Strollerderby : career moms

Old Mom, Poor Mom, Young Mom, Rich Mom

Adrienne Martini — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:30:00 GMT

For those whose first child was a matter of planning rather than a matter of surprise, what most influenced that plan? How much did your career -- or lack thereof -- push the decision? Or was it a choice pushed by your biological clock?

Nataly Kogan at the Huffington Post would like to know. Kogan had her first at 28, shortly after doing some risk v. reward math in her head. But sometimes she wonders what it would have been like to wait longer.

Just as a data point, I had my first at 31. The biggest influence was the World Trade Center attacks, when I realized that I had no good idea what I was waiting for when it came to having kids and when I simultaneously realized that life is short. And given that I do make some money off of writing about all of the kooky things my children do, I can say that they've helped my career.

You?

The Calculus of Family Planning: Sometimes Real Young is Real Good

Madeline Holler — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:41:00 GMT

Once in a while, usually in moments of work vs. family crisis, I think it would have been smarter to have gotten pregnant at 18. I know, I know. But think about it -- college subsidized daycare, something to keep you home at night, grade school by the time you're ready to work full time professionally.

Of course, the 20-year-old version of me would have, in no way, been a suitable mother. I'm thinking a mix of Britney and Denise Richards with the McCanns thrown in for high drama. But, you know, logistics. I’m talking logistics. Becoming a mother in my early 30s instead, with few daycare options, long commutes, lots of overnight travel, forced me to make some career compromises. Yet, had I waited, who knows how well my ovaries would have held up.

Shouldn’t there be a way to calculate all this? Well … there is! Kind of.

A business student designed a mathematical model, which is supposed to find the balance of a woman’s professional, social and family objectives and their relative importance to each woman. It includes age-related things, too, like fertility and the consequences of aging eggs.

For example, a doctoral student who wants kids eventually but doesn’t want to wreck her academic career is advised to get pregnant after getting tenure.

A 20-year-old who wants kids at 35 but also a career would, according to the model, achieve a better life balance if she had kids younger. (See, I think this is what I was talking about.)

The idea that major life decisions can be boiled down to numbers is interesting. Sort of does the heavy-lifting of a Pros and Cons chart. But it’s all hindsight driven, in a way. I mean, who wants to be accountable for what they thought at 20? And much later than that, it's crunch time.

In the U.S., at least, these decisions feel very dire. Is it like that for women everywhere? Anyway, what business student is going to design the model -- mathematical or not -- that makes it easier to have all of it at any time? Hmmm? We're waiting.

Night Owl Kids Are Suffering

Kelly Mills — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:03:00 GMT

Oh, we working parents are so mean and selfish. It turns out that many folks who get home from work late are pushing back their children's bedtimes so they can spend time with them. While this story is tied to New York, it's a phenomenon I've seen here on the other coast as well. There's mention of a couple parents who don't get home till 8 p.m. and keep the kids up till 9 or even 10. And of course, we've documented that lack of sleep in kids has been linked to behavioral problems, obesity, hyperactivity, cognitive issues, and we'll probably find out soon it's responsible for global warming and lead in toys as well. Sigh.

The advice from the expert is to keep an early bedtime for the kids, but to come home early from work a day or two, or make breakfast the family meal if necessary. Hmmm. Okay, could we working parents also start lobbying for more reasonable hours at jobs, and even a later school start time if necessary? Both those would benefit everybody, and I think it's time we looked at some of this crap as a social problem born out of a workaholic society rather than the issue of a few parents who are trying to balance career and family.

Career. Kids. Catsuits. In That Order.

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:33:00 GMT

Now that Lil E's third birthday is quickly approaching and nearly every woman I know is pregnant or swaddling a brand new baby, the question about whether we are having more children has been coming up more and more often. We are in those limbo years between Oh My God! Another Baby? Already? Two in Diapers? Already? and If You're Going to Have More, You'd Better Get On It, Sister. My womb has sufficiently healed (See? I'm not as bitter as some folks think!) and I'm over a year out from weaning. And while my body's been doing all this recovering, so has my career. I am left with a strange and confusing combination of ovaries doing little flips when I see those new babies and a career swelling, filling me up and easing the financial worries we've had since the prenatal bills started rolling in. So what to do? Just go for it or just give it more time? And can I keep up with all my jobs with a new baby in a sling and a toddler wailing all the way to daycare?

