Strollerderby : body image

What Burlesque Can Teach Your Daughter

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 01 May 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Burlesque is not the first thing that comes to mind when I consider how to impart healthy self-esteem to girls. But Deirdre Timmons, the director of A Wink and a Smile—a new documentary about the resurgence of burlesque—thinks her 12-year-old’s exposure to burlesque has helped her have "no body image issues whatsoever." As she recently told Halogen Life, "I'd like to think it has a healthy impact on her being around on these women who are comfortable with their bodies."

Timmons was originally drawn to burlesque as a documentary subject in large part because of its deviation from mainstream standards of beauty. She says, “I think a lot of women started to see burlesque happening and thinking, ‘That’s my body up there. That woman is my age, and I thought I was supposed to stop being glamorous and sexy.’”

As part of her work for the film, 42-year-old Timmons studied and performed burlesque herself, which meant that her daughter became very familiar with the medium. “When I was learning how to dance myself,” Timmons said, “I was making my daughter write down the choreography, and I’d be like, ‘Should I bump here or grind here? Which way are my tassels twirling?’”

Depending on Timmons’ routine (I’m assuming she chose not to share a super risqué, striptease-type number with her daughter), that sounds to me like a wonderful mother-daughter bonding experience. Burlesque aside, it can only be beneficial for daughters to see their mothers fully devoted to and fulfilled by their work—particularly when the mother allows her children to share in her work life.

Not being an avid burlesque connoisseur myself, I can’t make a final judgment on its abilities to empower women. But judging from the movie trailer below (NSFW), the women interviewed certainly seem to be interested in burlesque for reasons I fully support: self-confidence, enjoyment, and embracing their eccentricities no matter what other people think.

Still, burlesque is about sex appeal—it’s wonderful for kids to know that rhythm, stage presence, and talent are not dependent upon having a certain kind of body, but you certainly wouldn’t want your daughter coming home with a feather boa and sequined underwear.

Judging from this trailer, would you let your teens or preteens see this movie?

Photo: Halogen Life

They Say: Kids Who Watch Adult TV Have Sex Earlier

5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy

Cole Gamble — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:06:00 GMT

Mothers can be cruel, evil people.

Why else would they lie so flatly to would be mothers about the nasty bits of pregnancy?

Well Sarah Vine and Tania Kindersley, authors of the new book Backwards in High Heels, have had enough of it and so spelled out the worst lies passed around among moms and moms-to-be:

1. It doesn't matter if you get fat, the weight will drop off afterward, especially if you breastfeed.

2. The birth itself isn't that bad, and anyway your body is biologically programmed to forget the pain.

3. Breastfeeding can be a little tricky to start with, but in the end you'll get the hang of it.

4. You get used to not having as much sleep as you used to.

5. The experience of looking after a newborn can really bring two people together.

What did they miss?

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My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby - Part 2

10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Cole Gamble — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:29:00 GMT

Okay, I’m a guy so I don’t have much to input about sex after birth from a woman perspective. Personally I’m for it and really down with pregnancy sex. Too personal? Okay. Men, however, worry about what sex will be like after the big show. And this can also differ quite a bit due to the form of birth: c-section or front door. I am familiar with the Madonna Complex: when a man watches the baby comes out of his wife’s vagina he has a hard time seeing said vagina as a sexual object, instead viewing it more like a mommy tool or portal (and not a sexy portal either).

But a guy’s perspective isn’t going to help you, as it turns out many women lose their desire for sex after birth too.

So for the lady’s perspective, we turn to Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., gynecologist and author of What Your Mother Never Told You about Sex. Hilda cites four main culprits for less sex after birth, some physical, some emotional.

#1 Prolactin

When a woman breastfeeds her body boosts her prolactin levels. Prolactin is a hormone that kills your sex drive. For some reason your body does not want you having sex while your breastfeeding. Could it be a way of nature telling you to wait on making another baby until the first one is a little older? Whatever the case, as long as you breastfeed you won’t have desire to knock boots, so says Dr. Hilda.

#2 Mommy on the Brain

Now that you are a mother your focus switches off your relationship with your partner and onto your relationship with your baby. Taking on the role of mommy, you may stop seeing yourself as a sexual being.

#3 Bad Body Image

You probably saw this one coming. Many of you feel funky about your post birth body. Things got stretched out; baby weight is still hanging around. No matter how much your partner tells you you’re desirable, you just can’t believe it.

#4 Fatigue

Yep, babies are freaking exhausting. Hell, two year-olds are really exhausting. And when you’re that exhausted a vigorous romp is the furthest thing from your mind.

