Strollerderby : celebrity parenting

Brad Pitt Bad Parenting Blah Blah

Kelly Mills — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Because it's Monday, by now you've probably seen 27 stories about Britney's bad parenting, and perhaps some bizarre celeb has also held a baby over a pit of vipers or something. And we all know that most of the beautiful people swore off child safety seats and vaginal births and so on. But I guess no one is exempt from the celebrity parenting police. Brad Pitt, described with a certain tone of righteous glee in the coverage as "superdad" is the latest famous person to be spotted doing things Dr. Spock would not recommend. And I'm trying to stifle a yawn here.

What were Mr. Pitt's crimes? He made four-year-old Pax ride on his lap in an ATV-like thingie with no seatbelt or helmet and witnesses say Pax was all unhappy and he also had the kid on a cherry picker with no safety gear. Mmm hmm. Look, that's real bad and all, and I'm also no fan of the beatification of the Jolie-Pitts, but c'mon. Do we have to hear about it every time a celebrity parent does anything unsafe or not recommended by leading child-rearing experts? I'm so bored with what seems like a quest to tear down famous parents who do stuff that I do not care about at all. I mean, if the rich and famous turn out to make parenting blunders it doesn't make me feel like a better parent, it just takes up space that could be devoted to stories on what a completely dreamy and hawt dad Johnny Depp is. So there.

Strollerderby Playdate: The Awful Blog I Can't Stop Reading

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:32:00 GMT

How can it be that I am a regular reader of this blog? I mean, you could hardly call it a blog -- she posts only once or twice a month, it's not terribly interesting, it's surrounded by ads for gentle yet overpriced baby laundry detergent that you don't even need.

And it's her! Her! I don't even like her! I am not interested in her! I do nothing but criticize and disagree with her. I didn't watch her on TV before and, now that she's back, I still don't. I won't! Yet, I read her blog. I check it for updates, feel let down when there are none. I find myself identifying with her truly mundane stories and smiling at -- and I mean this in the rudest ways -- the very unfunny funny things she strains to write. Please, what is wrong with me?

Somehow, I have let Elisabeth Hasselbeck get under my skin and into the heart of my web browser. Bafflingly, I don't consider the three minutes I put in each month checking out her posts -- she doesn't even have links or games or a photo album to look through! -- wasted time. How could I? I love reading it! But shouldn't I hate myself a little more for loving it? Shouldn't I want to soak in a tub of scalding hot water and gentle Dreft soap bubbles?

It's like the playgroup I go to again and again. The membership is dwindling, the only mom who shows up is the one you have nothing in common with. Nothing! But I keep going -- once or twice a month -- to not connect, to not agree, to not enjoy. Why go? Why not.

Britney Spears Makes Formula Feeders Look Good

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 20:06:00 GMT

I am stuck squarely in the middle on the breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding debate. I had two babies at the same time, so I did both. Both of my babies nursed and drank formula from a bottle. Rachael took a lot of flack for her post about formula feeding last week, but this ought to really piss of the La Leche League. Britney Spears gives her kids soda out of baby bottles.

Us Weekly (which you apparently have to subscribe to in order to actually read the article online) reported that Britney gave Sean Preston soda in a baby bottle. So now beyond violating safety, traffic, obscenity laws and good taste in general she is doing terrible things to her children's teeth.

Awesome.

On behalf of all moms feed their kids McDonald's and let them have pacifiers until they are three years old, I'd like to thank Britney for making us look like much better parents.

Are Celeb Parents Unfairly Criticized?

Kelly Mills — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 16:19:00 GMT

Pierre posted about Steve Irwin's daughter Bindi carrying on his legacy. I think Mr. Croc Hunter was a perfect example of how celebs often get pilloried for their parenting. You might also remember that Irwin caught some serious flack for holding his infant while feeding a crocodile. But I wonder, does a public display of parenting affect how you view that famous person and/or their work? Does Alec Baldwin's horrific phone message to his daughter change how you feel about his performance on 30 Rock? It's not like we know much about celebrities past their public image, so the issue of whether you like or don't like someone as a person feels odd anyway.

