Strollerderby : afterbirth

Post Partum Hilarity in Book Form

JeanneSager — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Normal 0 Too often, the memoirs of celebrity parents and celebrity kids are self-indulgent drivel written more for those of us who want to live vicariously than to learn anything particularly useful.

So I was apprehensive when I picked up a copy of Afterbirth: Stories You Won’t Read in a Parenting Magazine, the newest series of parenting essays to come out of Hollywood.

Phewwww. I laughed my vicarious a—off.

Comedienne Dani Klein Modisett’s collection of written offshoots from her show “Afterbirth . . . Stories You Won’t Read in Parents Magazine” has a nice mix of names you’ve heard (Neal Pollack, Andrew McCarthy) and names connected to projects you’ve heard of (Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner).

Taking turns being irreverent and hilarious, the essays are not exactly “bad parenting” so much as they are “aww, crap, no she DIDN’T” tales . . . that sound vaguely familiar. Except eminently more fabulous.

Ironically, the standout in a book meant to be more funny than functional isn’t a laugh-a-word piece but an introspective (and not at all self-indulgent) essay from the unfortunately named Moon Unit Zappa. Describing her childhood as daughter of the famous rocker Frank as the very reason she has turned into a Type A parent, Zappa could be the poster child for “my parents sucked, but I still decided to procreate.” Which, again, sounds awfully familiar to half of today’s parents.

But she’s also refreshingly aware that she is no more expert than the rest of us.

“Despite all the ways I am trying desperately to do the job differently than my parents, I cannot claim with any certainty that I am doing it any better,” Zappa says.

Well, we’re trying anyway. Get the book from Amazon.

Image: Amazon

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How About Some Placenta in that IV Drip?

JeanneSager — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:21:00 GMT

Just when you thought the really freaky people were mashing their placenta into loaf form or rubbing it into their cheeks, along come the Japanese health spas with their IV drips of afterbirth.

All it costs is $30 and ten minutes of your time . . . and a stomach that won't start churning at the thought of what they're pumping into your veins in the pursuit of youth.

An in-depth look at Tenteki 10, the spa named for the Japanese word for IV, appeared on Slate this week, and it hashes out the argument over whether the health benefits of placental use are real or imagined. It's interesting reading, especially the look at how "human placental extract" is actually made:

Manufacturers simply gather human placentas from women who have just given birth and place the tissue on ice. Then, they cut it into pieces, test it for viruses, perform chemical separation and purification steps, and sterilize and seal the product. Some proteins may be rendered inactive by sterilization. And some manufacturers may remove specific groups of molecules.

What I wonder is how many of these women know the placenta, which they've carried around for nine months along with their baby, essentially providing the lifeblood to that baby, is now headed to some random person's veins? That it's about to be cut into pieces and "sterilized."

When I gave birth, my doctor offered me the chance to look at the placenta. My husband took him up on it, while I told him honestly, "I'm more interested in her right now," and stared across the delivery room at the nurses working to clean up my newborn daughter. My OB went on and on about how impressive the placenta is, with the sort of passion that makes him a fantastic doctor. I didn't care. I wanted to hold my little girl. What happened to it next, I don't know. Medical waste, I'd imagine.

If I thought that the placenta could have made a difference in someone's life - a true difference, the way a heart or kidney donation could - maybe I would have paid more attention. But I'd imagine most women are like me; more interested in getting their hands on their newborn than in finding out what's happening with the afterbirth.

Source Slate via Jezebel

Image: Jezebel

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Birth Organs Gone Wild: Placenta Prints

Madeline Holler — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

An acquaintance of mine -- she's given birth four times -- hands over her babies' umbilical cords to her mother. Nana then waits for inspiration, shapes the cords accordingly and allows them to dry. Then she mounts them for wall hanging. And, you know, hangs them.

Me? I'm attached to my organs up to and through their practical utility, at which point I'm more than happy to let them go. Others -- clearly much deeper thinkers than myself -- find them artful.

Take, for example, the people behind this special find (thanks to Cookie Mag's Crab Mommy): placenta prints and placenta print-making kits! Quick, get Matthew McConaughey on the line!

No need to stop at inky footprints. And, indeed, that's a nice looking placenta!

What sort of afterbirth hangs on your walls?

Matthew McConaughey keeps placenta

Image: blissfulmomblessedbaby.com

One Woman's Bio-Trash is Another's Mood-Boosting Good Eats

Madeline Holler — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:27:00 GMT

For me, there’s something about placenta-eating that tickles the ol’ gag reflex. And I say this as a dedicated carnivore who has eaten her fair share of strange delicacies (raw horsemeat comes immediately to mind).

Why should I be so opposed to eating, literally, my own flesh and blood? After all, I’m constantly gnawing on my cuticles.

But body-part analogies could not keep me from dry-heaving my way through Jezebel’s reposting of cooking show's transcript where the featured ingredient is a placenta.

The crowning gory glory is this:

MARY: [Carrying the mousse, which has been shaped with a Bundt mold, to the buffet table] It's got a bit of the old cervix look about it, doesn't it?
SUE: Absolutely, dear. I thought it was very appropriate.

(Now I'm cramping.)

Fine. If you need your placenta-snacking to be a little more clinical, MSNBC has a write-up on women who ingest placenta, in one form or another, to stave off the baby blues. Some women dry it, grind it and load it into capsules. Others, um, don't. (Bottom lip is starting to quiver, plus I looked at that Placenta-loaf picture again. I'm canceling lunch plans.)

There's no evidence that it works, but the featured women swear by it. One woman even started her own placenta encapsulating kit company. While she gets lots of traffic to her website, she said she hasn't sold many kits so far.

Sidenote: The article includes a broad survey of placenta-revering from around the world, including this interesting tidbit:

“Tribes in the Ural Mountains in Russia thought of the placenta as a caretaker for the child — and as such, it deserved a warm welcome. Along with carefully knitted clothes for the infant, they’d create a tiny shirt for the placenta.” How do they know which side is up? Has one been featured over on Drool.icio.us?

I don’t feel so good.

For placenta recipes (why?), go here.

Photo of Walnut-Pate: Daddy Types

Strollerderby : afterbirth

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