Strollerderby : behavior

Who's the Little Kid Here?

JeanneSager — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:29:00 GMT

Let me just say I love summer festivals. But I can't stand the people who man booths at said summer festivals.

They need to get a grip on BOUNDARIES.

I took my daughter to a local "pet and animal" festival over the weekend along with one of my best friends and her son. Feeding ponies, petting goats and picking up bunnies was all well and good. Until they met the guy with the fire dog, who clipped two leashes to the dog's collar and let the kids take the Dalmation for a walk. Sounds like a dream come true for two kids, right? Wait, there's more.

The man proceeded to tell my friend and I that he "hated kids and dogs." It should have been a sign, but our kids were in heaven. So we stood there, watching carefully to make sure the dog didn't pull the two pre-schoolers into the road, while the man set up for his "musical presentation." A presentation that we soon realized, was slated to include our kids.

Um, OK? Again, we were stuck weighing out - do we disappoint our kids who are extra eager to take a spoon and a washboard and play "back up" or let them stay? Yes, we were letting the kids rule the day, but that was the point of the trip. We weren't checking out a pets and animal festival for our health.

But when we were done, we were done. A few songs under their belt, we had the kids convinced we should move on to the next event. But the man with the band had other ideas. "Just one more song?" he asked.

"OK, just one more song." So they sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider," and we watched. OK. Done. "No, just one more song?" the man asked. This time he didn't wait for us to relent. He started singing, and the kids joined in. We were moving in by the time he'd finished, when he gave my friend's son the microphone, handing it direclty the four-year-old like he had the power to make the decisions here. "Want to sing the five little monkeys song?" What four-year-old was going to say no to that?"

While I grabbed my now shrieking daughter, the man argued, "Oh, Mom, just let her stay for one more song."

If my daughter wasn't there, I'd have snapped in his face. But if my daughter wasn't there, I wouldn't have ended up being held hostage to a festival crazy either. Because they love to prey on families, knowing we parents don't want to disappoint our kids. They say everything IN FRONT of our kids, making sure that we look like the heavies when we say no, and they offer up intoxicating fun with which we just can't compete.

Summer's just beginning, and can I say we're in for a long one?

Image: SagerScenes

Schools Say No Pain in the Butt Parents

JeanneSager — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:01:00 GMT

The minute your kid starts some social function - be it library group or school - there's one set of parents you can identify by the wide berth between them and every other parent in the pick-up line.

You know the parents I'm talking about. They complain. About EVERYTHING. Nothing is their kid's fault. And there's no more loaded a question than "how are you?"

But the next time your school administrators whine that they need more parent volunteers, you might want to ask them: do you weed out the whiny parents?

A Maryland school district is in hot water with parents after a board of education member let slip that principals "might not pick PIAs" (yes, that would be pains in the tuchas) to stand on committees and other school organizations. According to the Washington Post, the board was discussing School Improvement Teams, when an argument broke out over wether they're open to everyone or just up to the principal's discretion.

Members of the public charged the district with being secretive about who is on the committees and doesn't advertise for members.

As a parent who has steered clear of the contrary parents as much as possible, there's that knee-jerk reaction to the story that prompts me to say: "well, you wants a pain in the ass on your committee?"

But let's face it, parents who complain have a say too. At least, they should. Because their kids are as affected by the governance of a school as anyone else. You may not like them, but they're still a critical part of the school community.

Dig deeper, and you might find the whiny parents bring an extra facet to school governance that you and I won't bring. Because the contrary view might not be popular. It may not even be right. But it's evocative. And when it comes down to choosing someone to represent my views, I'd like to know there was someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind up there on a board or focus group. Who wants a mouse who will "yes" the school administration to death? Because they aren't going to change a thing.

So listen up administrators. I don't not want to sit next to them at the class play, but the pain in the ass parents are still parents. Which means you answer to them too.

Image: Gifts.com

Dad Calls Cops for Son's Messy Room

JeanneSager — Tue, 19 May 2009 14:07:00 GMT

As parents we are always looking for a little vindication, right? Especially when our kids have done something that really sets us on edge and yet, we have acted calmly, rationally . . . or at least not pitched a toddler-style fit of our own?

I've got some good news for parents who have thrown up their hands at their kids' messy rooms.

At least your kid isn't twenty-eight, living at home and in need of some tips on how to tame the trash. Oh yeah, and at least you haven't called the cops to make your kid get his tuchas in gear.

It's exactly what a dad in Ohio did last week, calling 911 in utter frustration at his adult son. He's since apologized, but I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for the dad or pull a Cher a la Moonstruck and tell the man to "snap out of it."

I'm imagining a twenty-eight-year-old man who can't get off his butt and clean up his room now couldn't do it back in his first go-round of living home with dad. Which puts all the arguments over my daughter's messy room in a whole new light. Everytime we go another go-round, I figure I'm saving my daughter from an adulthood of being a disgusting slob.

Because it can be much easier to just give in and clean your kid's room. I remember doing it back when I shared a room with my little brother, throwing in the towel after weeks long stand-offs that involved him continuing to throw clothes and toys on the floor. I responded with trash bag in hand. Ah, revenge was sweet (midnight walks to the bathroom without stubbing my toe were even sweeter).

