Strollerderby : biological children

Adoption After Having Biological Kids: What's the Big Deal?

JeanneSager — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:28:00 GMT

I got a bit ferklempt watching the recent New York Times video of a May Lee Wong, a NYC principal who just adopted a little girl from Ethiopia after giving birth to three boys. Maybe it was the fact that the little girl, Mebrat, was thought to be three-years-old when she came to the Wong family but was, in fact, a malnourished six-year-old.

More likely? The fact that a family has adopted after having children "of their own."

Because there is still a stigma attached to mixing families of biological and adopted children. There is the inference that the older, biologically-related children will feel cast aside by their parents' decision to adopt. The idea that an adopted child won't feel they can make a home in a family where they are the only ones who don't have a blood connection.

Raised in a family with a mix of biologically-related and adoption-related aunts and uncles, it's an argument I'm familiar with - and one I can tell you holds no water. My family is my family. Just the way mixed families of steps and halves mix together, so do the adopted and the biological.

The criticism is generally lobbed at parents as they make their decisions to adopt, but at the heart they are pointed at kids - that the kids won't adapt. You can't equate the rigidity of adults with children. Because kids are more accepting of change and of other people than adults, even the most liberal-minded adult. There's also a sense of equality among kids that is inherent - something we all too often lose as we grow up and begin to experience slights both real and imagined at work and in the grocery store. For kids, life starts out an equal playing field - it's up to adults to keep it that way.

May Lee Wong's attitude toward adopting Mebrat sounds just right: "It’s not that I didn’t think my family was complete with my three boys, I knew that we had room for one more."

Image: NY Times

Identical Twin Discovered in a Spanish Clothing Store

Madeline Holler — Wed, 28 May 2008 20:34:00 GMT

An identical twin who was raised as a singleton by the wrong family is suing the diapers off the maternity hospital and city where she was born more than 30 years ago. Her biological sister, and the girl raised in her place, are doing the same.

It's sad that switched-at-birth stories aren't all that uncommon. Here's the kicker in this story: it was only by accident that they all found out about the mix-up.

The actual twins, who were born in Spain, reunited in 2001, after the one raised by non-biological parents was mistaken for her unknown identical twin at a clothing shop. A shop clerk was friends with the other twin and was dumbfounded when the unknown twin didn't recognize her. The twin came in a second time and that time the shopkeeper arranged for the two to meet. The rest unraveled from there.

All three of the girls are devastated by the discovery, the twin raised by another family the most, according to her lawyer. She's suing for $4.7 million. The others are also filing suits.

The hospital says the switch is the result of too many babies and too few nurses. From Reuters:

"In 1973 there were two assistants and one supervisor for 60 babies," Densi Calero, who worked in the maternity unit of the clinic at the time, told local radio. "It's not impossible to imagine something like this could happen."

Photo: ABCNews.com

Reeeeeally Switched at Birth Babies Going Back to Bio Families

Madeline Holler — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:59:00 GMT

My goodness, I have so few details yet so many questions! Apparently, two boys who were switched at birth will be switched back and go live with their biological parents.

It looks like the two boys, now 4 years old, were born in the same Saudi hospital, and switched at some point before they were taken home. Here’s the weird thing: one of the families is Turkish.

Sure, all families have their own thing going on, but this seems even more extreme than when babies of two Idaho families are switched at birth or something. For four years, these two kids have been raised in families who speak different languages and are of different cultures. Not that a 4-year-old can’t learn another language, but sheesh. There you are, loving your mom and dad and then someone tells you there’s a new mom and dad. Tragic. And not only are the people different, but the language, culture, etc. is too.

The Saudi dad is pissed and wants to sue. He had no idea his boy Ali was biologically the child of another family. But the Turkish father has claimed for a while (not sure how long) that "light-skinned" Yacoub wasn’t his. Saudi officials who didn’t believe him went ahead with DNA tests and, well, that was that. Apparently Yacoub looks just like his Saudi bio-dad.

Weird. Sad. Damn.

Babble Talk: Rebecca Walker: We DON'T Love Our Kids the Same

Ada — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:18:00 GMT

Third-wave feminist icon (and estranged daughter of Alice Walker) Rebecca Walker has a story up today on Babble called "To Each His Own: I can't help it, I love my biological child best." She writes:

In my new book, Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood after a Lifetime of Ambivalence, I wrote about some of these feelings, and when a New York Times interview recently repeated them, the reaction was swift . . . How could I be so irresponsible, so politically incorrect, so heartless as to suggest that there was any difference between biological and non-biological love?

We wrote about this controversy in last month's "Editor's Note: Stepmom." (And ran stories by Lily Burana and Lisa Selin Davis on their experiences negotiating stepmother-dom.) Now Rebecca tells us why the outraged parents' kids weren't as upset by her comments. Check out the story, and be sure to weigh in in feedback!

Parents Love Bio Kids Best, According to Rebecca Walker

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 15:47:00 GMT

Rebecca Walker, 37, the daughter of Pulitzer Prize winning author Alice Walker ("Color Purple"), is no stranger to controversy. In her memoir, "Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence," she states that "...the love you have for your non-biological child isn't the same as the love you have for your own flesh and blood." Cue the uproar.

Most people would agree that attachment to a child is a function of a person's ability to love, rather than the status of that child in relation to the parent, but Ms. Walker clearly is not most people.

Read PunditMom's loving descriptions of her daughter and tell me her love isn't the same or deeper than the feelings shared between biological parents and their kids. But the real problem with these remarks is the notion that quantifying types and qualities of love for children is a necessary exercise. Ms. Walker does offer a clarification on her blog that she didn't intend to offend anyone, but perhaps it's too little too late.

[via The Washington Post]

Strollerderby : biological children

Adoption After Having Biological Kids: What's the Big Deal?

Vote on Jon and Kate's Divorce Goes Too Far

Hint: We Really Might Know Our Kids Better Than You

Playdate: Does Your Sitter 'Love' Your Kids?

Identical Twin Discovered in a Spanish Clothing Store

Reeeeeally Switched at Birth Babies Going Back to Bio Families

Babble Talk: Rebecca Walker: We DON'T Love Our Kids the Same

Parents Love Bio Kids Best, According to Rebecca Walker