For me, it usually goes like this: if I think a celebrity is talented or funny or charismatic, public parenting mistakes don't influence my feeling about them that much. But if I already wasn't such a fan, I'll usually be the first in line to express outrage and horror for what they have done to their children (Britney! No seat belt, shame shame.) and take it as representative of everything that is awful about them. Its not really fair, but it's the truth.

In the case of Irwin, I just liked the guy. Here's a little video of him with Ross the Intern that shows everything good about him: light-hearted sense of humor and enthusiasm for what he did. I even miss him. Sniff.

Paris Hilton's Parents Get Special Jail Treatment, Too?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:54:00 GMT

Maybe I'm alone in the world, but I actually felt really bad for Paris Hilton when she started screaming for her mom in the courthouse. It's such a visceral emotion -- to want your mommy, no matter your age or predicament, that I couldn't help but feel a twinge of remorse and sadness for her.

Then I remembered "House of Wax" and thought the better of it.

As Paris Watch enters its 90th day or whatever it is, news comes that her parents might also be receiving special privileges at the jail, and other inmates and visitors are ticked off.

You'd think with the entire attraction of this story being that no one deserves special privileges, they'd learn. Guess not. Her parents just better slip her a file in a cake or something, because you know all the other parents are sneaking in shivs.

Model to Film Birth of her Child

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 12:56:00 GMT

Jordan is a model. She is a model I have never heard of, but still she models for a living. This woman has decided to film the birth of her third child so that it can be aired on television in the UK.

Stop me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this fall under the heading T.M.I? I've admitted here before that biology kind of freaks me out, but I was present when my friend Tammy had her baby and it was beautiful. That being said, I know Tammy really well. She isn't a stranger and it wasn't the entire United Kingdom watching. It was just me, her husband, a doctor and a nurse.

I don't want to watch Jordan give birth, but I suppose everyone can use their 15 minutes as they see fit. Then again, she said she was going to film the birth of her first son but she backed out a week before he was born.

Dannielyn Has a Crazy Daddy

Kelly Mills — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 14:32:00 GMT

Talk about being born into the circus: the latest in the neverending saga of Dannielynn is that Larry Birkhead, the sperm contributor in her conception, has been called out for being "obsessive" by the lawyer who worked on his paternity suit pro bono. Debra Opri, Birkhead's former attorney, is still trying to collect legal fees for representing him in his quest to bring home the baby. She also responds to Birkhead's malpractice suit against her and "slanderous" statements to the media by claiming through her lawyers that "Birkhead was a very demanding and high maintenance client" who chastised her for not telling him when she went on a short weekend trip to Mexico.

If Birkhead walked into my office, you know what my first thought would be? "This mo fo is gonna be very demanding and high maintenance." You can just tell. I mean, for god's sake, look at his hair. But it's funny, when I think of pro bono cases, I have this romantic notion of defending poor people wrongfully convicted and on death row, not greedy jerks eager to bring home a baby as a cash cow. So while I wouldn't mind seeing the creep part with some of his cash, I'm not exactly weeping with sympathy for Opri either. Seems like a case of the jackals trying to eat the vultures. As for Dannielynn, she may be one of a very few people who could write quite a tell-all memoir at six months old. Poor kid.

Anne Heche Takes Her Bizarre Personal Life Public. AGAIN.

Alisyn — Fri, 25 May 2007 13:30:00 GMT

Anne Heche is adorable - on screen. Totally likable. But in real life, Anne oscillates between being cute and bubbly and mom-next-door-ish, and one of those batshitcrazy drama queen psychos, who always has an excuse for why drama just "happens" to her over and over again. You can just see The Crazy in her eyes.

We all remember Anne's ~~drug-fueled freakout~~ very public breakup with Ellen de Generes, which followed her very public - groundbreaking, really - relationship with Ellen. Then Anne left Ellen for Ellen's cameraman, Coley Laffoon and they had a son, Homer, now 5. Then she left Coley for her current costar in Men in Trees, James Tupper. Got all that so far?

Now Anne and Coley are engaged in full-blown tabloid orgy of "he said, she said," because each wants custody of Homer, and each claims the other is an unfit parent. According to Anne, stay-at-home-dad Coley plays cards and watches online porn all day; according to Coley, Anne is "bizarre and delusional" and has "poor parenting skills."

And in the middle is little Homer.

