she was feeling. I certainly didn’t ask Kate. With Tashi I have no choice. I have to consider her first. Tashi makes me better."

Video Baby Poop Advice

Brett Singer — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Jennifer Trachtenberg, author of "Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children" is going to "ease parents fears about baby poop."

Well I feel better now. Don't you?

It's not a bad video, actually. I think I got most of this information from our pediatrician, and also from my wife, who actually read the various parenting books that we had when the kids were born.

A couple of the comments are worth quoting:

"So what is it you do for work: I talk about baby poop!" (JEH78)

"I'm never having children...." (cascadeice20)

And of course:

"Everybody poops." (wesw818)

Dr. Trachtenberg's video also reminded me about the various types of baby crap, which is a bit freaky the first few times you see it. The general conception that I had is, "Oh, it'll smell. Whatever." But there are a lot of different varieties that turn up in a diaper, and that "mustardy" stuff the doctor describes is one of the weirdest. So thanks for the trip down Poopy Memory Lane.

image: wackypackages.org

Source: YouTube

Stuff You Never Thought You'd Say -- Winter Edition

Babble Talk: Did Mommy Get New Boobies?

Airing the Parental Dirty Laundry

Who's Cuter – The Cat Or The Baby?

What NOT to Tell Your Child After You've Been Laid Off

Jen Chaney — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 17:32:00 GMT

We're living in hard times. Right now -- especially with the end of the year approaching and company budgets tightening -- many moms and dads may be facing the prospect of losing their jobs. And they may be wondering, "Should I tell the kids I got laid off?"

This story from the Seattle Times offers some guidance on the subject, encouraging parents to explain to school-age children what's happened, and to do so in a way that avoids emotion and lets the children feel like they are helping to find solutions to the problem. (Read all the suggestions here.)

Of course, sometimes it's good to lighten the air around such a serious matter with a little humor. (Some call it denial. I call it therapeutic comedy.) In that spirit, and with the hope of giving anxiety-ridden parents a few laughs, I offer this complement to that piece of service journalism from the Seattle Times. Here are five things not to tell your kids after getting laid off:

5. "Before I explain why Daddy doesn't have a job anymore, I need to give you a little background information. You see, Ethan, the world is a cruel, harsh place run by complete and total idiots..."

4. "Mommy got laid off. And I have to be completely honest about why it happened: It's all Elmo's fault."

3. "Remember how I told you that if you devote yourself to an organization and work really, really hard, you'll eventually be recognized for your achievements? Yeah, um, not so much."

2. "So the bottom line is that Daddy is going to have a lot more free time on his hands, which will be awesome. Because that means Daddy can pick out your clothes every morning, and sit next to you every time you go to the movies with that boy you like, and constantly suggest new people for you to friend on Facebook. It's going to be great."

1. "I'm not saying that Christmas is canceled, per se. What I am saying is that now that Mommy is unemployed, your presents will be a little ... different. You like ramen noodles, right?"

Image: mediabistro.com

Related Links:

Toy Libraries: An Idea in Need of a Comeback?

KB Toys Going Out of Business

When Your Kid's is the Puny Gift to the Teacher

Little House on the Prairie + Harry Potter = Nightmares

editors — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

When I was about six, I was watching a TV show (I think it was Little House on the Prairie) when the two little girls on the screen knelt down and prayed, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” That was it for me. My days of sleeping soundly through the night were over. I became terrified that I, or someone I loved, would die while I was sleeping. Talk about nightmares. My parents couldn’t figure out what was scaring me and I didn’t know how to explain it to them.

Years later, I was reminded of this when babysitting for my nine year old niece. She had recently read the first book in the Harry Potter series and I rented the movie version for us to watch together. A few days later, I got an annoyed call from my brother. “Thanks a lot for letting her watch that,” he said. “She’s been having nightmares all week.”

It hadn’t occurred to me that watching a movie that was made for kids, especially since she had already read the book, would give Madison nightmares. Unfortunately, you can’t always predict what is going to scare kids. It might be something as innocent as an episode of Little House on the Prairie.