What do you think? Is Dr. Hilda full of crap and are you post-birth ladies getting it on with no problems?

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Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

8-Year-Old Too Young to Divorce?

The 33 Most Ridiculous Toys Ever

Pete Wentz: "I've Tasted Ashley's Breast Milk."

Teacher Beats Student to Death for Late Homework

A Guy’s Take on Stay at Home Moms and Dads (Part 1: The Cons)

Banana Dildos and the 10 Worst Toys and Gifts This Christmas (part 1)

Desert Island Disks – Kid Music Edition

Magazines Make Men Feel Insecure, Too

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:30:00 GMT

It's official: airbrushed images of stick thin women with large breasts make everyone feel bad, even dudes. A recent study has found that men feel more insecure about their bodies after reading men's magazines like Maxim and Stuff, just as women's self-esteem suffers from reading such journalistic treasures as Cosmo and Allure.

The problem is not, as you may have guessed, that men long to have the perfect six-packs and toned legs of male celebrities. (Let's be honest: the only magazines that have sexy pictures of men's bodies are not being read by either women or straight men.) Rather, the standard of impossible beauty portrayed in most mainstream magazines makes men feel insecure because they're worried they won't be able to get laid. How can I ever get a girl like that?, they wonder.

Answer: you can't. Just as we women will never get a body like that. So, as Salon's Kate Harding suggests, what we need to do is fill magazines with images of absurdly attractive men, since hot men don't make anyone feel bad about themselves. "Seriously,y'all," she writes. "Think of the children."

Photo: Many Bells Down

Girls, Girls, Girls

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

A couple of weeks ago, my 6-year old daughter was looking over my shoulder as I was reading a magazine. The rag in question was something innocuous like Real Simple. I flipped to a page that had an ad for some miracle anti-aging lotion that featured an unlined-but-mature woman. My girl quickly asked me, as I was about to flip the page, "do you think that lady is hot?"

I did what I usual do when faced with new parenting challenges, which is to blink a lot.

"What do you mean by 'hot?" I asked.

"Hot, mom. Like hot." She did a little dance that made it clear what hot meant. And then I heard my brain quietly implode.

I thought I could wait a few years before thinking about my daughter, body image and early sexualization. I was wrong, especially in light of a fairly recent APA report on the sexualization of little girls.

It's not all bad news -- and parents aren't powerless in the face of Britney's midriff. Happily, two bloggers came up with a list of ten ways to combat the sexual age creep. And, no, sitting on the couch and blinking isn't one of them.

Mommy's Hairless Little Angels

Sexy Disney Things

The New "Good Mother"

Kelly Mills — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:02:00 GMT

In the olden days of long, long ago, when our dinosaurs roamed the land and our mothers were having babies, there was a certain amount of pressure on moms. Mothers were supposed to raise the children with patience and a cheerful air of total domestic fulfillment. In the fantasy, the house was spotless, and a lovely dinner was served every night with a chic apron and a smile. Then came the glorious liberation of women from the home, and all of the sudden there were new pressures. Now moms were supposed to be successful in careers while maintaining close and loving relationships with their kids. Time was somehow divided efficiently between being an equal breadwinner and an involved parent, with board meetings flowing seamlessly into baking brownies for the PTA bake sale.

We pretty much know both those visions are crap, right? But that didn't stop women from feeling pressure to meet that ideal, and carrying around a sense of shame if they fell short. Well, you are in luck ladies, because nowadays there's a new kind of "good mother" and so now you have a whole other set of unrealistic expectations to try and meet!

The new perfect mom? She looks like she hasn't had babies at all. She only gains the teensiest amount of weight during pregnancy, and simply glows the entire nine months. Even in the delivery room, the new good mother looks radiant in her designer birth gown, posing for pictures that could grace Us magazine or be suitable for a classy birth announcement. Once the baby is born, she immediately drops all the weight she gained, without earning a single stretch mark or stomach wrinkle. You'd never know she had a baby, except for the fact that she now has gigantic boobs spilling out of her stylish dress.

Naturally a big part of the new mom pressure springs from the celebrity baby boom, when famous and genetically blessed women with access to nannies and plastic surgeons have their photos plastered everywhere, featured in lovely gowns and heels along with the news that they gave birth only seconds ago. And in other ways, I think this new mom was created by the whole "hot mom" phenomenon, where mothers railed against the idea that having children meant they became frumpy and sexless. But as is the way with so many trends manipulated by people who want to sell you stuff to make you a better you, this one turned around and became an expectation rather than an escape.