Did these two somehow miss the Bruce and Demi Divorce Course for Celebrities? Coley is demanding upwards of $30K per month in child support and Anne, let's face it, has a screw loose somewhere - a nasty trial is imminent. But I'm watching their story unfold with reluctant, morbid fascination, because there is an adorable, innocent little person involved, who, unlike the rest of the world, does not care what planet his mother flew in from - he just loves her. And his Dad. And they are behaving like jackasses, and the whole thing just makes me want to forget that Men in Trees is a really, really good show. I hate it when that happens.

[Via TMZ]

Angelina Opens Up About Her 'Heavy' Year

Alisyn — Wed, 23 May 2007 19:28:00 GMT

In the past year, Angelina has given birth to a second daughter, adopted a second son, traveled to more countries than I've ever been to in my life, and experienced one of the most difficult things any woman can face: the death of her mother. "It's been a heavy year," she told NBC's Ann Curry.

"I'm in a strange, I suppose, place in my life... I think that happens when you lose a parent, where you drop into a different kind of serious. And yet, at the same time, you want to laugh and enjoy as much as possible every day... I'm hanging on to my family really tight at this moment, and, because of that, trying to be as good a woman as I can be in my life." After breaking down in tears, then regaining her composure, she exclaimed "Dammit, you got me crying!"

Angie says what gets her through each days is focusing on her kids. "I'm very aware of time and of memories and enjoying life," Jolie continued, "not just doing the right thing and being a useful person – which I certainly want to be, and believe that I am... I want to be a great mom like my mom was. And I also want to do things that I love."

Heavy stuff, alright. It take a strong person to process all those emotions, and still remain positive, and get up everyday to mother four kids. I know I couldn't do it. Well... maybe if I had Brad Pitt by my side... nah, probably not even then.

[via People as part of an interview airing tonight on Dateline NBC]

Johnny Depp has made me cry for 20 years now.

Melissa Summers — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:02:00 GMT

Do you remember Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street with Holly Robinson? He was my first teen idol, after Rob Lowe....and Corey Haim. I always knew Johnny would make a great father, at least that's what I tell myself to justify my crush on a late 80's television drama star.

Now this article reinforces my teenage crush. Earlier this year Depp's 7-year-old daughter Lily-Rose became seriously ill with what is believed to be an E.Coli infection, he rushed to her bedside leaving the set of Sweeney Todd directed by Tim Burton immediately during filming. Lily-Rose came through the ordeal incredibly well. Johnny said, (is that too casual? Mr. Depp?) "It was not the strength of Vanessa [his wife] or me, but it was more the strength of our daughter and her incredible ability to make us feel OK even though she was in a very, very difficult place."

Depp is taking time off after the release of Pirates of the Carribean 3 to be with his kiddies and his girl. Shamefully I tell you this: If a female star said she was taking time off, I would (in spite of myself) think nothing of it. A dad says he's making family a priority and I swoon. Let's start a Tiger Beat for moms. Tagline: "When hot dads put their families first, we're there."

Johnny Depp Talks About Daughter's Hospital Stay

Kelly Mills — Fri, 11 May 2007 15:50:00 GMT

Mr. Best Pirate Ever spoke to the press about his daughter's recent serious illness. Seven-year-old Lily Rose contracted E. coli, and was admitted to a London hospital when her kidneys shut down. Mom Vanessa Paradis and Depp kept a vigil by her bed, stopping filming on Depp's latest film, Sweeney Todd. Of course the whole thing must have been extremely scary for the whole family.

Depp says about his daughter, "It was a very bumpy patch but she has come through it beautifully and unscathed and she is now as healthy as she always was. She is wonderful. It was a reminder to us of how to breathe, walk, talk, think and surround ourselves with people we love." Isn't it interesting how when Depp demonstrates he's a devoted and thoughtful dad, the impossible happens: he gets even hotter? Yowsa.

Depp and Paradis, who are already characterized by one source as having "one of the strongest relationships in Hollywood" (though they don't exactly have stiff competition) are now planning to get married this summer. The scare over their child's health is reported to have brought them even closer together. Awwww.

So the only sad ending for this story is that with Depp and Paradis blissfully domestic, my chances of smooching on him go from maybe zero to negative ten. C'est la vie.

