Strollerderby : breastfeeding in public

What Should A Man Do While A Woman Breastfeeds

Brett Singer — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Scene: a toddler's birthday party. A father is chatting with a woman that he knows from the kids' pre-school. The woman is holding a baby.

The baby stirs. Opens her tiny mouth. Starts... what was the word again?

Oh! Right. Rooting. When they're hungry. That's it.

The woman starts to undo her shirt. Then her bra. She takes out her breast and the baby eagerly starts to eat.

OK dude. Now what?

I'm a fan of breastfeeding in general. I don't think anyone should be pressured into doing it but I believe that it's healthy for the baby, and if the mother is able to do it, that's great. I also believe that women should be able to breastfeed wherever they want. (Maybe not on a Broadway stage while the show is going on, or even in the audience of the theater while the show is going on. But the lower lobby? Sure.) So this isn't about that.

The question is, which is more offensive? Looking? Or looking away?

I don't have an answer, so I'm curious what our readers think. In general it seems rude to head for ze hills as soon as the little one starts her liquid lunch. On the other hand, if I'm standing and the woman is seated, it's difficult to talk to her without seeing her breast. Which in any other situation is considered quite rude. This isn't a sexual thing. I don't think breastfeeding is hot, or inappropriate, or anything of that sort. At the same time I don't know how a woman feels about being on display like that. Or even if they feel on display at all.

So. Help me out here! What's the right thing to do?

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Salma Hayek Shines Spotlight on Breastfeeding Taboos

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

As most people know by now, Salma Hayek’s very public breastfeeding in Sierra Leone was not just a moment of compassion for a hungry child. It was that, but it was also a calculated—and noble—attempt to dispel the notion in some parts of Africa that breastfeeding women can’t have sex. Given this entrenched belief, you can probably guess how husbands feel about their wives breastfeeding.

It’s easy to see such an urban legend as shocking, but, as Ada Calhoun points out in TIME, the U.S. certainly has its fair share of breastfeeding taboos—most notably, against cross-nursing. Indeed, many media outlets and online commenters were disgruntled at best by the YouTube video of Hayek nursing another woman’s child. (EW.com awarded the video “biggest eyebrow-raiser” of the day.)

According to Calhoun, no American institution will support informal cross-nursing, citing concerns about “the possibility of transmitting infections, a decrease in supply for the donor's own baby, psychological confusion on the part of the infant, and the fact that the composition of breast milk changes as children get older.”

Hayek’s very public cross-nursing demonstrated that there are certainly instances in which none of these concerns are relevant. The Sierra Leonean baby she breastfed was born on the same day as her daughter and Hayek knew him to be healthy. She’s not in any danger of her milk running dry from one emergency feeding, and no one would argue that any “psychological confusion” the baby boy may have experienced outweighed the benefits of assuaging his hunger.

Photo: The Daily Mail

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Are Facebook Breastfeeding Advocates Being Too Prudish?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:35:00 GMT

I participated in the whole "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding Is Not Obscene" event. And I'll admit that even though I tend to think it's a good sign when people who disagree on other things can unite around some common ground, I was still deeply creeped out by the supporters who posted things like "I mean, I wouldn't want my kids to see those icky Facebook ads where two girls kiss, but breastfeeding is natural and God-approved so that should be OK."

Marty Klein takes that a step further, arguing that the Facebook campaign organizers are shooting themselves in the foot by trying to position breastfeeding pictures as "good nudity" as opposed to those pictures that really are obscene, rather than taking a more broad anti-censorship stance. He writes: "Your right to watch South Park ultimately depends on someone else’s right to go to a strip club. Your right to breast-feed in public ultimately depends on someone else’s right to buy a vibrator. MILC [Mothers International Lactation Campaign] may be willing to sacrifice 'real' obscenity like CSI or swing clubs to keep its own photos acceptable, but this short-sighted strategy has never worked."

I have a mixed reaction to this. In a general way, I understand and support Klein's philosophy. I believe freedom of speech for those I disagree with so we all have it and all that. I don't find nudity to be dangerous and while there's plenty of stuff out there I have no interest in seeing or having my kids see, I don't like anyone else drawing the line about what is "obscene" for me. Far too much of that goes on. And unless you're going to limit your cause to fully-latched-on photos (which they weren't), it does start to be a little silly to say "That same breast would be obscene if there weren't an infant somewhere in the shot."

On the other hand, I think there is a value in fighting against the ideas that breastfeeding is somehow sexual and that it ought to be kept private, and I think that's not entirely the same discussion as who should get to draw lines about the publicness of things that many/most find to be sexual.

And, as even Klein notes, Facebook is a private company that can do what it wants to do. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a group of consumers to call it on its hypocritical set of standards about what it considers acceptable in its pictures, without deciding to engage in a larger free-speech fight.

