Strollerderby : ashlee simpson

Name Guru Picks Eight Worst Celeb Kid Names of 2008 (Part 2)

Brett Singer — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

The Final Four! No, it's not March yet. This is the Final Four Celebrity Kid Names of 2008. Less exciting than college basketball, but hey, it's only December.

Here you go:

(You can read Part 1, with numbers eight through five, here.)

4. Ignatius Martin Upton
(son of Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton)
This one isn't in the "that's not even a name" category, but it definitely isn't a great choice. The name "Ignatius" reminds me of Ignatius J. Reilly, the lead character of A Confederacy of Dunces. Ignatius (the character) is kind of a putz, to put it mildly. Still, not EVERYONE has read that book (although many people have) and there are probably other folks who were named Ignatius who were not putzy. And again, the middle name is good – Martin Upton actually sounds pleasantly British.

3. Bronx Mowgli Wentz
(son of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz)
OK, this one is bad. And no middle name to fall back on. The only hope for little Bronx (sheesh! Poor kid) is if Ashlee and Pete come to their senses and change his name to something else. If that doesn't happen, Zowie Bowie (son of David) no longer goes by his given name; he's now Duncan Jones, although at age 12 he asked people to call him Joe. (His full birth name was Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones.) So lil' Bronxy can change his own name when he gets older. I'm sure Zowie Bowie sounded funny to ol' Dave in 1971, but he came to his senses later in life – his daughter with current wife Iman is named Alexandria. Lansky puts this one at #3, if I were making a list like this, Bronx Mowgli Wentz would be #1 with a bullet.

2. Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg
(daughter of Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg)
This one is bad, although I think Bronx Mowgli is worse. Again, at least the kid can go with Joseph. And while Jagger isn't exactly a great name, at least it's pretty easy to figure out who the kid was named after. Lansky really goes off on the former Punky Brewster this time: he says that he "had no idea that Jagger Joseph Blue was a girl" until he read the press release twice (twice! What nonsense. Bruce Lansky is a very busy man). Then he attacks the now-elderly Mick Jagger, saying that he does not provide an adequate role model "for a baby girl." (Bruce? Try decaf.) Then he says that "Soleil and Jason picked three names and couldn’t find one that’s likely to make their little girl happy," and caps off his mini-tirade by saying the following: "I find it surprising that a woman with two strange names…would pick three strange names for her daughter." I actually don't find it terribly surprising, especially if you consider the fact that Soleil's childhood had to be at least a little bit weird since she grew up on TV, and on a sub-par show at that ("Punky Brewster" isn't exactly "The Odd Couple"). Lansky does offer some useful info: "Soleil means 'sun' in French, so translated into English her name reads 'Sun Moon Frye'." Perhaps somebody's parents were smoking a little something when it was baby-naming time.

1. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
(son of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
This is bad. Very bad. I think Bronx Mowgli is worse, but this one is really not good at all. Lansky focuses on what I think are pointless facts: that no one will know that, "Zuma is a beach in Malibu and that Nesta is Bob Marley’s middle name." If they did, would that make it better? However, Gwen Stefani is making big, big money – music, that fashion line, and endorsements, to name a few. So "I'm Gavin and Gwen's son" will probably go a long way towards dismissing the obvious name lameness. Maybe he can hang out with Knox Jolie-Pitt. They can console each other, each sitting on their own enormous pile of money, trying to decide how many women they should take home tonight.

Final comment: Obviously this is meant to be amusing. Having money and fame does not mean that a kid can't grow up screwy. But having money probably doesn't hurt, and let's face it – while a lot of these names are awful, most really aren't Pilot Inspektor-level awful. Not that it isn't fun to make fun of them. And let's not forget that having a funny name didn't stop a certain guy from becoming President of the United States. Perhaps one day we'll see the Bronx Mowgli Wentz / Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale ticket. Yes… we… can…

Working Parents Smackdown Part 1 - SAHD vs SAHM

Top Baby Names of 2008? Really?

Nine-Year-Old Lothario Gets Movie Deal

A Quiverfull Of Kids

They Say – Most Toys Are Toxic

Girly Gift Guide

Obama Name Suddenly Very Helpful For Speeding Tickets

Babble's Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide

Suri Cruise: Most Powerful Child On The Planet

Name Guru Picks Eight Worst Celeb Kid Names of 2008 (Part 1)

Brett Singer — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I want Bruce Lansky's job. I mean, the guy just sits around all day and talks about names. Not even deep etymological studies, although sometimes he goes there. It's really just baby names. As near as I can tell, this is a way to make a living. America is a wonderful country.