With my daughter, I've managed so far to stand my ground. She's just shy of four, so we're still at a point where we clean her room together, but she plays a big role in that process. We assign particular roles, and she sets off on stuffed animal duty or packing her dress-up clothes back in the dress-up trunk. Will I ever give up and spend an afternoon in the room with a trash bag in hand? Theoretically, it could happen, but I'd like to think that early years of pitching in will lead to do-it-yourself versions in her teen years.

Do you make your kids clean their rooms or do you do it for them?

Image: Boston Globe

Don't Let Your Kid Call Me Missus

JeanneSager — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:31:00 GMT

Listening to my daughter talk, you'd think my parents were the Duggars.

It's Aunt Jennifer this and Uncle Dan that. She has a lot of aunts and uncles. And yet, my husband is an only child, and I have just one brother.

"Aunt" and "uncle" are as much terms of respect in our house as they are of endearment. Acquaintances are Mr. Jones and Ms. Johnson, but anyone close enough for our daughter to actually learn their first name gets that extra moniker tacked on the front to distinguish them from her peers.

I thought this was pretty normal until I went south on vacation.

My in-laws introduced their friends to our daughter as "Miss Joan" and "Mr. Bill," "Mr. Floyd" and "Miss Martha." They were the type of people my husband as a kid would have called "aunt" and "uncle" if he'd grown up in our household. In his own, it was "Mr." and "Mrs." with a first name thrown in there.

I know other families would be shocked at the usage of first names at all, preferring their kids use mister and missus and surnames only. In our house, the deference afforded by the use of "aunt" or "uncle" is enough.

What do you do in your house Babble readers? Do your kids have a familiarity with your friends' first names?

Image: Not on the High Street

Do You Speak Up When You See a Child Hit in Public?

JeanneSager — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:31:00 GMT

Every April, I get that old Edmund Burke quote stuck in my head: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Or something to that effect.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, the time when child protection groups across the country start beating that drum again. Speak up, speak up, speak UP when you see something.

Except, I am not that parent. I have a hard time walking up to the mother in the grocery store who has smacked their child across the face and saying, "Hey, lady, knock it off."

I'm more the indignant glare type, the one who will cut you down with my eyes, dark and forbidding from across the dairy aisle, running my cart perilously close to your heels. "I'm watching you," I say with my elbows as I get too close while we're both picking through the tomato pile.

And yet, I am not a proponent of child abuse (is anyone?). I am not even a spanker, preferring to discipline with words and timeouts in part because of my own history of beatings on the butt which left their emotional scars. Nor am I the quiet type. I frankly have a hard time shutting up about most things - hence the blogging job!

So why is it so hard to speak up about child abuse? For one, there's a fine line between outright abuse and a bad day. We've all been horrified by seeing a parent smack a kid, but who knows if that was a heat of the moment, having an awful day, never, ever happened before kind of thing or a normal occurrence in that family's life? We're too afraid of disrupting an otherwise normal family's life with an investigation by child protective services.

There's also a fear that our own closets aren't without their skeletons. Ever been locked out by your toddler? Check. Ever lost your toddler - even for just five seconds - because they wandered off while you were focusing on something else? Again, check. Ever left your child in the car for a second while you ran into the post office? One more time.

So we adopt the "he who is without sin" method of casting stones. We're not perfect, so who are we to judge? Although, we do judge. We glare. We huff. We go home and tell our spouses about the idiot we saw in the grocery store. We are aware that something might not be right, but by and large we are too afraid to do anything.

It's all in degrees, naturally. If I saw a baby sleeping in a backseat on a ninety-degree day with no adult in sight, you know I'd be on my cell phone to 911. If I saw a child battered and bruised with a split lip and a black eye, I'd be calling child protective services. Waiting until it gets to clear child abuse carries with it its risks - we aren't PREVENTING child abuse if we wait that long. We aren't protecting the nearly one million victims of child abuse every year, almost ninety-five percent of whom are abused more than once.

It's where that Burke quote comes into play. We are good parents, but we let bad parents win.

I've done it. You've done it.

Will you be speaking up next time?

Image: ChildAbusePreventionNetwork

Six-year-old Goes to Traffic Court

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:34:00 GMT

He wasn't behind the wheel, but a six-year-old New Mexico boy was sentenced by a judge to traffic court. After all, it was his fault his mother ended up with a traffic ticket.

The boy's mom was pulled over and ticketed for not ensuring her elementary schooler was wearing his seatbelt. Rather than pleading guilty, the mom took the case to court - where she explained to the judge that nothing she does seems to get through to her son the importance of keeping the belt on.

"He took off his seat belt, I pulled over again and put it on and he took it off right in front of the cop," the mom told a New Mexico TV station. The judge agreed something had to be done - and he used his position to make it happen. He told her to take him to traffic school.

It doesn't seem to matter how on message you are with the seatbelt talk, some kids just love to rebel. We switched our daughter out of the carseat and into a booster the second she was tall enough - despite all the parents who told me they weren't as safe - because she couldn't be convinced NOT to move the chest plate down onto her belly. Every time she slipped it lower, I worried about the impact that would have on her internal organs if we were to get into an accident. The booster seat ensures she can't move the belt around, and the impact would be spread across more of her body.

Other parents say their problem is once they move into the booster seat, they can't keep their kids from the fascination of clicking the seatbelt button.

