Strollerderby : captain america

Hulk want puny blogger to review Hulk movie

Brett Singer — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Yesterday I received the following email:

To: Puny Blogger
From: Hulk
Subject: Hulk Movie

Hulk get right to point, Puny Blogger. Why Puny Blogger not review Hulk's movie? Puny Blogger wrote about Metal Man movie. Hulk hate Metal Man! Hulk smash!

Hulk know last movie had stupid plot and gamma-charged poodle. Hulk tell stupid producers about script problems at first table read, and Hulk not hire Ang Lee. (Hulk think Tiger/Dragon movie highly over-rated.) But Hulk feel good about latest big screen effort. New movie tell Hulk story in entertaining and emotionally satisfying way. Hulk see movie. Hulk happy with final cut.

Hulk angry that Puny Blogger not write about Hulk movie! Hulk just trying to get something going with career. Hulk father now, need to get ducks in row. Has Puny Blogger seen price of tuition? Hulk need start saving now. Hulk finally get big movie with big opening weekend gross, and Puny Blogger not care.

Write review of Hulk movie, Puny Blogger – or Hulk smash!

Cordially,

Hulk

Hulk, please accept our apologies for not reviewing your film sooner. I've just been busy with other projects, and of course, my family. As a new father, I'm sure you can understand. Please, do not smash me, my computer, or anything else for that matter. Here is my review of "The Incredible Hulk."

The last time Marvel brought ol' Greenskin to the big screen, it was a disaster. Too long, bad CGI effects, and a gamma irradiated poodle were only some of the problems. Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk because his father was mean to him, injecting him with some experimental serum, which is triggered by a blast of gamma radiation? Oookay. No disrespect to Ang Lee, but he was a bad choice.

For this latest effort, Marvel took over the producing reins and went back to basics. The story actually picks up where Lee's film leaves off; five years have passed, both in the film and in actual reality (Ang Lee's "Hulk" was released in 2003.) Ed Norton is a good Banner, although there are too many scenes that are clearly meant to "deepen" the character. When the Hulk shows up, it's great. The CGI isn't perfect, and it's not nearly as seamless as "Iron Man", which almost made you believe someone could build a shiny flying super-hero suit. But this new "Hulk" is 1000% better than the last one.

One interesting choice the director Louis Leterrier (the "Transporter" movies) and screenwriter Zak Penn (the last 2 "X-Men" flicks, as well as the upcoming "Captain America" and "Avengers" films) made was to go back to the much-beloved television series. They use a new version of the intro, the music shows up a couple of times, and some of the feeling of Banner wandering the globe looking for a cure is very much a part of this new "Hulk". (They did do away with the amazingly bad choice of renaming Hulk's alter ego "David Banner", although Bruce does use that name as an alias at one point.) I'm one of the millions of people who fondly recall the old "Hulk" series, which starred Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. (Lou has a cameo as a security guard and is still in body-builder shape.) That show, hokey and mopey though it was, had something that the first "Hulk" movie didn't, which was a sense of reality. Having a real person (Ferigno) play the Green Goliath made it feel more like it could actually happen. Part of what the new "Hulk" does better is to just have better CGI effects. But part of it is keeping things simple. Somehow going back to something that worked – the TV show – made this easier to pull off.

It's not a great movie. But it was so much better than I expected. Also, it sets up for future Marvel super-hero movies featuring multiple characters: Robert Downey Jr. shows up at the end to do his Tony Stark thing; this time you don't have to wait until after the credits. There's even a hint at a villain for a "Hulk" sequel. Part of the fun of watching our beloved funny books turned into movies is the recognition factor: "Hey! There's General Ross! Talking to Tony Stark! And they said something about a team!" Avengers! Yes!

"The Incredible Hulk" is still in theaters, so go check it out. It's a fun popcorn flick, and besides, Hulk needs the cash for Hulk Jr.'s college fund.

image: EOnline

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Stay out of my room or I'll pee on your tree (Hulk not mentioned here, but Hulk think story funny)

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Sexy Superhero Parents: The Top 10 (Why Hulk not mentioned? Hulk very attractive! Look at Hulk's abs!)