Anyway, Mr. Lansky has weighed in with a list of the Eight Worst Celebrity Baby Names of 2008. So from the home office in my, um, home, here we go:

8. Sunday Rose Kidman Urban
(daughter of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban)

This one doesn't seem that bad to me. At least not compared to some of the others. Maybe the kid starts going by Rose. Rose is a nice name. Sunday, not so much. Lansky says, "Apparently the name was chosen to honor a patron of the arts in Australia, but most people who hear or read the name will find it an odd choice for an American girl born on a Monday." Whatever, dude.

7. Honor Marie Warren
(daughter of Jessica Alba and Cash Warren)

Again, not that bad. Kid could use the middle name. Dad's name is "Cash." That's much worse. (Unless you happen to be a rapper. Then it's OK.) Lansky says that Alba and her beau will probably start using their daughter's middle name themselves at some point, saying "that’s why it’s so important to pick a “high-odds” middle name when parents pick a risky first name." Not a bad strategy I suppose.

6. Emme Anthony
(daughter of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony)

This time Lansky takes issue with potential pronunciation problems (say THAT phrase ten times fast), as well as spelling: "it’ll be misspelled ninety-nine times out of a hundred." Then he wags his virtual finger at the Lopez's (I say "Lopez's" because let's face it, Jen is in charge in that house): "That’s what happens when you pick an obscure variation of one of the five most popular girls’ names in the U.S. Emma would have been a much smarter choice." Except that this particular girl's name belongs to the daughter of someone who has made an enormous pile of money and is world-renowned. (Hint: she's married to some guy named Marc.) I tend to agree with Lansky that, when in doubt about a name for your offspring, go with the easier choice. That said, people get my name wrong all the time – one T, Bert, etc. Note to Emme: you'll get over it. I did.

5. Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt
(son of Three Guesses, The First Two Don't Count)

This name is odd. Lansky says that this poor lad will have trouble in school and will be forced to explain his name as, "Knox. As in Fort Knox." Yes. As in "my parents have more money than Fort Knox." Then he'll select one of the thousands of girls that want to date him and head over to the Viper Room in his chauffeur driven limo. Now I realize that money isn't everything. But it does make a dopey name a little bit easier deal with.

For the remaining four names, including what Lansky thinks is the worst Celeb Name of 2008, click here.

Working Parents Smackdown Part 1 - SAHD vs SAHM

Top Baby Names of 2008? Really?

Nine-Year-Old Lothario Gets Movie Deal

A Quiverfull Of Kids

They Say – Most Toys Are Toxic

Girly Gift Guide

Obama Name Suddenly Very Helpful For Speeding Tickets

Babble's Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide

Suri Cruise: Most Powerful Child On The Planet

Best of FameCrawler: Week of December 12th

Whit Honea — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Amy Poehler Returns to SNL - Video

How Kate Gosselin Plans Her Holidays

Photos: Ashlee Simpson Debuts Post-Baby Body!

Bad Idea: Pussycat Dolls Offer to Babysit Britney Spears' Kids

Jessica Alba Is To Good To Be True

Is That A Baby Bump?

(Sort Of) Confirmed: Janet Jackson is Pregnant!

Details: Keri Russell Strips Down

Mariah Carey Preggers?

Shauna Sand's Husband is Freaking Nuts, Allegedly

Best of FameCrawler: Week of November 28th

Whit Honea — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Joely Fisher Introduces Daughter Olivia to the World

A Message from Suri Cruise

Video: Christina Aguilera's AMA Performance

Gordon Ramsey- Adulterer Extraordinaire

Nicolette Sheridan and David Spade Are Having Sex

Five Reasons Why Naming Your Kid Bronx Mowgli Makes You Look Like An Ass

Madonna Takes A Page From Sarah Palin's Turkey Slaughter Notebook

Three's Company: Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora, Jack Wagner Will Spend Thanksgiving Together

Gwyneth and Chris Are Splitting Up?

Brad & Jen: The Real Reason They Didn't Have Kids

Gwen, Gavin, Kingston and Zuma: Pictures

Killers' Brandon Flowers Says Fatherhood Gives Life Context

Best of FameCrawler: Week of November 21st

Whit Honea — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:00:00 GMT

BREAKING NEWS: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Welcome a Boy!

Angelina Jolie: Pax Still Saves His Food

Travis Barker's Plane Crash: Crash Recordings Released

Five Reasons Mariah Carey IS Pregnant With Nick Cannon's Baby

Ireland Basinger-Baldwin Turns 22

Balthazar Getty and Rosetta- Back Together

Minnie Driver Is Eating to Get Slim

Beatrice McCartney: Life Father, Like Daughter

Top Hollywood Tot: Miss Suri Cruise

Has Something Gone Wrong With Ashlee Simpson's Pregnancy?