As a personal trainer, I see women who are three weeks postpartum and who are desparate to lose the baby weight. I totally applaud anyone who wants to get back in shape, but I can't help but feel for some of these mothers, who clearly believe they let themselves go during that whole pregnancy thing. When I was three weeks postpartum I would have been happy to find my car keys, let alone embark on a new fitness regime.

Truth is it doesn't matter how awesome you look in your post-birth hospital photos because no one really cares. You don't have to abandon the notion of being hot and fit and outfitted stylishly, but you also don't have to be that way 24-7, especially when you have a baby or two. But you all know this, right? Now, if we could only believe it too...

They Like Big Butts, and They Can Not Lie: Survey Finds Men Prefer Bigger Body Sizes

Cole Gamble — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Drop that rice cake. I said drop it! For years, okay centuries, women have tortured, teased and starved themselves in the hope of reaching that ideal body size. One would assume this was all for the men. If that’s the case, someone should have asked the men, because ladies have been doing it wrong all along.

According to a body survey in the UK mag Fabulous, women claim their ideal body size is a 6. When asked, the men said they though the ideal female body size should be a 10. See the pic for a comparison.*

*These are UK measurements. Size 8 is equivalent to the U.S. size 6, size 12 is a U.S. size 10 and size 16 is a U.S. size 14.

Which begs the question, who have women been starving themselves for? When you ask your guy, “Do you like skinny girls?” and he says “no,” instead of reflexively calling him a liar and hitting him, maybe you should listen. He’s been telling the truth all along. So maybe it’s time to cut out the unending parade of diets and accept the fact men like women the way they look, maybe even more so with a few more pounds. And maybe before you ladies lose all the baby weight, take a second look at how thin you really need to be. The first round of fettuccini is on me.

For the record, I think all those ladies up there are hot.

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Should Parents Be Naked Around their Kids?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:01:00 GMT

Most parents probably prefer not to be naked around their kids once said kids become verbal. The questions alone are highly deflating: "Why do you jiggle? What is that? How come you're so wrinkly?" to name a few.

Kelly MIlls' writes about the occasional nakedness that happens in her household and her feeling that many people are too uptight about the whole birthday suit situation.

I tend to agree (I also happen to know that if I looked like her, I probably wouldn't hide when my children come into the room after I shower). We are a culture that is so uptight about nakedness and perfection that our kids learn to diet by 10 and play with thong-wearing baby Bratz dolls.

Mill's refers to the common wisdom that says parents should cover up by the time kids turn 3. My personal rule is once they become critics of what they see, it's time to buy bigger towels and a bathroom door lock.

What do you think?

Babble Talk: Why Do We Worry About Eating Disorders, But Only for Daughters?

Jen Chaney — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:25:00 GMT

In this week's Bad Parent essay, Jeanne Sager confesses that she is a recovering bulimic and is petrified that she'll pass on her eating disorder to her daughter.

"I worry constantly: Should she have another cookie?" Sager writes. "Should I buy the organic peanut butter or the Skippy that's on sale? Am I letting her get too fat? Am I making her too thin"

Any woman living in our size-two-is-best society probably has some body image issues. I know I do. Even those of us who don't take those issues to the level of having an eating disorder worry that we'll pass on unhealthy behavior -- staring in mirrors for too long, obsessing over calories -- to our kids. But here's the thing: I say kids. But really I mean daughters.

Even though it's entirely possible (albeit less common) for males to develop eating disorders, we don't seem to worry as much about that happening to our sons. In fact, the very first comment on Sager's essay says: "This is the scariest thing to me about having a daughter (on Friday!). I'm ALREADY hearing the murmurs of my ED when the doctor says, 'Oh, she'll be at least 9 pounds.' I realized that with my son I was happy that he was 9lbs, 6oz, but I felt disappointed that my daughter might start out big."

While we don't want any of our children to be overweight, we consider it a compliment if someone says our baby boy is large. That means he's healthy, strapping, destined for football glory. If someone says it about our baby girl, though, we subconsciously think: Fat. Unattractive. Destined to be a Heavier Version of Bridget Jones, Sans the Love Affair With Colin Firth.

Of course, we all know this is unfair, wrong and inappropriate. And yet it's ingrained in us by society. It's a reflexive response. So what can we do about it?

Really, the same thing Jeanne Sager is doing to deal with her eating disorder's impact on her daughter. Be aware, feed our kids healthy foods and fight the good fight against those bad impulses. And that all starts in the very beginning. When someone says: "Oh your little girl is so pudgy and cute," we have to convince ourselves not to cringe. Instead we should say, "Thank you." We should give our strapping daughters a kiss. And we should be silently grateful that she's got some meat on her bones and a perfectly pleased smile on her face.

