Strollerderby : babysitter

Playdate: Does Your Sitter 'Love' Your Kids?

JeanneSager — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:01:00 GMT

My daughter tells her babysitter "I love you" every day when I pick her up and gives her a kiss. Her sitter does it right back.

And although we're not related, it doesn't bother me one wit.

According to Amy Jo over at Philly Moms Blog, it should. The stay-at-home mom says she's protecting her kids from insincerity when she says she'd rather not hear her kids' childcare provider using the "love" word with her kids.

"My oldest is only three and change, and I doubt he understands the difference between how his parents love him and how his teachers "love" him. I would hate for him to suffer any kind of hurt over this confusion," she says.

Hold on a minute here. Doesn't everyone who "loves" our kids love them in different degrees? You don't tell Great Aunt Sally not to say "I love you" even though she sees them once a year and can barely remember their names, do you? True, she's family, but this woman doesn't even know their names! And sends your son barrettes to wear in his buzz-cut hair!

Maybe I'm particularly lucky. My nursery school teacher still gives me a hug when she sees me, and she's been out of the game for some twenty years. Living in Florida most of the year, she sees me only in the summers at chance run-ins at the grocery store. And still, she remembers particular details about my childhood and relates them with a genuine smile. She might not love me like one of the kids she gave birth to, but I was one of her kids. Just like the hundreds of other little boys and girls who went through her little house on the hill catty-cornered from the old Chevy dealership.

Somehow, I'd bet she's the rule rather than the exception when it comes to folks who sign up for her (former) profession.

Amy Jo admits she's being cynical when she fears the teachers are just buttering her up for a better gift at the end of the year. But, really, if the people are in it for the gifts, they've chosen the wrong profession.

I chose my sitter based on a number of factors - but the number one was how she related to kids. She genuinely likes being around them and caring for them. So yes, I believe she loves my daughter. Not the kind of all-consuming love that I have for her, of course, but a love that makes her take the kind of care of her that I'd want someone to take while I can't be with her. You can't just turn the mama/papa bear thing on during the hours you watch a child and turn it off when they walk out the door.

Image: Clipartguide.com

Why Swine Flu is Bad for the Economy

JeanneSager — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:32:00 GMT

Swine flu could have a devastating affect on working families, and not a single member of the family has to get sick to do it.

School closures are already happening around the country, and President Obama has warned many more may happen in the coming weeks. He's suggested we set up contingency plans for daycare, but here's the rub: daycare centers are being advised not to take in kids from the schools where the outbreaks are occurring - because they might will make the spread even more dangerous (especially for the younger kids who are regulars at the centers).

So what are parents to do? Stay home with their kids?

They're federally protected by the family medical leave act to do so (as long as they haven't already used up their twelve weeks alloted FMLA time this year for other family emergencies). But there's no provision to ensure parents are paid to do so. And there's no provision for employers to make up for the loss in productivity.

In other words? Swine flu isn't just affecting the tourism industry and the pork industry. It could well hurt the economy as a whole, and lower income families specifically.

With other school closings (which I have, at times, advocated for), there is generally advanced warning. With this, there is no clue what schools might close and when. With other closings there's also rarely a reason for daycares to keep kids out - if anything, vacations help the daycare industry because there's an influx of kids and their paying parents.

So what can parents do? Call other parents. Figure out a playdate schedule for a few days so your two kids can play together while one parent works, then switch off the next day. At the very least, it will lessen the number of days out of work for you. Find a neighbor who is unemployed because of the other economic issues and see if they'll watch your kids (chances are, they won't cost as much as a traditional daycare anyway, especially if you're handing them cash off the books).

If my daughter's nursery school closes down, I'll have to do my own scrambling, but I can't say I blame school officials. The first superintendent to leave a school open and watch a child die is going to face one heck of a lawsuit.

Image:PBS

Two Parents Passing in the Night: Staggered Parenting

JeanneSager — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:31:00 GMT

It's a concern that's become even bigger than ever, but the stories of parents getting creative to avoid daycare costs are only getting wilder.

Take the parents who work opposite shifts, rarely getting to spend real quality time together in their marriage, because it enables at least one parent to be home with their two kids almost every moment of the day.

Lisa Belkin of the Motherlode took a look at Megan and Tim Garrett this past week, a couple who surmises in a good week they're able to limit the use of actual (paid for) daycare to six to nine hours. How do they do it? "Staggered parenting," Belkin calls it. One works nine to five, the other in swing shifts. Just not at the same time (if they can help it).

It's something like what I talked about in my own Bad Parent essay last week in honor of Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. Daycare is so cost-prohibitive, that I worked out a deal with my boss - I go into an office twice a week while she goes to an actual (again, paid for) daycare. The rest of the time, I take my daughter to work. Some say I've got it easy because I can do this, and I will certainly say I am lucky to have this time with my daughter.