Brangelina Overwhelmed By Stalkerazzi

Kelly Mills — Thu, 10 May 2007 16:14:00 GMT

The couple with the world's best cheekbones have hit the wall with paparazzi invasions. First Angelina was "shaken" when she discovered a 'razzi had cut a hole in the fence of her rented digs in the Czech Republic to get shots of her and the family at play. Then, in what might be part of the same incident, a photog smelled opportunity when a window shade was raised, and shot photos of her bathing her kids. The police were called three days in a row. Not surprisingly, Jolie, who is staying in Prague while she shoots a movie, was upset.

Us Weekly adds, "For more of Angelina’s frightening encounter, and what steps the couple is now taking to ward of kidnappers, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly." Hmmm, did they get exclusive photos too?

I'm of the "price you pay for fame" school to a certain extent, but this is gross. I really don't need to see pictures of the family relaxing together shot with a telephoto lens from a nearby tree. And honestly, I don't ever need to see pictures of the kids that aren't sanctioned by the famous parents (even though some do turn around and sell those shots to the highest bidder, yuck). Because celebs do deserve some privacy, and the kids deserve as much as possible. The Disneyland trips and the school plays and the soccer games should be totally off limits. Red carpet: fine, bathtime: uh uh. But of course, by doing celebrity coverage, I'm feeling like part of the problem. And that's why I've linked to the pictures from the incident. No, really, I'm kidding about that. There's just some mixed feelings.

Madonna and Guy On Rocks Over Adoption

Kelly Mills — Wed, 09 May 2007 12:34:00 GMT

Remember how Madonna and Guy Ritchie said buying a baby helped their troubled marriage? That welcoming David Banda into their family had "given them a spark" and they were inspired to renew vows and plan a second honeymoon?

Might want to book two rooms for that trip. Apparently the adoption kerfuffle created more problems than it solved. A source for News of the World said, "Guy thought it was ridiculous [Madonna] was going straight back to Malawi with a film crew. At first Guy thought it was a good idea. But then it turned into the Madonna show and he hated the way David's adoption was used to generate publicity." Get in line, Guy, get in line. Only we knew it was a bad idea from the start, because the Madonna show should only involve music and Gaultier. Here's a tip: when you plan to do anything involving a film crew, ask yourself, "Is this totally self-serving and gross?" If you aren't sure, ask yourself, "would I fund a movie about this if I wasn't in it?" Side note: shouldn't I so be therapist to the stars?

Guy is also worried about having his directorial career overshadowed by she-who-we-liked-so-much-better-in-lingerie. I hate to drop a bombshell here, but it's a little too late to worry about that. You have to make a lot more movies and they have to be a lot more successful if you want your own separate identity. You may as well get "Mr. Madonna" on your driver's license.

According to the marital woe source, the couple still acts all unified in public and with the brood, but when they are alone they barely speak. I hope that's not the criteria for rocky, because I know about forty couples who qualify. Parents are just too tired to talk. Oh, but they also sleep in separate beds. Regularly. That sign... eh, not so good.

Again with a side note: if you became rich and famous, which person in your life would become the source that spread all kinds of rumors about you? Oh, I know with celebs it's most often the publicist trying to keep 'em in the spotlight, but occasionally there's a real tidbit revealed by a ~~resentful~~ cash-strapped friend or relative. Do you ever wonder who would air your dirty laundry to the world in exchange for a couple bucks and a knockoff Prada keychain?

Julia Roberts Uses Hand-Me-Downs, Shops Thrift Stores

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Mon, 07 May 2007 21:02:00 GMT

Julia Roberts is just like you and me. Except she has a skillion dollars in the bank, which—forgive me for being presumptuous— perhaps you do, too. (Not me.)

Pregnant with her third child with hubby Danny Moder, Earth Mama Julia is all set for baby clothes. She will be recycling clothes from her elder kids, twins Hazel and Phinnaeus, and apparently has even been in some thift stores, or "charity shops" as the celebs calls them.

Of course, she probably has closets and drawers full of clothes to choose from, but it's nice to see public figures like Roberts putting their money where their mouth is. As a committed environmentalist, Roberts is reducing, reusing, and recycling, and perhaps she will inspire others to do the same.