Image: Klee McMullen/Babble.com

Padded Bras for Eight-Year-Olds

Kelly Mills — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 19:31:00 GMT

You remember Tesco: The people who brought you the pole dancing kit for kids (later pulled following protestations from many groups,) and the onesies for babies who need to be anxious about their weight. Now Tesco is getting flack for a new item: Padded bras for kids. The plunge cup bra is being sold next to undershirts for seven- and eight-year olds, and when they say "pre-teen" they apparently mean "pre-pre-teen". After all, bras for kids that young would have to be padded because the majority of those children don't even have boobs yet. Teachers and kids' rights groups are criticizing the bra, saying it's inappropriate and adds to the pressure girls have to be sexually alluring, even in childhood. Ya think?

And how does Tesco defend the controversial bra? A spokesperson says it's actually designed for "girls at that self-conscious age when they are just developing. It is designed to cover up, not flatter... It is described as a padded bra for trade description reasons." I'm guessing they mean the bra is supposed to keep budding girl breasts from showing--this is the best design they could come up with for that? Gawd, how depressing is it that we even have to discuss this. My favorite quote though is from the fashion guy who oposes the bra, and says, "The bra is modelled on a plunge style--it has a very low bridge connecting the cups. It means the shape and position is lower to expose the breast tissue." Expose the breast tissue? Uh huh. Remind me to throw all my demi-cup bras away immediately.

What Real Women Look Like

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In college, after 20 odd years of being too fat, I firmly believed that my brain and my body were two separate entities. As one of my housemates put it at the time -- "If I didn't have a body, my brain would get cold." As in "all of this flesh is here to keep the most important part of me from freezing."

In the intervening years, I've lost weight, found it again, had two babies, lost weight again, and, ultimate, reached some level of acceptance of how my brain and my body are one, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

My former housemate has been on the same journey, minus the babies. So have most of the women I've known. And so will most of the girls -- my daughter included -- I know. No matter how much we try to model healthy behavior, there is just too much pressure on girls to hate their bodies.

But it's changing. That same housemate sent me a link to Rosanne Olson's This is Who I Am, a collection of nude photos and raw essays about and by women. Some, like Ellen (pictured), I want to grow up to be. Some I want to just hug and hope for the best. For a taste, you can see a mini gallery at Olson's site as well as read a review.

This is Who I Am would be good coffee table fodder, if not only for the pictures but also for the conversations it will spark.

How to Get a Flat Tummy Post-Pregnancy

Jen Chaney — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:33:00 GMT

Obviously I did something very wrong after delivering my son a year ago. If only I had followed the advice of Brooke Burke -- you know her as the actress and former hostess of E!'s "Wild On" -- maybe I'd be rocking tight abs and an itty-bitty waist.

Burke, who delivered her fourth child (yes, I said fourth) a month ago, recently wrote a blog post that shared her secrets to slimming down after having a child. Indeed, as FameCrawler recently pointed out, she does look fab.

So what's her secret? Well, for starters, follow a solid meal plan, something she helpfully outlines in her post. Nothing earth-shattering here, just lots of fresh vegetables and fruits, a healthy amount of protein and a series of reasonably portioned meals and snacks throughout the day. In other words, this is dieting from the department of No Duh.

Burke also is a big advocate for belly binding, a practice in which new moms wrap their torso in a fabric that's supposed to get rid of that excess blubber much more quickly. This is no surprise since she hawks her own belly-binding product called Tauts. This concept is apparently pretty common in other cultures, and it's very possible it works although it seems like one extra headache to deal with at a time when most mothers are just scraping to survive each day.

There is nothing wrong with Burke's advice, really, except for one small thing: I think it might be b.s. I believe she uses her wraps and eats the diet she describes. But I don't think that's all she does. I suspect she has a trainer on retainer who helps her get back in shape as soon as she possibly can. I also strongly suspect she has genetics on her side (and really, don't you kinda hate her for that?).

All I know is I could have eaten that diet and worn an extra-strength corset as soon as I got home from the hospital and I would not have looked like Brooke Burke. Hell, I could have bypassed kids entirely and I still couldn't have rocked a body like that. So while the E! lady's advice may be helpful to a degree, let's be honest: When you're Brooke Burke, you kinda live in a different world than the rest of us.

Photo: FameCrawler on Babble.com

Should an "Overweight" Beauty Pageant Contestant Be a Role Model for Young Girls?