Heather Mills Got Third Boob Job

What Real Estate Crisis? David Beckham's Trashed Childhood Home Selling for $1.5 Million

Babble Podcast for November 10, 2008

Brett Singer — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 02:00:00 GMT

Here is the third Babble Podcast.

You can either listen right here

or download the MP3 file by clicking here.

On today's episode:

1.   Quick news update
2.   The Week in Blog
3.   Comment of the Week
4.   The Last Word

Notes on this podcast:

Songs parodied:

- Mamma Mia, Abba
- Only The Good Die Young, Billy Joel
- Welcome to the Jungle, Guns N Roses
- Copacabana (At The Copa), Barry Manilow

Posts mentioned:

Do Men Really Have a Pregnancy Fetish?

Morning News: Yes, He Did!

Sarah Palin Gets Pranked By Canadian Radio Hosts – Video

Star Kid: What Did Malia Obama Wear On Election Night?

How to Get Something (Free) for Conception

AirborneMini Tuning: The Ultimate In Pimp-My-Bugaboo Stroller Style

Is Brad Pitt Cheating on Angelina?

Vanity Fair: Kate Winslet Bares It All

Ashlee Simpson Gives Birth?

The View Feud: Who Goes? Joy Behar Or Elisabeth Hasselbeck?

UPDATE AGAIN: Palin Prepper Defends The Gov

Mississippi Students, Postal Worker, Punished For Wearing Obama Shirts

Have you ever told your kids to shut up?

11 names for private boy parts

Unusual toddler gifts

Past Podcasts:

Babble Podcast for November 3, 2008

Babble Podcast for October 27th, 2008

Best of FameCrawler: Week of August 29th

Whit Honea — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Holy Crap! Is That an Engagement Ring on Jennifer Aniston's Finger?

Jessica Biel Pregnant!!?

Is Michelle Obama Pregnant?

Julia Roberts Goes To Hawaii

The Obama Text: Barack is My Booty Call

Zuma Zuma Zuma Zoom

Matthew McConaughey: Nanny Ain't Alright, Alright or Little Levi and the Longboard

Ashlee Cries At The Doctor's Office?

Is Dolly Parton Dead?

Minnie Driver - HUGE Bump TINY Bikini - Photos

Guess Which Celebrity Rebecca Romijn is Naming One of Her Twins After?

Best of FameCrawler: Week of July 25th

Whit Honea — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Pregnant Man Shares Baby Photos & Baby Name

Angie and Brad Couldn't Get It Done on Their Own?

Mindy McCready: Miscarriage?

What is Wrong With Katie Holmes?

2008 Emmy Nominations: Five Drama Mamas

Sex Tape: A-Rod and Madonna!

Maggie Gyllenhaal on Letterman- He Wishes

Jennifer Garner's Baby Bump: She's Pregnant Alright

Bob Geldof's Daughter Peaches' Drug Overdose

Brad Pitt Pulls A Britney

Jennifer Aniston, Oh So Gracious

Ashlee Simpson's C-Section

Best of FameCrawler: Week of May 16th

Whit Honea — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Angelina Jolie is a Big, Fat Liar!!

You Can Spot A Pregnant Britney By The Size Of Her Handbag

Five Hottest Pregnant Celebrities

Beyoncé Is Pregnant and Packing On The Pounds

Claudia Schiffer Topless!

Angelina's Pregnant Bikini Bod - Can We Hate Her?

Survivor Finale: Baby Scandal!

Let's Talk About Ashlee Simpson's Boobs!

American Idol Contestant's father banned from backstage

Brett Singer — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:00:00 GMT

I don't watch American Idol, but if they showed more stuff like this maybe I would.

According to the Associated Press, David Archuleta's father has been banned from the show after having David add lyrics from a Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls" to his son's rendition of "Stand by Me". By doing that, the show had to pay more money in royalties (because it's, like, two songs instead of one I guess.)

Archuleta's dad, Jeff, was warned not to do this, but did it anyway. I'm going to guess that he was being a pain in the butt in other ways as well, although I have no proof of this. USA Today says that Jeff had been "a strong presence behind the scenes," which is usually showbiz lingo for "really really annoying." Jeff Archuleta referred to himself in an US Weekly interview as a "music consultant" rather than a "stage dad." Like I said, no proof that he's difficult to deal with. Just a guess.

Idolator says that the ban guarantees victory for David. Sympathy vote and all that. On the other hand, if you look at other dads who get way too involved in their kids' careers (paging Joe Simpson), maybe the producers of the show did him a favor.

Here's the performance that got dad booted:

Hear that bit at the end? "Bee-yoo-tiful girls"? That was it. It really made the number for me. You too, right? Riiight.

