Strollerderby : alternative parenting

"Indigos," "Crystals" & Jenny McCarthy: Have You Heard About This?!?

Alisyn — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 15:31:00 GMT

I stumbled across a blurb about Jenny McCarthy and her autistic son, Evan, the other day. I discovered that Jenny identifies as an "Indigo adult," and considers her son a "Crystal child." You are probably wondering, as was I: what exactly does that mean? Upon further reading and research, I discovered a huge amount of online information about Indigos and Crystals, and the belief that "indigo/crystal phenomenon is the next step in our evolution as a human species."

Want to know more? Keep reading, but be warned: I'm about to drop some serious metaphysical shit on you. For real.

Following a link in the Jenny McCarthy blurb, I jumped over to IndigoMoms.com - "hosted" by Jenny - an online community forged to support and educate those who believe that they, and/or their kids, are Indigos or Crystals, which are defined as: awakened and enlightened Master Souls who carry with them Divine wisdom and Universal Truths. They are here as a soul group to share their gifts, insights, and vision, which help to energetically shift the Earth’s frequency, as well as, raise the consciousness of all of humanity. They are the Trailblazers, and Spiritual Warriors, who are here to breakdown and remove old paradigm systems and beliefs, which no longer serve the greater good. They are the reminders of who we are and from where we came."

These "master souls" are broken down into two groups: Indigos and Crystals. Indigos have a "warrior spirit" - they are extremely bright, hypersensitive children with amazing memories who live instinctively, and often start out as colicky babies. These kids are often diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD, are non-conforming, "energy-tapping," and highly-intelligent kids who have trouble with authority figures. Crystal children are their opposite, characterized as being dreamy, detatched and loving, with magnetic, peaceful personalities. They are born with a strong desire to help others, and may have healing powers. They are highly sensitive, and often have clothing and food aversions, including allergies. They are often austistic, O.C.D., and clairvoyant. (More on characteristics here).

Are you questioning whether your child is one of the Enlightened? You will be able to tell if your child is one by determining the color of their aura (Indigos have, well, bluish/purple auras, while Crystals' are opalescent - crystalline.) The best way for the untrained eye to determine the aura's color? Pose the subject against a white wall, while wearing a white t-shirt, and take a flash photograph.

I am not making this shit up.

Really, I'm not. In fact, for full disclosure, I must admit that I only know this much about this phenomenon because when I visited IndigoMoms.com and read the list of Indigo characteristics, I was struck by the fact that the list described my daughter. It could have been written about her specifically. So I kept reading. I was surprised to find out there are books, therapy groups, mommy & me activities, even schools, dedicated to "nurturing" these "souls" and their families, while they do their work here on Earth. There is a movement afoot, to bring these superhumans, and their "quest," into mainstream society.

So as I read on and on, I got to thinking about how powerful a parent's need to see their child as "gifted" or "special" can be. We all want to think that to a certain extent, right? I thought about how what a parent had previously believed to be difficulties or special needs of their child, could be seen as "powers" or "enlightened actions," when viewed from a slightly different angle. That belief, in itself, could be a hugely powerful tool for a child, and for a parent - I mean, how liberating would it be to see a "problem child" as a universal problem solver instead? It could be incredibly empowering for a child to see his or her "difficulties" reflected back to them as sacred gifts, instead of obstacles. But would they grow up to be in touch with the universe - or out of touch with reality? Could it be potentially damaging to tell an unusually sensitive child that it is their duty to save the world from itself? Because they do not cover that in the public school system. At least, not that I'm aware of.

So now, I'm wondering... how much of the Indigo/Crystal child philosophy is based in actual study - and how objective are the observations that lead people to classify themselves/their kids as Indigo/Crystal? Can something like this even be studied objectively, and rationally? Is there really a "new generation" of children here on Earth, to lead humanity through the gateway of the universe, or is this whole movement rooted in a desperate attempt to make sense of the difficulties of modern life? And what is up with Jenny McCarthy? At the forefront of the "movement?" Jenny McCarthy??? What the fuuuhhhhhhh......?

Although I am skeptical, I must admit - I am intrigued by this whole concept. What do you think - is this a bunch mystical malarkey, or a legitimate phenomenon? Do you, or anyone you know, identify as an Indigo or a Crystal person? Believers and non-believers alike, lay it on me.

Gender Stereotypes: One Family's Fight Against The Binary System

Alisyn — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 14:36:00 GMT

Reading this post the other day really struck a chord with me. I am the mother of a uber-femme, sparkly, Princess-loving little girl who practically poops pink. She was born that way. She has always preferred "mothering" her baby dolls to playing in the sandbox (this is a girl who will make a "bed" for her "baby" out of a dumptruck).