Some kids never test the limits, but there will always be that bunch who do. The best you can do is make sure you never take your kids out for a ride without the seatbelt and to always wear one yourself. I also used the cop next door as an excuse - reminding my daughter that he would have to come arrest me if she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I'm not lying - it's essentially what happened with this New Mexico family!

The mom ended up taking her son to a seatbelt safety class - judge-approved. He's considering making future offenders and their kids take the same class, but it's not a bad idea for parents who are struggling with the problem - to prevent the ticket, and prevent a horrible accident.

Any other tips, Babble readers? What tricks have you used to keep them belted in?

Image: Edmunds

What They're Babbling About: David's Back at the Dentist and We Rant

JeanneSager — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:26:00 GMT

It's a random round-up in this week's edition of What They're Babbling About - nothing ties them together - other than parenting of course. So let's dig in.

Thought David Goes to the Dentist was hilarious? It gets better - someone's mashed up David with the Christian Bale rant. Warning - kick the kids out of the room, and do not play this one at work! - YouTube

We've all been there - pissed beyond belief, pissed beyond compare . . . sound kind of like Christian Bale. So how do you rein in the rant when your kids are around? Stamp down the steaming streaming with these tricks. - Parent Dish

Just don't use the brake pedal for discipline - or you'll end up in the slammer with this bus driver. - Parent Dish

Think the ranting over Madonna adopting out-of-country is over the top? This mom thinks that's just another road that will lead the reduction in reproductive choice. Weigh in here. - Proud Parenting

Since we're talking taboos, is money no object these days. . . conversation-wise? Everyone's moaning about the economy, so is this mom right in finding more room to talk about family finances out and about? - Work It, Mom

Ready to get this kid out of you but not willing to try something crazy? Find out what doctors say is a no-fail way to get the baby moving, and what one moms says it did to her. - LilSugar

And since that will generally lead to breastfeeding, my favorite pick of the day - what to do when a mother is breastfeeding next to you on an airplane. A primer for all you lucky ducks on your way home from spring break. Hint: it's not looking around uncomfortably. - Sustainable Mothering

Dad Beats the Demon out of His Son

JeanneSager — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:01:00 GMT

We've all thought our kids were little devils, but when you start to feel guilty for thinking bad thoughts kid-ward, take heart you aren't this guy:

A Texas dad told cops he beat his son to a pulp to rid him of a demon that he believed invaded his home . . . and the three-year-old's body.

Neighbors of Jacky Tran told the Houston Chronicle they saw him throwing furniture out of his house because he thought it was "evil," and the little boy unfortunately fared even worse. Tran was reportedly seen swinging the child, who suffered head fractures but is expected to be OK.

Why is it the stories you hear are either this side of crazy or the parent next door who lets their three-year-old run around the library like a banshee? I guess because the rest of us just aren't newsworthy as we trudge along, thinking the occasional "they're driving me crazy" thought about our kids but not acting on them.

Tran, in particular, sounds like he's mentally ill and should face some psychiatric evaluation before a judge decides if he'll serve the five to ninety-nine years he's face if convicted. And as horrible as this sounds, I think a tiny part of a lot of us knows, we're lucky to be absolutely, achingly normal.

Image: About.com

Judge to Mom: Spank Your Kid or Pay Up

JeanneSager — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:22:00 GMT

A judge who ordered parents to paddle their children with a wooden board in an open courtroom or face hefty fines has been warned his mode of punishment is not acceptable by a Texas judicial conduct panel.

Well Gawd bless those Texans for some common sense.

Judge Gustavo Garza has told parents of truant children they would have to pay as much as $500 if they didn't take a board, labeled "board of education" and spank their kids. One dad is suing, saying he reluctantly paddled his stepdaughter, only to have Garza tell him he hadn't hit her hard enough.

Since when does a judge get to advocate violence to prove a point? Because even the pro-spanking crowd has to admit that telling a parent to hit their child with a paddle - and to hit "harder" is something intended to inflict pain.

As Hannah pointed out recently, in all fifty states, it is legal for parents to hit, spank, paddle, or whip their children. Legal, but not required. Just like I can't be compelled to raise my child a Catholic or a Jew or force her to eat meat or not, I can't be forced to use spanking as my form of discipline.

One lawyer likened Garza's courtroom to something out the Jerry Springer Show, and I'd tend to agree. The idea of the law sneaking into parents' homes makes me uncomfortable, and I admit a slight hesitancy in supporting the concept of an anti-spanking law - because I've worried how far-reaching it can go. But when the opposite is in affect, when a judge forces a parent to hit their child, using the force of the law, we're right up there with the countries that practice torture.

What happened to Amendment 8 of the Constitution? You know, the one that says judges shall not call for "cruel or unusual punishments" for criminals? Maybe it's time to take Judge Garza over our knee and show him what it's liked to be punished for abusing his power.

Source/Image: MomLogic

Today's Parents Minding Their (Kids') Manners More Than Ever

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:03:00 GMT

From the BabyCenter folks (you know, the ones who send you emails every week or so with updates on how your child should be developing) comes a new survey about today's parents and their attitudes toward manners. Apparently, manners are back (though in some houses, naturally, they never really left). The BabyCenter poll released this week shows today's parents focusing on teaching their kids proper behavior for a variety of reasons; the top three are "to gives kids a moral compass" (64%), as a reaction against seeing "badly behaved kids" (58%), and to give kids a leg up in a "competitive" world (43%).