Kelly Mills — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Monica Grenfell is horrified. Why? Well, see, this year's Miss England contest has a fairly unique finalist: Chloe Marshall, a size 16 (about a size 14 in U.S. sizes.) Seventeen-year-old Marshall has been quite outspoken about wanting to be "an ambassador for curves" and demonstrate to young girls that it isn't necessary to be a size zero. She says she eats healthy food and exercises regularly. Grenfell, however, is a dietician and she hopes Chloe doesn't win. "It would send an appalling--and very dangerous--message to other young women that it's OK to be fat." She adds that Chloe is a terrible role model and says charmingly, "Who on earth does she think she's kidding? What she's demonstrating isn't bravery but a shocking lack of self-control. Instead of flaunting her figure, Chloe ought to own up to the truth. She is fat and she got that way by over-eating." Nice.

Grenfell makes the point that we don't have an anorexia epidemic, we have an obesity epidemic, and that the last thing girls need to hear is that it's okay to be overweight because it puts you at risk for health problems like Type 2 diabetes and heart attacks. Mmm hmm. Well, we could debate that one all day, but there is certainly no consensus among researchers that obesity itself is the cause of the problems. In other words, the real issue is poor eating habits and a lack of physical activity, not the weight itself. And we certainly have a plethora of extremely thin role models for girls right now, role models whose bodies are not a realistic goal for many of the most active, healthy-eating girls in the world.

But beyond that, do girls really need the message that a diversity of shapes and sizes are lovely? You've probably already guessed what I think about that. Hell yes. And while we may not have an anorexia "epidemic" (curse that word) the extremely adverse health effects of eating disorders are well-documented. And by the way, most eating disorder stats only deal with the most obvious examples, while plenty of researchers are discovering that even young girls are using extreme measures to try and get thin, often unsuccessfully, with lord knows what long-term health consequences. I guess that's why I think Monica Grenfell should go f*ck herself for tearing into a brave teenage girl, and while I don't love beauty pageants, I'll be cheering for Chloe.

Joe Francis Will Make "MILFs Gone Wild" Film

Kelly Mills — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:03:00 GMT

Joe Francis, creator of the frat house staple, the "Girls Gone Wild" video series, announced he's gonna make a new video. This time, the subject isn't coeds on spring break, but instead, hot moms breastfeeding their babies. Hmm, why the new subject matter? Francis says, "The sexy mom is every guy's fantasy." Okaaay, but could it have anything to do with the fact that Francis was convicted last month of filming underage girls, and banned from shooting in the Florida spring break locales of choice?

Some in the media have already expressed outrage that Francis would use footage of mothers openly nursing their kids in public, claiming that it further fetishizes breasts and makes it harder for women to gain legitimacy for nursing in public. I totally disagree, and now I'm all irritated by the hysteria. Look, I doubt Francis' motives are pure, but puh-leeze. The more times we see boobies in public and on video and television and so on, the more likely it is that folks in restaurants and airplanes will stop trying to ban the moms who are simply doing the most natural thing in the world. The "Girls Gone Wild" series has already made tit-flashing kind of expected in many circles, and if lactating mothers get to go out for a nice dinner because of a sucessful video series, then so be it. And we can't very well moan about being banned for breastfeeding on one hand and decry the Francis ta-ta focus on the other. Repeat after me: There's nothing wrong with surviving on naked breasts, whether the person who profits is Joe Francis or an infant.

Adult "Bimbo" Players Mad at Parents

Kelly Mills — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:33:00 GMT

There's no such thing as bad publicity, right? In the wake of the widespread hand-wringing over the Miss Bimbo game--hand-wringing I partook in as well--there's an article on how regular adult users are peeved because the site is now getting so many hits people can't log in. Aw, poor locked out Bimbos. And let's face it: After watching a few news clips, it's clear the site creators have been intentionally milking the media attention. I mean, they say ridonkulous stuff about how the game promotes good values because you can send your Bimbo to university instead of the more obvious damage control things like, "It's intended for grown-ups," and no one is actually that stupid, are they?

One irate Bimbo user says that only the worst parents ever would actually let their kids play the game, and that the controversy must be manufactured. While I'd never, ever let my six-year-old play, and I hope I'll be up on her internet activties for a while, I believe there may come a time when I can't oversee every site she visits, nor block every potentially problem webpage. But even after I wrote about the site, I started getting irked by the media coverage, screaming that children will develop eating disorders if they just look at the site. (If we did everything our avatars did, why there would be far more shootings and leaping over mushrooms and I would totally be a lead guitarist in a kickass rock band.) Yeah, I wouldn't ever want girls playing the game. And sadly, they can also learn about tramp clothes and crazy body image from their Barbies and Bratz; they can get the message that a woman is complete when she lands a rich guy from maybe 90 percent of the Disney catalog; and they'll learn about their movie and music idols getting plastic surgery and taking diet pills from any gossip magazine on supermarket stands. Miss Bimbo just happens to be an obvious collection of all that shit in one lame place.

