Forget the Hospital Gown: Give Birth in Couture

JeanneSager — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:32:00 GMT

The last thing I was thinking about as I pushed my daughter into this world was what I was wearing. And here I thought I was totally normal.

For moms who want to look fab even while contracting, there's hope - a new company has introduced a slinky, sleeveless dress just for giving birth.

Says the company literature, "You’re a fashionista in every other aspect of your life, why not when you are bringing new life into the world too?"

What's wrong with this idea? Let me count the disgustingness that is the delivery room bed after you're done giving birth . . . the water breaking, the blood, the poop (dirty little secret there - a LOT of women push out of both ends during the birthing process). Unless you're giving birth at a fancy new birthing center, I'm going to hazard a guess they don't have laundry service. So when you're done dropping all those birthing fluids all over your new gown, you can . . . take it home to wash!

What's wrong with the plain old hospital gown? It's perfectly, functionally ugly. So? Here's a tip - the delivery room is not a catwalk, and the people we care enough to have in there for the birth of our children could give two hoots what we're wearing at that moment. They're there for Mom . . . and to get a glimpse of that little miracle. And if they're picking on the way the green gown contrasts with your pale skin, honey, I give you permission to tell them to get the f--- out of here, NOOOOOOW.

Of course, if you're still craving couture, and you don't want to spend $98 when there's a baby on the way and the economy is in the toilet, you can always win one over at MomLogic this week.

Just let us know how those slinky straps stayed up on your shoulders while you were grabbing your knees and screaming for someone to get this thing out of you.

Image: MomLogic

A Delivery Story That's Truly Incredible

Jen Chaney — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Fill that mug with coffee and recline that office swivel chair -- have I got a pregnancy and delivery story for you.

Xochitl Parra is a 17-year-old high school student who, somehow, managed to hide her pregnancy from her parents for nine months. Assuming they would kick her out of the house once they found out, she had arranged to move in with a friend after the baby was born. But then something unexpected happened: The baby decided to arrive a few days early, while Parra was in the shower.

"I felt his head coming so I sit down and pushed so he could come out," the new mom said. In fact, she delivered a healthy baby boy in her own bathroom, with no assistance from anyone. But that's not the incredible part. (Okay, it's one of the incredible parts, but the story gets better.)

Aware that she needed medical assistance but unable to dial 911 because her phone was disconnected, she wrapped up the child, got dressed and walked/jogged the four blocks to the nearest hospital while carrying the baby who, by the way, was still attached to Parra via the umbilical cord. The doctors at St. Mary's Medical Center in Long Beach, Calif., say Parra's quick response saved both her and her child's life.

Now, let's backtrack for a second and break down the many astounding aspects of this story:

1. Parra was pregnant for nine months without her parents noticing. This isn't the first time I have heard of such a thing occurring, but I still cannot fathom how that's possible. Even if the girl was a tad overweight to begin with, it's pretty obvious when someone's got a stowaway in her uterus. Were her parents just busy? Preoccupied with "American Idol"? Unfamiliar with the idea that teen girls can get pregnant because they hadn't seen the movie "Juno"?

2. How on God's green Earth did Parra a. know how to push out the baby and b. just do it with no epidural, coaching or help from anyone? That would be an incredible feat for any woman, but for a teenager it's borderline superheroic. When I was 17, I couldn't even figure out all the words to Technotronic's "Pump Up the Jam."

3. After delivering the kid, she somehow managed to walk/jog -- yes, I said SLASH JOG -- four blocks with the child still attached. I can barely walk/jog four blocks right now. If I had a kid hanging out of my hoo-ha, I'd be calling a cab.

Because of her concern about her parents finding out, Parra sought no prenatal care throughout her pregnancy, so it really is a miracle that her son, named Alejandro, arrived in such good shape. The happy ending: Apparently Parra's mom has accepted her daughter's unexpected motherhood and will help raise the boy while Mama finishes school. I'd say that Parra has a challenging road ahead of her, but if she can push out a kid and then go for a jog, she's probably prepared to handle anything.

Photo: Scott Smeltzer/Long Beach Press-Telegram

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