Strollerderby : affairs

More People Cheating than Ever Before

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Eternal monogamy: the beloved ideal that about a quarter of Americans find impossible to uphold. Marital infidelity is on the rise, according to the New York Times. Since 1972, the General Social Survey has consistently found that about 10 percent of married people cheat, with men cheating almost twice as often as women (12 percent to 7 percent).

But analyzing infidelity trends over the last two decades has shown some marked changes. In 2006, 28 percent of men over 60 reported cheating at some point in their lives, compared to 20 percent in 1991 (Viagra went on the market ten years ago). And among older women, incidences of cheating have increased triplefold—from 5 percent to 15 percent.

We can’t chock this increased infidelity up to boredom after a silver anniversary because the trend holds true for couples under 35 as well. 20 percent of young men and 15 percent of young women now report treating, compared to 15 percent and 12 percent two decades ago.

Theories about the reasons for increased cheating largely center on the advent of the Internet and cell phones, which have made it easier to coordinate extra-marital encounters. But the marked increase in women’s infidelity is harder to explain: are women cheating more now because they are more likely to go on business trips or stay late at the office? Or are they simply more likely to report their infidelities now that there is less (though still much) social pressure for women to be chaste while men are applauded for their sexual exploits?

Whatever the reason, I must admit that I’m looking on the bright side of this increase in female infidelity. I’m certainly no champion of extra-marital affairs, but it happened at these relatively high rates even in hunting and gathering societies. So, if cheating must happen, why should men be the only ones in whom it is expected and even, to do some degree, accepted?

Image: New York Times

Five-Year-Old Catches STD From Dad's Towel?

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Reasons you shouldn't sleep with a prostitute. A. Your wife will hate you. B. Your name will be all over town for getting caught with a hooker. C. You might catch something and pass it on to your kid.

For one Australia Dad, the answer is all of the above. His then 5-year-old daughter was removed from the family home in 2006 when she was diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease. He admitted to consorting with a prostitute in Bali, but said he never touched his daughter inappropriately. The dad claims she contracted the disease by using the same towel.

As improbable as it sounds (and it did to the first court who heard the case), a judge has sent the little girl back to her parents - including a mom who is a "less than enthusiastic supporter" of her husband (see above - answer A). Judge Jonathan Williams says there isn't enough evidence the girl was actually abused. He believes the father.

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

~~Public~~ Pubic lice (that's the real name for crabs, folks), can be transferred by sharing a bed with someone (and who hasn't slept with their child in the bed at one point or another) or that shared towel. The same goes for scabies. And oral herpes, it turns out, can be transmitted, well, orally. So next time you have a cold sore, you might want to refrain from showing off how good those pureed pears are by licking their spoon.

Image: Superior Water

They Say: Dads Cheat, but Not for Sex

Will Smith is Open to Open Marriage

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:46:00 GMT

Will Smith is all about honesty—not only with his wife of 11 years, but also apparently with celebrity reporters about said wife. He recently opened up to the UK magazine NOW about the possibility that he and Jada Pinkett Smith will engage in an open marriage.

Will says one of the keys to the happiness and mutual devotion of his long marriage is complete transparency. “I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife,” he said, which means that he has no problem admitting to Jada when he feels attracted to other women. “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people,” he said.

For now, neither Will or Jada has acted on these “natural” impulses, but if either of them wanted to sleep with someone else, they would seek the other's approval first. Perhaps this openness is part of the reason that neither has felt what Will called the “need” to sleep around. When an affair is no longer taboo, but rather a possible reality to be carefully considered, it loses some of its appeal.

What do you married and partnered folks think? Is it better to keep fleeting attractions to yourself, so as to avoid making your partner jealous, or better to be open about your extramarital desires?

Photo: People

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Open a School

Can Cheatin' Save Your Relationship?

Kelly Mills — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:03:00 GMT

Affairs can obviously be relationship deal-breakers, but do they have to be? Marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall sounds off on the issue in the Times. This question is probably especially relevant for parents, because those of us with a partner at home aren't just in our relationships for good times and personal satisfaction and all that. We have children we raise together, so if our relationships lack a certain, um, bedroom va-va-voom, then perhaps straying can take the edge off all of that. Or a little side action can bring to light problems on the homefront that aren't getting addressed. But is it worth the risk?

I'll cut to the chase and say Marshall basically concludes with, "it would be better to recognise the signs that something is missing in your relationship and work on it. There might be unexpected benefits to the discovery of an affair, but the negatives–betrayal, jealousy and desire for revenge–can overwhelm everything else." So I guess the answer is no, don't do it. 'Course I think there's about three people in the world who had an affair because they honestly thought it would be a good idea and a relationship aid. The rest probably got caught up by all the things that actually motivate affairs, and that isn't going to stop any time soon. So, my question is this: Would you do it, or have you, and were there benefits? Would it be a deal-breaker if your partner cheated? Is it reasonable to stay together for the sake of the kids, and if having a side project helps with that, is it worth it?

True Mom Confession of the Week: Will Billy Have Two Mommies??

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 16:09:00 GMT

True Mom Confessions is a revelation... A place to stop and read if you ever (even for one split second) feel less than, ashamed, odd-mama-out, worried you're not doing things right. If you take a few minutes to read, you'll feel better and more normal than you ever dreamed and if you confess, you'll feel absolved and lighter. I suspect it's the magical combination of anonymity, "me too" buttons, and voyeurism/exhibitionism. Whatever the reason you read, this week's confession is remarkable...

perhaps only for the number of "me toos" it received. This confession didn't make the TMC's top 10 for the past week, but it did receive a surprisingly high number of "me-toos" (surprising that this many women are no longer in love with their husbands and are in love with their best women friends).

Here's the confession:

"I am married with three kids. I don't love my husband anymore. I am totally in love with my best friend, and she's a woman."

For the top 10 "Me-Toos" of the week, go here.