Creepiest Story of the Day: Bikini Waxes for Eight-Year-Olds

Kelly Mills — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Some of this is so extreme you just can't imagine it: There's a story in Philadelphia Magazine (via Jezebel) about moms who take their kids to spas for treatments. As in, bikini waxes, and we're talking about an eight-year-old. (And yes, they discuss the fact that an eight-year-old probably has no pubic hair to wax.) And teens getting botoxed. Ten-year-olds with aesthetician-created, perfectly arched brows. Six-year-olds getting weekly blowouts. Yeeeugh. Clearly something has gone horribly awry here.

The author says it's a slippery slope though. How many moms start off with the mani-pedi bonding experience with their girls? And if your ten-year-old gets teased about acne, is it so wrong to take her for weekly facials? As a mom who has been fairly permissive on the nail polish front, I thought hard about this one. Here's where I draw lines: When my kid and I lounge at home and do the nail painting thing, it's about being goofy, like playing dress-up. I let her coat my toes in blue lacquer. But when the goal is to present some bizarre idealized image of perfection to the outside world, when spa treatments become simply necessary upkeep because heaven forbid the world sees you with stray brow hairs, and that's something girls as young as ten need a mommy lesson in, then I think it has moved over into yikes.

There's some discussion of the necessity of going through the "ugly" phase of youth as crucial for learning self-acceptance. I think we have such a narrow vision of beauty if it doesn't allow full brows and necessitates some freaky pre-emptive strike against frown lines. It's not just about stealing your daughter's childhood, it's also about the imposing the most bizarre of standards--Don't get wrinkles, don't have body hair, look at all times like the boring celebrities you see in magazines. Clearly many of the moms in the story see their girls as extensions of themselves, and that's a far cry from aiding your pre-teen with a few pimples.

Your Girls Can Be "Bimbos" Online!

Kelly Mills — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:02:00 GMT

Sometimes you see stuff and think, "Is this fer real?" When I read about the Miss Bimbo game, I kept thinking, "Oh, in a minute they'll say the game is for adults." But no, in fact the majority of the 200,000 players are between the ages of 7 and 17. But let me back up: There's a virtual "fashion" game for girls where they get a "Bimbo" and have to navigate her through boob jobs and diets and so on to make her the coolest bimbo of all. Girls can dress their dolls in sexy outfits for clubbing, and are encouraged to keep them waif thin through diet pills and plastic surgery. Niiiice.

Most of the accounts I read focused on the weight and cosmetic horrors of the game, but I personally was more disturbed by the fact that the bimbos are supposed to find a rich boyfriend so they don't have to work. Like, it's one of the goals of the game. Now that is just creepy. For god's sake, we don't even read "Cinderella" without some irritable commentary about how Cinderella ought to stand up for herself instead of waiting to be rescued. So the idea of having girls finding a sugar daddy through the game is icky. It simultaneously asks them to identify with and look down on the bimbos, and frankly, it seems strangely angry to me.

Here's the best quote from the game's creator: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world." Frigging excuse me? But it goes on: "The breast operations are just one part of the game and we are not encouraging young girls to have them, just reflecting real life." Well, that's a relief. For a minute there I was worried. Yeah, these are totally the lessons I want my kids to learn. Why does it smell so strongly of misogyny in here?

When the F-word Flies Out of Your Little Girl's Mouth

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:30:00 GMT

No, I'm not talking about that F-word, you know, the one that'll get the FCC all up in your business. It's the other F-word, the one that moms have been modeling for their daughters since the beginning of time: Fat.

As in "Does this make me look fat" and "If I eat that, I'll get fat." That F-word.

The Huffington Post's Donna Fish offers some no nonsense advice about how to respond when your little girl talks about feeling fat. Her advice is to a) not freak out and b) realize that it's probably about something larger than size.

Of course, most moms worry about chasing their daughters (and, increasingly, sons) into eating disorders. And most moms who are worried about it will manage to pass on healthy thoughts about food and size. Still, as this Intervention clip lifted from Jezebel proves, mom has to clean up her own disordered eating before she can help anyone else.

Girl Scout Cookies--Now With Calorie Burning Tips!

Kelly Mills — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:06:00 GMT

Hey, guess what? The Girl Scouts are going to start putting out cookies in 100 calorie packs. That's okay, right? I mean, that's like one Samoa per package... Oh, but wait: The 5 Resolutions Blog just alerted us that the packs are also going to have tips for girls to burn calories. Well, thank god, because I so want my daughter to know exactly how to obliterate the potential weight she might put on from those Thin Mints. Never to young to start counting calories, right?