Scary Spice to Eddie Murphy: "Be Responsible"

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 04 May 2007 20:03:00 GMT

Scary Spice a.k.a. Mel B. a.k.a. Melanie Brown's PR campaign against Eddie Murphy is relentless, and I say, "Go on, girl!"

Not only is she claiming that Eddie Murphy is her baby daddy, but now she says the pair planned the pregnancy. Says Scary, "The crazy thing is, this baby was planned, and he knows it’s his. This is what is mind-boggling.”

Her message for Murphy is simple, "Be responsible."

Murphy refuses to acknowledge the baby, Angel Iris Murphy Brown, is his, and will not take a paternity test. Despite that fact, Mel B. listed Murphy as Angel's father on her birth certificate and gave her his name. A woman that confident cannot have any doubts about the paternity, and you'd think she'd know.

Adding to the strangeness, Angel and Eddie share the same birthday. If that's not the universe telling you something, I don't know what is.

[photo: Celebrity Moms]

Bruce, Demi, and Ashton Are Actually Endearing

Kelly Mills — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:05:00 GMT

Bruce Willis posed with ex-wife Demi Moore and her better half Ashton “thank god he’s stopped with the trucker hats” Kutcher for a Vanity Fair spread that pokes fun at their family arrangement.

In one photo, Demi and Ashton cuddle in a speedboat while Willis fishes next to them. Willis told VF, “It's hard for people to understand but we go on vacations together. Demi is the mother of my children and Ashton is the stepfather. ... I'm thrilled that Ashton turned out to be such a great guy.” Bruce and Demi have three (now teenage) children together: Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah.

It’s nice to see a magazine family photo spread used to spread goodwill rather than discontent for a change. And I have to say this made me feel warm towards that whole family. Because 1) it’s great when both members of a divorced couple can put aside differences and come together for the sake of the kids, and 2) I love celebrities who make fun of themselves. Fine Bruce, you are hereby forgiven for House of Blues.

Jaime Pressly Keeps It Real: "Pregnancy is Hell!"

Alisyn — Thu, 03 May 2007 13:06:00 GMT

None of those lame, candy-coated, "pregnancy is amazing!" sentiments are coming out of actress Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl). Nope, the only thing she wants to come out is her unborn son, who is due next week. Jaime told TV Guide that she's had just about enough pregnancy, and that, like most women, she finds the third trimester to be hell on earth.

"Second trimester is bliss. And then it goes to the third trimester, when you want to absolutely stab your eyes out with a pencil because you can't believe how fat you've gotten, your hips hurt and you can't sleep at night. You want to eat your hand off every five seconds. It's like, 'Get this child out of me! I'm not going to lie to you, it's hell. Everybody goes 'It's so great, look what you're getting, it's such a gift...' The gift would be if he'd come out early, 'cause I've about had it!"

She sounds like I sounded - except I reached the "pregnancy is hell" point about 6 months into the deal, with the last 4 months looming ahead like a prison sentence. I feel your pain, Jaime Pressly! Pregnancy blows! But be strong, sister - the end is near. For your sake I hope your son is born early, and that he brings every pregnancy pound gained out with him.

(Now, should we tell her that life postpartum can be downright hellish, too? Nah, better not. She'll find out soon enough.)

Larry Birkhead Brings Dannielynn Home

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Wed, 02 May 2007 13:31:00 GMT

For the first time in her young life, the Bahamian-born daughter of Anna Nicole Smith is in the United States with her father, Larry Birkhead.

Birkhead brought Dannielynn to his native Louisville, Kentucky where he plans to show her off at a Kentucky Derby preparty, the same party where he first met Anna Nicole. Birkhead could be seen at the airport today unloading Dannielynn and a bunch of baby gear into a black SUV. He kept Dannielynn hidden from photographers' view with his jacket, because photos of Dannielynn cost money, beeyotches. And checks can be made out to Larry Birkhead.

Photographer Birkhead is no fool, and he's not letting anyone have a piece a of his baby girl unless he gets paid. It was also revealed recently that Birkhead has a deal with NBC giving them exclusive access. Specifics weren't disclosed, but the contract is said to be worth millions.

Birkhead lives in Los Angeles and has said that he's unclear about where he and Dannielynn will live. Seeking more privacy for his family, he may move as far away as San Fernando Valley.