But neither I nor the Garretts have it easy. And unless you're one of those lucky ducks still swimming in the big bucks in this economy, I dare say you don't either.

It's why we're all thinking outside that proverbial box to get the daycare bills paid - or better yet, to avoid them at all. I'm a proponent of paying people what they're worth, so it's hard to come up with a solution for the high costs of daycare. We can't very well expect these people to watch our children for free.

But what of the mom who works nights, the dad who works days, so one can be home with their son at all times? Should they simply be expected to accept the strain that puts on their marriage and their family because, well, "they are doing what should be done when we decide to have children" as one commenter over on the Motherlode said? What about the Garretts, who are ensuring their kids get to spend almost all of their time with mom and dad, but who get almost no time alone to just be adults? Not to mention virtually no "family time." This isn't a knock on single parents, but when there ARE two parents in the situation, it's hardly optimal for the kids to never see them interact.

Daycare is expensive. Daycare is often inflexible. And daycare is not created equal. My friend pays $30 a day for her son to go to a small registered daycare with a nursery school curriculum and both breakfast and lunch provided. That's $150 a week - not too bad, but not available to too many families. She's popular, and fills up fast. In the same town, another friend pays $490 a week for the same service. The disparity is hard to fathom.

For parents who work part-time, the problem isn't just expense but finding a program that will accept their child. We need the money, but few daycares want to take on a child who will not be bringing in steady income for them (can you blame them?) to the tune of five business days, and many are loathe to take on a child at the tail-end of toddlerhood because they know the money will soon dry up once the child is enrolled in "real" school. Infants are tough to place too - in many places they take the place of two older children. In other words, the provider can charge the parent of an infant one fee, or they could take in two toddlers and get two fees - but not both. Again, you can't fault the provider (I'd prefer a limit in kids, wouldn't you?) but it certainly doesn't make life any easier for parents.

So what do you do? Many of us go unregistered, which carries with it its own problems - when I recently wrote about setting up a quid pro quo system with an unemployed friend (cash in exchange for their babysitting time), a commenter pointed out that flies in the face of attempts to professionalize the industry. Again, I agree that daycare workers shouldn't be treated like scut labor, but "non-professional" daycare providers can provide top notch care too.

So what's the fix? Employer-sponsored daycare (um, yes)? Government intervention? For one, I'd like to see the childcare tax write-off system change so we can write off ALL daycare expenses (rather than the "up to $6,000 for families with two children under age thirteen"). Not to mention paid paternity leaves, lengthier paid maternity leaves, and . . .

For all those, of course, there are the arguments from the same people who popped up on the Motherlode citing the rest of the country shouldn't have to pay for our kids. But let me ask: would they rather provide universal programs for parents to keep us in the job market or pay for us all to sit at home with our kids all day being unproductive and FEELING unproductive? Might I point out, those kids are American citizens and future taxpayers too. So how about a little help?

Image: No Time For Laundry

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Bad Parent: Me and My Shadow

Economy Fix: Give 'Em All Jobs in Daycare

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:27:00 GMT

No good could come of this phone call - my babysitter was hacking up a lung, and I knew I couldn't call out sick from work. Who knew I'd find the silver lining in finding an unemployed neighbor?

Yes, I called my neighbor, who is a grandmother and fantastic with kids - mine especially. She was happy to lend a hand and get a little cash; I was happy to have someone I trusted watching my kid.

After doing a little informal poll, I'm finding a lot of parents have started turning to the unemployed for extra childcare options. Let's face it - these are generally responsible folks, and they're home . . . all day. They might be hitting up the work force development office and making the job fair circuit, but otherwise, they have a lot of extra time on their hands. I've had more than one unemployed acquaintance tell me the frustration of the day isn't just money but the lack of productivity. They WANT to be doing something - and babysitting may not be glamorous, but it's a job.

So what can you do? Instead of calling the teenager next door to watch their kids after school so you can go out and run some errands; call the neighbor kid's mom to watch them during the same time period . . . and spot her a fistfull of dollars. When your sister calls out sick, don't call your boss and call out yourself - find a friend who could use the boost.

It isn't the big economy fix we're all hoping for, but for parents who are always searching for the next daycare fix - it could mean a world of difference.

Image: HomeCareWorld

Babysitter Sleeps While Kid Plays Among the Alligators

JeanneSager — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:36:00 GMT

Your babysitter was never this bad - trust me.

A Florida sitter fell asleep on the toilet while her two-year-old charge went out and wandered around in an alligator-infested canal.

According to some reports, the boy was wearing nothing but a shirt and covered in feces when he was spotted and promptly rescued. When police got to the house, they say they found his babysitter on the toilet - passed out - and a bottle of oxycodone. The sitter, Brandy Albright, was woken up by police and placed under arrest for child endangerment, while the boy has been returned to his mom.