So if you can’t always prevent the nightmares, how can you help your child to cope with them? We’ve all heard that you should just carry your child back to bed and tuck him in again, while explaining that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Good theory, but pretty tough to do in practice when your little boy or girl is terrified.

CafeMom offers a different approach in the DailyBuzz post Nightmares: Helping Kids Conquer Them. Not only is this solution kind and creative, it has the added bonus of smelling good!

And one tip from me: Don’t let them watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone until they are really old, even if they swear up and down that they’re not scared. -- Lindsay Armstrong

Two Years, Six Months, and 25 Days Before the Romance Dies

Kelly Mills — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:31:00 GMT

You were wondering when your marriage would all go to hell? There's this study saying the average lifespan of the "honeymoon" phase is two years, six months, and 25 days. Oooh, everyone set your calendar with a reminder. "I know there's something happening this weekend, what was it? Oh yeah, that's the day our marriage will become drudgery and crap."

But what exactly marks the end of the sweet love? It sounds like the researchers define this as effort. They say on average, this is the time when most guys start leaving socks on the floor and the toilet seat lid up, and the women stop wearing make-up and climb into sweats instead. Romantic dinners are a thing of the past, and the third anniversary isn't even celebrated. Oh, and you hardly (sniff) cuddle any more.

You know, the whole thing sounds a kinda stereotyical and lame to me. Marking marital closeness by female appearance effort and male hygiene effort... Eesh. Not surprisingly, this study was detailed in the Daily Mail. But anyway, I have a solution: Don't get married. Just live together, and you can completely avoid the whoooole thing.

They Say: How To Work From Home More Effectively

Kelly Mills — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Being a work-at-home mom has plenty of perks, like the flexibility to pick up the kid from school and the ability to do dentist's appointments and teacher conference days without begging a boss for the time off. But there's serious downsides too: As I detailed here, it's hard to escape from work when it stares at you 24-7; the household tasks beg for my time; and no one is paying me to surf the ol' 'net, though that doesn't stop me. So when I hear there's ways to be more productive at home, I think, "Yeah! Sign me up!"

Only after reading this, I'm skeptical. Not because these are terrible, but because it sounds a little like slapping a band-aid on top of a giant wound infected with flesh-eating strep.

The tips. 1. Clean up the clutter. Yeah, if I had time to do that I might actually wanna use that time to hit the five deadlines I'm behind on. 2. Move your desk so it's away from the door in a commanding position. Dude, you have a desk? I schlepp my laptop from surface to surface so I can do five things at once! Though I like the idea of my kid walking in as I swivel my chair around from behind my imposing oak desk. I should make her schedule an appointment for snack. 3. Get a plant. Oh god, one more thing to water and care for. No. Way. 4. Get good lighting. Uh, who has fluorescent lights in their house? 5. Move the TV out of the office. Right. I may not be the most disciplined person ever, but I don't actually watch TV during my "work" hours. The internet is another story, but if I get rid of my computer, I'm SOL for work.

Sorry, the feng shui fixes are not cutting it for a working mom with so much to do, so little time. Frankly, the best thing I could do for my productivity is probably lose the kid. Cough. Screw productivity.

Do You Play With Your Kids' Toys?

A Third of Parents No Longer Saving for College

Dora the Conservative

Brett Singer — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:15:00 GMT

Every now and then Republicans do something to remind the world why anyone would ever want to vote for them. Also, sometimes elected officials sound like children's television characters.

What the hell am I talking about?

CNN reports that, "House conservatives urged Congress on Tuesday to 'take a breath' and consider other alternatives before rushing to pass a $700 billion plan to bail out Wall Street, a measure the White House says must pass by the end of the week."

Some Republicans are saying, hey. Guys. Let's look at things a little bit more closely before we commit close to one TRILLION dollars (insert Dr. Evil finger here) and potentially make a bad problem even worse.

That advice… it sounds familiar… where have I heard it before?

Oh! That's right. Dora The Explorer. She likes to "stop and think" when things start moving too fast. Hmmm…

Source: CNN, image: commonsensemedia, plus Photoshop

Sarah Palin, Sportscaster

Palin family online - real or fake?