But I am always trying to balance the scales: I encourage (but don't force) her to try new ways of playing; we read gender neutral books with her, along with "Fancy Nancy;" and my husband and I take the kids along when we hang out with our queer friends, some of whom are women who identify as men, some of whom are men who identify as women. We discuss the fact discuss the fact that whatever a person wants to be, whether "boy," "girl" or something in-between, is their choice. We are not trying to change who our daughter is - or confuse her, though that happens - we're just trying to open her up to the fact that she can choose who she wants to be. And so can everyone else.

We're talking the talk... but over at HipMama yesterday, I read an article about a family who is walking the walk...

In "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant," Lucy Silva Marrero writes about her life with her partner ( a female who identifies as a male), their preschool-aged son, and their hopes for having another child soon. But here's where it gets complicated: only one of the two of them can physically bear a child - and it's the one who identifies as a man. Writes Lucy: "Unless we end up with an extra $20K or so to reattach my fallopian tubes and suck out some eggs with a needle, that is. My partner, however, has attached fallopian tubes and a working uterus. He might say that is an unfortunate misjudgment on Mother Nature's part, but he's doing his best to make do with it for now. And since his plumbing is up and running and mine is not, the only practical choice for birthing children of our own is for me to take a turkey baster and a Ziplock full of spermies and knock him up... Of course, in the interest of comedy, I've reduced a very serious and thoughtful decision into something simple and comedic. The reality is that my female-bodied butch partner who goes by male pronouns will face the constant invalidation of his gender even more so than he does now."

Lucy and her family are fighting the binary gender system everyday—by challenging the definitions of "boy" and "girl," and by educating their son to do the same. Having a transgendered parent, their boy is being raised with with the awareness that "genitalia does not determine gender," a powerful and liberating idea.

Life for a little one doesn't have to be all pink, or all blue - and I think it's really important to discuss that with kids, in this age of Bratz, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and gender-segregated toy stores. I find it incredibly inspiring to read about families who defy this kind of stereotyping.

To read more of Lucy Silva Marrero's funny and touching essay, "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant (How I Do Queer Parenting)," go here.

"Sippy Cups" Author on Drinking, Motherhood, a New Book and Zoloft

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 10:51:00 GMT

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is my new favorite mom. Funny. Smart. So hot she must be anorexic. What's not to love? Asked on the Today Show not too long ago whether it was OK for a mom and dad to split a beer in front of their kids, she said something close to, "I think a husband and wife should have their own beer."

If by own, she meant thirty six, then we're on the same page. Still, it was pretty funny -- the Today Show cast could be heard cackling in the background.

It turns out Wilder-Taylor, author of the classic parenting tome "Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay," had a whirlwind few weeks following the show. She won praise from parents who think it's just fine to mix playdates with an occasional drink and got a book deal out of the whole thing.

Good for her. If her new book, "Nap Time is the New Happy Hour," is anything like her first, I can't wait for it to come out (April '08 baby!) -- especially if she tells all about her brief relationship with Today Show host Meredith Viera.

The following is a Strollerderby conversation -- similar to Charlie Rose, just with more alcohol:

1. You were just on the Today Show defending a mother's right to have a play date drink. I'm not naming names, but I know some people who cheered you on -- but it's a touchy subject. What was the reaction? Besides landing a book deal about naptime cocktails, I mean ...

The fact that it's a touchy subject is insane to me. A drink or two and we mothers are not capable of taking care of our children? What's next; we do a little smack and suddenly child services is breathing down our necks? Seriously, I thought it was obviously that I wasn't advocating drinking and driving but relaxing with a drink or two on a lazy Sunday and being judged for it seems a bit harsh. And judge all you want, women are doing it in droves. FYI: Naptime is the Real Happy Hour has nothing to do with drinking while your kids sleep. It just means that as moms (and dads) our schedules are turned so upside down that our real downtime is while the kids are sleeping.

2. Did Matt Lauer hit on you? Come on, we won't tell.

Did Matt Lauer hit on me? That's like asking if Britney Spears like Coca cola. Of course he did. I can't even count the stares and come hither looks and gestures for me to write down my number so he could call me...or he was just chatting with him make-up lady and I'm psychotic. You decide.

3. You took a lot of heat in your first book for, gasp, saying it's OK not to breastfeed -- what can we expect from your second parenting book?