Unless you live in Florida or another coastal area of the country, you likely don't have to worry that your kid is going to be out playing with the alligators when you aren't home. But does a sitter really have to be told not to take drugs while they're watching your kid? There's a warning about not operating heavy machinery while taking these drugs on that bottle for a reason.

Just remember this one the next time you want to complain about your sitter. At least he or she remains upright throughout the day. If not, it's time you get yourself a new sitter!

Image: APP

Babysitter Jailed for Removing Clothes In Front of Child

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

A Florida mother is paying a very high price for a serious babysitting faux pas. Sarah Slicker, known by the unfortunate nickname “Naked Nanny” in the Tampa Bay area where she’s from, recently served one year of jail time and two years of house arrest for taking off her clothes in front of the four-year-old boy she was babysitting for. She’s now petitioning the courts to reduce her ten-year probation—which prohibits her from having contact with kids besides her own children—so that her son can have a normal childhood.

At first glance, I was unequivcally outraged by the excessiveness of Slicker’s punishment. But the full story makes the case far less clear cut. Slicker had long been known as a stellar childcare provider in her area. But one day while babysitting for a four-year-old boy, she put on a James Bond movie (WTF numero uno). After a love scene, the boy asked her to take off her clothes. She complied (WTF numero dos). The boy’s mother walked in on the “naked nanny,” and was quite understandably none too pleased.

Slicker later explained that she simply hadn’t wanted to argue with the boy because she was “physically and emotionally exhausted.” I think we can all understand that level of childcare-related exhaustion—but how about Dora the Explorer instead of James Bond? Or a cookie instead of full frontal nudity?

Clearly, this woman exercised disturbingly terrible judgment and she should have been fired from all of her childcare jobs, at the very least. But I can’t help thinking there’s a hypocritical sexual prudishness at work in her punishment. It’s perfectly legal for parents in the U.S. to whip their kids, but a nanny who never inappropriately laid hands on a child loses her freedom for 13 years?

Slicker, who is now married and employed, was denied her request for a reduction in her probation. Do you think the punishment fits the crime?

Photo: sptimes.com

Want Free Childcare? We Can Help

JeanneSager — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:05:00 GMT

So the economy is getting worse, and you have to work more hours . . . but you can't afford to add extra daycare for the kids? We might have the answer for you.

Host and Care was set up to link students in need of accomodations with people they can help - primarily parents who have a guest room in their house and could use eight to sixteen hours a week of someone extra watching their kids.

The free site doesn't run background checks on care seekers or care providors, nor does it determine the terms of a care/accomodations deal. It's simply a conduit - and one that's gaining attention in an economy where every little bit helps.

Daycares have been announcing enrollment drops since the economy took a turn for the worse, in part because there are more laid off parents at home to watch their kids. But the bigger reason? Parents just don't have the cash - and while some babysitters have taken paycuts to keep their jobs, most daycare costs are contractual. There's no break for parents, leaving them with options that range from bad to worse. Like reports that an increasing number of parents are simply leaving their kids home - alone.

So instead facing of a mountain of bills to pay, they'll be facing a pile of child neglect charges . . . or worse - their kids could seriously hurt themselves.

Host and Care could be an option for parents with guest rooms, rooms they already pay the mortgage on and heat, rooms that won't be filling with guests any time soon considering friends and family are hurting financially too. It's akin to having a live-in nanny - without the cost - while the students get a leg up on paying their way through school with the burden of rent off of their shoulders.

Is there a college near you where there might be students looking for a room? Check out the site - they also connect families for house swaps, a great way for bigger families to save on accomodations on the road.

Image: MilitaryMoves

Talking Taxes: How the Childcare Credit Works

JeanneSager — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:36:00 GMT

Do you send your kids to daycare? Have an in-home sitter?

As long as you work - and pay the nanny/manny/babysitter on the books - families with two kids can claim up to $6,000 in tax credits this year. So how does it work?

Your kids have to be under age thirteen. You may be worried about leaving the fourteen-year-old alone in a house with a well-stocked liquor cabinet, but the IRS doesn't care.
You must be making an income. Ya know, that's why they call it a credit on your INCOME taxes.
If your employer gives you money toward childcare, that must be deducted from the amount you're claiming. If your employer is that type, please give me his number. I want to work there.
You can't write off what you pay to one of your other kids to watch their siblings (sigh) or what you pay your spouse to watch your kids. If you're paying your spouse to watch their own child, you might want to find a new spouse (sorry, just saying).
If you're paying someone to come to your house rather than paying someone who has their own daycare or a sitter who has her own business, you may owe the government more because you're an official employer. This gets a lot of big important big wigs in trouble just as they're about to be confirmed as something even bigger and more important, so check this one closely. It might do to even hire an accountant. Just don't pick this guy.
The kid being babysat must have lived with you for at least half of 2008. If he hasn't, why did you need a babysitter?
Your filing status must be single, married filing jointly, head of household or qualifying widow(er) with a dependent child. In other words? You have to file . . . AND have a kid. Imagine that.
If you didn't pay out $3,000 for childcare for your one child, you don't get a $3,000 credit. If you didn't pay out $6,000 for two kids or more, you don't get a $6,000 credit. Those are simply the top end (try telling that to your daycare provider).

