Strollerderby : blended families

Blended Family Works With Therapy

Brett Singer — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

Here's the story / of a lovely lady / who was living with three very lovely girls…

And so on. You know it, don't you? If not, here's a refresher:

And here's Jamie Foxx singing it, just because it's funny.

For the Bradys, it looked so easy. Real life is rarely that simple. So Claudia Gryvatz Copquin and her boyfriend Glen Ames decided to move in together, they sought help from a therapist.

In general, I'm a believer in therapy. I find that it helps me, and I've known many people who benefited from talking things over with a professional. But when someone says, "I wish the therapist could move in with us," my eyebrows go up like Mr. Spock when Doctor McCoy says something particularly illogical. (Except that I can't raise just the one brow the way Spock does. Must be a Vulcan thing.)

But things like who sleeps in which bed? That's too much. Seriously, what happened to, "This is what we're doing, deal with it"? If that seems harsh, or unrealistic, OK, maybe. Still, where do you draw the line? Do you call the therapist every time?

Apparently this couple does. In fact /They didn’t commit to living together until receiving a go-ahead from the therapist. “It gave us confidence,” Mr. Ames said./ And Ms. Copquin told the therapist "I wish you could move in with us."

I'm sure the therapist is thrilled. Mo' money! But I think that's too much dependance on outside help. If each person had their own shrink, I might feel differently. I'm not sure why but that seems more productive. If you trek the whole family over to the office whenever there's a fight over the remote control, what kind of life is that?

Source: NY Times

Image: Wikipedia

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Stepdad Life Is No Picnic

Kelly Mills — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:32:00 GMT

A new study confirms that it isn't easy being a stepfather, and it sounds like it can be rough for both kids and dads. Reserachers found that stepfathers saw their kids as being more hyperactive and disobedient than biological dads did, and they were less likely to praise their stepchildren. And some experts say teens do tend to behave worse for their stepfathers, and if they sense their mom isn't totally behind a discipline effort, they are more likely to buck stepdad's authority. Hence the popularity of the phrase (delivered with a sneer,) "You aren't my real dad."

But there's a silver lining in the study. The researchers also found that having an attentive dad, biological or step, had a positive impact on kids. A dad/stepdad that paid attention instead of being distant was more likely to have a kid described as calmer and more well-behaved. Hmmm, you mean kids want dads to be involved with them, and they respond better as a result? That feels like a no-brainer to me.

Blended Family Conflict Typified by Giuliani's Remarks

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 17:30:00 GMT

3.6 million families are blended, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Snow White notwithstanding, step-families face challenges much greater than a stepmother disguised as a witch trying to poison forest-dwelling step-daughters these days. Jealousy, competition between children, and complaints of unfair treatment are just some of the common conflicts facing second, third (and fourth?) marriages with kids, according to Blended Families, a web resource chockful of helpful information about step-family struggles.

Perhaps Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani could use their help, if statements this week from son Andrew are any indication. Of course, it doesn't help that the Giuliani's divorce was nasty and public and occurred amid accusations of infidelity (and the open courting of Mr. Giuliani's current - third wife). Giuliani publicly admitted to "challenges faced by blended families" and that they should rightly be dealt with in private. Perhaps he's right. Then again, is President the right job for someone requiring said privacy?

The Many Faces of Step-Families: Blogosphere Representin'

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 22:04:00 GMT

Poor Snow White and Cinderella suffered at the hands of wicked step-mothers, and blended family mythology has never quite recovered. But leave it to the blogosphere to fill in the gaps with the real experiences of the divorced, remarried, and step-familied. It turns out that the wicked stepmother isn't merely a character in the Brothers Grimm.

Suburban Turmoil describes the agony of withstanding the nasty first wives club, while Stepblog talks about what she learned in StepMom school. Mamacita discusses the trials and tribulations of second marriages and the likelihood of their failure especially when children are involved and Momish is concerned that her swearing may rub off on her step-daughters.

Lisa Stone, co-founder of Blogher, describes divorce and remarriage when kids are involved as having emotional "stretchmarks" and she's right. Those of us who attempt to keep our families together as they disintegrate and then reform, face a universal parenting / step-parenting challenge. Do you have any favorite blended family blogs that should be on this list?

Too Many Grandparents, Not Enough Time

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Today's grandparents are younger, hipper, and less inclined to rock (in a chair) than previous generations. The Baby Boomers ride Harleys, swear in front of the grandkids, wear leather, and do not always forsake their sinful youths in favor of growing stodgy.

They live longer and healthier lives than their parents. And roughly 40% of Boomers have been divorced at least once. The generation that bought wholeheartedly into the concept that kids prefer to live with happily divorced parents, rather than unhappily married ones, didn't realize the Pandora's box they were opening.

Which brings us to the current situation. Currently, there are 78.2 million Baby Boomers in the U.S., about 1 million of whom are my childrens' grandparents. My parents divorced in 1979 and each remarried. I married someone whose parents similarly divorced and remarried. So between the two of us, we have 8 parents. Since ours is a second marriage, my children also have 4 parents, each of whom have parents who have divorced and remarried.

You following so far?

My children have twelve grandparents. TWELVE. Imagine birthdays and holidays with this many loving grandparents (most of whom are within driving distance). Can you say 'too much of a good thing'? Clearly we set a new standard for 'blended' families here. A standard I'm not sure future generations will be able to make sense of without a computer, a roll of measuring tape, and a five-dimensional holographic family tree.