I also note that on the group's official petition, while they do refer to there being photos on Facebook that are "really obscene," they don't explicitly call on Facebook to step up policing them instead, as Klein implies (even if plenty of the commenters do).

What do you think? Should breastfeeding advocates set themselves up as "special case" nudity or fight for our right to bare our chests?

Photo from the Journal de Montréal.

Facebook Mothers Fight Breastfeeding Ban

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Breastfeeding Moms Fighting Facebook Ban

JeanneSager — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:23:00 GMT

You can see it on Main Street, but breastfeeding moms are not allowed on Facebook. The social networking company has been deleting photos of women with their babies at their breast because it says it violates the decency standards set up for posting pictures on the site.

But moms are fighting back - with a Facebook group and plans for a "nurse in" at the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto, Calif.

Already the group, "Hey, Facebook, breast-feeding is not obscene!," has attracted almost fifty-four thousand members, and a Facebook "event" page has been built for the Mothers International Lactation Campaign (MILC), a virtual protest to coincide with the nurse in. Members are being asked to change their profile picture to that of a nursing mother for the entirety of Dec. 27, the day women will protest in person in Palo Alto at 11 a.m. The picture need not be that of a human mother, the event creators say, but simply that of a mammal and her young in the act of feeding.

The company told a Daily News reporter that it has not actually banned breastfeeding on the site - photos that do not show an entire breast are allowed. That's technically true - the profile picture for the Hey, Facebook group is that of a breast almost entirely covered by a mother's blue t-shirt, the nipple encased in her baby's mouth. Approximately an inch of skin can be seen between the baby's cheek and the mom's shirt.

I've got to tell you, I've seen plenty of freaky photos on Facebook - from the teenager I babysat when he was 3 looking so blitzed he might well have had alcohol poisoning (not indecent, I suppose, but definitely making me feel old) to the old tea bagging trick (why do guys do this to one another?). I could see removing this kind of thing - you know, underage drinking is against the law guys.

But a mom breastfeeding? Give me a break. I'm one of those people who prefers to give a mom her privacy, and I look away - I probably would avoid commenting on a friend's photo if it was of her breastfeeding. But, in the end, it's a mother and her child. It's not a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Women can walk down the street wearing nothing on her boobs but a pasty and be violating nothing more than the laws of taste (and fashion). Meanwhile, she's showing more of her breast than a breastfeeding mom, and with no real reason for it.

Image: Facebook

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Things You Should Never Say To A Nursing Mother

Brett Singer — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:30:00 GMT

For most of these, we'll assume that you are speaking to your significant other, unless otherwise indicated.

- “Can I get a squirt of that?” The answer is no. If you're desperately curious about the taste of breast milk, try some that the mother of your children has expressed into a bottle.
- Two words that should never go together: “Tittie milk.” Not funny. Trust me.
- “How far can you squirt that stuff? Can you hit this cup on the shelf? How about if I move it closer? Honey? What are you doing with that hammer? OW!”
- “You and the baby are being really loud. Can you do that someplace else? I'm watching TV.”

And here are a few things not to say to a woman you don't know if you see nursing in a public place:

- “Ew! Gross!”
- “Niiice.”
- "Hey baby. Get it? Hey... baby...?" (It's not funny. I know you think its funny. But it's not.)
- A blank stare.
- A lascivious stare.
- Any sort of stare at all.

Anything to add? Remember – it takes a village.

image: Flickr

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Breastfeeding Moms, the New Calendar Girls?

JeanneSager — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:20:00 GMT

Helen Mirren did the old English biddies proud. But would Calendar Girls have been the same hit with a babe at the breast?

The young moms in the Rugby Breastfeeding Cafe in Coventry are making breastfeeders the next pin-ups.

Organizer Rosie Evans’ says she wants to show breastfeeding moms are, “"young, trendy and sexy.” Those were her exact words. The moms will be posing while breastfeeding. Other members of the family will be gathered ‘round - full clothed, we hope. The money raised from the 2010 calendar will support breastfeeding causes.

Good cause? Absolutely. But I’m still on the fence about their modus operandi. I’ve always been a big proponent of women breastfeeding in public, but personally I'm uncomfortable with women who want to make it into a production.

Breastfeeding is natural. It’s something that can be done anywhere, any time a child needs sustenance. But I was always the “cover it up” girl. Am I prude? I don't look at it that way. Some people, especially men my father's age, are uncomfortable with women who won’t throw a blanket on or one of the dozens of funky cover-ups that have flooded the market because they don’t know where to look.