There are more tips over at the IRS Website, but these are the biggies. Are you going to be filing for a tax credit for childcare this year? Is it worth it?

Image: No Time For Laundry

UPDATE: Soldier Dismissed From Duty After Showing Up With Her Kids

JeanneSager — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:20:00 GMT

Good news! The mom called back to military duty four years after her honorable discharge has been excused from duty. Of course, she had to prove how ridiculous the Army was acting by showing up at Fort Benning with her two kids - which somehow the military expect her to hold off on having because she was on "individual ready reserve" despite her honorable discharge.

Here's the text of the original post detailing her ordeal:

She was honorably discharged from the military, but a North Carolina mother has been ordered to report for duty at an Army base this weekend. With no other options, she's bringing her kids along.

Lisa Pagan finished up her tour of duty four years ago, earning an honorable discharge from the Army. Fast forward four years - and two kids - later, and Pagan has been told she's on "individual ready reserve" status. She's being called back to serve.

The letters started in December 2007, and she's expected on base today. Except she's a stay-at-home mom who operates a child care center out of their home. Her husband, who she met while in the military, is the family's primary breadwinner - and his job keeps him on the road a lot. Located in North Carolina, they're too far from her family in New Jersey and his in Texas to make grandparents stepping in an option.

She's tried to appeal on the grounds that there would be no one to take care of her children. The Army's answer? They say her husband should quit his job - and that taking care of her kids is not their problem.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Army is a branch of the government, correct? And if a guy has to quit his job to stay home with his kids - putting the family without an income - then the government would be stuck footing their welfare bill. So, it really is their problem.

Besides the fact that this woman has served her time in the military and received an honorable discharge. She didn't go AWOL. She didn't pull a fast one to get out. She served her time. So why is she being stop-lossed? Or something very similar? It's a practice few know about, the legal ability of the military to retain or call back former members after they've served out their enlisted time, one John Kerry dubbed a "back-door draft" in his race for the presidency. The numbers have only been increasing since Kerry's speech, despite orders by Bush's Defense Secretary Robert Gates in 2007 to limit its use.

Pagan's case highlights one of the chief reasons it's such a dirty trick. Former soldiers are people - parents, brothers, sisters, wives, children - who form an important role in their family's lives. To take away their abilities to provide for their families, to take their free will once their commitment has been fulfilled defeats the point of a military designed to fight for freedom and the rights of people whose families are being denied it.

Kudos for Pagan, who is putting her problem back on the military. She's showing up today with her kids in tow - and leaving it up to the military to figure out how they put a mother to work as a servicewoman.

Image: MSNBC

Why Daddies Don't Babysit

JeanneSager — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:24:00 GMT

Let it be known that my husband is a saint - a superb dad, a model husband. But he doesn't babysit.

For that matter - no father worth his salt babysits.

They parent.

Since my first outing alone after giving birth - a whopping twenty-minute run to the grocery store and back - I've been haunted by the same question. "Oh, your daughter's not with you? Is Daddy babysitting?"

I usually just grit my teeth and nod, but sometimes I can't help myself. "No," I tell them. "He's not babysitting. You see, he's her father, and as such, he doesn't babysit. Babysitting is what someone is hired to do when her parents aren't available. My husband, her daddy, is home, spending time with his daughter."

The notion that mothers parent and fathers babysit is outdated at best, downright insulting at worst. Why are fathers, who in this day and age really do put in as much time with their kids as their female partners considered babysitters? They are, after all, doing the same things their wives and girlfriends do - playing games, discipling, bathing, etc. They have as much to do with the child's presence on this earth too; and not only in the sense of procreation. They help support their kids financially and emotionally. They get up late at night and fill a medicine dropper with Tylenol to soothe a teething tot, and they get up in the morning to make waffles and pour sippy cups full of watered down orange juice.

I don't know a dad who would call himself anything less. So why do people still treat them like the hired help?

Image: Sager Scenes

Does Your Daycare Have Night Hours?

JeanneSager — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:30:00 GMT

The average daycare closes its doors by 6 p.m. at the latest, but the average worker is putting in a lot of after hours. So where are their kids going?

If they're lucky, to one of the twenty-four hour daycares popping up in recent years. Places like Children's Choice in Dallas have seen spikes in attendance with the economic downturn, even while other daycares around the country are losing customers. Parents are taking on second jobs after the nine-to-five shift or picking up shifts they might not have opted for in the past because a job's a job - no matter the time.