Manners are a way for people to show kindness and respect on in small ways, and just make the world feel nicer, if they really connect with something underneath -- but manners that are simply a series of rules and rituals with no underlying positive messages strike me as at best pointless, at worst kind of hypocritical. Which is why some of the BabyCenter responses rubbed me the wrong way. For instance, when 40% of parents say they want their kids to "treat adults with respect" but only 19% feel its important that their offspring "treat other children with respect," I have to scratch my head. What manners rulebook are they reading that says grownups are more valuable, more worthy of good treatment, than children? And if they really believe that, what does it say about how they're raising their own kids?

I grew up in a family that allowed kids to call (most) adults by their first names (a no-no for 40% of the BabyCenter poll respondants); really, though, the rule was that we were to call people what they wanted to be called -- for many if not most adults in our circle, that was a first name, but if someone was introduced as Ms. Smith or Professor Brown, that was the name we used until told otherwise. Flexibility, on this and other aspects of social behavior, seem much more useful to me than a strict set of rules.

That's why, for my kids anyway, I've tried to teach manners from the inside out -- I don't prompt them to say "please" and "thank you," but they see me saying it every day, to family members as well as strangers, and that has seemed to work. As for more complex etiquette questions, we focus on the content (that place where empathy and a sense of fairness overlap) rather than the form. I've spent enough time in the South, where a hotel clerk will "yes ma'am" you to death while completly ignoring your requests or concerns, to have much patience with empty, sugar-coated manners. (And when my younger brother was slapped across the face for refusing to call a teacher "Sir," I'm not sure what that really taught him -- other than to get out of South Carolina!) I don't want to raise kids who talk the talk but don't walk the walk, you know?

What manners issues are non-negotiable in your house, and how do you enforce them? Or do you take a gentler approach, and hope your kids will imitate the behavior you model? And what do you ask your children to call the adults in their lives?

Photo: Nina Leen for Life Magazine, 1959

More by this author:

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School Kids Get Exercise Balls Instead of Chairs

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Your kid could be getting an education - and a core workout - all at once.

Teachers at schools around the country have opted to pull chairs out of their classrooms in favor of workout balls – those giant rubber blobs that are the bane of out-of-shape mothers everywhere. Turns out, they're keeping kids focused - and not just on keeping their butts centered.

In a study published last month in the Chronicle of Kinesiology and Physical Education in Higher Education, a college professor who switched out chairs for workout balls says the balls improved students' focus and their attention. For young kids who need to get the wiggles out, the balls give them a chance to bounce their behinds, something your average chair can't.

Of course there are drawbacks. Critics say without relief for leaning back, kids are putting pressure on their tail bone all day long - and teachers can't well be expected to roam the aisles correcting kids' posture. And posture is a big issue with kids - backpacks on wheels started flying off shelves a few years back when parents got the warning that their kids had "backpack syndrome" from carting packs that were more than ten percent of their body weight.

But teachers aren't currently strolling the aisles telling kids to stop slumping in their seats either (who has time for that?), and I'd dare so most kids have horrible posture in your standard chair. At least with the ball, they develop core muscles which, in turn, strengthen the back. Come to think of it, maybe I need to do this to finally get the aching back left over from the little girl who loosened up my abdominal muscles.

Some schools are asking parents to chip in for the "seats" for their kids. Would you?

Image: MSNBC

The Newest Form of Discipline: Licking

JeanneSager — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Leave it to a childless celebrity to tell us how to make your kids behave. Rosario Dawson says she's not going to scream at her (currently hypothetical) kids; she's going to lick them.

OK. And what will that taste like?

I'm not exactly fond of screaming either, but the idea of licking a kicking, biting toddler (who happens to be screaming herself) is hilarious. "Come here, honey. No, hold still, wait a moment, come on, I don't want to get the taste of snot streaming down your face in my mouth . . ." I'll hug my daughter and smother her with kisses after she's been crying, but I like to hit her up with a tissue first - I can't imagine putting my big ol' tongue up to her face and letting loose.

Dawson says her mom did it to her, and it worked. "If I was acting out or talking up or just being a precocious child as I was she would lick me and my face in front of all her friends," she told Tarts during promotion for her newest film.

I can see there might be a shock factor there - at least the first time. A licked child will be so confused that they stop what they're doing. But the shock value would fade with each swipe of the tongue, I'd think. Still better than beating or screaming, but does anyone see this actually working? With anyone OTHER than Dawson?

Image: Fox News

Child Abuse Investigation Centers on Supernanny Dad

JeanneSager — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:03:00 GMT

A father featured on the popular ABC show Supernanny is now at the center of an investigation into allegations that he abuses his children.

Is anyone surprised it's the guy seen smacking his kids across the face and calling his four daughters "bitches" on camera?

The show aired Feb. 13, featuring Phil and Debbra Davis, a Florida couple with five children, including Phil's fourteen-year-old stepdaughter, the couple's nine-year-old son and three daughters under four (yes, he calls kids under four bitches). From the get-go, Supernanny Jo Frost says Phil needs a "good talking to," as he shares his expectations for his wife (cleaning the house before she leaves for work and again after she gets home from a job where he says she "sits on her rear end all day."). When she realizes he pulls out his belt and threatens one of their toddlers, she calls him "disgusting" and "appalling."