Well, hopefully only the die hards are breast feeding their toddlers and they will have no use for a book like mine because clearly they have no sense of humor. I think that making the decision to not breast feed or quit breast feeding is an extremely difficult and emotionally wrought process. I only hoped to tell my story and let women know that as long as they are doing the best they can for their child they are way ahead of the game.

4. Why do you hate children?

Because they're really young and you can't swear around them.

5. OK, OK -- back to drinking. It just struck me that both of your books are about alcohol, or at least prominently promote it. Some of your Amazon reviewers have suggested you might be headed down the Lindsey Lohan track -- what say you? And what say your
in-laws?

Oh yes, people have outright called me an alcoholic. I think the drama of drinking is far more interesting than actually being wasted. I always think of a cocktail as being something I associate with being an adult and having a child takes part of that away. Truth be told, I do enjoy a glass or four of wine when the kid's in bed and, obviously, I'm drinking right now while answering these questions.

6. Seriously, how about Meredith? I hear she's "handsy."

Meredith has obvious lesbian tendencies. If you have TiVo, and happened to record my segment just pause it at the longing looks she was throwing my way. We went on a few dates after the show but to be honest, no chemistry.

7. On your personal blog, you wrote a great essay about a flight with your daughter and how, at the end of it, you ended up not liking her. I think it's a common feeling at times, but one that rarely gets aired in public. Are you worried at all about being "too" open with your parenting feelings, on your blog or in books, and that one day your daughter might read them?

I think about it. But one thing I've always been is honest. I know for a fact that other people feel the way I do and if they want to vilify me for saying or writing it out loud so be it. But isn't that what a blog is for? And are any of us perfect parents? And what the fuck is a perfect parent? Something I wish I never had a kid. It last about 20 seconds but it comes into my head. Parenting is hard. We all know that. When other people write honest blog entries, that's what keeps me blogging. So guess what. If you don't like it, don't read it.

8. Isn't that what Zoloft is for?

Zoloft only helps so much. Maybe I need to up my dosage. I do believe in pharmaceuticals perhaps because my mother is/was a therapist.

9. So you used to be a TV writer -- which shows? Would we recognize any of the episodes?

They are all embarrassing show. Just IMDB me and have a laugh. My favorite show was Blind Date but I worked with all men who assumed that women are whores who just want it. We didn't get along all that well. Whose Line is it Anyway? was a blast and all those guys are friendly as hell, talented as hell and never knew what was going to be thrown at them.

10. How do you fit all that writing in during the day anyway? Kids have naps and meals and cocktail playdates of their own. What's your routine.

It changes all the time. I go crazy. Sometimes I have a nanny 4 days a week. Sometimes only two and I have to write at night. I used to write during her naps but naps are so inconsistent these days it's nearly impossible. I'm hanging on until preschool and until then I do it in bits and spurts.

Thanks for taking the time. We're looking forward to the next book!

Peanut Butter and Babies Equals Crazy Delicious

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 12:02:00 GMT

When I was a kid, I couldn't help feeding my dog, Bo, peanut butter. I'd spend hours laughing as the poor thing licked the roof of his mouth, desperately trying to delouse himself.

"We have got to try that with Emme," I told my wife. "Can you just imagine?"

"Sounds good to me," she said.

At the time, our daughter was little more than a month old. She could barely chew on her bottle, but boy, she sure loved peanut butter! It was great fun watching as she licked the roof of her mouth, swatting at her face with her pudgy little hands. She'd smile and coo and drool slobbery gobs of peanut butter onto her pajamas, spitting it out as fast as we could put it in.

"I seriously think I can do this for hours," I remember saying, chuckling at our little game.

Our doctor said it was wrong for some reason, I can't remember why exactly -- something about the lack of teeth maybe. But we quickly learned that not only was it great fun to watch, but it was also good for her. She gained weight like crazy -- swelling up like a prized pig!

It soon got us thinking about other things we're not "supposed" to feed our children, and before long our daughter was sucking down thick slices of hot dog, pieces of Hubba Bubba and, on rare occasions, a can or two of Hamms. (Talk about sleeping through the night!)

"Doctors," I told my wife. "They think they know everything."

Any other "banned" foods that are actually good for young babies?

"Hipster Parents": And Now David Brooks Weighs In

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 19:56:00 GMT

Always with the writing about the hipster parents. And now David Brooks joins the fray. Brooks, New York Times Op-Ed columnist and great-grandfather of 10, addresses the usual list of problems with Babble, Alterna Dad, and Urban Baby. And like Time Magazine before him, calls out pretty little Girl's Gone Child writer and Babble contributor, Rebecca Woolf, who elicited a comparison to Erma Bombeck (we should all be so lucky!).