According to the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies, a quarter of the nation's eleven million kids in thirty-six hours of daycare per week are in an arrangement strung together by their parents because they can't find any one place that meets their needs. Quitting a job to stay home - especially in this economy - isn't an option for these parents. In twenty to twenty-five percent of the dual-earning families, the mothers are the primary breadwinners.

What's most interesting is these kids don't have altered schedules like their parents. They eat dinner before heading off to nighttime daycare, they take a bath and get into their jammies. Then they're dropped off at the center. They sleep through the night right in the daycare center while their parents are at work.

Would this work for you? Or would you prefer to have the night with your kids?

Image: My Sweet Dreams Baby

Is the Sitter Just There to Watch the Kids?

JeanneSager — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:25:00 GMT

Have you ever asked the babysitter to do laundry? Wash your dishes? Take out the trash.

A fed up babysitter sounded off over at MomLogic this week, putting parents on notice she's paid to watch the kids . . . and only to watch the kids.

"Mary Poppins," says she's sick of moms bugging her about how to properly iron their little boy's shirt before a party, and she's not reaching their hands into that laundry basket and washing hubby's clothes.

She's got a point. She's not the maid. She's the sitter.

But is she a little bit wrong too? Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to ask the sitter to do chores around the house?

It's rare that sitters come to my house, but I can't say that I've ever asked one to do anything more than spend time with my daughter and keep her out of trouble. I try to prep the meals ahead of time, so they have only to throw some milk or juice in a cup at intervals throughout the day and unwrap the PB&J to put it on a plate. They're welcome to the food in the cabinet, but I'd prefer not to come home to a pile of dishes in my sink.

Beyond that, there isn't much I can imagine asking my sitters to do. I admit I am enamored with the one teenager my friend recommended, who spent part of the day in my daughter's room with her, empty each dresser drawer of clothing, folding everything and putting it back. I paid top dollar for her, but wowsa - I could FIND a pair of jammie pants and a jammie shirt that matched that night! You want her number now, don't you?

As a babysitter myself back in the day, I remember doing that type of thing - the unasked-for tidying. I clearly remember alighting from the bus with the little boy I watched every afternoon, heading inside to set him up at the table to do his homework then turning to the dishwasher. We had our adventures, but when we weren't tromping through the woods or reading in the living room, I felt like I had to keep myself busy.

There were limits. I would never have touched the parents' laundry; and if they'd asked I would have balked. Laundry is just too personal a job for someone who isn't being paid to do it, and for a teenaged babysitter to have to see the Dad's underwear there can be untold traumas!

But the kids' laundry is another issue. "Mary Poppins" says she won't iron the baby girl's socks as asked. She won't iron the kids' pajamas either because that's "stupid." I tend to agree with her on the order itself (but then again, I don't iron - that's what a spritz of water and a tumble in the dryer is for). But this is an issue that's related to the task at hand - it's part of taking care of the kids. Doesn't that make it part of her job?

What about picking up after the kids? She says she barely has time to get their dirty breakfast bowls in the sink because keeping up with three toddlers is hard. Yes, toddlers are hard to handle, but she picked babysitting. She told these parents she could handle the task. Now, apparently, she can't. So maybe the people she needs to go back the drawing board with the parents, and discuss what's expected and what she's comfortable doing. Or maybe she needs to find a new job, in a new career path.

I might not ask my babysitter to do much, but if she told me she flat out didn't think she had to do things that related directly to watch my kid, I'd be finding another sitter.

Image: MomLogic

Four Reasons Big Families Might Have it Better in This Economy

JeanneSager — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 22:31:00 GMT

If it costs more to feed a bigger family in good times, doesn't it stand to reason that it would cost more in lean times too? Yes, but it's possible bigger families are better prepared for hard times - because they're used to living on a stricter budget.

Talking with the Chicago Tribune, Don Demaree of the Center for Consumer Credit Counseling says some (not all, he's quick to add) of the larger families have cottoned on long ago to frugality - be it by buying in bulk or finding free entertainment for the family.

So what else do the big families have on those of us with just one or two kids?

1. When they buy in bulk, the family actually uses it all. Some things never expire - we bought all our diapers at Sam's Club. But those blocks of government cheese are likely to turn hard before we plow through them in a house of just three, and a giant bag of chips goes stale before we're down to the crumbs - and there goes our money, down the drain.

2. Built-in entertainment. My grandmother once told me parenting seven was easier than parenting one because there was always someone else for the kids to play with or at least someone else to keep them out of her hair. Which leads me to . . .

3. Built-in babysitters. In big families where the ages range (this obviously won't work for those octuplets!), there's less of a need to hire a babysitter if a parent has to get a second job or Mom has to go back to work.

4. Hand-me-downs. Most of us still have to go out and buy clothes for our kids. Big families do too - but they get a lot more use out of them than the rest of us.

