Strollerderby : cartoon

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Cole Gamble — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:30:00 GMT

Children do not like having rods shoved up their bumholes—especially when they are sick. For that matter, no human likes having rods shoved up their butts. So what’s a caring parent to do? Buy one of those convenient ear thermometers? Hell no! What you do is make the rectal temperature taking process more fun with your child’s most beloved cartoon character.

And so we come to the Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer.

My mind has exploded. I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with, is it truly fun to have SpongeBob up in there? How does SpongeBob feel about it? Who at Nickelodeon okayed this product?

And then we have the music. I must say the thought of SpongeBob singing jauntily deep into my bum is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever confronted.

Somebody please buy this product and write up a review. I 100% guarantee to post it.

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Slip Into Something Comfy With Franny's Feet

JeanneSager — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:01:00 GMT

Her feet were made for walking right out of the TV screen and into kid's hearts. Now Franny's Feet's on DVD, a celebration of the first season of the PBS Kids show here in America.

Babble gives you a look-see at which episodes made the Franny's Feet DVD cut and why it's worth walking over to the store to pick them up for your kids:

Taking the phrase "take a walk in his shoes" literally, Franny's Feet sends chubby-cheeked Franny on an adventure around the globe every time she slips her tootsies in the latest pair of shoes dropped at her grandfather's cobbler shop. Suspend the ick factor of actually wearing someone else's shoes (which, not surprisingly, doesn't seem to bother kids on iota), and you've got the makings of an imagination generator for off-screen too.

The show itself is short - episodes are broken into eleven-minute-long segments to contend with the attention span of the four-to-seven-year-old target range. Creators make up for it with content. On the new Princess Franny! DVD, six episodes from the season integrate learning about a new part of the world with lessons on shapes, manners and other kid necessities. In that sense, it's your basic PBS fare - heavy on the values and ultra kid-friendly. Franny has an inordinately large head and strange body, but if that's the worst of her faults, I can take it.

The question is - where are your kids' feet going to take them today?

Image: Amazon

The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters

Cole Gamble — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

In the Twentieth Century a man named Walt Disney created a magical fantasy land for children and adults alike to escape to. It was a place where boys could fly, as could elephants and a little mouse becomes a sorcerer. The world of Disney was completely tethered to our quotidian natural of regular life, um except for all the racism.

# 9 The Crows from Dumbo

Okay, they are black birds; they talk jivey and don’t like to do much work. That doesn’t mean they’re African American stereotypes. You’re reading too much into things. Oh, the lead crow is named “Jim Crow?” Oh forget it.

#8 The Indians from Peter Pan

One thing you can say for good old Walt, he spread the racism around. When Disney asked his animators to illustrate the Native Americans, he must have taken away all of their colors except Magenta. Just in case you didn’t know, “Injuns” are beet red.

But it doesn’t end there. “Red man, why are you so red?”, asks one boy. “Why do you say ‘how!’” asks another. “Well kid,” the man should have said, “there are not a lot of good parts in Hollywood for people like me.”

# 7 The Fish of The Little Mermaid

You think I’m gonna hammer on Sebastian and his Jamaican flavored antics. No, he’s kind of in that category with Jar Jar Binks, no so much offensive to a race as just offensive to humanity. But here I want to show you a couple of the supporting characters.

Who cares about supposed penises drawn into the towers, this stuff is right out in the open.

Want the rest? Click here.

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The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Let's get one thing out of the way right now – you shouldn't bring your children. They might want to go, but unless they have a very high tolerance for a long movie (2 and half hours) and an abnormally high tolerance for what might be the most frightening performance ever (Heath Ledger's Joker), I'd get a sitter.

Now: this is some incredible movie. At first, I was a little bit apprehensive. Part of that feeling was the hype, which was so intense that it seemed impossible anything could live up to it. (Part of it was also that the movie didn't start until almost 1am because we had to sit through 7 commercials, none of which I remember at all – money well spent, advertisers. But I digress.) There are some slow spots, especially in the beginning, and I think the director, Christopher Nolan, could have cut 10 or 15 minutes of film and made it a tighter movie. But that's nitpicking, because there are several scenes, some just quick moments and some long, exciting action sequences, that will put your jaw on the floor.