Brooks covers the usual complaints against the hipster parent set: failure to grow-up, worship of fashion and the icons of youth, and an inability to surrender to Barney. My response to David, and anyone else ranting and raving about Babble and all other supposedly hip parenting modalities of expression, is "turn away." If it bothers you so much, then just don't read it. On the other hand, most scrappy types enjoy a fight and I can certainly respect that.

Truthfully, I find major media covering non-vanilla parenting very heartening. If Babble hadn't come along when it did, I would have been forced to pillage and burn every copy of Parenting Magazine in every doctor's office around town. How many smiling, skinny, happily crafting and cooking suburban moms can one stand reading about before one is driven to heavy drugs? The nice thing about all this discussing of the hip parents, is it gives us a new scapegoat and something against which we can measure ourselves. And I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be compared to an angst-ridden hipster than a Prozac filled cheerful-head any day of the week.

Alternadad: Not So "Alterna"?

JasonAvant — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 12:28:00 GMT

As the Mommy Wars give way to the "Hipster Parent" Global Conflagration (surely, it's no coincidence that so many pieces on "Hipster Parents" include references to Franz Ferdinand - really, haters, you expect us to let go of irony?), much ado has been made over a book entitled Alternadad, by one Neal Pollack. I'm over the ado, but I thought this review of/meditation on the book and the Somme River-esque battles being waged over its merits was worth mentioning. Michael Agger is a bit late to the front, but he brings a take on the book that's thus far been ignored by many reviews. (Full disclosure: he also mentions Babble, and gives a nod to DaddyTypes and some site called - hang on while I check the spelling - Metroid. Wait, sorry - MetroDad, by one "Pierre Kim". Sounds like a nom de plume to me.)

In the piece, Agger points out that once one gets past the arguably awkward cover, Pollack's tale becomes strikingly, well, normal. And lost in the furor over this notion of who qualifies as an "alternaparent" are some very real issues that make up the core of the story; the fact that despite a slight shift in dress code and mores, dads today face the same challenges that dads throughout the ages have faced. How do I put food on my family table? How do I keep a roof over our heads? How do I care for my kid when he's sick? How much of my pre-child self will change, and how much will stay the same?

Seems to me, just as it did when I reviewed the book over a month ago, that those are the issues that are worth discussing. As Agger puts it, "the difference between an alternadad, a banker dad, and a soccer dad is ultimately aesthetic and pointless."

Tired of Changing Diapers? Try Elimination Communication

Karen Murphy — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 19:14:00 GMT

I admit, when I first heard about Elimination Communication (EC) several years ago, I was skeptical. Really skeptical. Okay, maybe I even said, "Ewww." After all, what was this about? Rushing to hold your infant over a potty, based on intuition and certain cues? I'm a big believer in non-verbal communication, telepathy if you will, and in fact I've communicated with my own children that way when they were pre-verbal, using it for instance to know when they were hungry or thirsty (and don't many parents do that? Think about it; I'm sure you have done this too), but, uh, the peeing and pooping? It's one thing to mistake "I want that block" for "I'm thirsty", but....the pee. And the poop.

But what about the diapers? They're expensive, and lots of people have issues with the bleaches and gels and dyes that kids are wearing next to their kid-bits for longer and longer periods now, judging by the ever-increasing diaper sizes that are now available (soon! In Extra Jumbo Jumbo! New retro designs, great for the dorm!), and aren't we filling up our landfills with these things, each one with a half-life of about 400 years, collectively containing enough ammonia and methane to increase global warming at least ten degrees?

So...should the hipster parent be thinking about having their babies go commando? Apparently, this concept is not new, nor is it confined to super-crunchy AP parents. Parents in many parts of the world who don't have easy access to disposable diapers have been doing this for years. According to this article, "for most [EC parents], it's another way to stay in tune with their babies, just as they pick up cues the child is hungry or tired. They emphasize that it's a process, not a goal of training a child within a certain time frame." Okay, but what about the parents who work outside the home? And what is this about holding a potty under the child while he nurses? And what about the split-crotch ~~panties~~ uh, pants for babies?

If you're interested in this concept, there is a wealth of information available about it, but be aware that the experts advise that there is a "window of opportunity" for beginning EC that only extends to about five or six months of age. After that, it's Huggies all the way. Sorry, Charlie.