All these questions, all these concerns, all these calculations made me feel a kindred sisterhood with Georgia Katsilianos after reading her piece on figuring out the whole shift from working mom to SAHM, all while having a second child. I'm working, she's at home with the kids. I have one child and she has two children. But I definitely get where she's coming from. Not only does she reflect on leaving her career to be a stay at home mom with honesty and humor, she's not afraid to admit that being outnumbered by children scares her or makes her question her identity, her abilities and her weight. But the best part is that she does it all while dreaming (See? You can get sleep after you become a mother. It's not as bad as we make it sound after all!) about saving the world and herself, all while wearing a catsuit. A catsuit! Brilliant.

Which makes me wonder, would a maternity catsuit be in bad taste? And is it any more appropriate if you work from home?

The Most Important Job Also Prepares You For Paying Work

Kelly Mills — Sun, 13 May 2007 18:01:00 GMT

We all know motherhood is highly underpaid, and the job can be thankless. However, you can turn some of that trench time into a resume-builder for a more lucrative career. This article points out that motherhood gives you some marketable skills for use in the workplace. Problem-solving, negotiation skills, patience, compassion are all on the list. My favorite one, however, is time-management: someone once told me that moms and dads are the most efficient workers, because we're used to having to complete a day-long project in less than fifteen minutes, before the kid wakes up from the nap or finally figures out how to un-childproof the electrical outlets.

I could add a few more skills to this list as well. Many moms I know are adept at prioritizing, assessing a situation in thirty seconds to decide which child's current activity is actually the most life-threatening and following through with lightening reflexes. Ability to focus despite a chaotic environment should probably be on there as well: could a non-parent type four e-mails over the din of an annoying kids show, loud wailing, and the toy jackhammer left on in a corner? Remaining calm is just as helpful for the day when the evil boss demands those reports a week early as it is for when your child reveals he has put "something big" up his nose. And every great parent I know has a very well-developed sense of humor, which should also be a hiring requirement at any good job.

I hope for Mother's Day all the moms out there get at least a couple hours to themselves, because everyone needs a little vacation sometimes, especially when your boss is demanding and mercurial, and the hours are as long as they come. And just a tip: while we are happy to work for kisses and sweet watercolor paintings that say "I love you mommy," don't list that as your last salary in your job hunt.

Working at Home and Making It Work

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 11:32:00 GMT

Last month, I decided I was done with the heavy lifting. I was done moving my laptop from the dining room table to the bedroom to wherever I could...ummm, borrow wireless. I decided it was time to chuck the fantasy of having a chicly designed apartment or house with a remote office in the attic and just claim a corner as my own. After that decision came the radical act of turning my desk around, sacrificing my view of the $1.5 mil home with the peek-friendly windows for an "office space" that's much more defined.

Don't get me wrong, it ain't pretty. My desk juts out nearly halfway into the entrance of the dining room and I have to wedge myself into my chair to sidle up to the computer. It's my own little insta-nook and I couldn't be happier.

First of all, the small space behind the desk means it's harder for the hubs to squeeze back here/dump bills on my highly organized piles of stuff/steal my favorite pen. Second, I think it is the first time in the nine years we've lived together I've had a space other than my bra drawer that's been all mine (no touching!). Third, for some reason, even though I face the mayhem, I can better focus back here. Hmmm...Maybe all that turning around see what Lil E's using his plastic saw to ~~anhialate~~ fix was yanking me out of the zone. Now I don't have to stop typing when I start yelling, which feels like genius to me. Finally, when Lil E needs to be close to me while watching Barney, he can stand behind me on my chair, hold on to my neck and still see creepy dinosaur all at the same time. Ta-da!

Cafemama's also found a way to making working from home with kids work, which includes a little bit of chaos, a well-stocked project drawer and the possibility of some part-time babysitting help. Now she wants to know how other WAHPs are doing it. How are you handling the in-home gig these days? What are your tricks of the trade?

[via: UrbanMamas]

Ms. Foundation Hosts Final 'Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day'

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 17:01:00 GMT

It's the end of an era. The Ms. Foundation sponsored its first "Take Our Daughters to Work Day" in 1993 and will host the last this year. Though the Foundation is hopeful the day will continue on and has handed it over to a small human resources consulting firm, there are skeptics who fear this might be the end of what has become a wonderful tradition in many companies.

Of the legacies left by the 'Daughters and Sons to Work' days, perhaps none is more significant than the memories of so many kids who finally got to see what their parents do all day. I remember touring my Dad's engineering company when I was about 16. He proudly showed me around the technical tunnel making equipment and introduced me to all his colleagues. I don't remember any interest in Engineering being sparked, but I loved the sense of continuity and pride he showed in his work. And that has stayed with me.