The saddest thing about Heath Ledger's death is that his daughter will never know her father. But it's fair to say that if an actor had to go out with one performance, this is that performance. He's so good that I completely forgot I was watching an actor, which, for me, almost never happens. (It's worth pointing out that Gary Oldman as James Gordon, and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, do the same thing in smaller and less flashy roles.) He's frightening, but not the way a horror movie villain is frightening. It's not shock value, although there is some of that (there's a bit with a pencil that might be the best 5-second description of a character in the history of cinema.) Without giving anything away, The Joker is referred to as a "terrorist" a couple of times, but unlike the terrorists in our world, this one has no cause that he fights for. He's just… mad. Not angry-mad, just flat out crazy. And Ledger captures that in every possible way. You could teach an acting class using this movie – what he does physically, vocally, emotionally; it's all stunning to watch.

The rest of it is, for the most part, equally good. I don't care about the love story, but it's fine I suppose and does serve the story. Aaron Eckhart is a solid actor and he does a good job as Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Dent. Christian Bale is by far the best Batman yet, although Ledger is so good that he really takes over the movie. Michael Caine is a good Alfred Pennyworth, Maggie Gyllenhaal is fine as token love interest Rachel Dawes; she's more than that, I guess, but it's not her movie. Gary Oldman is amazing; as in "Batman Begins," he somehow manages to completely capture the essence of a fictional comic book character that isn't a superhero, meaning that, as an actor, he has fewer details available to work with. I can't explain it but he IS Jim Gordon.

The nits to pick if you want to go there: some of the dialog is hokey (although the lines written for Ledger are brilliant.) There are a few slow spots. At times the action sequences are a tad frenetic, here and there. But it really doesn't matter. You'll read a lot about the surprising depth of this movie, and this is true to an extent. "The Dark Knight" is incredibly entertaining and does have some thoughtful moments amid the comic-book chaos, but there's no need to over think them. I would say just relax and enjoy it, but it's not a relaxing experience. Ledger's Joker is uncomfortable to watch, but in a good way. I don't want to give anything away, so you'll have to see it for yourself (but, as I said, get your tickets early; even the 12:30am showing was completely sold out.)

Now, despite the fact that there isn't much in the way of blood, this is not a film that you should take your children to see. Obviously, you know your offspring better than I, so if you think they can handle it, that's your call. And of course older kids will be fine. I hesitate to suggest an age-range, but I recommend seeing it yourself first if you're not sure. Worst-case scenario – you get to see it twice. Believe me, that's not a bad thing.

image: Reuters

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Batman: get your tickets now

Brett Singer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:42:00 GMT

So, being a guy who sees superhero movies, I wanted to see the new Batman movie. Today.

A friend wanted to come with me, so I couldn't pull my usual "go during the day when it's not busy" thing. So OK, let's see when its playing… What? Sold out? You gotta be kidding me.

Well, I'm not. If you're planning on seeing The Dark Knight this weekend, you'd better get your tickets in advance. This is unbelievably annoying. I tried at 2pm to get tickets to a 10:30pm showing, and it was already sold out. The reviews so far are over the top in their praise. Over at Rotten Tomatoes, a site that aggregates reviews from various sources, the rating is a whopping 94% positive (the only film with a higher rating is Wall-E.). If you go to the "top critics" section (print outlets and sites like salon.com), only a couple of the reviews are negative, which is extremely unusual for a comic book flick.

A lot of the interest in this film is because of Heath Ledger's death, but I've never seen anything like this. A movie that you can't get tickets to unless you go at midnight, which is what I'm doing? Come on. (And yes, I know I'm nuts.)

I'll let you know what I think of the film, and whether or not it's appropriate for children, later tonight. But for now, if you plan on going, order those tickets early, Bat-fans. Otherwise, you ain't getting in.

See you tonight -- different Bat-time, same Bat-channel...

image: Rotten Tomatoes

Strollerderby : cartoon

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Slip Into Something Comfy With Franny's Feet

It's a Circus Out There for The Wonder Pets

Meet Your Kids' New Superhero: Ladybug Girl

The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Hulk want puny blogger to review Hulk movie

Batman: get your tickets now

Set Your Alarm for a Romp Through LEGO Batman: The Video Game

Maggie Gyllenhaal on Letterman- He Wishes

Spying on the Neighbors: 7-17-08

Sexy Superhero Parents: The Top 10

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Batman: get your tickets now

Hulk want puny blogger to review Hulk movie

Set Your Alarm for a Romp Through LEGO Batman: The Video Game

Maggie Gyllenhaal on Letterman- He Wishes

Spying on the Neighbors: 7-17-08

Sexy Superhero Parents: The Top 10

Little Matilda Had Heath's Heart