Hancock Tops U.S. Box Office for Holiday Weekend (Hulk knocked from top spot, but Hulk OK with that. Will Smith box office gold. Hulk relative newbie in movies)

An American Girl: Lisa Kudrow (Story mentions Hulk)

Marvel's greatest sh*t

Brett Singer — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

The latest attempt at a film version of "The Incredible Hulk" hits theaters on June 13. Hopes are not high among True Believers, but it can't be as bad as the Ang Lee stinker that came out in 2003, right? Marvel is riding high on the massive success of "Iron Man", and the fine ferrous fellow has a cameo in the new "Hulk", which should bring out a few more folks on opening weekend.

"Hulk" is the second film that Marvel has produced on their own. Before "Spider-Man" was a massive hit, Marvel licensed out their characters to seemingly anyone, often with very little success.

So in honor of this momentous occasion, here is a list of some of Marvel's failed movie offerings.

Roger Corman's Fantastic Four

This was supposed to be released in theaters, I even remember seeing the trailer. The word is that Roger, the king of schlocky flicks, spent most of his budget on a costume for The Thing, then had to piece together the rest of the film with almost no money. Somebody looked at his effort and said, "No way are we releasing this." It never saw the light of day but bootlegged versions can be found in video stores and online. Here's somebody who thinks this version is better than the 2005 film. YouTube has clips, 'natch; here is the trailer and the ending.

Fantastic Four - 1994 Roger Corman Original Movie Trailer!

1994 Fantastic Four ending

The Punisher

This one never made it to theaters either. Dolph Lundgren plays Frank Castle, the man whose family was killed by gangsters and then he devotes his life to killing every criminal he can find (hey, not all comics are for kids, you know). This was a bad idea from the start; the final product isn't any better. There was another Punisher film that was released, but it got pretty bad reviews.

Punisher 1989 Witty Comments

The Punisher (1989) trailer

Nick Fury

A TV movie starring David Hasselhoff. Was there ever a chance this would be watchable? It is worth noting that when Nick Fury appears in the new Iron Man movie (you gotta stay for the credits, dude) he's played by Samuel L. Jackson. So they, you know, decided to go in a different direction. I couldn't find video for this one but here's a photo.

(image: David Hasselhoff Online)

Captain America

In a lot of ways this one is the most tragic. Marvel has announced a new Cap film, which is good, but this one has to be seen to be believed. It almost looks like a home movie. Here's a video of Cap versus the Red Skull. The dubbing is in Italian but it should give you an idea of the low-quality filmmaking going on.

Capitan America vs. Red Skull

There are more stinkers out there; if you know of any good/bad ones that I missed, leave it in the comments.

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More Superhero Movies to Come

Brett Singer — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:30:00 GMT

In the wake of Iron Man's massive domination of all things box office this past weekend, Marvel has officially announced their next crop of comic book flicks. Here you go, true believers:

- Iron Man 2, April 30, 2010: I have to admit that despite my non-rave review, I don't want to wait this long. Yes, I'm a fanboy. Sue me.

- Thor, June 4, 2010: the last time a live action Thor was on screen was in a TV movie that also featured the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. It wasn't very good. Here's a clip from YouTube. Dig those furry shoulder pads. Very godlike. Not.

- The First Avenger: Captain America, May 6, 2011: If you haven't seen the never released in theaters version of Captain America, get very drunk and do so. It's astonishingly bad. There were actually posters announcing the release; then somebody saw it and it went straight to video immediately.

- The Avengers, July 2011: EW.com says that this film will include "Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor". Stay for the end of the credits for a teeny sneak preview of this (or just read this: SPOILER ALERT). That's four of the original Avengers, but they left out Ant-Man and the Wasp. But wait…

- Ant-Man, in development: I'm surprised that they would make a separate Ant-Man movie. The part of the character that's interesting is Henry Pym, who's a genius but also kind of jerk. Depending on which version of the character he's either an egomaniac or an egomaniac, alcoholic and wife-beater. The whole story is much too long and complicated for a feature film, and as a straight-up superhero, he's not exactly first-tier. I predict this will never actually get made.

Those who can't wait (like me) will have to settle for the new Hulk movie, coming on June 13. From the DC side of the comics world, we also have the new Batman, coming on July 13. Trailers for both are below. Indie-comics fans can make do with Hellboy II and Wanted. Yes, it's a great time to be nerdy.

image: FirstShowing.net