Strollerderby : boob job

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby - Part 2

Cole Gamble — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:00:00 GMT

7) After the surgery, you can really milk the fact that you just had surgery and can't do much; therefore you get some much needed R&R and time to yourself.

8) If you have a significant other, they may tell you that you are still beautiful and that it is up to you to make up your mind about having surgery done. That is a lie. They DO love you, but don't want to insult you by cheering for plastic surgery.

9) Most men love breasts, and the way they do them now, they are so natural looking, and your stomach gets very tight. It will add so much spark to your sex life.

10) Don't feel bad that they are so turned on by the "new you". They've always loved you but now you're smokin' hot so they can't help themselves

Bonus Reason: 11) Don't let other women try to talk you out of it and call you shallow. If you are doing it for the right reasons, there is nothing wrong with gaining more confidence in yourself. Just because you're a mom, you don't have to look the part!

Back to Part 1

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My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

Cole Gamble — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Look, ladies. I’m not saying YOU NEED PLASTIC SURGERY. You look great. Never better. Amazingly you haven’t lost that pregnancy glow.

We good? Okay. There are some women, however, that may feel their body lost something in the baby making process. That’s certainly how my wife felt, which is why she insisted I write this post. During her second (and final, I assure you) pregnancy, Nicole vowed she’d be getting a tummy tuck. After the birth, she wouldn’t even let me see her stomach, but assured me it looked like a marsupial pouch. Some women’s bodies snap back remarkably well. Nicole’s skin is not so elastic. According to her, our children “ruined her.” I didn’t think so, but when it comes to plastic surgery, it’s a person’s own esteem that is the most important consideration.

Nicole is incredibly happy with her surgeries (she had breast augmentation as well as her chest looked significantly different after two kids). And these are the reasons, in her words, why you might want post-baby plastic surgery too.

1) Most doctors will let you on a payment program. You can also submit it to your insurance company; say if you’re deflated, flabby stomach is bothering your lower back.

2) Let's face it, there are a lot of women who have had babies and you'd never know by looking at them. But there are some pretty damaged bodies out there as well. Don't feel bad; be at least grateful that you can be fixed!

3) A breast augmentation can look very natural. They use silicone again and now put the implant under the muscle, so it’s your breast that you see. Get a teardrop shaped implant so they don't look fake. Your breasts will look great and not like dirty tube socks anymore.

4) The other invaluable surgery is a tummy tuck. A lot of stretched out skin is removed, but most importantly, they sew back your fascia muscle to look flat again. (You know the mini butt on your tummy? That is the fascia the muscle).

5) Many women, post surgery, have found that they look better after the surgery than they ever had before.

6) The procedures are a bit painful, but if you have birth or had a C-section, it is a breeze.

Continue to Part 2

More by this Author:

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Ringtone Increases Breast Size

Madeline Holler — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:01:00 GMT

A researcher in Japan thinks he may have found a way to give women bigger boobs without invasive surgery or weight gain. They just have to download a very specifically engineered ringtone to their cellphones and let 20 to 40 calls per day work their magic.

What sort of sound could possibly perk up and pop out your sagging girls?

A baby's cry, naturally.

Hideto Tomabechi, researcher of artificial intelligence and the mind,wants to show that sounds affect more than just the mind -- they also affect our bodies. So he took a recording of a crying baby and stripped it down to its essential sounds. He hypothesizes (generalization alert!) that women will respond physiologically to the recorded sound of a crying baby in the same way they respond to the real sound. By responding so frequently, their breasts will grow.

Does he mean women all over Tokyo are going to be letting down every time the phone rings? Or do women respond in some way to babies' cries that I'm not aware of. I'm willing to concede that I (and my lactating boobs) respond physiologically to the sound of a crying baby ... NOW ... ever since having my first. But before ever having kids, I'm not entirely convinced I could even tell the difference between a crying baby and, say, an angry cat. Besides, if all it takes is a baby's cry, I should look like Pamela Anderson by now.

Of course, this Tomabechi guy is the same man authorities called on to deprogram the Aum Shinrikyo cult members (of sarin gas on the subway fame), and he's held up as some kind of mad genius. So maybe the nation's dissatisfied flat-chested should download the baby wails and answer the call to a more confident and happier you.

Photo: NoiseAddicts.com

Best of FameCrawler: Week of August 22nd

Whit Honea — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Suri & Her Doll - Photos and Girl Talk

Gwen Stefani Gave Birth! It's A Boy!!

Like I Needed Any More Reason To Love Johnny Depp

Misty May-Treanor & Kerri Walsh Get The Gold, Now They Want to Get Pregnant

Ricky Martin is a Daddy!

Teenage Boob Jobs? A Tale of Two Lohans

Bernie Mac's Funeral Attended By Thousands (Pictures)

Peek-A-Boo, Guess Who?

Matt Damon Welcomes Second Baby!

The Best of FameCrawler: Week of June 13th

Whit Honea — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Jude Law Gets It

Jessica Alba Gives Birth!!

A Sad Time in the Marson Family

George Clooney and Sarah Larson: Boobs, Not Babies Blamed For Breakup

READER POLL: Strangest Celebrity Baby Names

Heather Locklear: Drunk, Sloppy and Busting Out The Inner Gangsta

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Are Freakin' Insane

Lionel Richie: I Survived Nicole

Psstt - Angelina Jolie Has A Secret!

Michelle Duggar Should Write a Book on Pregnancy

Your Girls Can Be "Bimbos" Online!

Kelly Mills — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:02:00 GMT

Sometimes you see stuff and think, "Is this fer real?" When I read about the Miss Bimbo game, I kept thinking, "Oh, in a minute they'll say the game is for adults." But no, in fact the majority of the 200,000 players are between the ages of 7 and 17. But let me back up: There's a virtual "fashion" game for girls where they get a "Bimbo" and have to navigate her through boob jobs and diets and so on to make her the coolest bimbo of all. Girls can dress their dolls in sexy outfits for clubbing, and are encouraged to keep them waif thin through diet pills and plastic surgery. Niiiice.

Most of the accounts I read focused on the weight and cosmetic horrors of the game, but I personally was more disturbed by the fact that the bimbos are supposed to find a rich boyfriend so they don't have to work. Like, it's one of the goals of the game. Now that is just creepy. For god's sake, we don't even read "Cinderella" without some irritable commentary about how Cinderella ought to stand up for herself instead of waiting to be rescued. So the idea of having girls finding a sugar daddy through the game is icky. It simultaneously asks them to identify with and look down on the bimbos, and frankly, it seems strangely angry to me.

Here's the best quote from the game's creator: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world." Frigging excuse me? But it goes on: "The breast operations are just one part of the game and we are not encouraging young girls to have them, just reflecting real life." Well, that's a relief. For a minute there I was worried. Yeah, these are totally the lessons I want my kids to learn. Why does it smell so strongly of misogyny in here?

Help Poor Girls Get Boob Jobs

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 23 May 2007 19:01:00 GMT

Ever have a sneaking suspicion you should be doing more to make the world a better, prettier place? Not sure those quarters you toss in those clanky Salvation Army red drums are getting you as many pennies in heaven as you deserve? Poverty is an intractable problem, even in a day and age when "poverty" is interpreted as only have 1500 square feet and two cars.

Over at BlogHer they have it right. Who needs food and shelter when one's breasts are unattractive and in need of a little lift and separate?

Now you too can have free implants and quite possibly a much much better life. As mother to three girls, I can start saving for other things now that I know the boob jobs (in their 13th year) are covered. And that, my friends, is a great help to mamas like me.