Sigh. Think I'm overreacting? Well, the packages say things like, "Girls can burn calories and have fun with 30 minutes of activities like these: Ice Skating—126 calories. Gymnastics—72 calories…" Hmmm, I like gymnastics, but maybe I should take up ice skating because when you compare the caloric burn potential of each... How much would I hate it if my child thought, "Wow, skipping rope. That's worth an apple and half a pack of cookies, as long as I do it for 22 minutes." Look, I'm not against encouraging healthy eating and moderation, but good lord, we need to start doing this one differently. Do we have to turn our little girls into calorie-conscious weight-obsessed wrecks at every turn? Repeat after me: Being active and playing and participating in sports are great because they are fun and make your body feel good. Oh, and f*ck the calories. Now put that in your 100 calorie pack and eat it.

Wanted: Twelve Pregnant Women for Ballet

Kelly Mills — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:44:00 GMT

The artistic director of a British ballet company is looking for a dozen knocked-up ladies for a new work called "MaEternal". The ballet will feature six pro dancers as well, but the pregnant women don't even need dance experience--the audition ads say this is "a chance to share with an audience the beauty of what it means to carry the life of another within you." All I can say is there better be at least two intermissions for offstage pee breaks.

Director Liv Lorent, who is pregnant herself, says, "You can't get a 25-year-old size 8 ballet dancer type body to move with the weight, the gravitas or the sheer cheerful spirit a pregnant woman." Clearly the "cheerful spirit" requirement would have eliminated me right away (and BTW, I snorted at the idea of a size 8 dancer until I realized she probably was referring to British sizes.) But I like the idea fine, and I always like ballets with non-ballet body types. Power to the pregnant.

Via Jezebel.

Suave Isn't Hawking Hair Products, They Just Wanna Help a Martyr Mom Out

Kelly Mills — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:00:00 GMT

First, thank you to Mom2Two for pointing me towards this ad campaign by Suave (I have Tivo, so I see nary a commercial these days.) It goes like this: Rapid shots of lady looking pretty, lady then in wedding dress, pregnant lady, harried lady-mom in assorted outfits, mom-lady looking a little haggard, mom-lady fixed up purty by Suave styling products. The campaign line is: "Motherhood Isn't Always Pretty" and the ad says "89 % of moms admit they let themselves go... 100% can get themselves back." Wow, and 100% of moms in my house got crabby when they saw this.

Can you imagine if this campaign was aimed at dads? Dads, did you let yourselves go? Would a styling product help you get "yourself" back? Because this is a theme we've seen like, a billion times: Moms are martyrs who sacrifice even their looks for their families. And so making yourself beautiful again through the latest cream or shampoo or surgery isn't a question of feeling the external pressure on women to be beautiful, or even swallowing what advertisers want us to buy, oh no--it's an act of self-love. It's getting in touch with yourself, the real you, the pre-family you, the you who can only be uncovered when you look hot.

Yeah, 100% of moms can get themselves back, just by using styling products. You tired from all that sacrifice? Well, there's this hairspray that will do what a living wage and quality childcare and affordable housing and a good educational system and real healthcare won't do. It will totally take the place of a community that raises children, saving families from the isolation that hits us hard. And on a personal level, being pretty will give you that sense of personhood and satisfaction you'd never get from a society that values motherhood and parenting in general and encourages moms to be people, not endless fountains of sacrifice. Yippee for my friggin' Suave shampoo. Now, could we get a new way of selling crap to moms? Because I can only be so strident for so long.

Dear Women's Fashion, Beauty, and Health Magazines,

Kelly Mills — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:29:00 GMT

In honor of Women's History month and my six-year-old daughter, I would like to cancel all my subscriptions. Like the magazine you send me in place of Jane magazine, which while it was not perfect, was the only women's magazine I really liked. Now, I know you aren't written for six-year-olds, but see, my kid and I wanted to make a collage, so we pulled you out and I watched my kid flip through your pages. Because I try and talk about stuff with her instead of forbidding things, I cringed as she leafed through page after page of beauty tips and diet tips and skinny, mainly white teens cavorting with poor locals in exotic places, and commented on how silly this and that was.

But while she giggled at my wry commentary and agreed with me, I also saw her eyes light up a little at the sight of women prettied up like the princesses she gets fed at every turn. And she asked me, "What does this mean about 'Angie' and 'girl crushes'?" I told her Angelina Jolie is just famous for being an actress and being pretty, and then I felt sad that I know so much about Angie. I mean, it may be every man and woman's dream to sleep with Brad Pitt, but I know more about her than I do most of the suffragettes.

