Strollerderby : ali lohan

Denise Richards Reality Show Canceled

Brett Singer — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:00:00 GMT

It's official – you won't have Denise Richards to kick around anymore.

The E! channel has canceled the unwatchable "It's Complicated," which followed Richards as she tried raising her kids and a lot of pets… or something like that. I watched the first episode and found it mostly dull, but also somewhat depressing, since she had her young children on camera all the freakin' time. Remember that it was her ex-husband Charlie Sheen who wanted to keep the kids off of the show, but Denise took him to court and won. It's an old joke now, but when Charlie Sheen is the good parent, something is very, very wrong.

The reason for the cancellation isn't very complicated at all: nobody was watching. Page Six quotes "a source" who said, "The numbers started out pretty good - just over 1.5 million tuned in for the premiere episode…But the audience has dropped off." In other words, people would have been interested, but she just wasn't that interesting.

It's worth remembering that Denise Richards had a career as an actress for awhile. Granted, it was largely based on her looks, but she was considered one of the hotter young starlets around (think Megan Fox). Things were already on the decline career-wise when she married Sheen, so it would be easy to say that she is a victim of Hollywood ageism. But I have a feeling that some of the behavior she displayed on her reality show – the Post cites one "her confrontation with an editor for a magazine over how she [was] portrayed in the tabloid press" as a "low-light" for the series – was also her behavior in real life. That's just a guess, of course. Oh well. At least her kids won't have their lives on display anymore. Maybe she can do "Dancing with the Stars."

Source: NYPost

Image: LATimes.com

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Denise Richards still trying to prove she's insane

Brett Singer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:00:00 GMT

It's Friday the 13th, which must be why I'm drawn to stories about weird, evil people today.

Denise Richards isn't in the same league and Josef Fritzl or Charles Manson, but she does seem to be trying to prove to the world that she's out of her gourd. Showbiz Spy reports that the former Mrs. Charlie Sheen is, "pleading with the star to stop publicly bashing her now he has re-married…'He loves to trash me in the press and discredit me and has tried to sabotage my show. I hope that now that he's married, he can move forward and be civil.'"

Now, we're not excusing Charlie Sheen, who has his own issues, to put it mildly. Back in May he claimed that Denise emailed him asking for a sperm donation. Denise's reply was, shall we say, something less than "civil": "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm." Nice.

She also accused Chuck of exploiting, "our entire situation." Um, you have a reality show on E! that features your kids. Pot? Kettle? Neither one of them is winning parent of the year, but I think when you put your toddler-age children on a reality show you kind of lose the right to accuse your former husband for "exploiting the situation".

I have a wacky, wacky idea for Denise and Charlie. Yes, you hate each other. Yes, it's an ugly divorce. But you have kids. Stop talking to the media for awhile. SHUT-UP.

image: Page Six

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Let's Play Guess The Photo

Brett Singer — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

This is a photo of:

a.    Me, at Burning Man
b.    Britney Spears after a weekend with the kids
c.    Dina Lohan, sans makeup
d.    The daughter of an incredibly successful film director
e.    Abe Vigoda in high school

And.... drum roll please.....

It's d. Specifically, Amanda Lucas, adopted daughter of George Lucas, aka "The man who created some of my greatest childhood memories and then set about doing stupid things to them, like making crappy prequels, renaming the first one 'A New Hope' and re-editing them to do things like make it look as if Han Solo didn't shoot Greedo first, even though we all know he did, dammit." Oh, wait. OK, I'm back.

Amanda is a mixed martial arts fighter, which is sort of like kickboxing, and very much like something I'm unlikely to ever do. (It also puts her in the "girls that can kick my ass" category.) She was involved in a series of fights called Princess of Pain.

Amanda had small roles in all three of the crappier "Star Wars" films. Here's proof that she doesn't always look quite so… I don't know, bloodied.

Belinda Dunne, a "Princesses of Pain promoter" (say that ten times fast), said that Amanda "has not once been a prima donna" and stayed in a hostel with the other fighters. In a hostel! That would make me angry enough to fight.

Now, it must be pointed out that since she is the daughter of Mr. Star Wars, and therefore has Star Wars money (and probably really cool Star Wars toys), I must state that I find her quite beguiling.

image: stuff.co.nz
news found via the Howard Stern Show, specifically Robin's News

Tracy Ullman does Dina Lohan

Brett Singer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Does an IMPRESSION of Dina Lohan. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

"OK, when Lindsay's heart stopped at Bungalow 8, that was my fault." Funny, nasty, not safe for work.

Make sure to stay with this video until the end where Tracy/Dina turns to a fellow mom and says, "Don't patronize me Lynn... at least my daughter never shaved her head."

Found at LA Times blogs, clip is from Tracy Ullman's State of the Union on Showtime

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Live blogging two crappy parenting shows

Brett Singer — Tue, 27 May 2008 02:03:00 GMT

I'm going to make an attempt to tap out some opinions about what I'm going to call "the crappy parenting hour" on E! - Denise Richards: It's Complicated and Living Lohan. The opinions aren't going to be a problem, sitting through the shows might be.

Refresh this page for updates.

9:54PM: Caught a few minutes of Keeping up with the Kardashians, which featured the Kards going to New Orleans to take a poor family out to dinner and then bring Reggie Bush in to sign a football. Then the family goes back to their FEMA trailer. Heartwarming. And what the hell happened to Bruce Jenner? He looks like he bathes in Botox. It's kind of sad.

10:02PM: OK, Denise is going to the DMV to get her license changed back to her maiden name, and is busting the clerks' chops in a very staged way. Wow. Stunning.