Of course all families have it tough right now. Having a big family might well be harder - because when the breadwinner loses a job, there are a lot more mouths who depended on that bread. But with all the bad news, it's nice to have a little good.

Image: BigFamilies.ca

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Babysitter Puts Baby in a Running Dryer so She Could Watch TV

Cole Gamble — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:30:00 GMT

Arielle Smith, 19, has been charged with murder in Louisiana for placing a 5-month-old child in a dryer and turning it on.

This is one of the stories that make it hard to breathe.

Alleged, the teen placed the baby Andre Jenkins in the dryer and locked up Andre’s 18-month-old brother and one-year-old sister in order to watch television without interruption. Smith had removed the clothing from the dryer before placing Andre in and after removing the unresponsive baby she placed the clothes back inside. Then Smith called her boyfriend and the child’s mother, suggesting the death was not intentional.

That is about all of the story I can stomach writing.

After a long time without any kind of babysitter, my wife and I lucked out and were able to get a woman that worked at our kids’ pre-school. We completely trust her competence and motives. I don’t think even a good interview and references can ensure parents don’t end up with an Arielle Smith. All I can say is you can only do your best to perhaps go through an accredited nanny/babysitter service.

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4 Ways to Be a Better Parent

Barbie’s Creator A Sexual Pervert

Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Pete Wentz: "I've Tasted Ashley's Breast Milk."

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Hitting the Bottle: We've Got Your Alibi

JeanneSager — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:26:00 GMT

I've already hunkered down in the house for Christmas, so why not New Year's?

Instead of making your way through the phone chain, trying to find a sitter who hasn't already made her own plans for ringing in the new year (not to mention plunking down the small fortune on said sitter's fee and your bar tab), might I suggest hitting the bottle at home this holiday?

To ensure a good return on your investment, we offer up the recipe for the best home renditions of Auld Lang Syne (with some help from our friends at Stolichnaya).

The sweet, smooth pick that will make for a year full of old acquaintances and new friends:

Stoli Accomplice

Muddle three strawberries
1 oz simple sugar (dissolve ¾ sugar in ½ cup water over low heat)
2 oz Stolichnaya vodka
½ oz fresh lemon juice
Shake ingredients and strain into sugar-rimmed martini glass
Top with champagne

And since you and your new friend will need some help covering after you spill something sticky all over his new Christmas toys . . .

Stoli Alibi

1 oz ginger simple syrup (make ahead - peel 2 inches of fresh ginger, simmer with ¾ sugar and ½ cup water for 5 minutes to infuse flavor. Remove ginger)
2 oz Stolichnaya vodka
Squeeze of a fresh lime
Top with splash of club soda
Serve over ice

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More Parents Leaving Kids Alone to Save on Daycare

JeanneSager — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:36:00 GMT

When code enforcement officers started inspecting apartments in a small Washington-area town, they uncovered an alarming problem. There were kids in apartments all over town - kids too young to be alone, kids whose parents just couldn't afford daycare.

According to a Washington Post report over the weekend it's happening all over the country - parents are leaving their kids alone so they can save a little money on daycare.

It's not hard to understand. The costs of daycare are high, and many parents report they're working as much to pay their babysitting bills as they are the mortgage or rent and put food on the table. When it comes time to cut one, food and shelter win out over paying another adult to be there when you're not.

Not that I'm excusing the parents who left their five-year-old daughter to be found by code enforcement officials, cowering in the closet of her family's apartment in Riverdale Park, Maryland or the family who kept their ten- and twelve-year-old home from school to watch their younger siblings.

But I can see how they made their choices. And they're hardly the first generation to do so. A large percentage of our greatgrandparents' and grandparents' generations were pulled out of school by their parents to help out at home, the need to take care of younger brothers and sisters while Mom helped Dad in the fields or took in sewing or did whatever it took to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. Unfortunately, they never went back to school.

That many daycare workers are underpaid makes this an even more difficult mess to solve - better wages would mean a hike in daycare costs for parents who are barely making ends meet themselves. So how do you help parents?

One of the answers may be in shifting the opinion of who can stay home alone and for how long. In Maryland, child welfare workers say the basic rule calls for kids younger than thirteen to have a caregiver watching them. They say they're enforcing that on a case-by-case basis, however, because of the circumstances.

And that's how it should be. I don't know any five-year-old kids who should be left alone, but I do know some very capable eleven-year-olds. On the other hand, there are some fourteen-year-old kids I wouldn't trust for a minute in a house or apartment by themselves. That's something parents should know about their kids, and a choice they should have the power to make.

Image: The Washington Post

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Puppies Save Lost Toddler

Brett Singer — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:30:00 GMT

After so many sad stories (winter, I suppose?), this one was a nice find.