I couldn't have said it any better.

A TV viewer apparently lodged the complaint to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. Because it's an investigation, officials won't say whether there's more to the complaint than what was seen on camera.

This is sure to enrage the pro-spanking parents out there, and parents who think that the arm of the law has no place in discipline. But watching the show, Davis clearly has no sense of control as he slaps his children across the face (a major no-no in my book, it's degrading in addition to painful) and calls his stepdaughter a "slut" and a "ho."

Do you think he crosses the line?

Image: PopCrunch

When Should the School Call the Parents?

JeanneSager — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:02:00 GMT

Life in a small town is strange sometimes. I didn't hear about the punching incident at my daughter's pre-school from her or even from the teacher.

I heard about it in town, via the long grapevine of small town life. I also heard it was dealt with - appropriately - by the teacher.

It didn't bother me in the least that I hadn't known before - after all, my daughter wasn't involved. But when I mentioned it to another parent, her reponse shocked me. "You didn't get a letter? The teacher didn't say anything?"

Of course she didn't say anything. One little boy punched another little boy, and the teacher stepped in. She talked to the parents of the kids involved. The parents dealt with it. My daughter wasn't involved, and therefore I wasn't involved. I probably would have been more concerned if the teacher was telling the private business of two other children and two other sets of parents - to me.

My friend wasn't giving up. "But there's a bully in your daughter's class. Don't you want to know to protect her? Shouldn't you know what happens in that classroom during the day?"

I can see her point, but when I drop my daughter off in the morning, I put her in the care of her teacher and the teacher's assistant for three hours. I have to trust that those two adults are protecting my daughter, and that they're ensuring what happens in that classroom is safe and appropriate. If it isn't, I'd expect them to tell me.

What do you think? Should parents be notified of every "bad" thing to happen in a classroom? Or should notification be child specific?

How To Catch a Teenage Crook: Use Facebook

JeanneSager — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:47:00 GMT

If you thought the only risk your kids had in going on Facebook was from child predators, guess again. It turns out when they royally screw up in the real world, Facebook can get society the help it needs.

Police officers in Maine took surveillance photos of some teenage hoodlums and posted them on Facebook - so users could identify the crooks and send them to jail.

The pictures went up on Facebook on Jan. 29, and already the three fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds responsible for breaking into a spa and wreaking havoc were identified - ostensibly by other teens - and arrested.

Considering law enforcement and social networking sites have had to develop relationships thanks to dumb kids posting photos of their misdeeds online, it's high time there was a little quid pro quo. It's also a good reminder for kids who think they're safe from their crimes that the more widespread big brother's reaches, the more likely their pranks will land them in jail. Good ammunition for parents who are at the end of their rope and looking to cash in on the scared straight program.

If nothing else, the parents of the kids who IDed the perps can feel a little better about how much time their kids are wasting online. At least they performed a public service.

Image: Mediabistro

Elementary School Essay Lands Dad in Jail

JeanneSager — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 13:20:00 GMT

I'm not sure which part is more depressing: that a father would shoot his son with a BB gun or that the boy would think it normal to write about in a school essay.

A Wisconsin nine-year-old related the day his father shot him in the buttocks for not moving out from in front of the TV screen in an essay for his teacher; and the teacher called in police to investigate the boy's father.

The dad, David J. Peschl, was subsequently arrested on a felony count of child abuse. He admits to the incident, but says it wasn't malicious or even a form of discipline. It was "horseplay," he says, and he regretted it immediately after it happened. Regretted it, maybe, because he realized he'd end up in jail?

The little boy apparently wrote in the essay that the moment was the "most painful thing I ever felt in my life," and says his mother could hear him screaming from the road. His father says the wording of the essay doesn't sound like his son, inferring that the boy had "help" from a teacher in crafting the piece. Although I agree kids embellish, it's not hard to imagine a nine-year-old saying the time his father shot him in the behind with a BB gun was the worst moment of his life. He was shot . . . with a BB gun . . . by his father.

That's not horseplay. Horseplay is wrestling a child to the ground and giving them a noogie. Horseplay is tickling them until they move out from in front of the TV. Horseplay is throwing a blanket over their head and yelling "now you can't see the TV either" or something equally silly. Shooting them in the hind end with a BB gun? That's simply cruel - and I dare say abusive (hey, police agree - look at the charge).

It's sad that a father would do this to his child, but a small part of me is even sadder that the child thought this was normal. That of all the moments in his life, he thought of this one to write about for a school essay - as if it were just another moment like any other.

Or do you think this was a simple cry for help? That the nine-year-old was too afraid to speak about this in words to his teacher, so he wrote through the pain to share his tale?

Image: Kids.Indianeducation (not the boy in the story)

Smackdown: I Need a Time Out!

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:02:00 GMT

The amount of time my daughter spends in her room has grown exponentially as she's gotten older.

She sleeps less. She "times out" more.

Yes, time out is a staple of our discipline diet in my household. Early on in my pregnancy, my husband and I debated the best methods for behavior modification. Neither one of us was crazy about spanking. But the idea that you discipline with love? That's the stuff of temper tantrums - for Mom.

The way I see it, I love her so much that she needs to go to her room and think about what she's done. Or, at least, get out of my hair so I can have a few moments to breathe deep breaths and rip my hair out in little tufts (even more reason to shave the head next month for children's cancer, huh?).