10:03PM: We open with Denise explaining that she knows what we're thinking - that she's the "Bond" girl, the girl from the tabloids, blah blah - but "look past all of that and my life is all about family." Her father lives with her, along with about 12 dogs and a couple of pigs.

Richards is either stupid, insane, or both. The idea that doing this show is good for her career in any way is ludicrous, although I don't know what she was doing before this ("Bond girl" was awhile ago.)

10:17PM: You know what? The main complaint from a television perspective is that this just isn't very interesting or entertaining. She's looking for a "boyfriend" for her pet pig, who is in heat. This search coincides with her own attempts at dating. I guess that's what passes for storytelling on reality television.

Everytime her two daughters pop up onscreen I get a creepy feeling. It's one thing to want to do a reality show yourself. Putting your own young children on a show like this is just disturbing.

Denise informs us that she's "just a girl from Illinois who lives on a f**kin' farm" (lots of "F" word, bleeped of course.) Then her Tanning Specialist comes over to spray her bronze in the privacy of her own home. Kinda makes the claim that she's doing this show because she needs the money a little tough to believe (not to mention the $52k/month in child support, and possibly a piece of ex-hubby Charlie Sheen's hit TV show.)

10:30PM: On to the Lohan show.

"There's nothing more important than family to me. Next question!" I hate her already.

Dina is another plastic surgery disaster. Do these people not realize that they look worse after going under the knife?

10:39PM: "They better not start on Ali like this." That refers to the tabloids and how they cover Lindsay. Now, if you want to reduce the amount of attention paid to your children, is putting them on a reality show the best way to do that?

Talking to her daughter about choosing songs for her second record (she's 14): "or anyone else that I manage." Dina. Who the hell else are you managing other than your daughters?

Some music producer shows up at her house to play some tracks. They make it look like he just pops by after IM'ing Dina, which doesn't even kind of sound true. Five minutes later he's babysitting the son, Cody. Or maybe he's dating Lindsay. So he's a liar! He's playing them for suckers! Gosh, it's all unfolding before our eyes, in real time. OMG!!!! It's so REAL!

Dina definitely takes pains to try to show that she's a "regular" mom, opening the show with a typical brother-sister fight, or something. Messy house, Long Island, and so on.

The editing is so quick that it's giving me a headache.

10:49PM: "There's gotta be boundaries with these people." I agree, Dina. I'm going to call Child Protective Services, that cool with you? Oh wait, you meant other people. Got it.

10:52PM: I sort of like Gramma. She's got one of those deep New York voices, sounds like she smokes three packs an hour.

10:56PM: Now Ali and Jeremy are arguing about his supposedly dating Lindsay, but Lindsay doesn't even know who he is, but we never see Lindsay, because mom banned her from the show, and... I don't know, I can't really follow what they're talking about.

If Dina says "I'm a single mom" one more time I'm going to get on the LIRR to North Merrick and slap her silly. Wait! There, she said it again. OK, I lied. I'm not going out there.

11:03PM: After watching these two shows I actually feel drained. In order to make these shows seem like something is happening, they use reallyquickcutsandedits. Maybe I'm old but it makes my head hurt.

I'm vaguely curious to see if either of these shows gets any ratings. They've both been hyped as if they were something that people were desperately clamoring for, which really seems unlikely. Did anyone really give a crap about Denise Richards? Do we want to see her "set the record straight"? At best, we wanted to see her making out with Neve Campbell in a pool, or playing a nuclear scientist in a bikini while seducing James Bond. When she isn't doing those things, is she interesting?

Of the two shows, "Lohan" is definitely more palatable; in this context, that means less offensive. Mostly that's because she doesn't have really young children like Denise does. Cody's young but not 3 years old young. That's something, right?

It's actually not as easy to make fun of these shows as I thought it would be. Obviously this because of the parent factor. I don't mean to be self-righteous but I really do feel strange watching those little Richards children. Do they have any idea what's going on? Is there any good that can come from them being on a show like this? It's bad enough that they have to live with the fact that video of their mom yapping about their father and other men she slept with will be around forever ("What can I say, I like hot guys with big d**cks!"). Do they need to be onscreen as well?

All right, enough moralizing.

Well, maybe a little bit more:

The "single mother" line shows up in both shows. It's fairly obnoxious, frankly. Neither one of these women fits the bill as a "single mom." Yes, both are divorced. Dina's ex is apparently nuts, but Charlie Sheen is looking more normal by the day, and that's really saying something. (Well, except for that whole "I hope you get cancer and die" thing. That's not so much on the normal side.) I don't think you can play the "single mom" card when your morning ritual is scanning the tabloids for naked pictures of your kids with your personal assistant.

Feh. I'm tired. Maybe I'll add more tomorrow. Bottom line: neither show is really worth watching. So I've saved you some time.

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photo: NYPost

Dina Lohan bans Lindsay from reality show; other kids, no problem

Brett Singer — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Dina Lohan is so not winning mom of the year.

The mom/manager has decreed that her daughter Lindsay should not appear on her new E! reality show because it would be bad for her career. The excessive drinking though, that's just fine.

14 year-old Ali Lohan, who appears on "Living Lohan" with her 11-year-old brother Cody, says that she hopes the show will " convince the world her mother isn't a 'crazy freak'."

Well, watch this clip and you tell me what you think.

In it, Dina, while threatening web site operators with legal action if they don't remove photographs of her children, says, "They don't realize - Ali and Cody go to school every day... there's got to be boundaries for these people." Now maybe I'm the crazy one, but maybe putting your kids on television isn't the best way for them to have normal school experiences. Just a thought.

image: latimes.com