Alec Baldwin to Write Book on Parenting. I'm Serious.

Kelly Mills — Tue, 01 May 2007 11:30:00 GMT

Everyone’s favorite daddy has big plans for the future. During his big damage control push over the voicemail tape (you know, calling his daughter a pig, threatening to get on a plane and straighten her out) Alec Baldwin told Babs, Rosie, and Co. on The View that he wants to write a book on the damage ~~having an asshole for a father~~ divorce does to children, and how dads get the shaft. In related news, Paris Hilton will be penning a book on the virtues of celibacy. Call me crazy, but if I was campaigning for fathers’ rights during divorce, I don’t think I’d want Baldwin to be the official spokesperson.

He went on so long about the book that Madame Walters had to remind him that his first priority should be repairing his relationship with his daughter. When Barbara Walters tries to get you to say the appropriate, sensitive thing, you know you’ve entered a special zone reserved for the insanely boorish.

Baldwin also took the opportunity to lay into his ex-wife, Kim Basinger. He only mentioned his poor child as an opening to spew more hate and to blow hard about his goal to be the next Dr. Spock. Right now some PR person is hurling coffee at their assistant and shopping online for muzzles.

Maybe I’ll buy a copy of the book and put it on the shelf next to the Joan Crawford book on positive discipline.

Alec Baldwin to Publicly Apologize to His Daughter Today

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:02:00 GMT

By the time you read this—depending on where you live—Alec Baldwin may or may not have walked the gauntlet on the View to apologize to his daughter for calling her "a pig."

Baldwin and his PR team have been working at carefully coordinated public acts of self-flagellation which began when he apologized for being an ass on his website and left his guest book wide open for people to concur. Then we moved on to his consultation with Dr. Phil which was "far-reaching." Oh, and by the way, Dr. Phil was allowed to talk about it with Larry King.

Next, Alec symbolically threw himself on the sword asking NBC to cut him from 30 Rock, saying, "he didn't care if he never acted again." He just wants to work for alienated parents' rights forever and ever. NBC, of course, said, "See this piece of paper? This is your contract. We own you for another year, dude."

So what's left? The ultimate walk of shame: having to appear contrite on the View in front of short-timer Rosie O' Donnell and her nemesis Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Actually, that might be penance enough.

Alec, you're one shrewd mofo. I give you that... and I'll be watching.

Chris Rock Might Be Someone Else's Daddy Too

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 16:04:00 GMT

You know that hilfreakingarious bit Chris Rock does about how your only real goal as the father of a girl is to keep her off the pole? Good Lord, that's given me the giggles more times than I can count. It's funny because...well, it's pretty true.

It seems that Mr. Rock may need an addendum to that bit. One that includes what your goal should be in raising a son. After not even knowing for sure if he's your son until he's hit those awkward early teen years.

Although there are still a lot of ifs involved, Rock has asked the court to determine if he is the father of a 13-year old boy as indicated in paternity papers filed by Georgia resident Kali Bowyer. Rock's done the deed of releasing a good "daddy" statement, saying he wants to "contribute to the support, maintenance, and education" of the child if papahood's proven.

All this DNA mania makes me wonder if it's time to form a Tuesday afternoon Baby Daddy playgroup where a diplomatic Chris, a pissed off Eddie and a - God help us - anger management therapist-mandated near-silent Mel can offer up advice to Big Lar on Danielynn's poopsplosions and whether or not her cough is a little croupy or just a spring-time cold. Maybe Chris can workshop his set up for that new bit. Sigh. Good times.

[photo credit: Caroline Torem Craig/LFI]

Larry Birkhead Wastes No Time Cashing in on Dannielynn

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:04:00 GMT

What's it been, a little over a week since Larry Birkhead found out that he was Dannielynn's father? Despite the fact that all kinds of experts (including us) have given him parenting advice, he's not listening to a shred of it, and has already started pimping Dannielynn out to the tabloids. First up: OK! Magazine who paid him $1.7 million.

The magazine includes an interview with Birkhead talking about the joys of being a new father, what a sad sack Howard K. Stern is, and how he isn't going to let Virgie Arthur get her grubby hands on his kid. He also manages to sneak in a little jab about Dannielynn's name: (It's what) what her mother named her and, even though I didn't get a say, I still want to respect her mother's wishes. Uh-huh. We know you hate it.

