Playdate: Do You Pick Their Friends?

JeanneSager — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:57:00 GMT

There are two kinds of kids says Oregon mom and blogger Julia Siviglia. The ones who are a bad influence on your kids and the ones for whom your kid is the bad influence.

Writing about the kid who's taught her son to turn regular erasers into toy guns and the dislike for pink he's developed thanks to his friends, Siviglia put out into the blogosphere what I've been worrying about since my daughter started nursery school. Just how much say do I have over her friends?

It's not that there's really much to worry about. I don't think she'll be learning to smoke a joint over a table of blue sand or picking up tips on how to break curfew during circle time. My biggest fear could even have me labeled a bit of a snob, but I'm willing to swallow that pill for the sake of my child. There are kids who are downright strange. Kids who scare me a bit, for reasons I can't exactly put my finger on. And I confess I change the subject when they come up in conversation in our house. What about "so and so," I'll ask, subtly guiding the conversation toward her cousin, who is also in the class. I'm not looking for my child to hang out with the "popular" kids or encouraging her to form a nursery school clique. I don't tell her who to spend time with or warn her against making friends with anyone in particular. I'm just wary already of the kids with a bit of an edge, the kids I can see being the troublemakers down the road.

It's not always the other kids I worry about. Siviglia's right: peer pressure is out there. And my daughter can put the pressure on with the best of them. We're still trying to balance the bossiness in our only child without breaking her of self confidence. And we're watching other kids closely to see what's "normal 3-year-old" and what peccadilloes are simply part of her personality. In cases where she's the agressor and her playmate is taking it on the nose, I am quick to step in. Which is why, for now, I prefer to see her paired with kids who are her emotional equals (for lack of a better word), kids who won't take her guff. I don't want her to get too big for her britches. I don't want her to be the bossy kid who the other kids avoid.

I've found the best answer is simply avoidance. I avoid discussing the "strange" kids as much as I avoid negotiating between two arguing toddlers (unless, of course, it gets physical). And I avoid putting my daughter in situations with kids I don't approve of - as much as is humanly possible. Am I picking my daughter's friends? Sort of. But isn't that what playdating is all about?

Five Ways to Spot a Stalker Mom - So You Can Run

Playdate: When Two Moms Don't See Eye to Eye But The Kids Do

When They Can Curse in Context

7 Tips for Playgroup Survival

Bad Parent: Friend Alert

Oy vey, Miley showed her tuchas again

Brett Singer — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I think we may be over-reacting just a tad to, like, everything Miley Ray Hannah Montana Stewart Cyrus does. (I know I've said it before, but this girl really does have more names than a Chekhov character.)

Now, I understood, a little bit, when people got upset about the Vanity Fair photo shoot. It seemed a little bit odd to be taking pictures of a 15 year old wearing nothing but a bed sheet. But sexualizing underage girls isn't a new thing for the entertainment business – Mandy Moore was 15 when she made "Candy" (here's the video), and Britney Spears was 17 when "…Baby One More Time" came out, with her wearing a skimpy schoolgirl outfit and writhing on the floor. Going further back, Brooke Shields was 14 in 1980 when she told the world that nothing came between her and her Calvins.

All of these examples, in my opinion, were sketchier than what's happening with Miley Ray Whatever. In theory, these were private photos that ended up in the public eye either by her own carelessness, a hacker, or, if you want to go with a total conspiracy theory, someone at Disney who sneaks them to the press. The latter seems insane, but who knows. No matter what the real story is (Miley's not returning my calls, so I don't know the truth) the photos themselves aren't that bad.

Now – they are photos of an underage girl in a state of semi-undress. Which makes them extremely creepy. So, somewhat like the "should Paps take snaps of Brit's kids in her own house?" question, what do you think about the never-ending stream of Miley photos? Do they mean she's "slutty" and a bad influence on America's impressionable young girls? Or is it, like, enough already, and should we listen to Dolly Parton and leave Miley alone?

image/source: GossipGirls

Strollerderby : bad influence

Playdate: Do You Pick Their Friends?

Oy vey, Miley showed her tuchas again

Lourdes and Miley kidnapped?

Old Jonas Brothers CD priceless

Jobs you don't want – Camp Parent Liaison

Teen Choice Award: Miley Cyrus

Teen Choice Award: David Beckham

Like OMG Miley Will Totally Babysit Ashlee Simpson's Baby!

Dolly Parton Tackles Britney, Lindsay and Miley

Readin', writin' and Dianetics?

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the Kid From 'The Black Stallion'?