Time out isn't an every day occurrence in our house, and it's not the answer to every infraction. But when my daughter - who at three is now developing her sense of right and wrong - does something she has been clearly told again and again not to do, there have to be repercussions. Like hitting the dog. Drawing on the walls with crayon. Pouring a cup of juice on the floor because it isn't the juice she "wanted."

On the first occurrence or even the second, explaining why we don't do something is enough. But toddlers naturally test their limits. Without someone guiding them back into line, that testing can quickly become habit.

Enter the time out. Because nothing bothers a toddler like being removed from the action. The naughty chair didn't work in our house; because our little ham would promptly hop off and come to see what everyone else was doing. Same went for the corner. She'd turn on her heels and follow us. Now she's sent to her room for the age-appropriate six minutes (two minutes per year of age, although it varies among time-outting parents I know from one minute up to five).

As my colleague Kate points out, I recognize that at three kids are unlikely to do much ruminating up there about why their misdeeds were wrong. What I hope she learns, instead, is that Mommy and Daddy were upset with what she did. Because with the natural affinity of toddlers to test limits also comes an inherent desire to people please. Noticing her parents don't want her in the same room has a sobering affect that a simple "No, don't do that" can't achieve. That disconnect from her toys, her pets and the center of attention is the second benefit for the kids in time-out. Suddenly, bad behavior equals a loss of the things she loves. It's simple logic, and it works.

It works for me too. Because time outs aren't just for kids. I decided early on not to be a spanker, but I don't know a parent out there who hasn't been tempted at one time or another to haul off and whack their child out of pure frustration. What separates most of us from the child abusers is strength against temptation. For me, that strength comes from knowing my limits. Some friends have talked about locking themselves in another room to separate themselves from their kids for just a moment or two while they cool off. I need that separation time to cool off; it makes me a better parent.

While my daughter is in time out, I get a few moments to look at why I'm really angry. Is it because she's crayoned on the wall for the fifth time this week and I feel like all the talking I've done isn't getting through? Is it because she spilled juice on a floor I just finished mopping? Sometimes it gives me time to clean up the mess or devise a plan for her to help me - a second lesson for her in why we don't throw pour juice on the floor or crayon on the walls. Like I said - it's a time out for the parent as much as it is a time out for the kid.

When the kitchen timer goes off, the stressful moment has passed. We can discuss things calmly, and she bears a memory of a punishment that is more distinct than a simple "no" and less emotionally-scarring than a screaming (or worse, abusive) parent. Then we work together to fix it.

Time out works for us. It's helping my curious toddler find her boundaries, and we're doing it with love.

Even better - I get to keep my hair.

THE OTHER SIDE: Smackdown: No Naughty Chair For Us, Thanks

Image: More4Kids

Teacher Taped Kids Mouths Shut

JeanneSager — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:26:00 GMT

A teacher from Tennessee really wanted the eight-year-olds in his mouth class to be quiet.

Did he prod them to raise their hands? Haul out the old "zipper your upper lipper" from days gone by? Start sending kids to the office?

None of the above. First-year teacher Kevin Ray has been accused of taping the kids' mouths shut. If it's true, I've got to ask. What the heck was this guy thinking when he got into teaching?

A self-described devout Christian who enjoys reading the Bible, Ray apparently skipped the part about "do unto others." He allegedly slapped the tape on the mouths of three of his charges, including one eight-year-old who sat through an hour-long class with his mouth clamped shut. Another child was allegedly tied to a chair.

Teachers have a rough row to hoe these days, I'll grant you. There's the No Child Left Untested Act, there's the lack of training for teachers who are now heading up classrooms of mainstreamed special needs kids, there are more discipline problems and more helicopter parents. There are also some fantastic, dedicated and talented teachers out there.

Still, I have never been able to fathom the excuse of the teachers who say "my job is tough, so . . . " It's a tough job, but you signed up for it - with full knowledge of what makes it so difficult to be a teacher. And part of that is dealing with mouthy kids.

If you can't hack it as a teacher, my response is the same as those who can't hack it as a writer or a fry cook. Get another job. Because if you can't handle kids being kids, you can't be head of a classroom.

Image/Source: MSNBC

New Brit Reality Series is Home Alone With Real Kids

JeanneSager — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 13:38:00 GMT

A British TV show has taken the early nineties hit that made Macauley Culkin (remember him) a star for ten minutes and made a reality version.

Boys and Girls Alone puts ten girls and ten boys alone in a house - or at the very least, as alone as you can be in a house crawling with cameramen and sound guys - for two weeks to see how kids would really cope without their parents.

Ages eight through eleven, the kids apparently bicker throughout the show (I haven't seen it, so I'm taking this out of reports), and split into mini Survivor-like factions. Producers at Channel 4 have defended the show from beginning to end, pointing out a child psychologist is on hand at all times, and with the show staff around, they aren't alone in a life endangering sense.

Critics, on the other hand, have gone beserk, calling the show everything from a ratings prank to "cruel and abusive."

I'm on the fence on this one. Kids, after all, go to sleep-away camp at eight. They spend weeks of their summer with limited adult interaction, surrounded largely by counselors who are only a few years their senior. And if you think they don't split into factions at summer camp, you haven't heard of Color War. And don't get me started on the mini-factions in the cafeterias of your average school. They're called cliques, and there isn't a school I've seen that escapes them.