As she stared at photo after photo, I saw again that your pages are devoted primarily to how I can improve my appearance, with occasional forays into what men really want and what they like and hate about me. I mean, of course I totally knew that, but even as jaded as I am, it hit me in a new way when I was glancing over my child's shoulder. I like fashion and I like to look nice, but I don't really passionately care if leggings are still hot or if a plus-sized woman should wear a boxy jacket. And of course, "normal" bodies are only featured in "figure fix" sections--again, not a newsflash, but I think I'd prefer if my kid didn't worry about what to fix in her looks because you know she's absolutely perfect the way she is, and I imagine to me, she always will be.

So thanks, and even I'm surprised by how much you got to me. I don't think everything is all your fault, but you do cater to what we already eat up, and I'm full. I may still have to read you to snark about this and that because it is my job, but I'd prefer you stayed out of my house. We'll make our collage out of something else. If my child wants to "fix" something maybe we can discuss trying your best and character and integrity and shit like that, and not worry about whether men find aggressive women attractive. Then we'll leave the house with last year's lip color (on me) and enjoy the nice weather and talk about Gertrude Stein or something.

Weekly Check-Up: Eating Disorders On the Rise In Young Kids

Kelly Mills — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:31:00 GMT

With all the news about the rise in childhood obesity and how we have to do something about it, it's interesting to see coverage of another topic: Increasing numbers of elementary school-aged children may be developing eating disorders. An eating disorder treatment center reported a 300 percent increase in calls for pre-teen patients. Oh, and get this: 80 percent of preteen girls are dieting. WTF? Dieting is linked with an increased liklihood of developing an eating disorder, which makes sense, cuz it's often just a matter of crossing a line a few too many times.

Treatment centers aren't the only ones who are worried: 63 percent of elementary school teachers say they are worried about eating disorders in their classrooms. Oy. And in case you thought maybe kids didn't get the message about how important it is to be thin, 81 percent of ten-year-olds are afraid of getting fat. The adverse health effects of anorexia and bulemia are much clearer than the health effects of being overweight, by the way. Perhaps as we loudly wage a war on an obesity "epidemic," we might want to spend some time looking at what other messages we are sending our kids.

Newsflash: Public Weigh-ins Not So Comfortable

Madeline Holler — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:32:00 GMT

Turns out, women tend not to like being weighed in public. Oh wait, you already knew that. Because you hate it too!

The side effects of public weighings -- and we're talking at the doctor's office, not reality shows -- may be causing more than moments of humiliation or heads whipping around to give you the once-over.

The problem is, some women, particuarly those who are really tipping the scales, may avoid necessary tests and treatments so that they can avoid stepping on the scales in front of the entire medical reception staff and/or waiting area.

Results of a new study from the University of Pennsylvania, which found that women hate it more than men, include the recommendation for some inexpensive changes in clinic policies. Namely, not weighing patients in front of others. (Brilliant!)

Here's something else they found (this, you may not actually know already):

... [O]bservers generally overestimate women’s weight while women tend to believe that people are underestimating their weight due to slimming clothes or cosmetics. This means that, while women in the study demonstrated they do not want people to know their weight, their true weight was lower than others’ estimates and a public weighing would correct the misperception.

It's always surprising to me when the scale at the doctor's office is in a high-traffic area. Or when the say your weight out loud in front of others. Can't they just jot it down, lips sealed?

Tell us your embarassing weigh-in stories, including those from your younger, more delicate years. Or, if you're skinny, this is an opportunity to gloat.

Photo: ScienceDaily.com

Kids On the Juice

Kelly Mills — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:26:00 GMT

There's been a couple columns on kids and steroids over at msnbc, and discussions on how dangerous juicing can be for youngsters, as well as commentary on how our pro athletes must be role models when it comes to this stuff. But what I think is interesting about all this are the parallels between the way girls get messages about weight and looks and unrealistic standards of beauty. Now we have (mostly) boys getting similar and equally unrealistic messages about success and performance and looks. And it's no surprise that many are willing to do dangerous things in the pursuit of an ideal that is unlikely to be achieved naturally.

The truth is that professional athletes who don't use steroids are genetically blessed, just like the models and actresses who stay size 2 without developing eating disorders. The rest of the folks in those jobs have resorted to other means to stay in the game. But somehow we've managed to convince ourselves that we all have the potential to look and perform like that, if only we are willing to work hard and even go to extreme measures. And if we don't achieve total "perfection" it must be a moral failing. Personally, I think we'd be better off looking at that belief, rather than preaching that pros should stop doping, something that is real unlikely to happen in our lifetimes.