The article also includes a really ~~creepy~~ cute photo of a frost 'n tipped Birkhead hunched over little Dannielynn where he is wearing more Pan-Cake than the mom-ebrities (like Brooke Shields) usually photographed in this pose.

Oh, and by the way, Birkhead has also been taking parenting classes. How ever did he find the time between between his root touch-ups, his Mystic Tan appointments, and his media whoring. I know we're supposed to be rooting for him, but he's also supposed to be the sensible one shielding his daughter from the media spotlight.

Parenting Experts Offer Advice to Larry Birkhead (Including Us)

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 23:01:00 GMT

Larry Birkhead, the ultimate BabyDaddy, is getting advice from all sides and angles about how he should raise little Dannielynn, his daughter with Anna Nicole Smith.

Sally Lee, editor of Parents Magazine, suggests that Birkhead shield Dannielynn from the limelight and move somewhere where she can be a kid. Lee also hopes that Birkhead will mend family ties and always tell little Dannielynn how much her mother loved her. Still, with more to say, Lee advises that Birkhead be open to therapy to deal with Dannielynn's family history of addiction issues.

David George, author of Good Dad/Bad Dad notes that a strong father figure will help her self image. Birkhead needs to set an example for the men in her life.

Here at Strollerderby we also have some advice for Larry:

Big Lar, please put on a baseball cap. Your shiny five-head and wiggling hairline are distracting me from looking at your beautiful daughter. —Jessica Ashley

Dear Larry: When she's a teenager, be sure to show all of Dannielynn's friends the tattoo you have of her naked mother. They'll think you're totally cool, and so will she. —Patti Nichols

And I'd just like to add: Hey Larry, After you bring Dannielyn home, I don't ever want to see your MysticTanned mug on TV ever again. You need to stop hitting up Toys R Us every ten minutes and start thinking about how you are going to take care of that kid. I hope I never have to see her face or yours splashed across a tabloid rag ever again. You seem like a decent guy so enough media-whoring. Give the kid a shot at a normal life by stepping away from the limelight. Forever.

Legal Name Change: Would You Let Your 14-Year-Old Do It? (Bruce and Demi Are)

Alisyn — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:02:00 GMT

As surely as everyone goes through puberty, everyone - at one point or another - hates their given name. No matter how pedestrian or outlandish, everyone goes through a phase of despising their name, and almost everyone wants to change it at some point. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughters are no exception - in fact, Rumer Glenn and Scout LaRue probably have more reasons than anyone for wanting to change their names. But it is their younger sister, 14-year-old Tallulah Belle (arguably the best-named girl in the bunch) who is legally changing hers.

Tallulah commissioned her dad to make a public announcement regarding her name change on last night's broadcast of The Late Show with David Letterman. Said Bruce, "Tallulah wanted me to mention on here tonight that she's legally changing her name from Tallulah to Lulah. Just Lulah. Doesn't like her name, doesn't like Tallulah. She's legally changing it."

Lulah. Well, actually it's pretty cute. Lulah Belle is even cuter. And it's a part of her given name, so it's not like she's going by something completely random and radical. But at 14, is it really necessary, or even a good idea, to legally change it? Am I horribly out of touch, or is that giving a young teen a tad too much freedom? Why not just go by Lulah, and leave the birth certificate out of it?

If I had asked my parents to help me legally change my name at 14, they would have laughed in my face. Of course, I would have wanted to go by Sylvia Plath Jane's Addiction Cobb... but that's beside the point.

Would you let your 14-year-old legally change his or her name?

Breaking News: Larry Birkhead is Father of Anna Nicole's Daughter

Patti — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 19:50:00 GMT

DNA testing has confirmed that Larry Birkhead is the father of Dannielynn Smith, daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith. Birkhead gathered along with Smith's mother Virgie Arthur and would-be babydaddy Howard K. Stern at a Bahamas court to hear the news.

Word is that Arthur plans to petition for custody of her granddaughter, so this poor kid's life isn't settled just yet. But ruling out the various jokers and douchebags attempting to claim paternity is a big step in the right direction.