Palin for aerial wolf hunting

Palin's Email Hacked and posted online; UPDATE: Anonymous Hacker Speaks

Was Trig Palin drugged?

McCain said lipstick on a pig to Hillary

Are your kids aware of the election?

So – who ya voting for?

Morning News: Nope, No Improvements. Nation Still Falling Apart.

Nanny Market Shaken Up By Current Financial Woes

Shawn Johnson, Democrat? (UPDATE: Now with video)

Beau Biden almost made me cry

McCain, Palin oppose teen pregnancy aid and sex education

Elizabeth Edwards slammed for keeping hubby's affair a secret

Man ejected from Yankee Stadium for lack of patriotism

Dadcentric endorses Obama

7 year old on terrorist list

Another 8 year old on the terrorist watch list

Awww…a baby otter… (when the going gets tough, the tough go and look at pictures of baby animals)

YOU say: I got fooled (update to "They USED to say: give babies cola")

Brett Singer — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

UPDATE: The ad appears to be a big ol' fake. I'm not too proud to admit that I was fooled. (More true confessions: when I was younger someone once told me that the word 'gullible' wasn't in the dictionary. My honest reply - "Really?")

However, judging by the comments on the original post (see below) there are several people who seem to feel that babies should be drinking a little Co-Cola with their formula or breast milk. I was pretty surprised by that -- it's one thing to say that a kid should be allowed to have a sip of soda, but quite another to say that soda is something they should be drinking. Seems weird to me. Anyone else?

Original post, and comments, follow:

*-*-*-*-*

We all know that, on occasion, advertisements can offer some fairly crappy advice. Back in the day, though, ads had no shame.

Here's a great example: "For a better start in life, start COLA earlier!"

Why give your kids cola? Well, according to the ad, it "Promotes Active Lifestyle!" And also "Boosts Personality!" Plus, it "Gives body essential sugars!" (Well-written piece, don't you think?)

ESSENTIAL SUGARS. Love it.

Do you let your kids drink soda? What age did you give it to them?

Source: digg

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Help! I’m in Love with my Stepbrother

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Clueless made it look like a match made in heaven, but a recent writer to Slate’s Dear Prudence column has found that having a real-world crush on a stepsibling is far from easy. She and her stepbrother are both 21 and did not know each other until their parents married a year ago. Although it’s certainly sticky, there is nothing incestuous or even unusual about their developing romantic feelings for one another.

The problem, as Dear Prudie makes clear, is that the margin of error for acting on these feelings is woefully small. That is, if it turns out that they are not meant to be together forever and ever ‘till death do them part, their family drama just multiplied exponentially. As Prudence put it, this is one failed romance that would plague the pair for “decades of Thanksgivings and Christmases to come.”

On the other hand, trying to squash these feelings in order to avoid a sticky situation could result in decades of stifled longing. So Prudence advises taking things at a snail’s pace—that is, being absolutely certain that the two stepsiblings are committed to pursuing a serious relationship before they act on their feelings. This is great advice in theory, but I imagine that it may prove difficult to follow.

How would you react if you found out that your child was interested in your partner's child?

Photo: hollywoodteenmovies.com

Baby Planners: Who Needs 'Em?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:58:00 GMT

During your pregnancy, would you have paid $250 to have someone walk you through Babies R’ Us, pointing out the must-have products? Or $500 to have someone plan your baby shower? How about $200 to have your home babyproofed?

These are just some of the services offered by baby coordinators, the latest advent in the commercialization of parenting. While I am all for easing the stress that can come with expecting a baby, I am definitely NOT for teaching mothers that having disposable income is the only way to do this. Shouldn’t friends or family be the ones helping parents-to-be make these important decisions? Or, perhaps more importantly, shouldn’t expectant parents learn to trust their own parenting instincts?

I worry that baby planning promises to be just one more trend that will make mothers feel not good enough—“You mean you didn’t hire a baby planner?!”