On the other hand - because there always is that other hand - there ARE adults at summer camp. And at schools. And they make no bones about stepping in when kids need them (at least good, caring staff don't). A cameraman and sound guy who are told to watch but not interact may be ensuring the kids don't mix bleach and ammonia or accidentally burn the house down when they use the stove, but they're not there to mediate the disputes or offer comfort for a kid who is a little down.

Because these are kids we're talking about. Not even teenagers. Little kids. Kids who need Mom and Dad to give them a hug at the end of the day and say, "it's OK, Susie is being mean right now, but that's part of life" or to lean over and tell Susie to "knock it OFF." They're still developing their social skills, and they are not ready to be left alone for days on end. If you or I tried it, we would be brought up on charges of child abuse, and I'd say rightly so. The accusations of "cruel and abusive" have a ring of truth to them after all.

The kids' psyches are what I worry about the most when it comes to any talk of using kids in rituals or experiments. What do you think?

Image: Sky News

Do You Let Your Kids Cheat?

JeanneSager — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 20:55:00 GMT

My in-laws came to town for the requisite weekend of spoiling, and left as always, some new habits with my daughter.

The artificial southern accent will go away soon enough (to my displaced southern husband's chagrin). It's the cheating I'm worried about.

Because, in true grandparenting style, my father-in-law let our daughter win at every game of Go Fish. But he didn't just bumble his play. He let her reach over and pick cards out of his hand. He let her shift through the "fishing" pile. He let her run right over him.

I've been asking around, and most people tell me to just ignore it. She's three; it will go away. It's cute.

Yes, she's three, and I don't expect that one game of cards is going to ruin her for the rest of her life. But shouldn't I be breaking this bad habit now? Maybe I'm reading a little too much into a pile of cards covered in different kinds of fish, but I can already see a life's obsession with having her way and always getting to win. She's already an only child, and we're aware of that slippery "spoiled only child" slope that we have to navigate. Letting her get away with cheating at cards seems like it would put at least one foot on the sandy edge of that slope.

Is it really OK to encourage a three-year-old to cheat because "it's cute?" What happens at five or six, when it stops being cute and starts becoming obnoxious?

Image: Kelly's Kindergarten

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They Say: Kids Need To Be Taught to Handle School Stress

JeanneSager — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:04:00 GMT

Could teens who turn to drugs and alcohol just be plain old stressed?

A new study out of Britain states thirty-six percent of kids who were stressed about exams, peer relationships and the volume of homework turned to drinking to drown their sorrows. Another sixteen percent smoked cigarettes, while six percent used drugs to make the stress go up in a puff of smoke.

The study, presented at the British Psychological Society's Division of Educational and Child Psychology annual conference, focuses on stress; but I wonder how much time they spent examining these kids' home lives. Because school is stressful; and not just because of the pressure of impending college applications but because it's the time when hormones are starting to drive every child a little bit loony!

But handling school stress and turning to drugs are two different things. Where are these kids' parents? I know that's often the response when anyone talks about kids on drugs or using alcohol . . . but that makes it no less of an obvious. I run the risk of sounding like an old fogey here, but in my day, when we started drinking, we did it as much because we could get away with it as we did for any sound psychological reasons. Who answered, "Hey, want a Zima and some Skittles?" with "yeah, my teachers are really riding me?"

In college, maybe. But in high school, we didn't sit around moaning about the SATs when we were drinking. So are kids actually more stressed? Or are they suffering a lack of parental intervention in their lives . . . which could translate into stress and give them the free time to indulge in vices that more-involved parents are able to weed out?

Image: NPR

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Dad Jailed for Threatening Kid's Softball Ump

JeanneSager — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Why do parents think the best thing for their kids' sports futures is to enrage the coaches and umpires their poor kid now has to play in front of for the rest of his or her youth sports career?

A dad from Illinois who threatened the umpire in his daughter's softball game with bodily harm followed up this boorish behavior (in front of the kids, I might add) by spitting saliva and a mouthful of sunflower seeds on a responding cop.

He's been sent to jail for five nights (that's it?), charged $500 and ordered to attend anger management classes.

The sports-rage parents aren't just how cruel they are being to another human being (and needlessly so), but they carry out their rage-fueled over-the-top acts IN FRONT OF their kids. In this particular case, a dad committed felony acts of aggravated battery. He resisted a police officer.

All in the name of what? Making sure his kid got an extra base? It's a prime example of unsportsman-like (not-to-mention illlegal) conduct, and it's a classic way to teach your kid "he who screams loudest, wins." There's no mention of practice, play hard, and you'll score the next run, earn an extra touchdown.

Michael Beck has also been ordered to perform community service. Might I suggest it be in the form of volunteering for the local kids sports non-profit (softball, soccer, football . . . whoever will have him)? He'll be chewing through sunflower seeds by the bag trying to keep up with every movement of every little kid on that field.

Image: Time

Source: Chicago Sun-Times

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They Say: Smoking While Pregnant Makes Kids Aggressive

Brett Singer — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:00:00 GMT

I thought it was generally acknowledged that it was a bad idea for women to smoke while pregnant. A new study provides another reason: the kids could end up aggressive. The likelihood of aggressive behavior increases if the family makes less than $40,000 per year. This is according to a study conducted by Canadian doctors that was published in the academic journal Development and Psychopathology.