Here's the interesting thing: David, one of the three finalists in the contest, is only 17. I don't know what the legalities of this sort of action are. Can American Idol tell someone who is under 18 that they have to navigate the waters of television on their own? Doesn't he have the right to have a legal guardian around him if he wants it? Some media outlets have suggested that Idol allow only those over 18 to compete; this would seem to support that argument.

image: MTV.com

Best of FameCrawler: Week of April 25th

Whit Honea — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Kat Moss Stands Up to Pee

Brad & Angelina's Quiet Wedding

Halle Berry Is No Couch Potato

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Are Like A Dog and His Owner

Jonas Bros Defend Miley's Bra-Baring Skank Pics, But Still No Word From Daddy

And The Most Embarassing Parent Award Goes To...

Lourdes Looks Like Mama Madonna

Bridget Moynihan Has Style Advice And So Do I

Mark Wahlberg Adding on to the Funky Bunch

Miley Cyrus' New Boyfriend Revealed!

Ashlee's Dad Selling Baby Pictures While Ashlee Denies Pregnancy

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Joe Simpson, father of Ashlee and Jessica, has often showed himself to be, shall we say, a bit off (that's him in the photo, looking at his daughter). But never let it be said that the man isn't willing to do anything to make a buck.

The latest news is that Joe is trying to sell pictures of Ashlee's baby for (say this in a Dr. Evil voice) One Millllion Dollars. Apparently Joe would take the pictures himself (which he would get paid extra for) and Ashlee would appear on the cover of whatever glossy is willing to pony up enough cash.

There are three problems here:

One, no one is buying. One editor says that the pics would be worth, "$60,000 maybe." Do you ever wonder where they get these dollar amounts? The anonymously quoted editor went on to call the timing of the proposed sale "suspicious," since Ashlee has a new album out next week (which, sadly, is not called "Acid Reflux"). The editor also said, "Ashlee's lucky she got pregnant, frankly." Nice.

Two, Ashlee hasn't confirmed that she is pregnant, and her fiancé, Pete Wentz, actively denies the rumor, saying, "This is all news to me." Since rock stars aren't necessarily known for their strong connection to reality, it's possible that Ashlee is indeed pregnant and that Wentz doesn't know. But I kinda doubt it.

Three, IT'S JUST CREEPY.

Joe, here's some free advice: the girls make enough money. You make enough money off of the girls. Don't try to sell photos of your daughter's baby before she officially announces that she's pregnant. Just relax and enjoy life. Oh, and maybe get Ashlee some singing lessons.

Image: Google Image Search

Best of FameCrawler: Week of April 18

Whit Honea — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

CONFIRMED: Ashlee Simpson is Pregnant

Nicolette Sheridan Pregnant At 70!

Rob Lowe's Former Nanny Speaks Out

David Beckham Really Likes Miller Lite and/or Ass

Minnie Driver's Baby Daddy: Revealed!

George Clooney Hates Kids. Yes, Yours Too.

Ashlee Simpson, Pregnant and Happy(?)

Jennifer Aniston Names Her Son?

Tom & Katie Split, Fighting For Suri

Ashlee Simpson's Baby Bump! Sort Of.

Note to Stage Parents: When Your Star Child Is Effed Up, Just Forcefully Push the Other Kid Out in the Spotlight

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 22:36:00 GMT

Although I have no intention of signing my kid up for some out-freaking-rageously priced headshots and an agent in an attempt to potty train him on the set of commercial for some high fructose food, I do take quite an interest in the parents of celebrities passed out...I mean, smiling...for the cameras.

I am very interested that the parents of stars like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Nick Carter always have their roots done and rarely are photographed carrying a big ass bag full of contracts, tabloids and their kid's crap. I don't know exactly what's involved in being your super-famous child's manager or whatever those stage parents do, but I do spy a trend in how they handle it when their gazillion-dollar earning offspring (see above list) hit a rut, a bad patch, maybe even a tree with their car: They start pimpin' the next child in line.

And really, it's brilliant. Parents dreaming of raising up the Next Big Thing to hit TeenPeople, consider having more children and take note of how PR (as in Parental Relations) is handled for the for the stars: Britney's a bald, bad mama? Ohhhh, looky! Isn't Jamie Lynn purty in her party romper?

Forget the bad-mouthed, abusive big brother! His little bro's a big tatooed softy!

Lindsay's on the sauce again? Hey, check it out -- the celebrity gene runs in the family and I spawned them all!

The first-born's a bawling, clausterphobic, unmake-upped incarcerated mess? But look at her supportive and silky-skinned sister!

Never mind the divorced one with the God-awful acting "career", check out her little sis instead! She's perky and unscathed by sex, alcohol and Paris Hilton!