And in case the commercialization factor doesn’t bother you, perhaps the sexist element will: many baby planning companies also offer “daddy preparation.” Because those silly men don’t know a thing about babies!

Photo: The Boston Globe

They Say: Don't Eat Your Veggies!

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton is about to become your kids’ new hero. In today’s New York Times Well Blog, he colorfully answers readers' questions about their children’s health, and gets the ball rolling with a firm admonition against vegetables.

Forget about veggies, he says. Battling your child to eat any particular food will only backfire in extended dietary struggles throughout your kid’s childhood. Buy a multivitamin for those picky eating years, and save yourself and your kids some headaches.

If you do feel like getting creative, Dr. Brazelton suggests Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious cookbook. But he cautions against getting bent out of shape over any dietary experiments with your kids. Instead, he says, “keep mealtimes relaxing and enjoyable, and focus talk on fun things, but not on food.”

For Dr. Bazelton’s advice on Vitamin D supplements, low cholesterol diets, and calorie counts, visit the Well Blog.

They say: keep your money under your mattress

Brett Singer — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:00:00 GMT

That's not exactly what they say, since a fair amount of your deposits are federally insured. Of course, if things get really bad, that won't matter, but we're not going there.

In this worse-than-even-I-thought economy, its important to do whatever you can to protect the assets you have. What does this have to do with parenting? Well, do you want to leave the little buggers anything to pay for that nice old-age home you may end up in? (Don't answer that if today was the day junior decided to arch his back and kick you in the family jewels while you tried to do something horrible to him, like put him in the stroller and take him out to buy a bagel. Not that this has ever happened to me. Really.)

Yahoo! Finance has some tips for weathering the current economic storm and the advice is deeper than the Bush Administration's, "Don't worry, be happy" plan. Here are some excerpts:

- Check that your deposits are insured: "The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) guarantees deposits up to $100,000 per person. If you have to hold more than that, spread it across multiple banks. As a taxpayer you are paying for this insurance. Use it." In other words, if you have a lot of cash in one bank, put it in different banks. Sounds like a scheme from a Coen Brothers movie to me, but it's not. The majority of us won't have that problem (more than $100,000 in savings? Nice work if you can get it), but it's also important to check on your brokerage accounts. "The Securities Investor Protection Corporation (SIPC) guarantees you at places like Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, E-Trade and the like up to $500,000, including $100,000 worth of cash…Note: The SIPC is only there to make sure you get your shares and bonds back if a brokerage fails. It does not, obviously, guarantee those investments' value."

-   "Don't panic": The article says that, "pundits want to seem really wise by putting on serious expressions and saying things like 'we don't know how this thing is going to play out,' and 'the situation could get a lot worse'. Bah. Guess what? We never know how things are going to play out. And the situation could get a lot better too." It's a glass-half-empty-or-half-full thing. I tend to think that you just need to look at what you have carefully, and if you do have assets that need managing, hope that you have a good financial advisor.
-   Taxes: This is pretty clear: "you can forget about any talk of tax breaks." One of the criticisms of Obama has been that he's going to raise your taxes, while McCain will lower them. As far as I know, only Congress can change tax rates, and it seems unlikely that even the most conservative of conservatives (which John McCain isn't, or didn't used to be) would be able to justify a tax cut of any significance in the current climate. I'm also curious to hear what the candidates will say about what's happening in the economy. Without being partisan, I don't think either one of them is prepared to do much of anything to fix it anytime soon for the simple reason that it's an incredibly difficult problem to solve. To paraphrase Aaron Neville, I don't know much, but I know people need money and jobs; that's the wa-a-ay they pay their rent and buy things. 25,000 people are going to be out of work now that Lehman Brothers is going under. Hewlett-Packard is cutting almost that many jobs as a result of their merger with Electronic Data Systems. I don't know much, but I know that's a bad thing.
-   Refinance your mortgage: this one was the most interesting to me, since I hadn't thought of it and it actually applies to a lot of people. "The panic on Wall Street just caused a collapse in the interest rate on long-term US Treasury bonds, as lots of investors rushed there for safety. And that usually leads to a fall in long-term mortgage rates." The part of that I understood is "a fall in long-term mortgage rates." Lower mortgage rate = lower monthly payments = more money to keep under your mattress. It's the new math.