3-year-old Jaylynn Thorpe had "wandered away from his baby-sitter" and was missing for almost 24 hours in the woods of Halifax County, Virginia. (That's some babysitter.) Luckily, he was with two 12-week-old puppies. When it got late and cold – 17 degrees – the puppies snuggled up to Jaylynn and kept him warm. The kid is fine, thanks to these two dogs.

The trio had quite a journey – according to published reports, the boy and his two dogs "wandered up to a mile in the dark, even across a highway." Eventually he was found, "sitting by a tree, the two puppies nestled against him."

Even after Jaylynn had been rescued, the dogs didn't let him out of their sight -- "Where he went, they went," said search party member Billie Jo Roach.

When people get dogs to protect their families, I don't think this is what they have in mind. Luckily everyone is OK. I might have a little chat with the baby-sitter, though.

Source: NY Daily News via The Howard Stern Show (specifically Robin Quivers' news)

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JeanneSager — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:32:00 GMT

When we leave our kids with a sitter, we always hope they'll take at least as good a care of them as we would. Risking life and limb to save theirs isn't too much to ask.

In the midst of the terrible tragedy of the Mumbai terrorist attacks, nanny Sandra Samuel has stood out for her bravery - and her devotion to her charge. Now Israel is considering conveying one of its highest honors, an award reserved in the past for Holocaust-era heroes.

Samuel had a "special connection" with toddler Moshe Holtzberg, the son of Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg and his wife Rivka. After hours locked in her room, hiding from the attackers, Samuel says she heard Moshe calling for her. Despite terrorists still on the premises, Samuel unlocked the door and followed his voice, finally finding the boy covered in blood beside his dead parents. She grabbed the child and ran outside. She escorted the boy all the way to Israel, where his grandparents have taken in the toddler and the country is discussing the possible conference of the Righteous Gentile award. It's an award given in the past to non-Jews who helped rescue Jews during the Holocaust, including Schindler's List inspiration Oskar Schindler.

It should help the Indian native stay in Israel if she so desires, and it's one of the brighter stories coming out of the tragedies. In some ways, it's even more amazing than Hannah's story earlier this week about the dad who snuck into the hotel under siege to bring milk to his wife and children. This wasn't Samuel's child. She could have stayed locked up safe in her room. She could have assumed the child's parents would take care of him.

I love my babysitter, but if anything ever happens, I've got to tell you - I wouldn't mind having this woman watch my daughter.

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Say Hi To Grandma Through the Screen

JeanneSager — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:28:00 GMT

My three-year-old likes to show her grandparents her nursery school projects. Too bad they're in Virginia, and we're in New York. Seeing a construction paper elephant is a tough job when you're looking through a phone line. We're still working on that.

But if an article in yesterday's New York Times is any indication, there may soon be a nation of toddlers who never have to use adjectives to tell Grandma about their new artistic creations. Grandma and Grandpa have gone digital so they can keep up with their grandkids living half a world away.

With half of American grandparents living at least two hundred miles from their grandchildren (according to the AARP) and two-thirds of kids seeing at least one set of grandparents only once a year, Web cams are stepping into the void to make sure kids feel that family connection. Some parents even use on-screen Grandma as a remote babysitter, setting their kids up in front of the computer to chat while they get some work done around the house.

With my in laws living so far away, their biggest fear seems to be that my daughter will forget them. They once handed me a picture of them - so she doesn't forget us, they said. We make sure that doesn't happen with weekly phone calls, and we bring them up in regular conversation. She runs to them when they arrive just as quickly as she does my parents, who live across town and talk to her on the phone even more often (what can I say, my side of the family tends to have bigger mouths!). We haven't purchased a Web cam yet, but it is a temptation. My in-laws will want to see the first loose tooth, the First Communion dress. A photographer by trade, I take pictures of these things, but I don't always have the energy to actually get them online and e-mailed four states away.

One expert quoted in the article said she worries grandparents will get too hooked on what technology offers; that they'll be tempted to visit less because they've already "seen" the grandkids. I kind of doubt it. The kind of grandparent who would power up their computer just to get a look at that cute little monkey is the kind of grandparent who would be there in a heartbeat . . . if they could.

A kid bouncing around in front of a camera has nothing on a kid wrapping their arms around you.

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Is Cutting the Sitter's Pay the Best Way to Save Money?

JeanneSager — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:34:00 GMT

So we're headed into a recession, and you're going to have to put some extra hours in at work to make up for a reduction in staff and earn that much-needed overtime. Is now really the best time to give the babysitter the shaft?

A list of childcare saving options in a recent Wall Street Journal piece quotes a SitterCity poll that puts 36 percent of babysitters taking pay cuts. Providing a list of way to break the news, they admit it's not easy to scrimp when it comes to the person who is going to care for your child.

So I wonder, should you? Really? Let's revisit that sentence: the person who is going to care for your child. This isn't skipping the morning latte in favor of a travel mug full of home-brewed joe. It's telling the person you pay to be there with your kids when you're not around that they're just not worth as much this year as they were the last. In a tough economy, chances are they'll swallow that excuse. But aren't they more valuable this year than ever before?