To clarify, "aggressive behavior" – or "behaviour", as they call it, since some people have to spell things differently – is that which the mothers characterized "as quick to hit, bite, kick, fight and bully others." (I guess spitting is OK. Throwing things, perhaps?) The children studied were between 18 months and three and a half years of age.

"Mothers-to-be whose lives have been marked by anti-social behaviour have a 67 percent chance to have a physically aggressive child if they smoke 10 cigarettes a day while pregnant, compared with 16 percent for those who are non-smokers or who smoke fewer than 10 cigarettes a day. Smoking also seems to be an aggravating factor, although less pronounced, in mothers whose anti-social behaviour is negligible or zero."

Other factors contributing to aggressiveness in preschool kids, sayeth the study: "mothers who are younger than 21, who smoke and who coerce their children to behave." Also, "children from families who earned less than $40,000 per year were at an increased risk for aggressive behaviour." Which I guess means that families earning less than $40,000 are more likely to have aggressive children whether mom puffs or not. But the aggressiveness INCREASED in those families if mom smoked, and DECREASED if she didn't.

Are you bored yet?

Here's my issue with studies like this. We know smoking while pregnant is a bad idea. (Like playing piano in a marching band, as they say on The Animaniacs.) So what exactly is the point of this study? What did we find out, that families with less money and a mother with a nicotine addiction are more likely to have children who exhibit "aggressive behaviour", as defined by a certain specific "behaviours"? So what? How about a study that looks at methods that might help those kids deal with their aggression?

Reading this study makes me feel very aggressive. I need to go bite something. But since my mother doesn't smoke, I'll just bite into a sandwich.

Source: Science Daily

Image: Church Times

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Kid Woos Prospective Foster Parents With Letters

JeanneSager — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:57:00 GMT

His dad is long gone, and his mom has just lost her rights to the state of Michigan, but Alex wasn't ready to leave his future up to chance.

The seventeen-year-old ward of the state pulled a list of prospective foster parents off of the internet and started writing impassioned letters. He told his life story - his parents divorced, his father deported back to their native Romania when he was a tot, his mother changing after a devestating car accident.

"Truly all I need is someplace to stay, even if I have to pay a couple hundred dollars a month in rent, for the 2008-2009 school year," he promised.

Alex was heading into his senior year at Stoney Creek High School in Rochester Hills, Mich., when he started his campaign to stay there until graduation. An honor roll student with near-perfect ACT and SAT scores, his school has been his rock since his mother's car accident. A university professor with a doctorate degree, who Alex describes as a "really good parent" with a "strong moral compass," Alex's mother suffered severe head trauma in the accident and has since been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The state first yanked her custody rights in 2001, sending Alex bouncing around the foster system.

When he was in eighth grade, the family lost their home and a middle school adminstrator offered Alex temporary shelter. School staff get Alex birthday cakes. They go the extra mile for a kid who is on the path to the Ivy League, a probably National Merit Scholar.

But after being sent from foster home to foster home, Alex landed in a children's home in Gross Pointe Woods, putting him out of the Stoney Creek district. He was a junior with one year to go, and he felt like he'd once again lost his home.

So he started writing his letters - thirty in all - not exactly the way most foster kids navigate the system.

"My school means everything to me. When chaos reigned at home, I immersed myself in my studies and my friends, forging strong bonds of compassion and support," he told his potential new parents.

Over the summer, a set of parents stepped forward. They took Alex in, and he's now midway through his senior year at Stoney Creek, with an acceptance letter from the honors program at the University of Michigan, and his fingers crossed that Harvard will accept his application.

If his entrance essay is anything like the letter he wrote (click here for the moving excerpts at the Detroit Free Press), it's a slam dunk. Who wouldn't want this kid in their home?

Image: Detroit Free Press

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Old Bat Who Kept Kid's Football Sues His Family

JeanneSager — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT

Remember the eighty-nine-year-old woman who proved every neighbor kid's worst fears about the cranky lady down the street? You know, Edna Jester, the octogenarian who actually kept the kid's football?

She got out of the charges of petty theft, jail time and the fines the cops threatened back in October. But since the satisfaction of keeping the pigskin didn't do enough for her, she's now suing the family of seven who called the cops over the missing ball.

She claims "emotional distress" because balls keep ending up in her yard. I know Amy put up a good argument for ol' Edna back in October, citing the parents' need to get their kids under control. Yes, kids should be taught to respect the neighbors.

But I know this type of woman (do I dare say I'm related to her?), and I know what it's like to live with neighbors on top of you. Balls flying into the neighbors' yard is one of those facts of living in close proximity to one another. My husband, daughter and I love to kick the soccer ball around our back yard - and I can't begin to count the number of times it's sailed out of the yard (I never said I was particularly GOOD at kicking the ball around).

If the balls were going through her windows, if the kids were trampling her begonias, if Edna had called the parents first - instead of keeping the dang football - she would be so in the right it isn't even funny. She'd probably even be able to get money in court for said broken window or begonias. Instead she's tying up the courts over balls and playthings flying into her yard.

I've got a few suggestions for you Edna - how about you build a really tall fence or pack up your fanny and move? Maybe a nice family will move into Blue Ash, Ohio so a pick-up football game can take place across TWO yards.

Image: GovGab