Do they need to have their restaurant experience or day at the park with the kids made awkward because you want to show the world you’re comfortable with your body’s job in mothering? I liken it to the reaction to someone with a lazy eye or a mole on their chin. It’s like a magnet – as much as you don’t want to stare, you find yourself concentrating too hard on not hurting someone’s feelings.

The flip side, of course, is that breastfeeding isn’t about sex. It’s about sustenance. And babies need food whenever, whereever. But don’t tell me you want to show you’re “sexy,” then defend your right to breastfeed in public because it ain’t about sex.

Of course, if you’re uncomfortable, you just don’t buy a calendar. I get that. And, hey, controversy sells calendars, right?

Source: Coventry Telegraph

Image: Ben Klocek

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You Can Order a Buttery Nipple but Just Don't Show Yours at Applebee's

ChagHolland — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:30:00 GMT

Brooke Ryan was enjoying lunch with her children at a Kentucky Applebee's restaurant when she was asked to cover her nursing son with a blanket. When she stated she didn't have a blanket, the employee again requested that Ryan cover her child, which caused Ryan to leave the restaurant in tears. As a result, a nationwide "Nurse Out" has been planned at many Applebee's restaurants on September 8th.

Applebee's handled this situation poorly. It was perfectly legal for Ryan to breastfeed in the restaurant and she should not have been asked to cover her child. And the restaurant's contemplating providing blankets for future nursing mothers is not only lame, it's pretty gross as well. Ryan feels this concession is "like telling Rosa Parks she still had to sit in the back of the bus, but we'll give her a blanket to make her more comfortable."

But Mike Scanlon, president of the company that operates the Applebee's in question, noted "with interest that she had a copy of the statute with her." Scanlon feels Ryan may have had an agenda. Truthfully, I wondered the same thing.

Look, I have no problem with women breastfeeding in public. I am pro-breastfeeding and feel it is healthier than formula and increases the bond between mother and child. That said, I think carrying around a copy of a law that states it is ok to breastfeed in public is more than a little strange. People are harassed all the time for things they do that are well within the limits of the law. Around here, bicyclists are up in arms about automobile drivers sharing the road. But I wonder how many of them carry around a copy of Rules of the Road.

You might think it's ridiculous for me to compare breastfeeding to cycling. I think it's equally as ridiculous for Ryan to compare herself to Rosa Parks.

Strollerderby Playdate: Man Boobs Are the new Black

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 16 May 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Last week, Sarah wrote something or other about boobs -- and all hell broke lose. Turns out some people have a thing against seeing boobs in public -- especially when they're attached to children's mouths. I don't know who these people are, but I'm surprised they could find a keyboard and an Internet connection under that big rock.

In support of a women's right to breastfeed wherever and however they please, a bunch of bloggy moms started showing off their assets. And then something amazing happened: So did dads. For a few days, man boobs ruled the Internet. Plump, doughy, hairy man boobs. Minus the milk part, of course.

So as a tribute to the best in fatherhood, I'll offer the best in man boobs -- blog style.

Karl at Secondhand Tryptophan got it started with a shot of his own. As a reward, the parenting world is waking up the image of your boobs right. now.

OK, Karl was the only one I could find. Men are wimps. Do you know how difficult it is to find blogs with the words "man boobs" in them -- well, non-porn blogs? Still, I thought Karl deserved a few more words of praise.

So to keep this playdate rolling, I'm switching topics. Here are a few more of my favorite daily reads. Make sure to check them out. These guys, and moms, rock.

AdventureDad always has an interesting, and international, take on parenting.

Chicky Chicky Baby is too good to sum up in one sentence. Check her out. Go on.

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Maggie Gyllenhaal Nurses in Public

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Mon, 07 May 2007 18:02:00 GMT

The paparazzi has scored parenting gold. They took pictures of Maggie Gyllenhaal (I have to look up her last name every single time I type it) nursing her baby in public. I suppose a lot of your reaction is going to be based in how you feel about public breastfeeding. I am all for it. I don't think I ever nursed in public, but it was mostly because I had twins and I was too chicken shit to take them anywhere public for very long when they were young.

Celebrity Baby Blog is reporting that most of the feedback they have been hearing about Gyllenhaal nursing her daughter in public has been positive. Either they have a very specific audience, or people are getting more tolerant in general. Don't lynch me, but it also helps that breastfeeding is very in style right now. I know, I know, breast is best, but it wasn't always so acceptable. I know when my Mom was nursing us it wasn't nearly as common.

Here is the real question. How uncool is it of the paparazzi to take a picture of Maggie's exposed boob? Or is that okay because she was in public and she is a public figure? I don't know.

Is it rude that I am posting it here or is it beautiful and natural?

[Photos by Pacific Coast News and WENN.]

Strollerderby : breastfeeding in public

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