Studies have shown a mother's ability to work is dependent on the ability of childcare. The less flexible the job, the more flexibility needed on the childcare front. And the only thing flexible about jobs these days is whether they're going to be there tomorrow. So think twice about how much you're going to spend on their Christmas or Hannukah gift this year (downgrade that spa package to a single massage to make up for putting up with your brat), but you might want to keep the love flowing their way right now.

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Bonnie and Clyde Leave Kid in Hotel Room

JeanneSager — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:06:00 GMT

I'm not sure whether to commend Gabriel Espino and Marsha Castillo for not exposing their son to their life of crime or go at them with both barrels. The New Jersey couple left their 2-year-old in a motel room last week while they allegedly broke into a house in Weehawken.

When they were caught and placed under arrest, police said Espino claimed they were just trying get money together to buy diapers and formula. But when police entered the motel room, they found the 2-year-old watching television on the bed, and a pile of stolen electronics, including laptops and iPods. So far, the couple has been charged with a total of seven burglaries.

Covered in bruises, the little boy was rescued and taken into custody by the state while his parents were sent to jail on $20,000 bail. His mother is facing child endangerment charges, and his father has confessed to all seven burglaries. For the first time since they moved into the Weehawken hotel several months ago, the family at least has stable housing - albeit split up and all paid for by the state. The fact that the family was living in a motel makes Espino's claims of needing money to buy formual and diapers believable - they were, for all intents and purposes, homeless. One police report even says Espino, 22, had recently lost his job and worried about how to pay the motel bill.

Not that any of it gives a set of parents the right to leave a toddler unsupervised. For a little little boy, locked in a motel room, I can think of dozens of dangers just off the top of my head - from knocking the TV over onto himself to turning on the tub and an accidental drowning. What's more, the sheer terror for a toddler to be left alone without Mommy and Daddy gives me chills.

I'm not giving them a break for turning to crime either. If you can't feed your kid, you take it on the chin and beg, borrow . . . do anything short of stealing. In the words of Mr. Hand, stealing is bad, MmmKay?

But there's a little part of me that feels sorry for a mom and dad living in a flea bag motel (according to reports, the kid was covered in bed bug bites) who probably couldn't afford a babysitter even if they'd thought to call on one while they went off on their admittedly bad, bad errand. In this economy, I'm surprised there aren't more parents like Espino and Carillo just doing what they have to to pay the bills.

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Amy S.F. Lutz — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:34:00 GMT

5. Don't make me the bad guy. Please don't tell the kids, "Mommy doesn't want more than one kid on the trampoline at a time because she's afraid you might hurt yourselves," or, "Mommy doesn't want your brother to have raisins because she's afraid he might choke." Enforce my rules as if they're universal laws recognized by every adult on the planet.

4. Leave your gadgets in the car. I know it's important for kids to play independently and to play with each other, but that doesn't mean you can talk. text. or surf the web the moment my kids stop requiring your immediate attention. There's always stuff to do: straighten the playroom, throw those lunch plates in the dishwasher, etc.

3. Don't believe my kids. When my five-year-old tells you that yes, Mommy lets her eat an entire sleeve of oreos half an hour before dinner, or yes, she's allowed to watch four back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Hannah Montana, stop and think: how likely is that?

2. Never say to my kids, "This will be our little secret."

1. DON'T GIVE IN TO TEMPER TANTRUMS! Even if you ignore every other rule, please, never, never, ever, give my kids what they want just to calm them down from the heights of hysteria. If my two-year-old throws herself on the floor screaming because her twin brother has the yellow sippy cup with the blue lid and she desperately wants that one instead of the yellow sippy cup with the purple lid you innocuously handed to her, just walk away. DO NOT SWAP SIPPY CUPS. If so, you will guarantee my daughter will grow up to be Leona Helmsley.

You Might Like Wall-E But Don't Trust Him With Your Kids

Kelly Mills — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:58:00 GMT

Robots have kind of a mixed rep. From loveable, cuddly characters to cold killing machines, it's clear we have some ambivalence about what it means to have this kind of technology in our lives and on the horizon. While I personally have a strange affection for robots, I can see how others are raising the alarms. So parents, would you let a robot watch your children?

You may have to make this decision sooner rather than later, because robots are being developed for use in schools, and will potentially be here to babysit your brood in the not-so-distant future. So what do you think? I mean, if you read the Derby, you probably believe our current system of having humans care for their own offspring and the offspring of others is not without flaws. But should it concern us that robots may be responsible for teaching our kids? (Gasp! You mean a machine might sometimes act as a babysitter? Say it ain't so!) What will that do for their emotional development? Our society? Are the robot wars inevitable? Do tell.

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