Strollerderby : baby talk

Uncover Your Nipples! 7 Gems from the Mouths of Nursing Toddlers

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Every mother who has nursed past a year has heard someone's opinion that "Once they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old." This is, from health and evolution standpoints, absurd.

But especially in a culture that's still a little iffy on being made too aware of breastfeeding at all, the fact remains that having a verbal nursing kid can lead to some, ahem, interesting moments. They fall into a few key categories:

Baby Talk: Too Much or Too Little

1. "Num-nums!" "Oobies!" "Boob!" "Nu-nu!" There's no better way to realize that you have, despite your pre-parental protestations, incorporated sickeningly cutesy baby talk into your everyday vocabulary than to have it shouted at you in public and realize you're going to have to respond as if those words were language, and possibly even speak them yourself.

2. "Mama snacks!" "Hello nipple!" "Where's your breast?" Or the gourmet who says "Yum!" whenever he passes by the bras at Target. Some toddlers don't just nurse, they are vocal and articulate nursing enthusiasts. Some times so pointed that it's verbal equivalent of saying "damn the discreet cover-up." Which is fine. Except of course it was your kid's choice, not yours.

Your Words Out of Their Mouths

3. Version A: The politeness backfire. "Ask, nurse, please?" says one kid. "Hi. Milk. Smile," said mine for a while, betraying our attempts to explain what, beyond the technical words, constituted asking nicely.
4. Version B: Crossed wires. One mother reports that after training her son out of bad nursing behavior (oh, the dreaded twiddling) by repeatedly telling him he was all done with that, now he asks to nurse by saying hopefully "All done? All done?" (Bet she gets the "He wants to wean and you're not letting him!" treatment.)

The "Other Side" Confusion

4. "Side! I want side!" I thought it was a funny fluke that my daughter's younger friend picked up on her saying "other side" and began calling nursing "side." But apparently he's far from alone. That doesn't mean that anyone hearing will think it makes any sense though.

Parenting Shortcuts Exposed

5. Many of us have tried the squirting-breastmilk-on-an-oozing-eye trick. Whether or not it works, it gave my daughter the idea that she wanted milk squirted on her every injury. Once she got this in her head, a symbolic waving of a bare nipple across the offended limb was placebo enough to make almost anything instantly all better, so I played along out of laziness. Until, that is, I was on the sidewalk with a kid with a scrape who was screaming "Mommmmy! Milk on my knee! No! Milk on my knee!"

The Mini-Domme

6. "I'm going to open you up!" It's one thing to have a kid determinedly lifting your shirt before you've said it's OK. It's another when it comes with a declaration worthy of a TV surgeon. Of course that's better than . . .

7. "Uncover your nipples!" It's not as bad as it sounds, as she usually means it as a contrast to my having drawn the covers up over us in bed for a falling-asleep nurse, but I admit that I'm not-so-secretly hoping this one never leaves the house.

I'm sure I and mothers I heard these from are not alone. What has your nursing Baby Einstein come out with?

(Images were submissions to the Mothering breastfeeding icon contest.)

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The Five Cutest Things Kids Say

editors — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

If you haven't logged into Babble's new Kids Say The Cutest Things feature, this is the genius that you are missing:

I'll say sorry when I'm done, momma. - Edie, 2, when asked why she won't stop pulling everything out of the kitchen drawers.

Mom, I think you better just let the guy on the radio sing this song. - Laura, Age 3

My son was 'reading' one of his books that has words and pictures. He was moving his finger over the words and saying them in a sing-song long and drawn out. "Caaat...Dooog," etc. When he got to the fish, he said, "Gold fiiiish." I said, "That just says fish," and without missing a beat, in the same sing-song, he ran his finger back over the word and said, "Just says fiiiish." - Cayden, age 2

Let's rest together, but let's rest with our eyes open, so if I hear something loud, I can see what it is. - Declan, age 3.5

When I told my daughter, Age 4, that I was going to get my hair colored, she said "Then it will look like we've never been bad." I guess I told them her once too often that she and her brother were giving me gray hair. - Maryland

Check it out now and tell us how freaking cute your little one is, and then vote on all of the other wonderful witticisms!

My Kid is Cuter Than Your Kid

editors — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Okay people, it's time for a cute-off!

We've just launched the Kids Say the Cutest Things space, where you can tell us all the adorable things that come out of the mouth's of your babes. Go here and tell us what your little monkey did today. How will you know if it is the cutest thing ever - or just cute enough to get a chuckle out of your immediate family? The Awwww! meter, that's how! Here's how it works:

Type in the latest and greatest quote from your little one. Include their name and age. Submit. Sit back and let people vote by clicking, Awww!

While you're there check out other baby gems such as, "Mama, this orange is a baby pumpkin." Awww! - April Peveteaux

Will Kids Ruin Your Friendships?

Kelly Mills — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:01:00 GMT

You know how kids are--they mess up everything. Now it seems they'll totally put a strain on your friendships with childless folks, at least if you are a woman. Friends without kids will lament that you can't go out drinking any more, and you'll quickly bore them by dragging them to the park on a Saturday morning and talking about poop and your "flabby stomach". Yeesh. As a mom, I'm not sure I wanna go to the park and yap about baby poop and flabby stomachs either.

The article advises that everyone recognize the friendship will change; that those with kids hold off on boring baby stories while kid-free folks refrain from parenting advice (okay, that's good counsel); and that you all take time for grown-up, kid-free socializing. I have a few very close, long time friends, and some had babies before me while others may never spawn. I guess I don't remember any giant strain on our relationships, in part because a) we were all too boring to go out drinking even when no one had children and b) we have both non-kid interests in common and we've all taken a big role in each other's children's lives. It's like a circle of friendly aunts. But this piece did make me appreciate the friends I have, and reminded me that I owe one of my newly pregnant friends a good amount of babysitting. No problem. And hey, maybe kids can give you a good excuse to lose some of the more annoyingly one-sided relationships you made the mistake of holding on to.

Monkeys Talk Baby Talk Too

Karen Murphy — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 15:32:00 GMT

Baby talk. It's inescapable. And it's universal. I don't mean the annoying speech-impediment pattern shared by Tweety Bird and my kids in embarrassing public occasions, no, "baby talk" (the technical term, but also referred to as "motherese") refers to that singsong swooping inflection we use when we talk to babies. Any babies. No matter where we live.

And no matter if we are monkeys.

Female Puerto Rican rhesus monkeys were observed speaking to the babies in their group in this manner. Experts conjecture that doing so makes other females, the mothers of the babies being addressed in this manner, more receptive to social overtures such as grooming.

I can see how valuable that would be on a playdate.

In addition, speaking that way seems to get the babies' attention. What, screeching at them doesn't work?