Note: none of this should be construed as actual financial advice; I know only slightly more about economics than I do about particle physics, and I'm just quoting from a source that I haven't vetted. That said, there's some food for thought here.

Source: Yahoo! Finance

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Girl Talk May Fuel Anxiety

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Naturally you want your children to have strong friendships, people they can trust to help them navigate social and emotional concerns. But there may be such a thing as too much talking.

Psychologists call it “co-rumination:” the tendency to dwell on a personal problem with a friend, seeking empathy and validation of your feelings. Anyone who’s responsible for paying a teenage girl's phone bill is probably more than a little familiar with this type of conversation: do you think he likes me? Is so-and-so mad at me? Should I break up with him?

As this tendency has started to figure more heavily into female friendships with the advent of MySpace, Facebook, cell phones, and email—which mean that the majority of friendships can be based on chatting or gossip, rather than activities—researchers have started to wonder if it’s such a healthy way for friends to relate with one another.

Indeed, several studies of third, fifth, seventh, and ninth graders have shown that co-rumination can lead to increased anxiety and depression in girls, at least in the short term. Obsessing about a problem with a friend can make that problem seem bigger than it is—and worries can be contagious: if my best friend is so concerned about how many times a week her boyfriend calls her, maybe I should be, too.

Researchers found that emotional conversations did not affect boys negatively, perhaps because they occur less often or because the tone is different. Boys may be more likely to focus on solutions to problems instead of just venting them, which psychologists say is the most effective way to converse.

One way parents can help their daughters avoid this self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety, obsession and validation, and hence more anxiety is to encourage your children to come to you for advice, so they get the perspective of age at least some of the time. Any other tips for parents to help their daughters most effectively deal with emotional upsets?

Photo: New York Times

More on Making Ends Meet

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Just last week, we were musing over moms who do a little somethin'-somethin' on the side to help make ends meet.

No.

Not that, pervs.

Although if you could find enough "clients" who like their "professionals" sticky and smelling of spit-up, you could make quite a bit of extra scratch.

Barring that, Divine Caroline blogger Mom Advice has some, well, advice for starting an at-home business. Most of it boils down to "do your homework." However, it is worth giving a read if you are serious about jumping into the work-at-home world.

They Say: Use All-Natural Bug Spray that works

Brett Singer — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

The worst thing about going outside in the summer is the bugs. When its hot, you can always drink more water, take a shower, hire some local kids to fan you... wait, scratch that last one. But with bugs, they bite, and that itchy gift stays with you long after you go inside. It's even more difficult to protect your kids since they tend to be having too much fun to notice when a flock of horseflies are attacking.

We all want to keep chemicals off of our kids' bodies as much as possible. The thing about Deet is, it works. New York Magazine points to a product called Herbal Armor that is relatively cheap (the mag says $8.99, but it's less at Amazon, although shipping adds a lot) and is also, they claim, sweat-proof. So you slap it on and go. It's all-natural, so no worries about junior growing a third arm out of his back as a result of too much Deet-exposure. I haven't tried it, but I'm going to look for it in stores and report back. If anyone has used this stuff, let us know if it works.

image: Amazon

They Say: Limit Kids Screen Time

Brett Singer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

What's great about "advice" is that, in trying to be many things to many people, it often comes out sounding unintentionally dopey.

From About.com's singleparents site (I guess kids in two-parent families can watch as much TV as they want to?) comes these tidbits:

"The American Academy of Pediatrics has some pretty strict guidelines for children's television viewing." What are these "strict" guidelines? Limiting the TV viewing of children younger than 2 years old to two hours per day, and not putting a TV in your kids' bedrooms.

Do you think those are "some pretty stringent guidelines"? I admit that we let our son play his Nintendo DS in his room sometimes, but no TV in his room is not even an issue. I was allowed to get a TV in my room when I was old enough to pay for it myself (hello, Bar Mitzvah cash.)

Then we get to the advice on how to actually limit viewing hours.

- "Don't use the TV as background noise. Only have it on if someone is sitting down watching a specific program." Good advice in general, frankly.

- "If you have TiVo or a DVR, record a few of your child's favorite shows and allow him or her to view them at specific times during the week. Once they've been watched, delete them from the recording device." Clearly these people don't have children, or if they do, they don't have TiVo. In my experience, kids want to watch the same things over and over again. Not necessarily right away, but there are definitely repeat viewings of favorite shows. If we only watched everything once, why do so many folks buy DVDs?

- "Avoid using TV for winding down. Instead, read a book together or allow your child to listen to an audio book." Again, reasonable advice.

- "Provide a TV viewing chart for your children, and teach them to plan out the shows they'd like to watch during the week." This one seems weird to me. Isn't this sending a message that television is so important it needs to be scheduled as an important part of your week? Admittedly, we've been spoiled by having TiVo for the kids' entire lives, so planning is a non-issue (as are commercials.)

- "Finally, choose your child's television programs carefully, and take the time to preview shows together. Talk about what you like about certain shows, and what gives you caution about the shows you do not care for." I'll take this a step further and say that you can and should watch shows with the little ones, especially once they get old enough to understand what the hell they are watching. For example, there's an episode of "The Brady Bunch" where Mike tells Carol, "If I caught one of my sons playing with a doll house, I'd send him to a psychiatrist." My mother was right there to point out the sexism of that line.

How important is the TV in your house? Any "strategies" for reducing screen time, or do you just shut the damn thing off?

image: Pegmurphy.com

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Advice You Should Have Been Listening To

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Based on Randy Pausch's distillation of all of the advice he wouldn't be around to pass on to his kids, the New York Times' Well Blog solicited the best parental advice that readers have received or given. The contest turned up some tidbits that I wish my parents had passed on to me.

Or, if my folks did mention mottos like "Always make sure your mouth is fully closed before biting down on a cherry tomato" and "It’s okay to go up the slide, even though the rules say you may only go down," then I wish I'd have been paying more attention.

So what would you or have you advise your kids to do or not do? My best nugget is "Always floss." You?

The words every woman longs to hear: are you through yet?

Brett Singer — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

A survey has concluded that men with QDS (Quickie Dickie Syndrome) are doing just fine, thank you. The "optimal" time for intercourse is -- wait for it -- between three and thirteen minutes.

That's quite a range if you think about it, especially for parents. Three minutes, you can do your business while the kids are getting dressed for school. Finding thirteen minutes is much more difficult.

I'm not knocking anyone for the length of their "act" -- far from it. Once children are in your house, anytime you can find, you take. (Which is I had a little trouble buying this story.)

The researcher, Eric Corty ("who, it must be noted, is male" says the article -- nice) conducted his study to help couples "relax a little bit." Because obsessing over the length of your coitus is verrrry relaxing.

image: flickr.com

And apologies to Steve Martin, from whom I paraphrased the title of this post.

So Much Space; So Few Ideas

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:31:00 GMT

There are only so many topics to write about when you work at a magazine. Like worms after a rain, it's no wonder that so many of them squish out onto the newstands month after month. Like, say, a feature on "Easy Fitness In Ten Minutes A Day!" which is guaranteed to include the chestnut "Take the Stairs Instead of the Elevator.*"

Real Simple editor Kristin van Ogtrop breaks down the 17 pieces of advice she never wants to hear again. Given that she works for what is ostensibly a women's magazine, this just proves that van Ogtrop has serious cojones. She may be my new hero.

It's worse for even smaller niche magazines, like those aimed at brides (White Dresses Are the New White Dress!) or girls (How To Know He's Not That Into You!). Parenting mags are among the worst offenders. How many times can you read "sleep while the baby sleeps" without having an aneurism?

So have at it, 'derby readers. Which pieces of parenting advice do you never want to see in print again?

* Edited from "Take the Elevator Instead of the Stairs," which would be more fun, granted, but an error on my part. Sorry.

Photo credit: happymundane.blogspot.com